‘Jul, that salesman struggles because he’s chosen the wrong place and/or time to sell those trash bags. He can’t even get into the minds of those people, because trash bags are the last thing they need at that moment.’
She pauses to chew. I wait.
‘Now... unlike the people in the morning traffic, our buyers have a common understanding of the product, and the possibility of a transaction the moment they enter the club. It’s almost like signing a pre-agreement, because they may even consider buying or not buying our product while they are heading to the club, or while inviting a friend to join.’ She looks at me, making sure I am listening. ‘Of course, you could argue that the client may be there just because of his friends, or that he just came to have a drink and has no desire to buy anything but his pathetic beer. They often come up with some stupid excuse when they reject us. Well... that may be true. Yet instead of choosing a pub or a restaurant to enjoy a beer with his friends, he comes to a strip club. He comes to a place, knowing that it has other aggressively marketed products on the menu, besides the beer. He comes with his mind set on the idea that whether he goes through with the purchase or not, he will be highly exposed to the product,’ Natalia says, like she is reading out the criminal’s sentence. ‘Half of our work is already done! Get it? Instead of trash bags at the intersection, we sell umbrellas on a rainy day.’
No wonder she is good at what she’s doing!
‘Now, Jul, we established that our main goal at work is to sell, and that we sell dances.’ She adds more salad to her plate and continues. ‘What if you sell a product that is not good? How many chances do you have to sell a product you think is faulty or second-rate?’
I shrug.
‘Let’s say you have faulty tires you want to sell to a guy who is about to take a long trip, with his wife and kids, to his holiday house. Do you think you will succeed?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Exactly! You will feel sorry for the man, his wife and especially their kids. What’s more, you may think that by selling him the tires you’re putting their lives in danger. It’s obvious that for as long as you’re worrying about the consequences of selling the damaged tires, you won’t be able to create a proper strategy and find the right words to convince the man that he needs your tires. You will hesitate and be very unlikely to sell them.’
I nod again, trying to understand the connection between tires and lap dances.
‘Now let’s look at another situation. A sick man is about to take the long drive to his holiday house with his family. He’s caught the flu or a cold. Instead of tires, you have a magic medication to sell. It’s made of natural components, it soothes the symptoms and really helps the immune system to fight the flu fast without side effects. A miracle medication! You know this because you’ve tried it yourself many times. You know that if you were in this man’s position you’d use this medication without hesitating. How do you think this sale will go?
I narrow my eyes, thinking I’m finally starting to get Natalia’s point.
‘In the marketing world, the key is to believe in your product. In our case, to believe that the lap dance is the miracle medication, and not the faulty tires! Tell me a few things about a lap dance that are positive or that describe why it’s a necessary purchase.’ She looks at me like a teacher waiting for her student to give her an answer about what she’s just learned.
‘I don’t know… it’s entertaining?’
‘Good. What else?’
‘Hmm…’ I pretend I think about the answer, at the same time fighting my growing irritation at being treated like a second-grader. I have a suspicion that this is one of the reasons I choose to fuck for money, instead of asking for Natalia’s help with the business of stripping. I knew she would turn into a know-it-all ass and make me feel like I’m brain-dead. She is a master of making people around her feel like idiots!
I wonder how Tom puts up with her?
‘We give a man a well-deserved break from the daily routine. Right? A man who goes to work every day, facing stress and pressure, bearing the heavy burden of providing for his family or succeeding to finally prove to his parents or friends that he isn’t a loser. We give a miracle medication to a man who, when he gets back home from work, faces his ignorant and selfish kids who don’t acknowledge him unless they need money, or whose wife is constantly unhappy, no matter how hard he thinks he tries.’ Natalia air-quotes ‘how hard’ while holding her fork, and a piece of salad falls onto the table, but she doesn’t notice. ‘Or a man who turns on the TV after a stressful day at work and who, after half an hour of the news, feels like the world is ending and is ready to slice his own wrists.’ She gets up, picks up our empty plates and puts them into the sink. I stand up too, get a cloth and wipe the table while she washes the dishes.
‘For him you have to become that “finally I deserve a reward despite the fact that her services cost half of what I planned to spend on this year’s family holiday”. To become that escape, that happy place, where he at last feels appreciated. That woman who, no matter what size his dick is, or how round his beer belly is, makes him feel like a man again. Makes him feel, even for a short while, like the world belongs to him again.’
We finish in the kitchen and move to our room. We break off while showering, and Natalia resumes as soon as we’re sitting on our beds with our hand mirrors and our heavy make-up bags opened, their contents spread all over the blankets, busy with our warpaint.
‘To turn the lap dance into a miracle medication, we have to address a few issues. One of them is to believe it is a miracle medication. To give it the right value, to find those components that heal.’ She looks at me over her mirror. ‘I believe that my lap dance is truly what a man needs to find that balance in his unsatisfying or stressful life. I believe that my lap dance is the reward a man deserves after all he has to go through in his day. You need to believe in it too. It’s possible, if you change your attitude towards it, your mindset. Of course, your reasons for believing that a lap dance is a great product to buy could be different from mine. Anything will work, as long as you make yourself believe in it.’ She stops for a while, seems tired of talking.
I put my mirror on the pillow. ‘Wow… how did you come to all of this? Don’t tell me you’ve got an esoteric book under your pillow, called 69 Easy Steps to Becoming a Successful Stripper.’
Natalia laughs, very pleased. In addition to knowing that she is smarter than other girls who’ve worked in the club for years without having a clue of what they are doing there, she is proud of herself, as if she is a scientist or something.
‘You know I never had a chance to study business or commerce, but I still had to learn a lot during the five years I spent in Istanbul. Besides the office work, I got myself into selling fat-burning pills and other beauty products to make some extra money. You know, those companies that work on the pyramid system. As always, I took it too seriously. While wasting hours in the traffic on the way to work and back, I killed a lot of books on marketing and business relations, as well as NLP. Well... I didn’t become a pyramid queen, as I’d naively hoped, but I’ve definitely got some basic marketing knowledge, which now helps me in the club. The product you sell can change but the general rules stay the same. Unfortunately, there are no books on how to be a successful stripper. I already checked.’ She giggles. ‘Maybe I should write one?’ She gets back to her eyelashes.
‘All you need, Jul, is to convince yourself that a lap dance is a necessary product that the buyer will benefit from. That our product is entertaining, can be an amazing way of spending time with friends, is a great opportunity to forget about everyday worries and stress, or helps to find that manly confidence that often gets destroyed by ignorant and selfish girlfriends or wives. When you believe that, you’ll feel a big difference in the club.’
She looks at her watch and gets up.
‘Time to go. I think that’s enough for one day.’
28
‘I don�
�t know...’ I look at myself in the mirror and straighten my hair. ‘How the hell must I do it if the bastard doesn't even want to communicate?’
This time I’ve caught my sister on the toilet. I saw her walking to the changing room and through to the bathroom. I hopped inside before she could close the door. She pulled her panties down, flopped onto the toilet, sighed at me and started peeing loudly.
The last few weeks have been hard. My head swings with do’s and don’ts from Natalia’s lectures. Some of the things I manage to make use of straight away, others not. I look for Natalia right after a difficult client and we discuss what went wrong and how I could work through the problem. It’s a great approach because I go straight back to the same client and try my sister’s new strategy.
‘One of the first things you have to review is your appearance.’ The day after our first lecture, she’d started as soon as we woke up. ‘Our looks are as important for the sale as packaging, boxing or wrapping is in selling any product. Try selling the newest cellphone wrapped in wrinkled newspaper. You see what I’m saying? It’s something that requires a little consideration, time and money, but can instantly improve your business.’
‘We sell the concept, the vision. Is it a warm and comforting woman or a kinky, dangerous one?’ Natalia kept explaining, as we browsed through a few lingerie and sex shops, picking new outfits. ‘There are plenty of variations, the types you could pick, to make it easier for them to know what to expect. What are they buying: the woman in red, the schoolgirl or the dirty whore? These bastards usually don’t have the time or desire to figure it out themselves. We have to help them, to make sure they know what they are dealing with from the first moment they see you.’ She is checking out a lacy, baby-pink bra. ‘Your look is young and funky. It’s cool. But I think, with your petite body and young face, you remind them more of their out-of-hand teenage daughters. Who wants to think of their daughters while having a naked girl bounce on top of them? Right? I think the colors of your make-up and outfits should be softer. No more smoky eyes, which scares them away. Young and flirty, but a look that will show that you are a grown-up woman. What do you think?’
I wasn’t thinking. I was ready to eat my own crap to make it work! To change a few outfits, I guess, is not the hardest thing I have done.
Then I tried her approach for dealing with rejections. Natalia’s ‘don’t let it get personal’ now jingles in my head every time I get a ‘no’ from a client.
‘So what, if he likes brunettes over blondes? What’s it to you? You start to worry – your confidence is destroyed. Instead of getting offended, call the girl he wants for him. Be cooperative and helpful and maybe next time he will bring a friend for you.’ Natalia definitely enjoys finally having someone to share her brilliance with. ‘Never take it personally. So what if his fat ass comes in and he is in a bad mood? So what if his thoughtless ass can’t find anything better to do but turn you into a scapegoat? How does his bad day or shitty personality have anything to do with you? We have to be like nurses in a hospital. Every day, they deal with patients who can be restless or even rude because of their pain or discomfort. But instead of getting offended and upset, they feel sorry for the patients and try to find ways to help to soothe their pain. We are nurses, Jul. And those arrogant motherfuckers are our patients. Get it?’
‘We have our bad and good moods. We are humans. I get it.’ Natalia once caught me with my I-am-defeated-no-one-wants-me-and-I-hate-all-the-bastards cup of tea in the corner of the club. ‘One thing that will always be in your way is your own attitude. If you don’t like this job, it isn’t going to like you. Even if you are in a bad mood, learn to find the positive in everything. Your aura stays clean and likeable. They sense it every single time. While in the club, remove all the thoughts that do not concern the client you’re approaching. Nothing should occupy your mind but him and how you can turn his leisure time in the club into an unforgettable experience. You have to get excited for him even before he does.’
Most of the things she explained to me are strikingly obvious. They are simple but brilliant. I wonder why I’ve never thought about them myself. I’ve just never put real effort into this job, thinking that being physically present in the club and willing to get naked is enough. It’s not surprising. I sucked at being a stripper while Natalia explored the job with curiosity, knowledge and her I’ll-find-the-way-to-nail-you-anyway attitude.
Even last Saturday night when, after some rugby game, the club was packed with Afrikaans men, her schooling quickly put me on track and turned a night that started out miserable into one of my most successful. After a few failures I rolled into the changing room where Natalia was fixing her make-up.
‘I tried to love them, and even to be excited for them, but these bastards refuse to talk because I don’t speak Afrikaans! How do you deal with that?’
She smiled, pulled a piece of paper from her backpack and handed it to me. ‘Here, this is my secret weapon.’ I looked at it and back at Natalia with incomprehension.
‘Look, Jul, I don't know much about their history, but it’s obvious that Afrikaans men have issues with their identity and pride. Maybe throughout history they’ve never felt appreciated. Instead of doing something about it, they decided to lock themselves in a box called resentful nationalism. All those suckers need is a little recognition of their stupid language and national identity. So give it to them! Let them feel special!’ She nodded at the paper again. ‘Here are some phrases and words. Memorize them. Then go ahead – hunt them down one by one. Sometimes I even read from the paper, if I forget. They still buy it. All they want to see is your effort.’
That night, each time I heard, ‘Why don’t you speak Afrikaans? You live here, you have to know the language of the natives,’ instead of my regular, ‘How many foreign languages do you know yourself?’ and other nasty stuff, I replied in my broken Afrikaans – with an innocent but flirty smile: ‘I don’t speak it but I am learning. Would you like to teach me a few words?’
I didn’t hear the word ‘no’ that night. It was heady!
Natalia unrolls a long piece of paper, wipes, and flushes the toilet.
I stay in front of her, patiently waiting for her to speak, hoping her usual motivational strategy speech will work this time too and wondering when she is going to get tired of me running after her every night and tell me to fuck off.
She bends down, checking her pussy for toilet paper. One-ply always gets stuck and often we get to dance on tables lit with neon lamps, which ensure that clients wouldn't miss it and would start pointing at a piece of tissue. Natalia checks her working purse and finally speaks.
‘Do you have the wet wipes? I finished mine.’
I pinch my lips together and hand her a small plastic bag.
‘I have another one with me, you can keep it.’
Natalia finishes up, washes her hands and, finally: ‘So what’s the problem, Jul?’
‘You know the type. It looks like he’s got money, he is not here by accident, but talking to him is almost as hard as unloading an entire cargo train.’
‘I know.’ My sister refreshes her make-up in front of the dressing room mirror.
‘First of all, take it easy. You don’t have to have all the questions and all the answers ready. Sometimes staying quiet for a while is also good. Not quiet-petrified, but quiet-agreeable: when you know that, no matter what, you are going to have a great night, and it’s up to him to decide to be a part of it or not.
‘Second, NLP explains that the right questions can give you power. They can help you to make a client answer them, under social pressure, and thus to bond with you. Rapport. Get him to feel that you are somehow related, that you have things in common. Try to find what interests him.
‘Third, clients are often quiet because they are afraid. Most of them find it difficult to communicate, especially with the beautiful women. Give him that warm smile right away. Don’t wait: he’ll read your straight face as aggressive.
‘And lastly, also a trick from NLP. After answering a few questions with ‘yes’, a person is more likely to say ‘yes’ to your main question. For example: “The weather is great today, isn’t it?” – “Yes.” “Are you enjoying your beer?” – “Yes.” “Have you considered having a dance tonight?” – “Yes.” “Would you like to see what my pussy looks like?” Get it?’ She heads for the door.
I look at her blankly. She rolls her eyes.
‘Just try. You’ll see, it works. I need to go. See you later.’ She walks out the door.
When the night is over and we are waiting for the DJ to play his last five tracks, Natalia finds me having my final cup of tea in one of the booths.
‘How was your night?’ She takes her shoes off and lifts her feet onto the couch.
‘It was incredible. The stuff you told me worked. I went back to that client and, word for word, asked him those questions. It helped to break the ice. He turned out to be not bad at all. Spent a fortune on me and said he had the best time in his life.’ I lean back, enjoying the tiredness of my body.
‘You see?’ Natalia smiles, pleased. ‘As soon as those bastards walk through that door, they are ours. They don’t stand a chance if we play smart.’
‘I don’t know who this dude is you told me about, but God bless him!’
‘Who are you talking about?’
‘The one with the questions strategy, the NLP dude. God bless his smart ass!’
Natalia looks at me, then chuckles. Still laughing she also leans back, resting her head on my shoulder.
Why is that funny? Did I say something wrong?
29
‘Touch me one more time and I’ll smash this bottle over your head,’ I hiss, feeling I am about to lose it for real.
Natalia and I are doing a double table dance for a bachelor party. Mostly, the guys are decent, except for one. He’s drunk as a skunk and has decided that he can do whatever he wishes because the world belongs to him.
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