The back door banged open and she dropped her biscuit, which was quickly gobbled up by the dog.
“Well, hey.” Devin, all six feet three inches of him, stepped into the kitchen.
She swallowed hard, wishing she’d started with coffee, or juice or something that would make her mouth just a little less dry. “Mmm.”
“That good, huh?” His face split into a grin, and her pulse gave a traitorous leap.
“Delicious.” She swallowed again. “What’s up on the farm today?”
“Cutting sunflowers and loading them into buckets to sell at some of the farmers markets around here. Come on down later if you want. We can pull a chair up under a shade tree. Garrett will be around this afternoon to help, too.” He lifted a large orange drink cooler off the counter. “Forgot the water. See you later?”
She nodded. “Sure.”
Her eyes lingered on the door as it closed behind him. He looked good. He looked happy. Healthy.
She picked up another biscuit and dropped into a kitchen chair, giving the dog a warning look. “You’re not getting this one, so you can stop it with the pitiful sad eyes.”
It was a darn good biscuit, but suddenly she wasn’t that hungry. The shock of their conversation yesterday afternoon still hadn’t faded. Devin’s story of how he got addicted to painkillers was so raw and real. And he’d been so good at hiding it that she’d witnessed it happening and hadn’t even realized it.
How could that even happen? How had he gotten so low and she hadn’t noticed? That was on her.
She sighed and got up to pour herself a glass of orange juice. Whether she was hungry or not, the babies needed calories and so did she if she didn’t want a repeat of the fainting incident.
It didn’t seem real that she was carrying twins. That she was a mother and in six months’ time she’d be holding them in her arms. She couldn’t afford to take chances. In the arena, sure, she’d pushed limits—hers and her horse’s. But even then, the risks had been calculated.
Marrying Devin had been the biggest risk of her life. She’d been afraid she couldn’t trust him, and guess what? She’d been right.
But he’d said he loved her. With tears in his eyes and the ring of truth in his voice, he’d said the words she’d wanted to hear.
And the truth—the real truth—the dirty little secret she’d been hiding, even from herself, was that she’d been in love with Devin for years. She’d fallen hard from the moment she’d met him. And that was the most dangerous secret of all. She wanted to stay here. She wanted to know Devin, the real Devin who didn’t hide behind success, alcohol and that shiny gold rodeo buckle. She wanted to know if she’d fallen in love with the real Devin or if everything she’d thought about him was just an illusion.
The glass trembled in her hand. What was she thinking? She needed to hang on to her anger. She’d waited for him for over three months. She’d given him the power to hurt her... And he had.
She couldn’t forget that. Falling in love with him again was not an option. Devin was all flash and glory. Babies were bottles and dirty diapers and not the fun kind of sleepless nights.
No. A marriage needed a stronger foundation than a drug-induced fantasy. In the daylight, she could see reality and reality said she couldn’t trust him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She had to protect herself.
Because, just like in an airplane cabin losing pressure, she had to put her oxygen mask on first so she could be there to protect her babies. And no matter what, they had to be her first priority.
So she would go to the sunflower field and she would build a friendship with Devin for her babies’ sake. She would search for the answers to her questions about who Devin really was. But she absolutely would not, under any circumstances, fall in love with him again.
* * *
In the distance, Devin heard the dog’s joyful bark and squinted toward the house. Lacey was walking down the dirt lane between pastures, throwing a ball for Sadie, who would chase it down, return it and bark her head off until Lacey threw the ball again. Lacey laughed, her head thrown back, long dark hair trailing in loose waves down her back.
And watching her, Devin could barely breathe. All morning long his mind had been on their conversation last night, wondering if she’d give him a chance. Wondering if she still had feelings for him at all and if she’d made a decision.
Sadie caught sight of him and streaked down the road, cutting across the field when she saw Tanner instead. “Ah. I see who’s really loved here.”
Lacey started across the field toward him, her crisp citrus scent reaching him before she did, the sweet aroma mingling with the green scent of the sunflowers. He drew in a deep breath as she lingered beside him.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting these ready to be sold.” He glanced up at her, but his hands kept moving, prepping the flowers for transport—sliding netting over the sunflower blossom and a wide straw over the stem. He placed the flower in a five-gallon bucket at his feet and glanced up at her. “Sunflowers seem like they would be hardy, but they break easily. Underneath they’re a lot more fragile than people think.”
“Huh.” She raised her eyebrows and looked down at her hands, where thin silver and turquoise rings shimmered on her fingers.
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing.”
Devin leaned against the table where he was working and studied her. He was self-aware enough—now—to get what she was saying. But he didn’t want to talk about how mushy he was on the inside or how brittle he was on the outside. “Well, if you’re gonna stand here, the least you can do is help.”
Lacey shot him a look but picked up a sunflower, slid a straw over the stem and handed it to him.
In turn, Devin pulled the protective netting over the bloom and stuck it in the bucket. He turned to her, holding his hand up for a high five.
When she gave it to him with only a slight eye roll, he grinned. Progress. They made a good team.
The thought came with a little pang. He and Lacey had been a team in lots of ways for a long time. He’d lost track of the appearances they’d made together promoting the rodeo. There’d been questions for years about whether they were a couple, and the two of them had always laughed it off.
“Best friends,” they’d said. “We know way too much about each other for a relationship.”
It seemed pretty ironic now that what stood between them was the terrible secret he’d been hiding and the wall Lacey had put up to protect herself. For all of their sakes, especially two little babies he had yet to meet, he prayed they could get beyond it.
Pushing the envelope had been his MO. He was always good for a gasp from the crowd. And he’d loved the approval and the admiration of an audience. But the proposition he’d made to Lacey seemed like the biggest risk he’d ever taken. He wasn’t just risking his heart, he was risking the peace he’d found here. In a real way, risking his future.
It didn’t make sense—not in a practical way—what he was asking, but when he thought about their babies, it made all the sense in the world. His security and peace were nothing compared with theirs.
His fingers brushed against Lacey’s as he took the flower, and she jerked her hand back like she’d been burned.
He sighed as he slid the netting over the deep yellow bloom. “So have you had a chance to think about our conversation yesterday morning?”
She breathed, the words flowing out of her with her exhalation. “I haven’t been able to think about anything else.”
His fingers stilled for a moment, but then he took the next flower, torn between wanting to hear what she had to say and wanting to be able to imagine he had a chance with her.
He opened his mouth to ask, just as his brother Tanner strode out of the field of sunflowers with two five-gallon buckets of flowers, Sadie ambli
ng along beside him. Perfect timing.
“Devin put you to work?” Tanner nodded to Lacey, who shot him a breezy smile.
“Got to earn my keep. These sunflowers are gorgeous.”
Devin scowled as he tugged another net over the head of a sunflower. “We were right in the middle of something, Tanner.”
Tanner took one look at Devin’s face and a single quirk of a smile flitted across his face. He pulled one of the newly cut stems out of the bucket and handed it to Lacey. “For you. The only payment you’re likely to get out of a day’s work at Triple Creek Ranch.”
“And well worth it.”
Devin rolled his eyes. “If you two are done, can we please get back to work?”
Lacey shrugged at Tanner and turned back to the table, carefully sliding a straw over one of the stems they would be selling.
Tanner gestured at the buckets on the ground beside Lacey. “Make sure Devin’s the one picking these up when it’s time for the next batch of flowers. They’re really heavy.”
“I’ve got it, Tanner.” Devin tried to keep the edge out of his voice.
With a shrug, Tanner lifted a trio of empty buckets and disappeared between the rows of sunflowers.
“He seems sweet.”
Devin sighed as he lifted the next bucket of flowers to the table.
“Why doesn’t he have a wife and a couple of kids by now?”
The bucket slammed onto the table, water sloshing over the side. Devin steadied himself against the unexpected wave of grief.
Lacey looked up in alarm. “What’s wrong? Did you hurt your ankle?”
He should be able to handle an innocent question by now. The accident was simply a part of his story, something that happened in the past. He just wasn’t prepared for her to ask it. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s... Look, don’t bring this up with Tanner, okay? He lost his wife and baby in the same accident that killed our parents.”
Tears formed in her eyes. She looked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I never should’ve made that kind of assumption.”
“It’s okay. It is. It just...creeps up on you from time to time. You think you’ve gotten used to the idea that it happened and you’ve moved on and then, well, you’re not okay. And that stinks. I don’t think Tanner’s been okay for a really long time.”
“He must’ve been so devastated.” She laid her hand over his and laced their fingers together. “You were both so young.”
He turned toward her, bringing her hand to his chest. He didn’t want to wait anymore. “What do you say, Lace? Are we going to give this thing a chance?”
She shook her head and his heart plummeted to his feet. “What we’re doing seems so backward. You don’t get married, pregnant and then decide whether or not to stay together. I mean, who does that?”
“Maybe we do.” He tucked one long dark curl behind her ear. “I mean, so what? We’re married. We’re pregnant. The pressure’s off. Now we have a real chance to see what it’s like to be together. Without the press, without the cameras. Without all the other stuff. Just—us.”
Her gaze locked on his. She whispered, “I feel like I barely know you.”
“That’s exactly why you should stay.” Devin kissed her fingers, still laced with his. “Give us a chance, Lacey. That’s all I’m asking for.”
“I gave us a chance, Devin. And we both saw how that turned out.” She pulled her hand away. “But I’ll stay. Because our babies need a dad. And because one way or another, I want to be free of this hold you have over me. I care about you but I’m not along for the roller coaster anymore. I’ve had enough adventure.”
She backed away from the table. “I’ll see you at dinner. I need some space right now.”
Devin watched her walk away, a knot that felt like a boulder in the pit of his stomach. It was too much to expect her to trust him so soon after what he’d done. But she was staying and he had six months to prove to her that he was a different person. That he was a man who knew how to be responsible, who would step up when things got hard and take care of his family.
He had six months to win her heart.
Chapter Five
As Lacey finished her dinner that night, she noticed that conversation had suddenly stopped. She glanced up. Devin was staring at her intensely, one finger touching his nose. She looked at Garrett, who had his hand nonchalantly over his mouth, with one of his fingers touching his nose. Tanner, oblivious, was taking his last bite of the simple spaghetti casserole she’d put together when they came in from the sunflower field.
She glanced back at Devin and he pointedly tapped his nose. She hesitantly raised her finger to her nose. “Not...it?”
Tanner’s head jerked up, his shoulders falling as he noted the position of each of their fingers. He pushed back from the table with his plate in his hand. “You guys are so immature. Lacey, I expected better from you.”
She laughed. “Sorry, Tanner. I love cooking but I hate doing dishes.”
“I have never once won ‘not it,’” Tanner grumbled. “Not cool.”
Deadpan, Garrett handed Tanner his plate. “Thanks, bro. You’re the best.”
Lacey covered the little bit that remained of the spaghetti casserole and started to clear the table for Tanner, who took the plates from her and shooed her from the room.
In the living room, Garrett fiddled around on the piano, playing an old Beatles song. She hummed along as she walked out the door onto the porch. Taking a deep breath of the clean country air, she leaned on the rail, letting the cool breeze ruffle her hair.
The song changed to a familiar James Taylor song, a cowboy lullaby she’d heard her dad play often over the years. She heard the murmur of voices, and a guitar joined the piano. Devin’s pure, clear tenor rose with the melody. A lump formed in her throat.
She liked things in categories and when things were murky in her mind, she felt out of focus. Devin defied category. When she first met him, she’d thought he was sweet and fun, if a little reckless. Later, after they’d been friends for a while, she’d thought she had figured out all his layers.
She’d been wrong about that.
For the last few months, she’d thought he was a total jerk. She’d been wrong about that, too. But now? She had no idea what to think about this person. She didn’t know him at all. And she didn’t know if what she was seeing now was the real Devin or a new Devin.
She looked up, whispering a prayer for discernment to the stars in the dark night sky. The stakes were so high. She needed God to guide her—trying to figure it out on her own wasn’t working.
Devin’s voice startled her. She’d been so far away in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realized the music had stopped. “That was my mother’s favorite song when she was pregnant with me. She wanted to name me James, but my dad wouldn’t let her. He said she’d be calling me Sweet Baby James until I was thirty and he wasn’t having it.”
“Your dad had a point.” She turned toward Devin with a smile. His face was half in the shadows and it occurred to her that her understanding of him was so much like that, only half in the light. He’d talked about the farm. His love for the land. He’d even told some stories about him and Garrett when they’d been little. But he’d never really talked about his mom and dad.
Now that they were facing the prospect of being a mom and dad, it was meaningful to her that Devin would share something about them. He’d been loved by his mom from before she even knew his face—that much was clear.
She hadn’t had that same experience with her own mother. It had been just her and her dad since she was a little girl. She rubbed her belly idly. It didn’t matter that she’d never seen the faces of her twins. She loved them already.
Devin held the guitar by the neck and leaned a hip on the porch railing, his eyes on hers. He swung it up, settled it under his arm and began to pick the tune of a familiar
hymn.
She took a deep breath, letting her thoughts—and if she were honest, doubts—fly to the stars along with her prayers. “I learned how to play the recorder in the fifth grade.”
“Oh yeah? Maybe we can start a band.”
She snorted a laugh. “Now, that would be something to tell our kids about. I never knew you played the guitar.”
“I got my first guitar for my birthday when I was nine and taught myself how to play. I bought this one later. Garrett brought it over after I got out of rehab.” He shrugged. “I think playing it now makes me feel more connected to who I was before.”
“Before rehab?”
“No.” He paused and glanced out to the pasture where his horse was nibbling on grass in the moonlight, his eyes narrowing against his memory. “Before the accident. I stopped playing after that. My mom was always singing along to something, but after she died, I don’t know, it just didn’t seem right to have music in the house.” He looked at her then, his fingers stilling the vibration of the strings before he picked up the melody again. “Seems silly, saying it out loud now. My mom wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“You were so young. Maybe it was your way of acknowledging what a huge loss it was.” The more she got to know the Cole brothers, the more she realized how much life had changed for all of them the day of the accident. Devin was the youngest and Lacey had to wonder if all the reckless adventures Devin chased had been an attempt to keep from actually feeling the grief of losing his parents.
But he was playing the guitar again and he was talking.
He was trying.
She took a deep breath, feeling like she was standing at the edge of a diving board, her toes over the edge, her balance wobbling. “I’m going to the doctor in the morning. You can come...if you want.”
He stopped playing. “You’re serious?”
“You want to?”
A grin split his face. “Yes! Yes, I want to!”
“The appointment is tomorrow morning at ten.”
“Ten. Got it.” He glanced at his watch and started for the house. “I gotta get out of here or I’m gonna miss my meeting.”
The Cowboy's Twin Surprise Page 4