by Carla Kovach
‘Just tell her. Look what secrets have done to Susan. From now on, we promised, no more secrets. The truth is hard, Clare, but we all deserve it. At least we know what we’re facing. Susan will forgive you in time.’ Mary sighed.
‘Harrison is Ryan’s son. She didn’t know. When they were trying for Rory, they’d argued a lot. I think Rory was meant to be their marriage fix. Ryan came over one night, drunk, telling me about how they’d rowed and asked if he could have my couch. We drank and he talked and one thing led to another. There you go. You can all judge me now.’ Clare went to grab her coat. ‘Actually, I think I should stay. She’s not going to want to see me for a long time.’
Gina wasn’t vocal about her thoughts, but she had to agree. ‘You will all get through this.’ She knew they had the strength as a family to pull through. They’d already been through so much. ‘Are you ready, Mary?’
‘I’ll just grab my umbrella.’ She headed up the stairs.
Gina glanced back at Clare who was staring at the wall. ‘I’ve been informed that one of the last calls received on Ronald Halshaw’s phone was from you, along with a plethora of angry messages just before he answered. An officer found the phone at the scene. Why was that?’
‘I’ve stuffed up so badly!’ She wobbled a little, then leaned against the wall. ‘Another man I became infatuated with. He came around a lot to speak to Howard and one day, when they were out, he asked me on a date. I know he was a lot older but I liked him. I know the family would have frowned, Mum never trusts my judgement so Ronnie told me not to tell her. When I saw those photos in Howard’s study I called him non-stop until he answered. I was angry. He lied to me. All those times he listened to me going on about Susan, fishing for information about her, where she lived, what she did, everything. I told him about her and Ryan’s marriage problems. I trusted him. I thought he loved me.’ She burst into tears as Mary came back down the stairs.
‘Susan will come round, I told you.’
‘It’s not that, Mum. I can’t talk right now. Just go.’ Clare turned away.
‘We’ll need you to come down the station to give a statement, Miss Collins.’
Wyre nodded and waited with Clare as Gina gestured towards the door. For now, she needed to get Mary to the hospital.
‘Clare, I do love you and whatever’s happened, I always will, I promise.’ A tear welled up in Clare’s eye.
Gina led the shaking woman to the car leaving Clare with Wyre. It was easy to judge and she knew there were boundaries that people shouldn’t cross. Clare had crossed a major boundary, but then again, so had Ryan. Then she shuddered at how Clare was carrying on with Ronald Halshaw, the man who’d kidnapped her sister and niece. The murderer, the child abuser. That was another thing Clare would have to live with, but he’d used her too.
‘Let’s go see Susan.’ Gina opened the car door for Mary.
There was so much about the case she still didn’t understand, she hoped Susan was ready to talk.
Seventy-Two
‘She’s asked for you,’ Mary said to Gina as she left the room. A police officer sat on a chair at the end of the corridor, reading a newspaper. A beeping sound came from the monitors and an entanglement of tubes and leads were hanging under a drip. ‘Is it okay if I go and see Phoebe for a bit?’
Gina nodded. ‘DS Driscoll is there and he’d like to speak to her. Would you be able to sit with her while they talk?’
‘Of course.’
As Mary went to turn, Ryan strutted down the corridor, his nose red from the icy chill. ‘I need to see her.’
‘No you don’t.’
‘I’m her husband.’
‘A husband wouldn’t treat her the way you did. You’re not fit to call yourself that. You leave her alone, you hear me?’
He nudged Mary out of the way and peered through the little window. He waved at Susan as he pulled his scarf out of his bomber jacket. She turned away.
Mary and Ryan locked eyes. ‘Be careful how you treat my daughters, both of them. I’ll be watching you closely.’
His shoulder twitched as he gave Mary a stern look. ‘What?’
‘I know about Harrison. We won’t be having any more lies or secrets in this family, do you hear me?’
‘Dammit.’ He clenched his fists and held them to his temples. ‘You can’t tell her. Look at her.’
‘I already have. With what she’s been through, she deserves to know the truth. I know my daughter and I know she wouldn’t have thanked me for keeping that to myself. I’ll never risk losing either of them. Only when we know the truth can we truly move on. I can’t have my family torn apart any more and you need to step up for Harrison. Do you hear me?’
He shuffled back. ‘I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I know you don’t believe me but I’ll do whatever I can.’
‘In this case, actions are going to speak louder than words. You may have charmed both of my daughters but I can see right through you. Susan and Clare can too. You hurt either of them again and you won’t walk straight ever. D’you hear me? I’ll crush your balls. Men like you don’t scare me.’
Gina turned to her side and smiled.
‘I didn’t set out for this to happen. Give me a break. I have a daughter in A&E.’
‘Who’s looking after the kids? I damn well hope you haven’t left them on their own.’
‘My mum is there with the family liaison officer.’
Gina took a step back and pretended to watch the world go by while Mary continued to give Ryan a stern talking to.
‘I know about you shouting at her all the time, throwing things and you hit her, it might have only been the once but that was one too many times. Yes, she told me everything. As I said, no more secrets.’
‘I—’
‘Don’t you dare say another word because all I ever hear coming out of your mouth are lies.’ She walked off ahead of Ryan. Gina clenched her fists, with all that Susan was going through Ryan had been hurting her too. Gina hoped through the course of interviewing that Susan would open up about that too. She swallowed as she thought about how she had barely opened up about her past and the very thought of it still terrified her. She let out a little smile. Susan had found the strength to end their relationship. She had a lot of hope for Susan.
A nurse passed with a covered kidney dish, another dragged a trolley full of instruments. Gina took a deep breath as she pushed Susan’s door open.
Seventy-Three
Susan gently touched her raw throat and spoke in a croaky voice. ‘Mum told me about Howard.’ She sniffled and wheezed.
Gina wondered whether she meant that he was dead or that he was an abuser.
‘I had no idea what he did… back then. I’d never even seen or met him all those years ago. Ronnie was blackmailing him because of something he did and I saw him plunge the knife… I know what Howard did to Stephanie back then, he told me,’ she spluttered and took a sip of water as she clamped her eyes shut. ‘He was going to kill me and take Phoebe away…’ She opened her eyes and began hyperventilating.
‘It’s okay, just take it easy, Mrs Wheeler. There’s no rush.’ Susan began to fidget. Gina and Wyre both helped her to adjust her pillows.
‘Collins from now on.’ She forced a slight smile out as sweat trickled down her forehead. ‘I have to tell you this.’ She looked away and blinked back another tear. ‘I didn’t want to run away when I was fourteen, not the first time. He took me, Ronnie.’ She coughed and gasped until she regained her breath. ‘Up north, he had a static caravan. I was pregnant.’
‘I’m sorry to ask you this. Was the baby Ronald Halshaw’s?’
She nodded and pulled the sheet closer to her chest. ‘He told me we had to leave. I didn’t want to go.’ Tears trickled down her cheeks. ‘He made me get in his car and he drugged me with something. I don’t remember the journey, I just remember waking up to find myself tied up on a bed and I was bleeding. He blamed me for killing the baby after I miscarried. He said I owed him one b
ecause it was my fault his wife had left with his daughter. I had to tell her, I didn’t know what to do. She didn’t believe me, shouting and telling me to get out, but she left him soon after. He said I’d have to pay.’ She gripped the blanket and turned to her side, flinching as she wiped her damp cheeks.
Gina placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘I know this is hard.’
‘Several days later, I managed to escape. I hitchhiked all the way home and he followed. He said if I said anything, people would just think I was a little slut for getting pregnant as he’d deny everything. I was so ashamed and I hated myself. I didn’t want to be different at school. I didn’t want to be the kid who’d been molested by this ugly, dirty man. I felt as though it would make me ugly and dirty.’ She coughed several times. Gina passed her the water. ‘I’d stopped bleeding but my stomach was cramping like never before so I went to the hospital, giving them Clare’s details – she was older. No one would quiz Clare. They scanned me and told me that there was no tissue left behind. I had a follow-up appointment at the doctors and that was it. I carried on with life.’
Susan sniffled into the sheet.
‘I carried on as best I could. I should have told Mum but I couldn’t. She was struggling after Dad died. Mum was angry that I’d run away. I told her I’d been with friends. I ran away many times after that. Sometimes it got too much and I couldn’t deal with things. I stayed in old houses around the area, places where no one lived. I just needed to be alone. The thoughts in my head were too loud – I just wanted to shut them out. Mum would ask questions, too many questions and I couldn’t face them all the time. Now she knows everything. I wish I’d told her then. If I had, all this would never have happened and Dale would still be alive.’
She sobbed into the sheet. Gasping for breath, her voice not much more than a strained whisper.
‘We were going to tell the police, then he turned up at the reunion. Dale stopped talking to me for a while. We were all working our way through what had happened and I’m ashamed to say that I shouted at Dale a few times. We needed him to tell the police his story too and he kept backing out.’ She paused. ‘After Ronnie killed Howard, he took pleasure in telling me about what Howard did to Stephanie. He raped her. My stepfather raped my friend and I had no idea. They drugged her.’ Susan flinched and grabbed her throat as she coughed. Her dark greasy curls bouncing with each movement. Gina felt a lump filling her throat.
‘You need to leave her to recover now. I have to intervene, sorry.’ The nurse charged over and began checking the monitor and drip.
‘I’ll come back when you’re feeling a little better.’ As Gina went to open the door, Stephanie appeared. Susan’s friend smiled through the glass and Susan caught sight of her, returning the tiniest of smiles. The nurse made a few notes on a chart and left. Gina sniffed and stared up at the light, trying to hold her emotions back. ‘Come on, Wyre, we best get back to the station.’
Gina glanced through the window. The two women now had each other for comfort and their close friendship would be rekindled. Susan would need a friend with all that was going on at home too.
Gina swallowed. ‘I need to do something. Can I meet you at the station in a while?’
‘Of course, guv. I’ll get started on the paperwork.’
She stopped. ‘You know what? I’m angry for those two women. I’m angry for Dale. I wanted to see them arrested and sent down. They all lived life to the end, not paying for their crimes. That’s not justice.’
‘This case, it’s one of the most sickening I’ve ever come across, guv. They deserved to face their crimes and really, they got away with it.’
Gina glanced back one last time. ‘Look.’
They watched as Stephanie stroked Susan’s hair, their noses touching on the pillow, both women smiling like they were girls again. Gina caught sight of Mary emerging in the distance holding Phoebe’s hand. The little girl in the hospital nightie gave her a wave as she gripped her grandmother’s with her other hand. As they reached Susan’s room, the girl ran in and threw herself onto her mother’s bed. Susan flinched in pain but gripped her child like it didn’t matter one bit.
‘You alright, Driscoll?’
‘Better than you.’ He turned away. ‘Okay, I’m not. That was a bit emotional.’
‘How was Phoebe when you spoke to her?’
‘She’s one kick-ass child.’
‘She is that, come on. Let’s leave this family to recover for a short while. We’ll be back soon to speak to them all again. You two go to the station, get the pizzas in. I don’t know how we’re all still standing.’ Gina checked her watch, it was almost nine in the evening. ‘I have something I need to do first.’ Her heart pounded, threatening to burst from her ribcage. The only way to feel unburdened was to finally let go.
Seventy-Four
Thunder crashed and Gina ran as fast as she could to the grave. The carnations had all but blown away or died. Only one flower was left. She flashed the torch through the bloated raindrops, pointing the light at the carnation’s soggy brown petals. Through everything, the flower had remained in place. There had been hailstones, gale force winds, torrential rainstorms but this little flower had refused to budge. She picked it up and held it to her heart, flinching as lightning brightened the landscape.
Her phone lit up. She fumbled to cut the call off then dropped it in her pocket. There was no way she could talk to Briggs right now. No one could get in the way of what she had to say to her mum.
‘You were right, Mum. I should have listened to you about Terry, but as always, I thought I knew better. You could see, couldn’t you?’ She paused. ‘I’m sorry.’ As rain dripped from her nose onto the wet concrete slab underneath, she kneeled and pressed her cheek against the gravestone. ‘Please forgive me.’
Thunder rumbled again and Gina’s heart throbbed in her windpipe as her mind forced her back to that night. ‘I killed him, Mum. I pushed him down those stairs. He was hurting me. I thought he was going to kill me. I didn’t mean to kill him, I just pushed him and he died. He would have killed me, Mum.’ Thunder clashed again and she laughed. ‘I’m not scared of you any more, Terry! Go to hell.’
She curled up against the stone, shivering with chattering teeth and a tear slid down her cheek, then another until she could contain herself no longer. She bawled like never before as she thought about her mother, finally accepting the forgiveness that was on offer. This tiny flower that remained. She didn’t believe in signs from above but that flower gave her comfort. Deep down, she only had to forgive herself.
Freezing to her core, she thought of the others at the station, her police family. The pizzas would be with them, they’d be wrapping up the case as they ploughed through the paperwork. They’d be celebrating Susan and Phoebe’s return and she wondered if it was realistic to think she could join them. Soaking wet, she knew she looked more like she needed a hot bath and a cup of cocoa. A grin spread across her face. She lay there for ages, enjoying the peace until she was soaked through.
‘When I get home, I’m going to make cocoa, just like you used to make it. I’m going to boil the milk in a pan and add two spoonfuls of cocoa and lots of sugar.’ She sniffled and let out an almighty sob. Thunder had all of a sudden become her companion, drowning out her cries. ‘I’m not scared,’ she yelled.
She’d have to leave soon, go back to a buzzing department wrapped up in post-case glory and celebrations. She’d been so long, she wouldn’t be surprised if a few of them had gone.
A light shone in the distance, dazzling her. ‘Gina?’ Briggs removed his coat and placed it over her shoulders.
‘How did you know I was here?’ she asked, teeth chattering.
He held his phone up. ‘I knew where your mother was buried and I followed the light.’ He pointed at her torch.
‘But how did you know I was at my mother’s grave?’ No, she couldn’t have…
Trembling, she pulled her phone from her pocket. She’d pocket dialled him back and the cal
l was still open. All this time, he’d been listening. She held her breath and began to gasp. ‘You heard?’
He nodded.
‘I’m glad it’s you. If anyone is coming to take me in, it should be you. It’s over. I’m over. Nothing stays a secret forever.’
He kneeled down on the stone beside her, rain slipping down his face.
As she gasped for breath, she closed her eyes and sobbed into the night. ‘Can I just have a minute with my mum before you arrest me, please? I’ll make it easy, I promise. I did it, I confess.’
He leaned in and embraced her. Everything she’d been holding back came out. If this was to be her final moment as a free woman, this was how she wanted to spend it. Telling Hannah would be worse. Their relationship had improved a little but it always was a little rocky.
‘I’m not taking you anywhere, Gina. I know you don’t want to be with me. I know the circumstances are wrong but when I look at you, I see someone who’s suffered. I will always be your friend and I know what that bastard did to you. You think when we were making love I didn’t see the scars on your body? I will not hold this information against you or use it against you in any way. I never heard that call. I love you – I can’t help that, but I’m also wise and old enough to get over myself. Look at us.’
She sobbed and laughed into his chest, large globules of rain soaking them as they clung onto each other for warmth. Gina had no friends, in fact she had no one, except Chris Briggs, the DCI whom she’d slept with a few times. She’d had temporary friends but they all moved on when she refused to confide in any of them. Ever the listener but never the talker. ‘Let me take you home before we freeze to death. We can get your car in the morning. You’re in no fit state to drive.’