by Hope Stone
Suddenly the fight turned into a wrestling match, and that wasn’t my strong suit. I preferred to keep my distance as much as possible. Still, I tried my best to overpower him, ignoring the way the bare skin of my back burned from scraping against the rough concrete beneath us.
He hooked his arm around my neck, and I head-butted him to loosen his grip before I lost too much oxygen and passed out. Rolling over, I tried to pin him beneath me, but his fist collided with my jaw, and the next thing I knew, he was on top of me. I kept my arms up, trying to block my face from his blows, but he managed to get one past. I saw stars as he hit me in the side of the head, and my right temple throbbed.
Shit. I was in trouble here.
I brought my legs up, trying to knock him off of me, but it didn’t work, so I bucked like a bronco and was able to unseat him. I had a brief moment of satisfaction as I started to stand. I made it onto my hands and knees before his leg swung around, catching me in the ribs. I heard a sickening crack as pain exploded in my side. My strength left me, and I collapsed onto the floor.
It was the strangest thing, but I didn’t mind losing this fight. As my opponent stood above me, I only cared about the adrenaline rush that flooded my system, making me feel alive. That was all I wanted today, to feel something other than regret and grief.
Coming here might have been reckless, but it was worth it.
I knocked on the door of Kat’s house, telling myself that I was an idiot for coming here. I knew that she didn’t want to fuck at her place. I wasn’t clear on the reason for it, but I suspected it was just another attempt to keep me at a distance. I should probably take a hint.
Instead, I’d come here after leaving the warehouse. I’d picked myself up off the floor after my second fight, using my t-shirt to wipe the sweat and blood from my face before shrugging on my jacket over my bare torso.
The door of the house opened and revealed Kat in a thin white t-shirt with no bra underneath and a pair of skimpy shorts. Her legs were long and smooth, and I trailed my eyes all the way down to her black toenails. Her toes curled as I looked at them, making me smile. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned her shoulder against the doorframe as she looked at me through the screen door.
“You look like shit,” she said, and I grinned. I knew that I looked like a walking bruise, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d heal.
“And you’re such a charmer.”
“What are you doing here?”
I shrugged. I really didn’t have a good answer for that. I wasn’t here for sex. As good as it was, tonight wasn’t a good time for that. My emotions were already fucked.
“Can I come in?” I asked.
She hesitated, staring at me for a long moment. I wasn’t sure what she saw in my eyes, but it must have convinced her because she nodded and stepped back. I opened the screen door and entered the house. It looked different than the last time I was here, on the night of our first date.
“You redecorating?” I asked, looking around. I had been pretty damn distracted that night, but the following morning, I remembered thinking that the place didn’t really feel like Kat. It made sense when she told me that her mom used to live with her. There were a lot of floral patterns and old furniture. Now, there was a more modern feeling to the place. The walls were dark, but the furniture and décor were light and bright. Somehow, it screamed Kat.
“Yeah. Been working on it for a couple of weeks. It was time.”
I didn’t hear the sadness in her voice that I would have expected, and I was happy for her. She was finally moving on from her mom’s death. I wish I was that strong. My life kept moving forward, but I still felt haunted by Mark after all these years. Maybe I always would.
“You want a beer?” she asked.
“If I ever say no to that question, there’s something seriously wrong.”
She gifted me with a small half-smile before going into the kitchen and grabbing two beers from the fridge. She twisted the tops off and threw them into the garbage before handing mine over.
“I was just about to go sit outside for a bit,” she said, walking toward the back door. From behind, her shorts were so short that I could see the bottoms of her ass cheeks. I took a big gulp of my cold beer, rethinking whether I was in a good headspace for sex tonight. Why did she have to be so irresistible?
Kat looked back at me over her shoulder. “You coming?”
I followed her outside, where there was a covered patio. A glass-topped table was surrounded by cushioned patio chairs sitting next to a propane grill. Kat took a seat, and I sat across from her. Kat lit a citronella candle, and the scent of it filled the air between us.
“What’s going on, Blade?” she asked after we’d been sitting in silence together for several minutes. I was comfortable with it, but I should have known that Kat would question me. I was lucky that she let me in the house at all.
I sighed before tipping my beer bottle back and emptying it. I stood.
“I’m gonna grab another. You want one?”
“Sure.”
I took my time in the house, but when I returned, Kat was waiting patiently. She wasn’t going to let me get out of answering her question. I knew she had a right to know what was up with me, but it was hard to talk about. After I resumed my seat, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table.
“My brother Mark died ten years ago today.”
“Holy shit,” Kat said after a moment. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, well…” I didn’t know what to say. Her words were meant to comfort, but I’d realized long ago that there was nothing that could make this better.
“Can I ask what happened?”
“Yeah,” I stared at the label of my beer bottle without really seeing it. “He killed himself.”
I didn’t look up at Kat’s sharp intake of breath. I didn’t want to see her feeling sorry for me.
“I was sixteen. Mark was my older brother, but only by two years, so we were always pretty close.” I rubbed my eyes, trying to somehow scrub away the image in my mind. It wouldn’t work. It never did. “I found him afterward.”
“You…oh, my god, Blade.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “It was an overdose.”
“You’re sure it was intentional?”
“Definitely. He took an entire bottle of his antidepressants. He didn’t leave a note or anything, but it was pretty clear that he meant to do it.”
I clenched my fists as the familiar helpless anger flooded me. I hated being angry at Mark, but every time I thought about him leaving me behind like that…I just couldn’t help it.
“I’d be angry, too,” Kat said, her voice soft. It felt like she was reading my mind, and a part of me resented her for it, but that wasn’t fair.
“I shouldn’t be,” I shook my head. “I know that’s selfish of me, but damn it, he was my only friend. We moved all over the damn place growing up since our dad was in the army. He knew he was all I had.”
I hadn’t talked about this with anyone, not even the therapist that my mom had made me see after Mark’s death. I wasn’t sure why I was opening up to Kat now. She was still trying to keep me at arm’s length, convinced that we should be enemies.
“So, he struggled with depression?”
“For years. Our dad’s a real hard-ass and had all these expectations for the two of us, but especially Mark. He was the golden child. So, he tried to hide his depression for a long time. When he turned eighteen, he got on medication without our old man knowing. I thought it was working, but…clearly, I was wrong.”
“You know that’s not your fault, right?”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “Are you reading my mind or something?”
“No, but I think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well over the last few weeks.”
“Despite your best efforts.”
“That’s not fair,” she said.
I drained my second beer. “Haven’t you been listening? Life’s not fair.”
“I’m going to bed,” she said, rising. She started to walk past me, but I reached out and grabbed hold of her wrist.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not even sure what I was apologizing for. I just didn’t want her to make me leave. Just for tonight, I wanted to act like Kat gave a crap about me, that I was more to her than just sex.
Turning her hand over, Kat pulled me to my feet. “Come to bed.”
I wasn’t going to question it. Blowing out the candle, I followed her into the house and down the hall to her bedroom. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I sat on her bed to take my boots off. I felt like I could just collapse onto the comfortable mattress. I unzipped my jacket and felt Kat’s eyes on me.
“You’re not wearing a shirt? What kind of a fashion statement are you trying to make?”
“It was dirty after my fight,” I explained, tossing the jacket onto an easy chair in the corner.
“Fight? So, that’s why you look like you’ve been beaten with a bat.”
“Street fighting. I wanted to let out some aggression.”
“Looks like you lost.”
I kicked off my jeans so that I was just wearing a pair of boxers. Kat pulled back the sheets and slid into bed. When I did the same, she moved closer, pressing herself into my side and resting her head on my shoulder. I told myself not to read too much into it. She just felt sorry for me, and things between us would return to normal in the light of day. But it still felt really good.
I turned off the lamp on the table beside me, leaving us in almost total darkness. I couldn’t see Kat, but I could feel her and hear her even breathing. I felt my eyelids grow heavier and was almost asleep when her voice spoke, pulling me away from sleep.
“You know, it’s weird. Our dads are complete opposites. Yours is an intense army man with all these expectations, while mine is a drunk that probably doesn’t think about me at all.”
“That can’t be true,” I said, even though the man was a Las Balas member. How could he not care about someone like Kat?
“It is. Sometimes I wish that we were closer, but I’m not going to spend my life trying to establish a relationship with someone that doesn’t care enough to try.”
“Fuck him,” I said, once again struggling to stay awake. I wanted to talk to her while I could. She’d be back to pushing me away soon. But exhaustion was winning the fight.
“I wish it was that easy.”
Me too. That was my last thought before I finally surrendered to sleep.
Kat was already awake and showered when I stumbled out of her bedroom the following morning. I found her in the living room, scrolling through television channels.
“You have any Tylenol around here?” I asked, taking a seat on the other end of the couch. I didn’t even have to speak to her to know that her walls were back up. She’d sent the message by leaving me to sleep in her bed by myself.
“In the bathroom,” she said without looking away from the TV screen.
I sighed through my nose and stood, walking to the bathroom and rummaging through the medicine cabinet. I needed something to take the edge off the aches and pains from my losing the fight last night.
I went back into the bedroom instead of joining Kat in the living room. I pulled on my jeans and boots, carrying my jacket into the kitchen, where I put it on the back of a chair at the table. I poured myself a pot of coffee and looked out the window above the sink, where a familiar motorcycle was pulling into the driveway beside my own.
“Your brother’s here,” I told Kat. She clicked off the television and joined me at the sink.
“What is he doing here?” she mumbled to herself.
She didn’t look happy, and I had a pretty good idea that it was because I was here.
“I guess I’ll go,” I said, putting my half-empty mug into the sink. “Thanks for not turning me away last night.”
Kat finally looked directly at me, and her expression softened. “I really am sorry to hear about your brother.”
The front door opened, and Kat turned away from me. I felt somehow colder without her attention.
“Hey, Kat, the place looks great,” Jason said as he walked in and looked around. “You’ve really—”
He stopped speaking as he turned and saw me standing shirtless in the kitchen. His mouth opened and closed for a moment, and he looked like a fish out of water.
“This is Blade,” Kat said unenthusiastically. “We work together.”
“Work, huh? Is that what they call it these days?” Jason’s wide grin was teasing, and I could see the affection between the two of them. I didn’t want to intrude on it if Kat didn’t want me here, and she clearly didn’t.
“I’ll head out,” I said, grabbing my jacket off the kitchen chair and pulling it on. “Let you guys have some time alone.”
I’d only made it three steps when Jason’s voice lashed out, no longer good-humored. “What the fuck is that?”
I stopped and glanced over my shoulder to see his eyes glued to the back of my jacket, to my Outlaw Souls patch.
“Do we have a problem here?” I asked, trying not to sound too confrontational. I knew that this was exactly what Kat was worried about happening.
“Hell yeah. We do.” He stepped closer, coming up into my face. “What the fuck is an Outlaw Soul doing at my sister’s house? Do you think you’re going to get to us through her?”
“Absolutely not,” I said firmly, looking at Kat to make sure that she didn’t think that. I was frustrated when I couldn’t read her face.
Jason followed my gaze, looking at Kat in shock. “You’re fucking this guy?”
“Watch it,” I snapped, not liking the tone he was using with her.
“Just go, Blade,” Kat said, folding her arms across her chest as she leveled a glare at her brother. I could have sworn that he faltered at the sight of it.
I smirked. I should have known that she could handle herself against him.
“See you at work tomorrow,” I replied.
It was time to get the hell out of there.
Kat
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jason asked incredulously the second that Blade was out of the door.
“It’s none of your business, Jason,” I told him.
“What are you doing, Kat? He’s an Outlaw Soul. You know that they have a vendetta against Las Balas. Last year, they gave Rage’s girl a hell of a hard time.”
“Why?”
“I’m not supposed to talk about it,” he said, and I saw something shifty in his eyes. There was more to the story that he wasn’t going to share.
“Then, it’s not a good example. Don’t worry about Blade. He knows I’m loyal to Las Balas.”
“Are you sure about that? What happens as you two keep dating? Are you going to fall for this guy and betray us?”
“Fuck you, Jason,” I spat bitterly.
Guilt flashed across his face. He knew he’d gone too far.
“You know that I’d never do that, not that I even could. I don’t know jack shit about what you guys get up to.”
Jason seemed to deflate on a sigh. He walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair before sinking into it.
“I know. I’m just worried.”
“I can take care of myself. I think you know that.”
“Yeah, I do,” he agreed. “But why? Why would you date an Outlaw Soul in the first place?”
“I’m not dating him,” I insisted. I wasn’t sure what the hell we were doing anymore, but this situation was exactly why we couldn’t work as a couple. A line had been drawn in the sand long before we met, and the two of us were on opposite sides.
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“Haven’t you ever heard of casual sex?”
“Ew,” he scrunched his nose.
“Oh, grow up,” I said, sitting down next to him. “The point is that I know the two of us can’t work together. So, we fuck with no emotional attachment.”
Jason seemed to relax. “Does he
know that? Because he seemed a little…protective.”
“Yes, he knows. Don’t worry about it.”
My tone made it clear that the topic was closed for discussion. Jason put his hands up defensively. “Okay, fine.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked.
Jason’s entire demeanor changed. A wide smile stretched across his face, and he sat up straighter, with a spark in his eyes.
“I came to share the good news. Lexie’s pregnant.”
I let out a happy squeal and threw my arms around his neck. “Oh my god. That’s amazing.”
“Can you believe it? I’m going to be a dad.”
At those words, I felt a sliver of dread. Even though I had just been proclaiming loyalty to Las Balas, I didn’t want Jason to continue with his pursuit of membership now that he had a child on the way. History had a way of repeating itself, and I didn’t want Jason to choose Las Balas over his family the way that our dad did. But I couldn’t tell him that. I knew him, and he’d just assure me that I was overreacting. So, I just kept smiling and hugged him tighter.
“I’m going to be an Auntie,” I told Piper happily as soon as she walked into the tattoo shop the next day.
“What?” she blinked, startled. Okay, maybe I went a little supersonic.
“Jason’s having a baby. Lexie’s pregnant.”
“Wow. That’s awesome,” Piper said as she walked into her workstation and set down the big tote bag that she liked to use as a purse.
“Right? She’s only eight weeks along, so there’s still a ton of time, but he’s already talking about teaching his son to ride a bike.”
“Let me guess, you don’t mean a bicycle?”
“Nope,” I shook my head. “Motorcycle all the way.”
Piper snickered. “He’s so crazy.”