by Cee, DW
10,000 Reasons Serial
Unknown Reasons (Book 1)
Relationship Reasons (Book 2)
Xander’s Reasons / Jenna’s Reasons (Book 3)
Forever Reasons (Book 4)
By D.W. Cee
Copyright © 2016 by DW Cee
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be copied, reproduced, transmitted, or downloaded, whether electronic or mechanical, without the written consent of the author.
This story is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Ebook Edition
Chickygirl Publishing
Books by DW CEE
Indelible Love Series (ebooks)
Indelible Love – Emily’s Story
Indelible Love – Jake’s Story
Indelible Lovin’ – Max & Jane’s Story Vol. 1
Indelible Lovin’ – Max & Jane’s Story Vol. 2
Unlikely Attraction – Delaney’s Story
Near Perfect Attraction – Donovan’s Story
Unyielding Love – Nick & Bee’s Story Vol. 1
Unyielding Love – Nick & Bee’s Story Vol. 2
Indelible Lovin’ – Max & Jane’s Wedding
Indelible Love Bundle + Entwined
Finally, Love! – Michael & Chloe’s Story Vol. 1
Finally, Love! – Michael & Chloe’s Story Vol. 2
Indelible Memories – Estelle’s Story
The Complete Indelible Love Series (all 12 books)
Reid Place Series (ebooks)
The Impossible Tale of Nolan & Delilah Vol. 1
The Impossible Tale of Nolan & Delilah Vol. 2 (2016-17)
The Immovable Tale of John & Elizabeth (2017)
10,000 Reasons Serial
Unknown Reasons - Book 1
Relationship Reasons – Book 2
Xander’s Reasons / Jenna’s Reasons – Book 3
Forever Reasons – Book 4
Harmony Series (ebooks)
Unfinished Melody
Perfect Harmony
Stand-Alone (ebook)
Entwined
Paperback Books
Indelible Love – Emily’s Story
Indelible Love – Jake’s Story
Indelible Lovin’ – Max & Jane’s Story (combined volume)
Unlikely Attraction – Delaney’s Story
Table of Contents
Forever Reasons
Author’s Notes
Forever Reasons
“I’ve planned a family vacation for all of us.”
“What?” Who was ‘all of us’ according to this man?
“We’re going to Maui on Friday.”
“We, who?”
He gave me an odd look. “You, me, our daughter, your parents, my parents, and maybe Lex.”
I didn’t know what to say. Rather than using upsetting words, I hurried my daughter and took her to the beach. Unfortunately, Xander followed.
“Alex, you need more sunscreen.”
“No, I don’t,” she argued and ran off to her spot where she’d left all her sand toys from earlier in the day.
“Alex!” I called out. She didn’t look back.
“I’ll spray her,” Xander said while chasing after our daughter.
We’d been back almost a month, and I was nowhere near settled, mentally or emotionally. Physically, I had a two-bedroom guesthouse to myself, and my daughter, who chose to make occasional visits. She preferred the main house with her princess room, her playroom, and enough square footage to ride around in her tricycle. Most of my day was spent in the main house taking care of her. Only after she fell asleep, without me, did I go back to my place of lodging. I was lonelier than ever.
To compound my misery, I couldn’t land a job. Before moving, I’d applied to Larry and Janine’s hospital, convinced that’s where I wanted to be. With all the perks of working only two days a week, this workplace appeared ideal. Perhaps I was overconfident in my abilities. I didn’t apply anywhere else and now I was stuck because the hospital wasn’t announcing who they were hiring for another three weeks. There wasn’t quite enough time to start searching for a new position, but too much time to be in the same house with Xander.
Still very new to the area, Alex wasn’t signed up for any classes. The three of us were literally together, all day, every day, except for when Xander was out for meetings. We looked like a family of three when we were really two + two—Xander and Alex, me and Alex. Our families didn’t help this situation. They both moved into their respective homes a few weeks ago, and they came over often with dinner and games. In all, we were one big happy family. An eternal smile donned everyone’s faces. I was the only grumpy one, and my parents often let me know of this fact.
What. The. Hell!
“Why are we going to Maui, and when were you going to inform me? Friday is tomorrow. What if I can’t go?” I was being ornery. I felt trapped in this happy-go-lucky relationship.
“I booked the trip seconds before I told you. Friday is tomorrow but it won’t take that long to pack. I’ll help you with our daughter while you pack or vice versa. As for not being able to go, why wouldn’t you? You’re not working, your daughter and parents will be in Hawaii, and I would like for all of us to be together. Aren’t these reasons enough for you to push aside whatever you had planned and join us?”
I hated being bamboozled. Since Xander came back into my life, that was all he’d been doing. Pushed to accept him as Alex’s father, forced to accept this proposal to move back to Los Angeles, cajoled into acting like a family for my daughter’s sake. It was as if I had no mind of my own. For sure, my life had been taken over by this man and his bulldozing ways.
“Stop making things so complicated, Jenna. Our daughter loves the beach. The water here is too cold to play in, so we’re headed to warmer water. She can live in the water for the next seven days.”
“Seven days?” Would I never get a respite from this man?
“Seven glorious days of water, sun, good food, and family!”
“Xander.” I needed to remind him. “We are not a family. You might be Alex’s father, and I’m her mother, but we are not her parents in the husband and wife sense. Exes do not live together. Exes do not have dinner together every night. Exes do not take trips to Hawaii together.”
If the smirk on his face was irritating, what he said wanted to make me scream. “We are a family—dysfunctional only because of your stubbornness. We are not husband and wife, but once again, that’s because of you. Technically, we don’t live together. There are nights when we don’t have dinner together. As for this trip to Hawaii, since you and I are not exes—we were never married and divorced—consider it two family friends enjoying a week together.”
I gave up. As with everything else, I didn’t argue because arguing would mean I’d have to delve into deeper issues with this man. The past was the last place I’d revisit, and the future was too scary for me to imagine. The safest place for me was the present. I lived day by day, preferably not thinking about anything but my daughter and her well-being.
In truth, I felt trapped.
In reality, I didn’t know how to get free.
In desperation, I ignored my growing feelings for Xander Blane.
When he put his mind and heart to it, he was a damn good father and a kind, loving man.
Only problem, he was three years too late.
Damn!
*******
This wasn’t a game I was playing, but I knew I had Jenna. She hadn’t completely come over to my side. Hell, she’d yet to budge from her corner. However, I knew her resistance toward me was weakening.
Jenna had always b
een a sweet woman. I’d fucked up my chance with her three years ago. But, those years gave me plenty of time to grow up. I had no solutions for us. Each day was a watch, wait, and react where Jenna Ashe was concerned. My greatest ally was our love for our daughter. I’d use that to my advantage and eventually return us to where we belonged—as a family.
“I have a quick meeting with Johnny and Marcus this afternoon, and we thought we’d turn it into a dinner meeting. Would that be all right with you? Could you bring Alex?”
A disgruntled, aggravated sigh blew out of her mouth. I chuckled on the inside. If I’d laughed at her, she would’ve kicked my ass with just a glare. “Do I have a choice?” Her tone made me want to kiss those pouty lips.
“You always have a choice, Jenna. If you want it to be just the three of us, I can let Marcus and Johnny know that we’ll join them another time.” I knew what she was thinking and called her on it. “No, it can’t be just the two of you and me alone, or me with my friends’ families. Like it or not, the three of us are a family. The sooner you accept my attempts at making amends, the sooner we can begin to heal. I see no better future than one with our daughter, you, and me as a family. Soon after, I’d like to try and have more kids. Aside from the fact that we make beautiful babies, it’s never good to be an only child. If anything, for our daughter’s sake, we need to give her a sibling.”
Jenna stared at me as if I’d grown five heads and all fives mouths were talking at the same time. What frustrated me most about her and our situation was her refusal to dig deep and to tell me what was on her mind and in her heart. I wanted a conversation. I wanted her to yell at me, to tell me what an asshole I’d been. What I would give to watch her lose it and eventually find comfort in my arms. It wouldn’t happen. Jenna wasn’t there yet. As to when she’d get there was anyone’s guess.
“What time and where?” was all she’d say. No response to anything I’d said. I might as well have been talking to myself.
“Is that all you have to say?” I asked in frustration.
She watched me. With caution she asked, “What else am I to say?”
“Anything!” I answered loudly. “Tell me what you’re thinking, how you feel, what you want from me, from us. You’re so damn closed off. You frustrate the hell out of me. I’ve given you everything of myself. You’ve given me nothing. Tell me what you want!” No different than usual, she began walking away. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my body. “Talk to me, Jenna.” I asked desperately.
She finally answered, “When you first came to us, I told you that all I expected was for you to love Alex and to be there for her. That’s all I need from you. House, vacation, dinner, companionship—that’s not your job where I’m concerned. I’d prefer to take care of myself, but I’ll also not fight you. It takes too much out of me to go against your will. For now, I’ll follow the plan you’ve laid out. Just know that there will be a time when I’ll be on my own again. When that time comes, I hope you’ll be a gentleman and allow me to leave.”
“What? What does that mean?” I went from frustrated to outraged. She was thinking of leaving me? “You’re going to take yourself and Alex away from me? Is that what you’re threatening?”
She was still in my arms but her arms didn’t return the embrace. I wished she would hold me back. “Your daughter loves you, and I’d never hurt her. I’m only letting you know that there will come a time when I’m strong enough to walk away from you and to love again. When that time comes, please don’t stand in my way. After all you’ve put me through, I have a right to love and be loved without condition. That’s all I’m asking.”
“I never told you this when we were together, Jenna, but I lo—”
“Please don’t,” she begged, completely broken up. “I can’t. It’s too much, it’s not enough,” was all she said before telling our daughter, “Let’s go find seashells at the other side of the beach, Alex.”
My daughter glanced at me and asked, “Daddy?” It was an invitation. I loved how my daughter loved me unconditionally.
“Daddy has a meeting right now. You go with Mommy. I’ll see you at dinner.”
“OK, Daddy. Bye.”
*******
These daily battles were wearing me down. Xander had these unrealistic ideas of us as a family. It made no sense to me, but I supposed, for our daughter, he knew that was the best scenario.
I hated these feelings in my heart. My mind waged wars on what I should do with my life—where Alex’s dad stood in my life, and how I was going to go about moving on with my life. Living in Xander’s guesthouse was possibly the worst thing I could’ve done for myself. Though I fought tooth and nail against these growing feelings, I couldn’t deny that I desired him deep inside. Hell, maybe my feelings weren’t so deep inside. Perhaps they were on the surface and everyone was privy to my heart.
Being in limbo—that had been the story of my life since I met Xander. I was neither safe nor secure where he was concerned. I hated, hated, hated feeling weak. Very soon, I would sit down and write out a plan to get my life back in order. My daughter would always be first priority, but I would stop placing myself as last priority.
*******
“Has the situation gotten any easier for you?” A loud, ugly snort was my response to Johnny’s question. He, in turn, laughed with me. “She still making you pay?” I nodded yes. “There’s a woman for ya. She can hold a grudge.”
“The scary part is, I don’t think she’s holding a grudge, Johnny. I think she means to distance herself from me. The indifference is killing me. She treats me like her landlord rather than the father of her child.”
The four other adults in the room went into fits of laughter.
Once they all calmed down, Beth said, “Think about how much you hurt her, Xander. If I were Jenna, I’d do the same thing. I’d stay the hell away from you, but since you share a child, she’s making the best of a painful situation. I think you should be grateful you see your daughter and her mother on a daily basis. That’s way more than what you deserve.”
Didn’t I know it.
Maggie added to Beth’s sentiment. “Be patient, Xander. The times I see Jenna, she’s so uncomfortable with all of us, and I truly believe it’s because she feels so much for you. She’s trying hard to walk away from loving you but she can’t.”
“Trust me, Maggie, love is not the word I’d use when we’re together.”
“It’s also not hate or indifference. A woman who hated wouldn’t be in the same room with you, hanging out with your closest friends. Anyone who’s indifferent wouldn’t be bothered with what you did. However, Jenna is sad, bothered, and angry, along with many more emotions I can only imagine. Keep loving her, but give her a little space, too.”
“If I gave her any more space, she’d be living in New York, Maggie. No matter how much I pull her toward me, she still resists. It’s like she wants nothing to do with me.”
“Speak of the angel.” Beth broke up our talk and welcomed the always beautiful mother of my child. “Jenna! Alex! How are you, Little Girl?”
My daughter wanted nothing of Beth and ran straight to me. “Hi, Daddy!” I returned her wonderfully sweet hug and kissed her until she begged me to stop. “No more, Daddy. Let me down.” She waddled over to her mother and sat on her lap.
“Do you want to play with the kids, Alex? They’re building blocks.” Beth enticed her.
Our daughter hopped off her mother and followed Beth to where all the fun was happening.
“Hi,” I welcomed Jenna with a squeeze to her arm and a kiss to the side of her head. She froze to my touch. I hated that.
Jenna didn’t return my greeting but answered Johnny’s question of what was happening with her job.
“So far, nothing’s happened, Johnny. I banked all my eggs in one basket and now I’m in limbo. I haven’t quite been rejected, but I also haven’t been given a job, either.”
“What about your editing?” Marcus asked.
“That’s o
ngoing. I do that in my spare time, which seems to be plentiful since I moved here.”
“How do you like being back in Southern California?”
“Well...the weather is the best, I’m close to my parents, and my daughter plays to her heart’s content in the outdoors—I suppose I can’t complain, Maggie.”
Maggie countered with a, “Is there a but to that?”
Jenna unintentionally looked my way as soon as the question was asked. That’s when everyone laughed, including me.
“Some would say you’re the luckiest girl, living so close to an eligible bachelor.”
“Well, Maggie. I’d say trying is believing.” Now, everyone was roaring.
“Am I that difficult to live with, Jenna? It’s not as though you and I live together. We only share a daughter.”
Jenna almost responded with her usual witticism, but she clammed up again. With me, and only with me, she was a closed book.
*******
When this overwhelming man sat thigh-to-thigh with me and literally breathed down my neck, I couldn’t escape. Rather than turning around and responding to him as I’d like to do, I shut down and showed no emotions. Responding to him was too dangerous.
“What time do we leave for Maui?” I asked this inane but useful question when Xander continued to stare at me because I wouldn’t answer his earlier question.
“Flight’s at ten in the morning.”
“Is there anything else I should know?”
He said, “I rented a big house for all of us. I hope you’ll like it.”
“I’m sure I will,” I whispered.
During dinner, I didn’t have to pay much attention to Xander, but once home, he asked too many poignant questions.