“There’s no such thing as small talk with you. I forgot about that.” Devin laughed. He and Buck had become good friends before one too many concussions had taken Buck out of the competition and into the press. “I thought maybe we could sit outside. You want something to drink?”
“No thanks, I’m good.” Buck followed Devin to a small grouping of chairs with a small table between them. As they got seated, he gave the landscape an appreciative look. “It’s beautiful here. I can see why you want to be home.”
“I’m partial to it.” Buck was right. It was a gorgeous summer day. The sky was so wide and so blue, with huge, fluffy white clouds. The trees and the grass brilliant green, not yet faded by the harsh summer sun.
“Thanks for agreeing to do the interview.”
Nerves twisted up in Devin’s stomach again but he refused to back away from this. The cost of pretending to be something that he wasn’t was too high. So he nodded.
Buck pulled out a tape recorder and laid it on the table. “Okay?”
Devin nodded again. “I’m ready.”
The door opened and Lacey walked out onto the porch. She dressed casually in faded jeans and a T-shirt and not a lot of makeup. But her hair tumbled in loose waves around her shoulders and her pregnancy was undeniable.
He appreciated what she was trying to do, but once their relationship was out?
There was no going back.
Chapter Nine
Lacey stood in the open doorway. Joining Devin’s interview had seemed like a good idea when she’d thought of it before she went to sleep last night. As she stood here, about to blow their lives wide-open, it didn’t seem so smart.
But then she got a look at Devin’s flabbergasted face and she knew she was doing the right thing. Because they might have the weirdest marriage in history—and she doubted that—but she’d been his friend first. From here on out, she was going to remember that.
He stood as she stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind her, intercepting her before she could get to Buck. “What are you doing?”
Her gaze locked on his. “Joining your interview.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“One hundred percent.” So, the number was actually hovering around 40 percent, but Devin didn’t need to know that.
Buck’s gaze bounced from one of them to the other. “Uh, hey, Lacey.”
She gave him a warm hug. “Surprised to see me?”
Buck was still obviously reeling because he was having trouble finding words. “Yeah, I mean, I’d heard rumors that the two of you were together in Vegas, but no one had any evidence of that being true. Until now...I guess?”
“That’s outside the scope of this interview. I’m sorry, Buck, but my relationship with Lacey has to be off the record. I want to be transparent about what I’m going through, but Lacey isn’t a part of that.”
She laid her hand over his, threading her fingers through his. “It’s okay, Devin. I’m not trying to hide our relationship.”
“So,” the reporter said slowly. “You two are...”
“Married.” Lacey squeezed Devin’s hand. “And pregnant. With twins.”
Buck burst out laughing. “I have to hand it to you. You two never do anything halfway.” He paused, then looked at Devin, a question in his eyes. “So, she’s the reason you went to rehab.”
At the same moment Lacey said no, Devin said a firm yes.
The word hit her like a blow. “Yes?”
“Yes.” He draped his arm across the back of the seat. “She’s the reason I went. But she’s not the reason I stayed.”
Buck smiled and made a note on his pad. “What did make you stay?”
“I knew there were things in my life I didn’t deal with. A lot of things, actually. I’d stuffed it down for years, and riding broncs and partying helped with that. But it got bad enough that what I was going to lose was more painful than just dealing with it.”
“And did you deal with it?” Buck’s question, true to form, was direct.
“Yeah. It’s ongoing.” Devin’s smile tipped up. “Staying sober is a little harder. It means making that choice every day. Every minute sometimes.”
“And are you planning a return to rodeo?”
Devin paused. Following his gaze, Lacey knew he was looking at Reggie out in the pasture. The two of them had been an indomitable team. It had to be painful to know you’d never experience that again.
The silence stretched. Finally, Devin looked Buck square in the eyes. “No. I won’t be back. I’m grateful for all the fans and everyone who made this part of my life so amazing.” He glanced at Lacey. “But my ankle injury took me out of contention and, to be honest, my priorities are a little different now.”
A half an hour later, Buck closed his pad and stuck his pencil through the wire closure. “Frankly, I’m glad to see the two of you finally together. Mind if we walk around a little? I’d love to get some photos of you guys before it gets too hot.”
So Devin showed Buck around the farm, Lacey’s hand firmly in his grip. And for just a while, it felt like old times, like maybe they didn’t have so many unresolved questions between them. It gave her a glimpse of how it could be between them on the other side.
She was still so confused about what she wanted. She knew Devin should be involved in the lives of the twins—she’d grown up without a mom and she’d missed that. She wouldn’t do that to her babies. But beyond that, she just didn’t know.
Being with Devin was so confusing. Despite her anger and hurt, she’d never stopped having feelings for him. She just didn’t know what those feelings were, exactly. And she definitely didn’t know where she wanted to go with them. Or even if she wanted to go somewhere with them. Loving Devin and trusting him were two very different things.
Buck stopped them by the pasture where Reggie was spending his retirement. “Let’s take one right here by the fence. Face each other so the people can see that baby belly, Lacey.”
Warmth rushed into her cheeks, but she did as he asked.
“Now, I want to see a kiss.”
“Nope.” Devin’s response was quick and firm. But his arm snaked out and he pulled her toward him. She laughed as her balance shifted. He put his hand over hers on her belly to help her stay upright and he kissed her on the forehead.
Her throat tight, she took a step back, but she left her hand on his. For years, she’d dreamed that one day Devin would look at her like that, with his heart in his eyes. She wished she could be sure that it was real and not just Devin still hiding what really was instead of sharing the truth.
As Buck packed up his camera, they walked him back to his rental car. Devin paused, his arm around Lacey. She was aware—too aware—of the warmth of his fingers curled around her waist.
Devin picked up the conversation. “I just want to say this before you go, Buck. I did this interview because addiction is something a lot of people try to keep in the dark. That’s twenty-one million Americans trying to hide their substance abuse problem.”
Buck nodded. “What do you want to say to people who might be struggling?”
“It’s time to bring it to the light. Having to ask for help is not something to be ashamed of. It’s not a weakness.” He glanced at the barn, where it seemed he could see his dad in the entrance. Boots on. Sleeves rolled up. Dusty hat.
A lump formed in Devin’s throat and he swallowed hard. “My dad used to say strength doesn’t come from doing what you already know you can do. Real strength comes from overcoming things you never thought you could.”
“That’s the wisdom of experience right there. And it’s a good word.” Buck shook Devin’s hand. “Thanks, man. Lacey, anything you want to add?”
Her shoulders trembled and Devin pulled her tighter against his side. She looked up at him as she spoke. “Just that...I’m proud
of Devin. What he’s doing is hard, and instead of trying to pretend his life is perfect, he’s sharing what he’s been through so other people don’t have to feel so alone.”
Devin cleared his throat as Buck pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Now y’all have gone and made me cry. Thanks a lot. I hope I’ll be able to do this justice, Dev. It was really great to see y’all. Now I’ve got to go so I don’t miss my plane.” Buck got in his car and slammed the door, sending them a little wave as he drove down the driveway.
For a moment, they just stood and watched Buck drive away. They’d done hundreds of interviews together, but this felt different—was different.
Devin sighed. “Well, that’s done. Nowhere left to hide. I feel both relieved and nauseous.”
She nudged him with her shoulder. “That sounds about right to me. And I meant it when I said I was proud of you.”
“You being there made it easier. Better.” He waved a hand, as if he could wave away the emotion that all the talking had dredged up. “Come on, let’s go find a cup of coffee.”
Lacey turned back to the house, Devin’s arm still around her waist. She should step away—she knew she should—but the peace between them at this moment was too good to let go of just yet.
A gust of wind came out of nowhere, her hair whipping around her face. When she could finally see again, she realized Devin was focused on something over her shoulder.
She turned around to look. The clouds were dark and building, their color ranging from charcoal to ashy gray. “That doesn’t look good.”
“I don’t know which way that’s going but it looks like the bottom’s about to fall out.”
Tanner came roaring down the lane in the all-terrain vehicle they used for farm work. He stopped beside them and jumped out. “There’s a whole line of storms moving in from the gulf and the fence is down in the back field. Half the cows are out and one of them just dropped twins. I have to get the cows in and fix the fence before we lose our stock in this storm.”
As he spoke, he walked into the barn, Devin right behind him. Lacey squinted toward the south just as a lightning bolt streaked across the sky.
“I’m going with you.” Devin grabbed rain gear from the tack room and shrugged into it.
“I’ll take care of it.” Tanner grabbed the toolbox and went right back out the door.
Devin followed him. “I can help.”
Tanner slid into the seat of the ATV and cranked it up. “I have enough to worry about out there. I can’t be responsible for you, too.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just whipped the vehicle into a turn and drove off.
Devin walked through the barn to the door that led to the pasture. He stuck his finger and thumb into his mouth and let out a piercing whistle, calling Reggie.
Lacey didn’t try to stop Devin. She knew if she wasn’t pregnant she’d be saddling up, too. Tanner needed help whether he wanted to accept it or not. And while Devin was injured, Tanner couldn’t ask for a better team than Devin and Reggie to have his back.
With Reggie tacked up and ready to go, Devin stuck his good foot in the stirrup and swung his other leg over the saddle. Reggie sidestepped as Devin settled in the saddle, and Lacey wasn’t sure if the big horse was excited to be going out or nervous because of the storm.
“You’ll get inside?” Devin pulled his hat down over his eyes as thunder crashed. “I’ve got to go.”
Rain pelted the tin roof of the barn. She raised her voice over the noise. “I’ll be fine. Go.”
She watched him ride out of the barn into the storm, lowering his head against the wind and the rain, and looking like some kind of hero out of an old-timey cowboy movie.
Lightning streaked the sky, splitting into multiple veins and racing to the ground. She picked up his cane and sprinted for the house, completely drenched by the time she reached the porch. She shook the water out of her hair and opened the door, pausing to look back, down the road.
Devin was out of sight, but he wouldn’t be out of her mind. She’d be praying nonstop until he and Tanner returned to the house safe and sound.
* * *
Devin couldn’t see through the driving rain. He wound through the woods behind the field. He’d caught sight of Tanner trying to bolster the fence as he’d passed the field. The cows were strewn from here to the property line.
He understood why Tanner said what he did. Devin wasn’t mad. He just knew that if he was going to stay here on the farm, things weren’t going to work that way. Devin may be injured but he had to be useful. If he wasn’t, he may as well give up.
Besides, all discussion about his skills aside, Reggie was the best cow horse Devin had ever seen. It would be criminal not to let him use his talents.
Reggie didn’t hesitate. He knew exactly what to do to get the cows to move the direction Devin wanted them to go. And when one cow started moving, others noticed and started to tag along. The new mama with her calf was under a tree near the fence line and Devin turned her back toward the other cow. “Come on, Mama, you know you want to go home.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance. He couldn’t tell if the storm was coming or going. But the rain had slacked off, leaving the farm in a kind of quasi dusk, just enough light that he could see another cow with one of the older spring calves wandering off. He nudged Reggie to go after the cow, running just even with her until she saw him.
She was stubborn and took a few more steps the other way, but Devin moved Reggie slowly forward until the cow acknowledged she wasn’t going on a walkabout tonight and slowly turned back to join the rest of the small herd.
Their stock was valuable. They couldn’t afford to lose even one. He rode the back of the herd until they found Tanner finishing up the repairs on the fence. Devin sidled up to Tanner as the cattle turned into the pasture, moseying in their no-hurry way. Tanner, his hands encased in yellow leather gloves, used the pliers to attach the wire fencing to the post. He’d have to come back out tomorrow to make sure it held and that it was secure. But for tonight, it would keep the cows where they belonged.
Tanner made a final twist with the pliers and looked up at Devin. Raindrops were hitting his face and clinging to his lashes but he didn’t seem to notice. “I could’ve done it without you.”
“You’re welcome.” Devin tamped down his annoyance. Tanner was on his own path.
Tanner took his hat off and rubbed his sleeve across his eyes. “We’re missing one of the new calves. He’s a twin and Mom was rejecting him. He doesn’t stand a chance out there alone. Want to help me look?”
“What color is he?”
“Chocolate brown, some white on the face.” Tanner looked into the field where the cows were acting like they’d never left. “There’s another storm right behind this one. We’re not gonna have long.”
“Let’s go.” Devin clucked to Reggie and wheeled around, heading back into the rangy pines while Tanner cranked up the ATV. Visibility was terrible, rain still dripping from the sky and the trees, the clouds dark and ominous.
They split up, Tanner starting on one end of the pasture in the ATV, Devin on the other on horseback, searching to the property line until they met in the middle. He yelled to Tanner, “Anything?”
“No sign. You up for another pass?”
“We’re not leaving him out here, so yeah.”
This time they worked out from the center, and about five minutes into the second search, Devin heard Tanner yell. He turned Reggie and met Tanner coming back toward him, carrying the calf in his arms. He was tiny and limp. Devin wasn’t even sure he was breathing. “Is he alive?”
“I think so. Barely. We need to get him warm and dry and fed. Can you take him in while I check the rest of the fence?”
“Of course.”
Tanner handed the little cow up to Devin, who laid him gently across his lap. “I’ll
take care of him.”
He nudged Reggie with his heels. “Let’s go, bud.”
As Reggie picked up the pace, the little calf didn’t move. Devin rubbed his neck with one hand. “Come on, baby, you can make it. You’re tough.”
Devin was exhilarated and exhausted by the time he wheeled Reggie into the barn. He slid off the horse and onto his good foot, hopping a little until he could stand. The calf slid right off and into his arms. Devin laid him gently onto a blanket and then quickly untacked Reggie, lifting the saddle off last and putting it over the saddle stand in the tack room.
Lacey had clearly been back in the barn because there was fresh hay and feed in the largest stall. She was always thinking about the other person. He was torn between wanting to yell at her for going back out in the storm and wanting to kiss her for knowing he would be exhausted.
He led Reggie into the stall and gave him a good rub before closing the door. “You’ve still got it, old man.”
Lifting the calf into his arms, he struggled to his feet. Every step was agony on his wrecked ankle. Since he didn’t have a choice, he just kept taking steps, one at a time, until he was at the door to the house.
Lacey was there opening it before he could even try to figure out how he was going to knock. She pulled him into the house, getting her shoulder underneath his and wrapping her arm around his waist for support. “Is he okay?”
“Don’t know.” Devin was out of breath. “Mama rejected him and he’s wet and cold. Dehydrated, too, probably.”
He laid the calf on the rug in the living room and rubbed the small face between his palms.
Lacey ran to the laundry room and came back with an armful of towels, warm from the dryer. She knelt beside Devin, handing him a towel. She used another as a blanket and a third to begin drying the baby’s hindquarters. “Do you have colostrum?”
He glanced up at her. “Yeah. There’s a cabinet in the laundry room where Tanner keeps all the meds. We’ve got a couple of bottles and the milk replacer on the bottom shelf.”
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