Love Me Still

by Maya Banks

  darkness descend.

  She took a step toward the drop off, staring down into the ravine. It would be so easy to step off into nothing. Then she’d never feel again. She wouldn’t hurt so much. She’d find the peace she so desperately needed.

  Cael pulled the heavy furs tighter around him as he, Niko and Riyu fanned out and trudged higher up the mountain. Their inability to shift and move faster frustrated him, but there was a human in the area. A trapper if he had to guess. They didn’t want to startle him by coming up on him in wolf form. It was a good way to get themselves shot.

  For a week, he and the others had scoured the area around their old encampment. They could detect no trace of Heather’s scent. Then yesterday, when the wind had shifted and blew from the north, he had caught the faintest whiff of her.

  They had charged up the mountain in the direction of the wind, anxious to find her.

  Suddenly Riyu stopped ahead of Cael. He lifted his head and sniffed. A low growl emanated from his throat.

  “What is it, Riyu?” Cael demanded as he surged through the snow.

  Niko joined them and raised his head as well. “It’s her. I smell her. Much stronger now. She isn’t far.”

  Cael inhaled deeply and closed his eyes as the sweet smell of his mate drifted through his nostrils. Longing, regret, so much sadness swelled within him.

  He shoved past Riyu and Niko, increasing his speed up the mountain slope. Her smell grew stronger, and his body tingled with the anticipation of seeing her, even as his palms sweated in the frigid air at the thought of what he would say to her. How he would gain her forgiveness.

  Then he stopped. Riyu nearly ran into him from behind. A low sob carried to them on the wind. Cael looked in the direction of the sound, and there he saw her. Poised on the edge of a drop off. Heather.

  She took a step closer and stared down into the abyss. Terror clutched at Cael’s chest. Beside him, Riyu hissed in fear. She was going to fall.

  Oh God. They’d never get to her in time.

  In a flash, Cael transformed, lunging forward in the snow. He dug into the terrain, running as fast as his wolf shape would allow. Behind him, Riyu and Niko shifted and set out for Heather as well.

  No! He couldn’t lose her again.

  Just when he thought she would step off the edge, she crumbled into the snow and lay still. His heart raced with relief, but still he flew the remaining distance, his need to touch her, to hold her, to reassure himself that she was okay was all consuming.

  He reached her just seconds before Riyu and Niko. He gently nudged her with his snout, but she was unconscious. He nuzzled her cheek and licked at her skin, trying to get her to awaken.

  She was burning up with fever.

  Cael shifted then stared down at his mate. Tears stung his eyelids, threatening to unman him completely. She was so fragile looking. Pale, thin, so breakable. And she wasn’t well.

  “Is she alive?” Riyu asked in a rush of fear.

  Cael nodded grimly. “She won’t be for long if we don’t get her out of the cold. She’s burning up with fever.”

  “There’s a cabin in the distance,” Niko said pointing. “It could be where she’s been staying.”

  Cael picked his precious bundle from the snow and hefted her into his arms. She had always been a tiny thing, but her lightness, even amidst the furs she wore, was alarming.

  He pressed his lips to her hot forehead and closed his eyes as he followed Niko toward the cabin. I love you, my heart. I’m so very sorry for how I have wronged you. Please come back to me. I cannot live without you.

  Riyu fell in beside him, looking anxiously over Heather’s unconscious form. He reached out a hand to touch her cheek, and Cael could see tears in his brother’s eyes.

  “We failed her,” Riyu croaked. “When she needed us the most, we turned our backs. How are we ever supposed to get past something like that?”

  Cael shook his head grimly. He didn’t have the words to offer comfort to his brother. Not when their mate was without.

  Niko opened the door to the cabin and investigated before returning to Cael and Riyu to motion them in.

  “She’s been staying here. Her scent is everywhere, but there is also the scent of another. A male. I think he’s the trapper we knew was close,” Niko said as Cael shouldered his way in with Heather.

  The fire had burned low, and Riyu set to work adding logs as Cael lowered Heather to the pallet of furs just a few feet away. He gently arranged the covers over her. He knew how cold-blooded she was. He and Riyu had delighted in keeping her warm during the winter.

  He smoothed a hand over her blonde hair, enjoying the feel of her silken tresses between his fingers. Anger and remorse surged through his veins as he saw the faint shadows of the bruises on her face. She wore a scar, still puckered and angry above her eyebrow where one of the bastards had struck her, cutting the skin.

  He’d seen her limp as she had stepped toward the edge of the cliff. Now, he moved the covers up so he could examine her limbs. There were marks and bruises on one leg from what looked to be a splint. The indentions fit. His hand curled in rage at what the hunters had done to his mate. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

  He turned his face away, no longer able to keep the emotion from welling in his throat. A tear slid down his cheek. His brother’s hand slid over his shoulder, squeezing in comfort.

  “Is she badly hurt?” Riyu asked anxiously.

  “She was,” Cael said grimly. “It looks as though the trapper cared for her. He probably saved her life.” He stole a sideways glance at Niko who stood to the side, anger and concern creasing his features.

  A click alerted them to the doorway. Cael whirled, ready to shift and attack in an instant. An older man dressed in furs stood in the doorway pointing a rifle at them.

  “I’ll thank you to get away from that little girl,” he said gruffly. “And don’t be trying to shift on me, because I’m thinking your hide would look good next to my fireplace.”

  Cael blinked. Had Heather told him about the pack? Not that she owed them any loyalty after they’d deserted her.

  “She didn’t tell me if that’s what you’re thinking,” the man said as he moved closer. “Are you Magnus’ boy?”

  Cael nodded. “I’m one of them,” he said calmly. He turned and gestured at Riyu. “This is my brother. Did you know our father?”

  The man nodded. “Knew him a lot of years. I was sorry to hear of his passing. Now what the hell are you doing here, and why are you hanging over the girl?”

  “She’s our mate,” Riyu spoke up.

  The old man raised one brow. “Well, now, then where the hell were you when she needed you? When she was lying in the snow praying to die quickly? When she was in so much pain, and was dying on the inside of shame?” His eyes glittered menacingly, and he gripped the rifle tighter. “I’ve a good mind to fill both your hides full of lead.”

  Cael flinched at the description of Heather lying so close to death. Desperately needing her mates. He lowered his head, no longer able to look the older man in the eyes.

  “Just tell me one thing. Why are you here now?” the man demanded.

  Cael looked back up, steely determination gripping him. “We’re here because she’s our mate, and we want desperately to right the wrongs of the past.”

  The man relaxed his grip on the rifle before finally lowering it. “Well, now, why didn’t you just say so?” He put his hand out to Cael. “Name’s John Quincy Ledbetter. You can call me John Quincy. Most folks do.” His gaze fell to where Heather lay. “Is she out? When I left this morning, she felt like she was taking a fever.”

  Cael took John Quincy’s hand and shook it in return. “We found her outside,” he replied. “She collapsed and we carried her in. She’s burning up with fever.”

  John Quincy shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his beard. “I was afraid the mite had taken sick. It’s been such a struggle for her these past weeks.”

  “You have our g
ratitude for helping her,” Riyu said as he stepped forward to offer his hand.

  “Well, someone had to, didn’t they?” He looked pointedly at them, and shame crawled over Cael once more. Then his eyes flickered back over Heather, and Cael could see the concern simmering in the old man’s stare.

  John Quincy gestured for them to follow him outside. “There are things that need saying, but I don’t want the girl to overhear us if she wakes.”

  Cael and Riyu walked to the door, but Niko stayed behind, his ambivalent glare following them.

  “She’s had a hard time, that girl,” John Quincy said as he rounded on the brothers. He shook his finger at them. “You’ve got a long road ahead of you if she’s going to recover properly. Not a night goes by she doesn’t cry out with nightmares. And I can’t get her to eat worth a damn. She’s dying on the inside.”

  Cael closed his eyes and wondered how many more tears he’d shed before it was over with.

  “There’s something else you should know,” the old man said quietly. “She lost a babe not long after I carried her to my cabin.”

  “Oh God!” Riyu cried out.

  Cael lost the battle to keep the tears at bay.

  “Now, now, I didn’t tell you that to make you feel any worse,” John Quincy chided. “And she doesn’t even know. I don’t think she realized she was carrying. I haven’t told her. I only told you because she’s been ailing ever since. I think that’s why she’s got the fever. I don’t know nothing about women’s troubles. I’ve done all I can to help her. If she’s going to get better, you’re going to have to take her somewhere she can get help.”

  “Home,” Cael said softly. “We need to take her home to the pack. Our shaman could heal her.”

  “If she’ll go,” John Quincy pointed out.

  “I won’t give her a choice,” Cael said simply. “If she’s not well, as her mate, I can only do what is necessary to ensure her well being. Leaving her here is not an option.”

  John Quincy nodded in satisfaction. “I was hoping you’d say that. Fact is, that little girl needs someone to take care of her. She’s seen far too much pain in her young lifetime.”

  “She’ll never be without us again,” Riyu vowed. “She’ll never be without our protection. Even for a minute.”

  “Let’s go back in before we freeze,” John Quincy said. “I’ll see about getting some grub on, and I’ll make the girl some broth. She needs to eat.”

  Chapter Four

  Cael stepped inside the door and froze when he saw a tawny colored wolf nuzzling Heather’s cheek. Niko had shifted, and now focused his attention on Cael and Riyu’s mate.

  A challenging growl came from behind Cael as his brother got his first glimpse of the sight before them. Cael was no less pleased until he saw that Niko had managed to rouse Heather.

  Her beautiful, blue eyes opened sleepily, the eyelids drooping as she dragged a hand over her face. She blinked in surprise to see the wolf so close to her.

  “Niko,” she whispered.

  She reached out a hand and twisted her fingers in Niko’s fur.

  “Oh, Niko, it is you.”

  She threw her arms around the wolf’s neck and sobbed into his coat. Cael’s heart lurched as her heartbreaking cries filled the cabin.

  Niko shifted, wrapping his arms around her and holding her against his chest. “Shhh, little one. Don’t cry so. It’s all right now.”

  Cael grit his teeth. Niko had not even conjured clothing yet.

  “They left me, Niko,” she said, her voice so small and so full of hurt. Each word seemed dragged from her, and she slumped wearily against Niko. “They don’t want me anymore. They think I killed Magnus, and maybe I did, Niko. I shouldn’t have taken so long to intervene. I was afraid. How can a coward be a worthy mate to the alphas?”

  Cael turned away, no longer able to bear the pain of seeing his mate so distressed. So full of pain and betrayal. She blamed herself when she made the ultimate sacrifice for two of her pack. It wasn’t she who was unworthy of the alpha. It was the alpha who was unworthy of her.

  Niko continued to rock her back and forth, holding her tightly as he soothed her. Her head lolled back as she slipped into unconsciousness again.

  Niko gently lowered her back to the pallet, quickly hiding his face from the others’ view. But Cael had seen the tears shining in his pack mate’s eyes. Who could possibly be unaffected by her grief?

  When Niko finally looked back at Cael and Riyu, a dangerous fire burned brightly in his golden eyes. “We take her home to the pack. If any wolf so much as looks at her wrong, I will lay down a challenge. I will win. I will take her away from there.”

  Cael nodded. “That would be your right if she is not taken care of properly. But it won’t happen, Niko. She is our mate. The woman of our hearts. We love her, and the pack will accept her or we will leave with her ourselves.”

  “You don’t deserve her.”

  Cael nodded. “You are right. But she is ours.”

  Riyu moved over to the bed and knelt by Heather’s side. He reached out a gentle hand and stroked her cheek. Then he bent over and pressed his lips to her forehead.

  He remained there a long moment, his eyes closed. He smoothed back the tendrils of hair from her face before rising and moving away.

  Cael moved forward as well. It had been a month since he’d held his mate in his arms. A month since he’d touched her, kissed her, felt her skin against his. He’d spent the last weeks dreaming of better times, when she lay between him and Riyu, sated from lovemaking.

  His need was a physical ache. He wanted her with every piece of his soul. He wanted her all spread out before him, waiting to take him inside her body. He wanted her to wear the beautiful smile she wore only for him and Riyu. But after what had happened to her, and then the ultimate betrayal by her mates, she might not ever smile again. But he’d devote the rest of his life to trying to make it happen.

  He lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms. He needed this contact. He wanted to be the one who kept her warm as she shivered with the fever.

  As she melded to his body, he felt a sense of rightness he hadn’t felt since that horrible day a month ago. He wrapped both arms tightly around her and held her close. Then he prayed to the gods that this beautiful, giving woman would find her way home to the men who loved her.

  Niko and Riyu ran ahead of the sled Cael pulled, scouting the area and communicating back with a series of yips and barks. Cael loped at a gentle pace, the straps to the sled between his teeth.

  Behind him, Heather lay tucked amongst a pile of furs on the wooden sled. He chose his path carefully, not wanting to jostle her more than necessary.

  He worried for his mate. She hadn’t awoken again since yesterday morning when she’d sobbed in Niko’s arms. Her fever had soared during the night as Cael had lain holding her. She had writhed and twisted restlessly, fought her demons while Cael helplessly looked on.

  They’d left before dawn, loading Heather onto the sled and taking out. They were at least two days hard journey from their pack.

  As they covered the miles, the sun moved from high overhead, sinking toward the horizon. When darkness fell, they stopped to rest, building up a fire in order to keep Heather warm.

  Cael arranged the furs over the snow then bundled Heather among the thickest of them. Niko volunteered for the first watch and Cael and Riyu lay on either side of Heather, allowing their body heat to envelop her.

  She twisted restlessly against them, and at one point began to cry. Her soft sounds of distress tore at Cael’s heart. When she began to struggle, Cael summoned his courage and thrust into her mind.

  The images he saw made him cry out. For the first time since he’d viewed the scene from his father’s eyes did he see the reality of the situation. He watched as Heather put herself between Magnus and the hunters, unwilling to let them continue hurting him.

  He felt every pang of fear, every wince of pain as they tore at her clothing, struck
at her. He felt her shame when they violated her. Tears slid down his cheeks even as they fell down hers. He relived every moment with her, hating himself all the more for the way he’d betrayed her.

  It wasn’t until he heard Riyu’s harsh breathing that he realized his brother had thrust into Heather’s mind at the same moment he had. Riyu had been witness to all Cael had just experienced.

  The two brothers exchanged sorrowful looks over Heather’s body.