by F. C. Clark
‘You’ve done this before, but I’m new to this. Once again, you don’t play fair – and if I’m not allowed to have you, then stop fingering my tits.’
After my shower, I lie on the sofa in Luke’s office. He makes me feel safer than anyone else in the world. I can hear him working, and the fire is keeping me warm. The flickering flames remind me of the night in Ivor’s house. Why did he do this? Why did he leave? Silently, tears roll down my cheeks.
‘I thought you were quiet.’ Luke lowers himself to the sofa. ‘Talk to me.’
I sit upright. Luke slides in close to me.
‘Ivor,’ I say.
‘Do you want him in your life?’
I nod.
‘Honestly, Kate, I’m not sure that is the safest option.’
‘Maybe not, but when I saw him I could see the pain in his eyes. Losing his wife and his… me.’ Tears trickle down my cheeks. ‘It makes no difference how I feel: he told me he couldn’t be part of my life, apparently for my own safety.’
Luke pulls me closer.
‘Rejection is shit,’ I say.
‘Maybe it’s not rejection; maybe he’s just putting the safety of his daughter before his own needs, the same way Katenka did.’
‘My head is all over the place. I’m not who I thought I was. Who am I, Luke? I don’t even know where I belong any more.’
He turns my head to look at him. ‘You’re still the same person you were twenty-four hours ago. The very same woman I want to lock away in a tower. Obviously, for my own personal use.’
I can’t help but smile. ‘Obviously.’ I move closer. ‘I’ve decided not tell Harry that Katenka may have been murdered. Besides, I have no proof.’
‘I agree, there’s no need to distress her over a theory we can’t back up. A theory that has come from your estranged father.’
‘It could be true – seriously, I have no idea what’s real any more.’ My hands skim his chiselled face; even now he takes my breath away.
‘This is real.’ He lowers his lips to mine.
‘James and Scott – they looked familiar… I’m sure I would have remembered two good-looking men at the palace.’
‘Is that so?’ He smirks and takes my hand, brushing my knuckles against his lips. ‘Toulouse – the same night you were spying on me.’
I laugh. He did catch me red-handed watching him at the club that night. If a fight hadn’t broken out behind me, he would never have known!
‘I wasn’t spying! I remember seeing you with some men. It makes sense now… Is this why you donate so much money to Help the Heroes?’
‘They deserve it and I can afford it.’
‘OK. So let’s talk about the herd of elephants in the room. Your little secret, which is anything but small. Luke, you have to let me in.’
‘No.’
‘No!’ I nudge his shoulder. ‘You really think that you can give me a no? I deserve more than that.’
‘Kate… We worked together for a number of years, they stayed, and I left to start Sutton Global.’ He shrugs.
‘OK – when did you work with them? That building you took me to, is that where you worked? I can see you there, all commanding and telling people what to do.’
‘Commanding!’
‘It’s in your DNA, Luke, believe me!’
‘I started to go off the rails in my teens, and Max took me somewhere that turned my life around. I went AWOL for a few years and didn’t see my family. That sums up my life – at least, the parts you’re allowed to know about. As for the building, the less you know the better.’
‘I knew there was something between you and Max – he really cares about you.’
‘We’ve known each other for a very long time. The rest is history. I can’t discuss it with you.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’
‘Both,’ he bites.
‘Confidential? What do you mean? Like the SAS?’
‘Something like that, so please don’t ask.’
‘OK. So you can’t tell me for whatever reason, but holy fucking hell, this is some serious fucked-up shit!’
Luke grins. ‘I see Russia hasn’t affected your mouth.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘You saw what I was involved in; I never wanted you to find out.’
‘Killing people!’
‘Kate, I’ve only killed people when following orders.’
‘What, like on an order from the government? So does that make it OK?’
‘You have no idea what you’re talking about,’ he says.
‘That’s because you won’t tell me.’
‘Stop provoking me into submission; it won’t work. Jesus, if what you saw affects us, then…’
I straddle his lap.
‘Looking for you was the longest mission I’ve ever had.’
‘I do have a question, an army question.’
‘Kate… No more.’
‘Where were James and Scott? I mean, they didn’t come with you to Ivor’s house. Wasn’t it a bit risky on your own?’
‘Firstly, no more means shut the fuck up.’
‘Oi. You can’t say that.’
‘I can, and secondly it was my choice: they were waiting if I needed them. Technically it was a low-risk mission, and going in undetected was by far the best course.’
‘I was low-risk?’
‘Kate Harper – low-risk? Not you – the mission was planned: they were watching various points of interest, perimeters etcetera. But entering the house solo was a calculated decision; my choice.’
‘I guess you know what you’re doing. So, your body… I mean, you don’t have any scars… You must have dodged some bullets in your time, but you don’t even have a scratch. Have you ever been tortured?’
‘Do I need a gag? Baby, don’t push me into a corner. No more means no more.’
I need to change the subject: dead bodies and lies are weighing heavy on my head and heart.
‘As I see it, you have a choice.’ I draw my lips inward.
Luke laughs. ‘No baby, you have a choice. What would you like to eat? You are not moving off this sofa and I can only cook sandwiches! What takeaway would you like?’
‘Soup.’
‘Soup? You need more than soup.’
‘I haven’t finished! Vegetable soup, fillet steak with mushrooms and rocket salad… Also my birthday cake, if there’s any left.’
‘Being hungry is a good sign.’
‘Not for food.’ I lean forward and kiss him, locking my arms around his neck.
As always, his body responds to my touch, but he tries to pull away. No. I need more. My hips begin to move against his erection. Luke holds me still.
‘Baby… This kills me.’ He strokes my hair. ‘You’re exhausted. This is not the right time, trust me. I need to take your blood pressure again.’
‘Jesus, Luke, I’m fine! I need some normality and, bizarrely, that’s you!’
‘She’s back… My Kate and her razor-sharp tongue.’
The sunlight filters through the shutters. I unpeel my face from the duvet to find I’m in the middle of Luke’s huge bed doing an impression of a starfish – alone. I move my watch closer. Shit! It’s almost midday.
Standing at the bathroom sink, my reflection shocks me. Holy shit! I need a full makeover. If this continues Luke will send me back to Russia. I splash some water on my face and brush my teeth. My long blonde hair is wild – as usual, Roller Girl, my 70s alter ego, waves from the mirror. I pull my hair back into a ponytail.
I make my way downstairs. Two voices echo in the hallway. I walk into the office. Luke and James Sullivan are there.
‘Morning.’ Luke flashes his best Sutton smile, hitting me hard – not my groin but my heart.
I join them at the board table.
‘Morning, hi James
.’ I stand behind Luke and put my arms around his neck. ‘I can’t believe it’s midday – you should have woken me.’
‘You needed to rest. I told you the drugs would make you sleep.’
I kiss the top of his head. ‘I guess.’
‘Sullivan has returned your bag and the boxes of pictures from Ivor’s house. Also your blood test results have come back clear.’
Boxes! I guess there were a lot – this doesn’t feel real.
Luke moves his arms. I pull down the hem of Luke’s T-shirt, which I’m wearing as nightwear, then sit on his lap. ‘Any sign of Ivor, then?’
‘No.’ James shakes his head. ‘But we found a flight plan to the Cayman Islands.’
‘Leaving me in the crap while he enjoys the sunshine… What can I say? True father material.’
‘There’s no sign of the money.’
‘I don’t want it, anyway… Are you hunting him for any reason?’ I need to know if he is a threat or just a person of interest.
‘Not really. We always keep an on eye on past cases. At the moment, his businesses are all above board, and have been for some years.’
‘How creepy was that room with the photos? Bloody odd.’
‘I’ve seen worse.’ James smiles.
‘I can imagine. OK, so what now? Am I at risk, I mean from Ivor? Although I don’t think he would hurt me, he could have done at any point.’
Luke holds me tightly.
‘I can’t answer that. We don’t know what information they have on you. We do believe this was part of the reason you and Malcolm were attacked. There is nothing connecting you to Ivor on paper – our intel couldn’t trace you. It seemed that you disappeared along with your mother. Incidentally, Ivor was right: her official cause of death was suicide.’ James takes an envelope and slides it across the table. ‘This is her post-mortem report.’
My body almost freezes. It’s as though she’s here – if only in a letter.
‘There is no information on you or your sister, so someone must have cleaned the records years ago. We assumed that Ivor didn’t have children.’
‘Where does this leave Harry and me? What about our birth certificates and all that stuff? Was the adoption even legal? Christ, what a mess.’
‘My lawyers are going through all the paperwork, and they’ve already made contact with Christina,’ Luke says.
I turn to him.
‘You don’t have a choice; we need her at the moment. Safeguard your mum and dad.’
‘Yeah, right, because she thought of that when she was taking money from Ivor.’
‘Kate, Luke’s right… She was there when this went down.’ James picks up his coffee.
‘Do I need to worry about my parents? Are they going to be arrested?’
‘No. The original documents are clear: Katenka signed you and Harry over to Malcolm and Susan. Their surnames were extended to you both and somehow, it has never been questioned. My guess is that Ivor had some part to play in that.’
‘He said that my paperwork was destroyed… But whoever has it in for him found me, I mean when I was attacked.’ I turn my head to Luke. ‘And he said he’d dealt with them.’
‘I’m sure he did.’ It’s clear Luke hates Ivor.
‘Russian money can buy almost anything,’ I say.
‘Something like that… Look, the long and short of it is, Ivor cleared all the records at his end and your adoption in the UK was legal, just very well hidden,’ James says.
‘I can’t even remember the last time I saw my birth certificate.’
‘Why would you query it?’ James says.
‘Maybe one day it would have come up. God knows.’ I turn to Luke. ‘Something has been bothering me about the men at the house. Ivor’s men were dressed in black – almost like a uniform. But the man on the floor outside my room – he was dressed differently, and the other man you…’ Luke runs his hand up my back. ‘What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think they were all working for Ivor.’
James smiles. ‘You’re observant, I’ll give you that, Kate. We did pick up another militia group, Chekhol; they’re part of an organisation that we’ve come into contact with previously. Their tattoos indicate they’re from another part of Russia. The Chekhol and Varizin families were at war many years ago, over land and drugs, but, as I said, the Varizin company is clean. What they were doing there is unclear. We assume they were planning to take down Ivor. It looks as though Ivor’s men and the Chekhol gang engaged in their own battle, which I am sure had nothing to do with you – you being there could have been a surprise bonus. But we won’t take that for granted; I’m looking at every possible scenario.’
‘Maybe I’m right, and he didn’t leave me to die. He did say he was leaving early, and you never saw him there, did you? It makes sense, right?’ I draw my lips in; I don’t want it to be Ivor.
‘If the feud is between the two families, then there’s a chance Kate was caught in the crossfire, and nothing more.’ Luke draws me closer.
‘Possibly. We don’t know. As no one was left alive, we have no means of knowing what their intended target was. The positive to that is it’s unlikely any information got through. Sutton, I’m on this; there is not a chance I won’t find out. ’
‘Ivor did say that I could only talk on the phone for thirty seconds.’ I turn to Luke. ‘That’s why I couldn’t call you.’
‘I thought you couldn’t call because you had lied to me and flown to Russia.’
‘Tell me, how long do you plan to hold a grudge?’
‘You’ve not seen anything yet.’
‘Leave it all with me. I hope to have some intel over the next seventy-two hours,’ James says.
I lean on Luke’s shoulder, no longer wanting to be part of this conversation.
‘I need normality – this is way over my head. Thank God I start work on Monday.’
‘No,’ Luke says.
I sit bolt upright and our eyes meet. Dark and difficult meets dark and forceful. ‘Don’t even go there, Kate. You’ll be here resting, plus I need to sort out security for you. You heard Sullivan – we still don’t know what information they have on you.’
‘No, I heard Sullivan say that they probably didn’t even know I was there. You’re twisting this, Luke. You can’t lock me up.’ Why does he behave like this? I think it’s more than just the army – this is deep-rooted.
‘If I need to lock you up, I will. We still have no indication if they wanted you or Ivor. You’re still a possible target.’ His eyes darken as he thinks he is losing control of me again. ‘May I remind you that you were attacked and your home was broken into?’
‘No! Lucky for me, it’s firmly locked in my memory. Luke, I need this. You know how much this new job means to me. Anyway, I don’t have the money, and Ivor’s playing hide and seek. I’m no use to them.’
‘Kate, I’m not taking that chance. Your dad is in ICU – do you think I will let that happen to you?’
I take a deep breath and close my eyes; I can still hear the machines bleeping, keeping him alive.
‘Of course not.’ I need a different tactic. I place my arms around his neck and kiss him gently on his cheek. ‘James didn’t say I couldn’t go to work; that’s your version of the situation. It will kill me, and us, if you don’t let me do this. I need normality – it’s the only way we can survive.’
‘Jesus, you drive me mad.’ Luke rubs his forehead, frustrated. ‘You can go if I take you and pick you up. No walking the streets – not until we have more information about what went down in Russia. There will be extra security.’
‘Fine. See, a compromise wasn’t too difficult!’ I give him a quick kiss on the lips.
‘Don’t push your luck. I’m trying to meet you halfway; this goes against my better judgement.’
I look across to James. ‘You think I’ll
be fine.’
‘No way. I’m not getting involved with Sutton and his woman; you’re on your own.’ James stands. ‘I need to go.’
The day disappears and the evening draws close. Luke opens the door to Harry and her French fiancé Raymond. Crap! I’ll have to tell her about Dad.
Harry and I sit alone in the grey lounge with a glass of Caymus.
‘Spit it out! You’ve been jittery all night – actually, since you returned from Russia.’ She takes a sip of wine. ‘I’m still amazed you went. Christ, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, and to think I let you go… Don’t worry, my shit sister award is in the post.’ Harry looks down at her glass.
‘Don’t you dare think you’ve let me down – no one forced me to go. Besides, you were in shock.’ I shake my head and drink some wine for Dutch courage. ‘I have something to tell you. Ivor told me he was in prison when I was born, and he was still in prison when you were conceived.’
Harry’s expression alters.
‘What do you mean? He’s your father, but not mine?’
‘Ivor thinks…’ I look at the fire for strength, ‘that Dad is your real dad – apparently he had an affair with Katenka.’
‘Fuck! Fuck.’ This tips Harry over the edge. ‘What the fuck?’
I move closer. ‘At least you have a dad who’s caring – that counts for something, irrespective of how it happened.’
‘Oh my God, Kate, what about Mum?’
‘I’m guessing she’s in the dark. Christ, it would kill her if she found out Dad had an affair.’
‘Totally…’
‘I think you should talk to Dad.’
‘We said we wouldn’t.’ She twists the stem of her glass between her fingers.
‘I don’t mean today or tomorrow, but in time. I think he would want to know. I’ll support your decision.’
She looks at me for guidance. ‘What about you? How do you feel about this?’
‘I won’t lie. I’m numb. Ivor did seem nice. I can’t explain it. I asked him why you had no inheritance, and he said he assumed Katenka died before she had the chance to change it.’