by Hope Stone
“He’s all yours,” the guard said.
I smiled at him. “Thank you.”
I stepped in, clutching my manila folder tightly. I struggled to maintain a neutral face as I scanned Charlie Winters up and down for good measure. His presence at the table took up a whole expanse of space. His eyes captivated me at first—ice blue pools of piercing coldness. I moistened my lips as I approached him. His sandy blond hair was neatly cropped on both sides, and his highlights on top stood out. His square, masculine jaw was clenched in position as he waited for me to speak first.
I held out my hand for him to shake. “Hi, I’m Amber Atwood, the social worker for your daughter, Bella.”
He stood up, and I secretly admired his height and his impressive physical build. His large manly hand engulfed my small one as he gripped it lightly and let go. A lightning bolt of attraction surged through my system. I pulled out my chair and sat down as quickly as I could. His blue eyes twinkled, letting me know he was equally impressed by me.
“Great. I want to thank you for all you’re doing for Bella. I’ve spoken to her on the phone, and she said you’re a really nice lady.”
I pulled out my case file from my purse and set it in front of me. “I’m so glad to hear that. She is a bright seven-year-old, and she’s a pleasure to work with. She misses you.”
Charlie looked down at his massive hands with guilt written all over him. “Yes. I know. I can’t wait to get out of this hellhole. I just want to see my girl.” The love for his daughter was evident in his voice.
“Charlie, would you like some water before we get started?” I reached out to the middle of the table where the water sat and attempted to pour into the plastic cups.
Charlie placed his hand over mine. “Let me. It’s the least I can do—and call me Colt.”
His beautiful, gleaming teeth made an appearance. I swear I started to swerve at the table from the sex appeal he oozed.
“Ah. Thank you. I appreciate it.”
I gulped as a second knot formed in the pit of my stomach. His icy blue devils made the rounds over my body. I was modestly covered. I was wearing a blazer and a white top underneath. Opaque, because if it was see-through, prisoners might get ideas. I opted for black slacks, not too tight and not too baggy. Just right. It was hard to conceal my ample chest, though. It was sizable, and his eyes inadvertently moved there for a moment to rest. He watched me as he sipped his water. I let mine sit on the table.
“Shall we get started?” I realized I had my thighs squeezed together under the table in protest and loosened them a little.
“Yes. We can do that. How is my sweet Bella?”
His tenderness made my heart swell. “Bella is doing great. She is making strides at school and seems to be really enjoying it. She does ask a lot of questions about her mother. I do want to prepare you for that when you get out. I know it must be hard for you to talk about.”
This man’s forearms and biceps were like fully loaded cannons. I tried desperately not to look at them. Colt ran a hand through his blond hair and laced his fingers together. “I know. I mean, I’m going to have to talk to her some more. We talk on the phone about it. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t talk about her mother. I am just sucking it up. Obviously, Anna didn’t cope well with me being locked up.”
“It must have been upsetting for you to lose her like that.”
“Yes. It was. I wish she could have thought about Bella more instead of herself. Thing is, I had no control over the situation. I couldn’t be there to stop it from happening.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault. As you said, she wasn’t coping.”
“Well, no offense, but it is my fault that I ended up in here and Bella’s without her father.”
I straightened my jacket out a little and took a sip of water now. When I looked up, Colt’s intense gaze was homed in on me. “So, Colt, any ideas for when you get out? I think having a solid exit plan will help you re-establish your relationship with Bella.”
Colt fidgeted a little. “I agree. I have a plan. I want her to know that she’s not going to lose me again and that she can rely on me.”
“Good. Tell me more about Bella.”
Colt’s handsome face lit up as he began talking about her, how he’d been raising her to be a country girl, to climb trees and swim in the brook. After awhile, he paused and took another mouthful of water. “I used to read to her at night. I would rock her to sleep in my arms. She was so tiny. I’ve missed everything. She’s grown up without me.”
I watched as Colt dropped his head on top of his hands and slouched forward on the table. “Hey. It’s not long to go now. Just take your time. It’s going to be an adjustment when you get back home to her, but maybe your bond with the horses can be the entry point.”
He lifted his head. “Maybe you’re right. She used to help feed them every morning and talk to them. She’s got a special way with them.”
“See. That’s a good start. How about you? How is your mental health here? I know the conditions aren’t the best.” I frowned as I looked him over.
“I’m not going to off myself if that’s what you mean. But I’ve seen it. One of the guys in cell block D braided a bedsheet together, put in the grill above him, and tightened the knot. The guard found him, blue and stiff, hanging in his cell the next morning,” he said matter-of-factly.
I winced when I heard this. I hated that anyone felt so low that they needed to take their own life, but who knew what demons these men held and what they were in prison for? My eyes averted to the clock behind Colt’s head. We’d been talking for a good while, and our time together was almost up.
“That’s terrible, Colt. Why do you think the rates of suicide are going up in here? Do they not have enough counseling sessions?”
“Nah. It’s nothing to do with that. We’re on top of one another. If you go out to the yard, there’s no room to move. That’s why I ended up doing a lot of in-house activities to keep my mind alert. Going to classes. Signed up to cook. Just so I can get out of the cell.”
“That’s a great idea. You have new skills now. Are you going to live with Bella alone? Or will you keep your mother at your house? I want to make sure Bella is as comfortable as possible.”
“Me too. I’ll have to ask my little queen what she wants to do. Hopefully, she’ll stay with me and live on the farm.”
I noted a few things down on my sheets and drank the last of my water. “Colt, thank you for your time today. I see the time is almost up. I think you and your daughter will be just fine when you come out. I’ll talk to you during our next visit about things you can do to ease her into the changes.”
Colt brushed his eyes over my body one more time, sending a heat signal right to my sex. This man emanated primal masculinity. “Thank you again, Amber. You’ve set my mind at ease. I see that Bella is in good hands.”
He shook my hand once again, and I relished the sensation of the soft pads of his fingers on mine. I signaled the guard for my exit.
I smiled courteously at him. “You’re so welcome, Colt. I will let the Warden know so I can be added to the visiting list for next time.”
I stood and collected my things.
Colt
Those big, brown eyes would make any man melt. The things I wanted to do with that sexy mouth of hers were an absolute sin. I let her walk out first, admiring the curve of her hips and her voluptuous backside as she sashayed out the prison meeting room. If she were one of the horses on my farm, I would want to rein her in. Her voice was soft and smooth like butter, easing my nerves. I knew my baby Bella was in safe hands, and that’s all that mattered. Between Ms. Atwood and my mother, all would be well with her.
The prison guard left the door open and led me back to my cell. They always walked behind prisoners, I guessed, to avoid an attack. My heart dropped as I re-entered the hellhole. My cellmate Errol was lying on his top bunk comfortably. Errol, a bank robber from Merced, was reading a book and had one foot crosse
d over the other. He was one hell of an eccentric character. He had a curled-up mustache and dark, slick hair. He was about the size of a toothpick and had an extra-pointy nose. He was as sly and as cunning as they came. You didn’t get away with ten bank robberies for ten years without being that.
“Welcome back, cowboy. I just took a shit, so wrap your nose around that.”
As soon as he said it, I felt the putrid aroma of jail feces perforate my nostrils. The problem with the conditions is that the cell only had one shitter for the two of us. We were boxed in together. No wonder murders and suicides were happening every other day.
“You bastard,” I said slowly.
Errol looked over the top of his glasses and smiled. “Just for you, my friend.”
“I could have done without your gift.” The aroma was stinging my nostril hairs and making me sick. In all my four and a half years, I still wasn’t used to it.
“Anything interesting happen?” Errol asked.
I let the smile coming from my lips lift my spirits. “Yeah, kind of.”
Errol laid his book flat across his chest. “Do tell,” he said in a deep voice.
“I got a decent social worker for Bella. She’s really pretty, too. Blond, with big brown eyes.”
“Forget the face.” Errol tutted. He held his hands together as if he was holding watermelons. “What was the size of the tits? What did the ass look like? C’mon man, I’ve been in here for thirteen years. I need more to go on.”
I shook my head. “You fucking pervert.” I put my hand on the small wooden desk in front of me. I had a picture with Bella smiling taped to the wall. She was cuddled up in her mother’s arms on the farm. I remembered that day so clearly.
“Daddy! Daddy! Can I ride Moonlight today? You promised. You said I could try.”
The mortified look on Anna’s face made me grin because I knew firsthand the bond that Bella shared with Moonlight. They both loved one another, and my instincts told me she wouldn’t buck her off.
“Yes, but I’m going to be with you, leading you, okay?”
She’d clapped her little hands together and hugged my neck. “Yay! I’m happy today, Daddy. I’m happy!”
I came out of the memory, or rather Errol shook me out of it.
“Earth to farm boy. Tell me what she was like. I want to know!”
“Ah, she was sweet, real sweet. She promised to look after Bella for me. That’s all I need her to do. I’m going home soon. I can’t believe it,” I confessed to Errol.
“You deserve it. You’ve served your time. Don’t fuck it up and end up back here. I got another year to go. I’m trying to work on this appeal, but my lawyer is horseshit. That’s why I’m reading.” He held up the book to me, and I saw it was a legal handbook.
I frowned at him. “Backyard tactics? Think that will work?”
He lay back again on his bunk, gazing at the ceiling. “I mean, what the hell else am I supposed to do? I’m not going to just let it slide. This fuckface from cell block E is trying to scam me. We got a cigarette run going on, though. That’s what I got running right now to keep myself amused.”
I smirked lightly at him as I slipped into my bottom bunk. “You need me to get Austin involved?”
“Nah, I don’t need any heavy hitters right now. I got it covered. I made a nice bit of pocket change. Two grand in the last two weeks. Not bad for a two-bit hustler, huh?” Errol chuckled weirdly.
“Not bad at all, Errol. You still got your stash from the main robbery you did? Did they ever find it?” I asked quietly.
I sank into the lumpy mattress, working to get comfortable. My large frame didn’t fit so well on a single bed. My long legs hung off the end like a man in pants that are too short.
“Nah. Stupid cops. I got that stash waiting for me. I’m all set. Just have to make it through the year and get the fuck out of here.”
“How are you stashing that money? You better be careful in case they raid the cell.”
Errol cackled. “My guy, I got players still in the game on the outside. They’re stashing the money for me.”
I rested my hands behind my head and quizzed him. “How do you know they will keep it for you?”
“Because I have too much on them. If they double-cross me, I will make sure they get ten years apiece. You hear me?”
“Loud and clear.”
“What about you? Are you salty for taking the fall? You could have tattled on the Russians.”
“If I wanted to be shot at point-blank range, that would be a viable option.”
“You got a point there. They aren’t too friendly. I’ve had a few run-ins with them myself. I managed to outsmart them, though. Not so bright, those Russians. Big oafs, really.”
Errol and I had these enlightening prison conversations, and his bank robber stories kept me entertained. I even retained a few ideas from him. I would never forget when he gave me the rundown on prison etiquette when I first came in the cell. I smiled fondly at the memory.
“Number one, never hit the showers on Tuesday morning by yourself. You’re bound to meet a big hunk of burning love in there. There’s a standing arrangement,” he had told me. “Two, stay away from Frankie, Chase, Chester, and Raymond, the prison guards. Don’t test them. Otherwise, they will test you with their batons. Three, get in good with the old-timers. They’ll protect you if they choose to take you under their wing. Four, we got a cigarette run going, so if you need any, just let me know. I’m your man. All the rest, you learn on your own. Godspeed.”
His advice had never steered me wrong.
“It’s all good. When I get out…I got plans for Bella and me. It’s going to be a better life for us both.”
I visualized the trails I had yet to take her on beyond the farm and stopping at the brooks she used to love swimming in. My mother, for all her great qualities, wasn’t the one to do those things with Bella. She would teach her about growing crops and cooking. Bella would be free to roam, though. My mother didn’t hold her kids to her. She didn’t really need to. She knew all the mothers in the neighborhood and their kids. My mother was the quintessential farmer’s wife.
I let my thoughts drift. I ran my mind’s eye over the sensual-looking social worker’s legs. She might have had those pants on, but they were tight enough for me to see what she was working with. I bit my lip as I pictured all the things I could do with her. I was at half-mast just thinking about it. I would be at full mast if I were back home in my own space. Hell, I would indulge that fantasy with her.
That was another thing about being in jail. You had absolutely no privacy whatsoever, so jerking off while your cellmate was right above you was a no-no.
Thing is, I’d seen her before. The more I envisaged her face, the more I realized it. She’d been talking to another young guy a few months back. A visit. I only caught a glimpse of that long, thick ponytail that reminded me of a horse’s tail on the walk out.
A scuffling sound on the floor made me raise my head. I glanced sideways and saw that an envelope had been slid underneath the door. The bed creaked as I reached over and picked it up.
Errol didn’t hear anything, and the incessant humming that he liked to do kept ringing through the cell. I opened the envelope and slid out the paper.
Meet me in the yard tomorrow. Frank.
The vindication I sought was about to be served up on a platter. I hoped Frank would be able to point me in the right direction to Anna’s dealer.
The news had come hard and fast in my fourth year. My mother was on the other end of the line. The warden came past the cell at noon on a stinking hot Merced day.
“You got a phone call, Winters. Your mother is on the line. You got half an hour for the call. C’mon and step out.”
My mama never called. She just came on her regularly scheduled days like clockwork. She always had the same hairstyle: a shaggy salt and pepper bob with bangs that she got cut at the same place all the time. She never complained. My mother was the strong but silent typ
e. She was tall, wispy, and strong. I guessed that’s where I got my height from because Pops was small, wiry, and athletic. They were an odd couple, but they sure as hell knew how to run an abundant farm.
As I walked out, a strange sensation came over me. When I picked up the payphone on the wall, I knew why. I had the phone cord linked around my fingers. Her weeping made it hard for me to talk to her. I hated the thought of my mama in pain. She’d toiled long and hard all her life, and taking over the farm was the least I could do to ease the burden.
“Mama. What’s wrong? Quit crying and tell me.”
“Anna. It’s Anna.” She could barely get the words out as the ugly cries filtered through the other end of the line. “She’s gone.”
My mouth dropped open, and I blinked rapidly, not sure of what I’d just heard. “Come again? Who’s gone? What do you mean, Anna’s gone?”
“She—she couldn’t do it anymore, I guess, son. She overdosed on heroin. I found her with a needle in her arm. Bella was there. I made sure she didn’t see it. I promise you. She didn’t see it. God, Colt, it was awful.”
I slumped down the wall. “No. You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying. Bella…Anna. No, Mama.”
“Son, I’m so sorry.” My mother’s distress and pain vibrated in every syllable that rolled off her tongue.
“What am I going to do?” My face screwed up in agony, and anger ripped through me in a million different ways. My heart broke like shattered glass hitting the floor.
“I have to go. I have to pick Bella up from school. I will see you on Tuesday, and we can talk more then. The police are coming, too. She just couldn’t live without you. You were her anchor.”
“Mama. Please. Stay on the line. Mama. How did she? When did she do this?”
“I didn’t tell you. I thought it best. She was trying to get clean. She tried. She really did.”
Anger, despair, rage, and an acute sense of grief took me over as my mama changed her tone and delivered the final blows. But I knew. I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to ask. The sunken black eyes were evident every time Anna came to visit. I saw it in her visible collarbone jutting out on both sides and her shaky, bony fingers. I was just happy to see her and to know that someone was by Bella’s side. Maybe if I’d said something, she could have gotten help. I could have saved her. But I didn’t. I just smiled at her through the perspex glass and gave her a kiss goodbye every time she came. I let her die.