by R. C. Ryan
Sam was already shaking his head in denial. “Teaching has been Penny’s dream for a lifetime. She can’t afford to sit around and wait for an offer that may never come along again.”
Mac put a hand on Sam’s arm. “Son, if you love her, you need to let her know how you feel about her. It could influence her decision to stay or move away.”
“And rob her of her dream?” With a bleak look Sam turned away. Over his shoulder he said, “I can’t do that to Penny, Dad. I love her too much. She deserves this chance.”
Mac stood watching as Sam made his way to the barn.
A short time later he watched as horse and rider moved across a meadow at a fast clip before disappearing below a ridge.
The day, which had begun with such joy and promise, now seemed as oppressive as the leaden sky.
Sam hunched deeper into his parka, the collar turned up, his wide-brimmed hat pulled down low over his forehead. The air had grown colder, and he could already taste the first drops of rain.
As Sam made a turn on the trail, the rain began in earnest. Though the comfort of home was tempting, he decided to take refuge in the nearby range shack.
He unsaddled his mount in the attached shed out back and filled a trough with food and water before making his way around to the front.
Inside he knelt before the fireplace and touched a match to kindling. Soon the little cabin was filled with warmth. After rummaging through the cupboards, he found a blackened coffeepot. A short time later he stretched out his long legs to the fire and sat, sipping strong, hot coffee and brooding about this latest twist in his life.
This shack offered him no comfort. He could feel Penny’s presence. It was here that he and Penny had first given in to their passion. A passion that had grown into something deep and real.
Last night, while Penny slept in his arms, he’d been the happiest man in the world. He’d known, without a single doubt, that she was the only woman for him. Though he’d never expected to find this kind of love in his lifetime, he was convinced that he’d been somehow blessed with a gift from heaven.
That’s what Penny was. A very special gift that had come unbidden into his life, leaving him forever changed. All the things that had once made him happy now seemed silly and superficial. Drinking with the wranglers. Shooting endless hours of nine ball with strangers, just to show off his skill on a pool table.
Curtis wasn’t the only one who’d completely turned his life around because of Penny.
When Sam looked at her, he saw the goodness, the unselfish choices she’d made for the sake of others. She’d worked so hard, sacrificed so much in order to care for her brothers and aged great-aunt. And all for the chance to teach. To touch children’s minds and hearts.
And now, finally, it was within her grasp.
Nobody deserved this honor more than Penny.
How could he dare stand in the way of her dream now that it was finally being offered to her on a silver platter?
Outside, the skies opened up and a torrent of rain mixed with ice pounded the roof of the cabin.
Sam topped off his coffee and sat, his mind circling every angle, wishing he could find a way to have all he wanted. But the more he mulled, the darker his mood became.
Mac had taught his sons, by his own example, that real love meant putting the needs of those you loved above your own. Though it broke his heart to think about a future without Penny, he knew he would do anything for her.
He had to step back and give her room to fly without regrets.
Without regrets.
How ironic. He was aware of the pain he would suffer for his choice, but Penny deserved her shot at her dream.
He would step aside and do his best to put on a good face to hide his broken heart.
Penny paced her bedroom, from the window to the door and back, waiting for Sam. Hadn’t he said he wanted to spend every night together the way they’d spent the previous night?
What was keeping him?
Hearing the sound of rain and sleet hitting the window, she draped an afghan around her shoulders before turning to peer into the darkness.
Had he returned from checking on the herd? She hadn’t heard his voice downstairs, but then, she’d been too distracted to really pay attention. Once home, she’d sought the privacy of her room, hoping to quiet the nerves that had taken hold.
She shivered. Could Sam have misunderstood her behavior? Did he think, because she fled to her room, that she wanted to be alone?
She opened her bedroom door. The hallway was in darkness. There were no lights drifting up from below. Everyone, it seemed, had turned in for the night.
She made her way barefoot to Sam’s door and knocked lightly.
Hearing no reply, she eased the door open and peered inside. The bed was untouched. The room empty.
He’d chosen to remain with the herd rather than be with her. That fact was like a slap in the face.
Feeling the sting of tears, she turned away and hurriedly returned to her room.
Crawling beneath the covers, she wiped away her tears and struggled to make sense of this.
She wanted to think that the man she loved was trying to make her decision easier. It was like him to be noble. But a tiny voice inside her head taunted her with the thought that maybe, just maybe, a wild child like Sam was sending the signal that he had already decided to move on with his life alone.
Alone.
That would certainly define her life. Despite the presence of three demanding brothers and a sweet, helpless great-aunt, she’d felt so alone. Her childhood friends had moved on with their lives. Her neighbors had lost contact once she sold the family home and started her new life in Haller Creek. And the minute she’d come here to the Monroe ranch, this family had become like her own.
But she’d been fooling herself. They were, in fact, Sam’s family. And when she left to accept the teaching job in Dryden, she would once more be alone.
Alone.
The word played through her mind like a litany until at last, weary of the bleak thoughts that circled, sleep overtook her.
Penny walked into the kitchen to find Mac and Mary Pat seated at the table, heads bent close, talking in low tones.
They looked up as she entered and called out greetings.
“Good morning.” Penny glanced around, feeling a painful sense of loss when she realized they were alone. “I’ll start breakfast.”
“Sit and drink your coffee.” Mary Pat indicated the steaming coffeemaker on the counter. “The men are out in the barn, finishing up morning chores. They won’t be in for a while yet. With the two of us working, we’ll have plenty of food ready for our hungry family.”
Our hungry family.
With a fresh ache in her heart, Penny poured a cup and sat across from them. “I didn’t hear Sam come in last night.”
Mac nodded. “I’m thinking that storm forced him to spend the night in the range shack. He should be back soon.”
Penny took in a breath. “Roscoe said my old car needed work if I’m going to try driving it all the way to Dryden. Would you mind lending me one of the trucks after breakfast while he tinkers with my car?”
“Not at all.” Mac smiled. “I’m sure you’re eager to meet with Chet Butler and the board.”
“Yes.” She managed a weak smile before pushing away from the table.
Needing to be busy, she began breaking eggs into a bowl and slicing ham.
Sensing her nervous energy, Mary Pat glanced helplessly at Mac before joining her.
A moment later, when Penny sucked in a breath, Mary Pat looked over to see her dropping the knife and wincing in pain.
“Oh, Penny, you’ve cut yourself.”
Penny held her finger under the tap and let the water wash some of the blood. “That was careless of me. It’s just a little cut.”
“Here.” Mary Pat reached for a clean linen towel and wrapped Penny’s finger before opening a drawer and retrieving ointment and a bandage. When the cut was
bandaged, Mary Pat wrapped an arm around the young woman.
Her tenderness was the final straw, and Penny couldn’t stop the tears she’d been holding in.
“Oh, honey. Does it hurt that much?”
Penny was shaking her head and trying to turn away. “No. It’s nothing. I just feel…”
Mary Pat gathered her close. “I know.” Over Penny’s shoulder she gave a silent signal to Mac, and he promptly left the room.
When they were alone, Mary Pat ran a hand down Penny’s hair. “Want to talk?”
Penny couldn’t meet her steady gaze, instead staring hard at the floor. “I’m so confused right now.”
Mary Pat led her to a chair and sat beside her before taking her hand. “Is it the job offer, or Sam?”
“Both.” Penny swiped at her tears. “I’ve waited so long for this chance. And now that it’s here, I’m feeling so…empty. I spent years studying to become a teacher. But this job will take me so far away from…” She sniffed and blew her nose. “Oh, Mary Pat. Tell me what to do.”
“I can do a lot of things. But only you know what’s in your heart.” Mary Pat squeezed her hand. “But I know this. You’re a smart woman, Penny. You’ll figure things out and make the right decision.”
“But how can you be so sure?”
Seeing her anguished face, Mary Pat touched a finger to her tear-drenched cheek. “I know you, honey. Trust your heart.”
Penny’s voice wavered. “Oh, Mary Pat. I’m so afraid of doing the wrong thing.”
“You won’t. Go with your heart.”
“I hope you’re right.”
The two women embraced. And then, sensing the young woman needed some space, Mary Pat stepped from the kitchen and joined Mac in the parlor.
Penny descended the stairs and paused to retrieve the keys to one of the trucks. After tidying the kitchen and watching the others disperse to carry on their day’s activities, she’d retreated to her room to dress for success. It wouldn’t do to meet with the school board looking less than her best.
She wore a stylish black fitted dress and a bright red jacket with jet black buttons. On her feet were black heels. At her throat a red and black silk scarf added a sparkle to her eyes.
She’d fussed with her hair. Instead of her usual ponytail or a mass of tangled curls, she’d used a straightening iron to get the desired effect.
As she drove away from the house, she was painfully aware of the fact that Sam still hadn’t returned. Maybe he would remain in the hills for days or weeks. However long he stayed away, she knew it was because he was avoiding her. That knowledge was like a knife in her heart.
She brushed aside the pain. For now, she had a meeting to take. She wasn’t about to let anything be a distraction.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sam turned his horse into a stall in the barn and tossed the saddle over a railing. Filling troughs with food and water, he closed the stall door and walked from the barn before starting toward the house.
Overhead the midafternoon sky was threatening more rain.
Halfway there he caught up with Roscoe and Otis, engaged in a friendly discussion about Penny’s old car outliving Mary Pat’s ancient van. They were still arguing as to which vehicle would die first as he stepped into the mudroom and began prying off his boots. He rolled his sleeves above the elbows and began scrubbing the grime from his hands.
In the kitchen he was surprised to find Finn at home, discussing the finer points of law with Zachariah.
“You run out of clients?”
Finn chuckled. “Just the opposite. I’m going to have to clear my decks to take on a big lawsuit. I figured I’d better take some time off now, before I get bogged down.”
Sam gave his brother a fist-bump. “Good for you.”
He glanced over at Ben. “Shouldn’t you be in town chasing bad guys?”
“My day off. Becca and I figured we’d grab a free lunch.”
“Nothing new.” Sam glanced at Becca, tossing a salad, and Mary Pat, at the stove, stirring a pot of chili for their lunch.
Beneath the table, Archie’s tail thumped his joy at being here with his second family.
Looking around, Sam’s heart dropped to his toes at the realization that this would be his new normal. The others would be as they’d always been, happy, content. But his life would never be the same again. For the rest of his life, he would miss Penny with an unbearable ache. Still, he would have to gamely carry on, showing the family his best face. After a long night of mulling, he’d decided he would do whatever it took to keep his feelings to himself. Hadn’t that always been the way he’d survived?
Mac stepped in from the parlor, where he’d been going over bills. The pen he’d used was tucked behind his ear. “I’m glad you’re back, son. How bad was the storm?”
Sam shrugged. “The usual. Rain. Sleet. Some ice. It’s melted now, and the herd’s—”
Hearing the back door open, he turned. Whatever he’d been about to say was forgotten when he caught sight of Penny.
She quite simply took his breath away.
His first thought was to carry her off to someplace private and confess his love. But then he remembered his long night of soul-searching and his decision to do the right thing, no matter the cost.
It took a moment before he managed to compose himself. “Wow. I bet you dazzled the school board.”
“That was the plan.” She studied the way he looked, a rough stubble of beard darkening his lower face, his shirt and denims sweat-stained and clinging to his skin. “And you look about the same as you did the first time I met you.”
“Yeah. As I recall, you called me a trail bum.” He managed a half-smile as he looked down at himself. “I guess I’m no prize.”
“Exactly my first thought the day we met.”
“Well?” Ben asked the question on all their minds. “When do you start that dream job?”
Penny was still standing in the doorway, her gaze riveted on one sweaty cowboy. “That will depend on Sam.”
His head came up sharply. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“The school board wanted a commitment. I told them that’s what I wanted, too.” She met Sam’s questioning gaze. “But not from them. From you.”
“What the hell…?” He glanced at his father before saying, “Sorry.” He turned back to Penny. “What’s all this about? Didn’t you tell Chet Butler and the board that they’d just made your dreams come true?”
“What I told them is that I’d like to be considered for a teaching job in the future, if one becomes available in Haller Creek. Right now, my plans are up in the air.”
“Up in the air? Money, this is your dream job.” Sam paused. “Isn’t it?”
“For years it was. But now…” She took in a breath, glancing around at the entire family, watching and listening. It was so awkward having an audience. This wasn’t the way she’d planned it, but she clung to Mary Pat’s assessment that she was a smart woman.
Final exam time, she thought. Either nail it, or face a failing grade.
Though her face flamed, she forced herself to continue. “A very wise man told me”—she could see Otis turn to stare at her with a dawning smile—“that life has a funny way of happening while we’re busy making plans. When the board offered me a job hours away, I realized that what I wanted was right here.”
“Hold on. Just hold on a minute.” Seeing the way everyone was hovering, Sam reached out and grabbed her arm before hauling her from the kitchen and into the parlor, where he slammed the door.
He stood facing her, his eyes narrowed on her with such ferocity, she was forced to swallow down her fears.
“Are you saying you turned down the offer to teach?”
She nodded, afraid to trust her voice.
“Because of me?”
“Because of me. Because of what I want.” The words were barely a whisper, but they held conviction.
He was studying her so carefully, she felt her cheeks grow ho
t. “And what is it you want, Money?”
“You, Sam.”
“Are you saying you’d give up your dream of being the world’s greatest teacher for a beer-drinking, pool-hustling good old boy who ignores the rules of proper society?”
She tried to laugh at his joke, but her nerves were too tightly strung. Instead she lifted her chin in that haughty way he’d come to love. “That’s who I thought you were when I first met you.”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, baby. You weren’t wrong. That’s me.”
“No, Sam. That was you. Or who you tried to be. But now I see you willing to step back to give me a chance to have my dream, even though it means letting me go.” She took a step closer. “I can’t think of anything more loving, more generous, than what you’re trying to do for me. That can only mean you love me.” She touched a hand to his arm. “Or am I misreading you?”
He flinched at her touch, determined not to weaken now and crush her to him the way he wanted. Instead, he made one more attempt to do the right thing. “Don’t go making me sound like some hero, Money. I just want what’s best for you.”
“And don’t you see? That’s exactly what makes you my hero. My Super Sam. And the truth is, I’d give up everything for you, Sam.”
He was looking at her with such intensity, she felt her heart hitch and had to force herself to go on. “I realize now, without you, all those big fine dreams are just…empty illusions. What I really want is to be with you. To spend my life loving you. And if I never get to teach in a school, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to teach our children…”
“Children.” His hand snaked out and he closed his fingers around her wrist. “Now you’ve done it.”
“Sam…”
Her protest was cut off as he grabbed her in a fierce embrace and covered her mouth with his.
Against her lips he whispered, “Do you know how much I love you, Money? I was pleading with heaven to find a way to keep you here, even though I knew you should follow your dream. But now you’re talking about love. Commitment. Children. All the things I’ve been afraid to want because I wasn’t sure I deserved them.” He shook his head. “I know one thing. I don’t deserve you. But if you’ll say you’ll marry me, Money, I’ll give you all the love, all the hard work, all the children you want, as long as you promise we can spend the rest of our lives together.”