Austin helped me make breakfast and we drank coffee together. We were both quieter than usual.
After breakfast, I did my laundry and even got a chance to clean a bit.
Around nine, Westley woke up and came down the stairs. He looked confused, probably wondering how he'd ended up back in my bedroom. I couldn't help but look at how sexy he looked, even though he had just woken. He looked a bit more rugged because he hadn't shaved yet.
Westley and I didn't say anything to each other. The silence between us was painful to me. I wanted to talk to him, but I had to wait until we were alone.
The rest of the guys and kids woke up soon after. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood--everyone except for Westley, who I hadn't seen so quiet before. I had a feeling the day was going to be awkward between us.
The day started out pretty normal. Everyone had some of the breakfast that Austin and I cooked, and the guys brought their kids out to enjoy the fresh snow. I watched Shawn look at Westley in a concerned brother-type of way. Maybe Shawn sensed something seemed a bit off about his brother.
"Want to work out with me?" Shawn asked Westley.
"Yeah, I think I need to," Westley said.
Shawn smiled. "I can tell. You seem a bit moody."
Westley and Shawn worked out in the living room, doing push-ups, sit-ups, and squats. I wondered if they were going to talk about what happened between Westley and me last night. Shawn was in a relationship with another man after all.
I went upstairs and had a nice little nap on the couch in the family room where it was quieter than it was downstairs. When I woke again, Westley was sitting on the couch where my feet were. His skin was dewy from his workout, and I could feel the heat coming from his body. He had a hand on my leg and he was watching one of the episodes of the nature documentary he'd put on the first night we were here.
I rubbed my eyes and smiled when I saw him.
"Do you... want to talk about what happened last night?" Westley asked.
I sat up and nodded. "I'd really like that."
"I'm sorry," he said. "It was wrong of me to leave after what happened, but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation. It was a new experience for me, and I'm still coming to terms with it."
I put my hand on his arm, stroking him gently with my thumb. "I understand. What happened last night was intense... even for me. It's been a long time since I've done something like that with anyone. But I can't deny that I feel a connection to you... do you feel the same way?"
Westley took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. "I do. I don't know why I do. I don't know how I can feel so strongly for someone after just meeting them, bBut I can feel it... I can feel it in my heart."
"I can feel it too."
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Westley. He buried his face in my chest, and I ran my hand up his shirt, stroking his back gently. It was something I did to my son when he needed comfort.
I was planning to give Westley some space that day, but I couldn't anymore.
Holding him on the couch in the family room let me see just how attracted to him I was. How strong our connection was. He was slowly opening up to me. I could see him trying to be vulnerable.
I wanted him so badly. He was so sexy. And I had the thought of wanting to make love to someone again for the first time.
I loved the way he looked so comfortable in his black tank top. The way he'd paired it with the same sweatpants he was wearing last night, oblivious to the come stains on them. The way he wore his black baseball cap backward. He looked so cuddly on this cold, winter day.
I couldn't stop looking at his grey sweatpants which looked nice on his thick legs. I could see his bulge, and I wanted to touch it again. I wanted to rub my hand on his ass and his thighs.
I kissed him on the cheek instead.
"I want you to explore with me more," I said. "I want to show you just how good I can make you feel. You're mine, Westley, at least until we leave at the end of this week."
I pushed him down on the couch, looking toward the stairs to make sure no one was coming up. I pulled up his shirt off to suck on one of his nipples. He cradled my head to his chest and ran his fingers through my hair.
I wanted him so badly.
I wanted this mysterious surgeon.
12
Clayton
That evening, Westley and I went into the forest to gather some firewood.
The pale glow of the sun at the far edge of the night sky was fading fast.
The air was frigid, and the leaves were rustling from the wind.
The temperature dropped to about twenty-four degrees Fahrenheit that evening with no signs that it'd get warmer soon.
I noticed Westley was shivering as he was helping me look for trees to cut down. I looked at his jacket, which wasn't exactly suited for a place like this.
"Take this," I said, taking off my scarf and draping it around his neck.
"I'm fine," Westley said.
"You're going to freeze out here without a better jacket. I'll lend you one of Brayden's jackets when we get back."
"What kind of tree are we even looking for?" Westley asked. "Can't we just cut one down and go back?"
"The best type of wood for burning is Oak, like this one," I said pointing to a small oak tree. "That's because it burns for a long time."
"I'm going to go up and see if there are any more in that area."
"Alright, just be careful and call out to me if you need me."
I chopped down the tree and divided it into smaller chunks.
The forest was too quiet and I looked around to see where Westley had gone. I didn't know why, but something just didn't feel right. I grabbed my ax and started searching to see where he'd strayed off to. As I went up the hill, I noticed his footprints in the snow and I followed the trail.
I saw something on the ground. When I went closer, I realized it was the navy-blue scarf that I'd just lent him.
"Westley?" I called out. My voice echoed back to me. "Westley," I called out again, louder.
I wasn't about to waste any time and I was glad I didn't because it wasn't long before I saw the silhouette of a massive moving figure. It was a bear. I recognized it right away because this bear had been roaming around my cottage for a few years now. I didn't know what it was walking toward, but I had a feeling it was Westley.
Without hesitation, I grabbed my ax, and hit it against a tree, making a noise so loud that my ears started ringing. I was disoriented for a second before I got my hearing back. The bear had stopped in its tracks, turning toward me. I gripped onto my ax tighter, and I hit the tree again.
Like a flash of lighting, the bear ran through the trees and disappeared.
"I'm over here," Westley called out quietly.
I ran toward him, and he was sitting against a tree. He was shivering. I helped him up and he wrapped his arms around me.
"Are you alright?" I asked. "Did it hurt you?"
"No, I'm fine," he said. "I thought it was over when I saw him."
"It's my fault," I said. "I shouldn't have let you leave my sight. Bears in this area are known to be more active in the night time to avoid people. I'm just glad you're okay."
"Fuck, that scared me so much," Westley gulped.
I dusted the snow off the scarf and wrapped it back around his neck, pulling him close to me for a kiss.
My adrenaline was pumping after encountering the bear. I realized just how much I cared about Westley during that situation.
I heard a deep growl coming from behind me.
When I turned around, I realized the bear had returned, standing no more than twenty feet away from us.
I quickly pulled Westley behind me and stood between him and the bear.
"It's massive," Westley whispered.
I could feel his body trembling behind me. His heart was pounding.
I'd encountered bears before and I knew what to do.
I picked the ax up and stood my ground, showing
the bear that I wasn't afraid of it. It slowly backed away when it realized I wasn't going to back down. I made a sudden movement and a loud sound. It ran off.
When the bear was gone--for sure gone, Westley and I both looked at each other. His eyes were widened with fear. We both exhaled.
"That was a close one," I said.
"Thank God you were quick to react," he said. "I didn't even see the bear when I was walking up the hill until it growled. I would've walked right into it."
"I'm used to seeing them around here. Most of the time, they're harmless and scare easily, but you never know in the winter. They may have cubs around, so there's a chance they get aggressive if we're not careful."
Westley came close to me, burying his face in my chest. I put a hand on his chin and tilted his face up to give him a kiss in the dark forest.
He closed his eyes and was silent. He was breathing hard and his lips were cold. I rested my hand on his cheek. He looked up at me, his eyes glowing under the moonlight.
I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time.
"Why do I feel... so good when I'm with you?" he breathed.
I smiled. "Maybe... you like me?"
He smiled. "Maybe."
I wrapped my arms around him. A feeling of relief washed over me. We both breathed deeply. I could feel his cock pulsing on my leg and saw his cheeks flush red.
In the beginning, I had been trying to be cool around him. But it was all just a show. I liked him way more than I could ever admit. I never really felt the need to prove myself to anyone, but around Westley, I did.
I wanted to be more vulnerable with him, knowing we only had until the end of the week before we went back to our separate lives. Being vulnerable with someone was one of those things that was the most difficult for me after losing someone I loved, but I couldn't let my own fears get the best of me, and with such a wonderful young man here, I didn't want to fuck it up.
In that quiet moment in the forest, it was like an entirely different life had begun. A life after Ryan.
I'd been working toward loving someone again. I'd come so far, but I still wasn't sure if I was ready to love again, let alone with someone who was also a surgeon. Ryan and Westley shared so many similarities, it was haunting.
In that quiet moment, I wanted Westley to be mine forever.
Prior to this trip, I thought I had a very clear view of how the week would play out. I'd spent the past few months planning this cottage event. Yet I never imagined to be falling so hard and so quickly for another man who I didn't even know before this trip.
I kissed Westley again. And again. His tongue was warm and his breath was heavy. Even in the darkness, I knew he was enjoying it from the way he was kissing me.
I ran my hands down his pants, and he ran his hands up my shirt across my back, and I could feel his erection against my leg.
I loved the feeling of another man's hard cock pulsing against me. I wanted him. I'd been wanting it ever since I spent that night in the hot tub with him.
I was trying to think of how tonight would play out. What if I just fucked him in my master bedroom after everyone was sleeping? Was he going to leave me again when it was all over?
If he stayed in my room again tonight, it would take every ounce of my being to not want to be inside him all night.
I looked behind me to see if the bear had returned, but didn't see anything.
"I really want to fuck you tonight," I said.
Westley was taken aback. He took several seconds to digest what I'd just said.
"I can't believe you're thinking about this after a bear just attacked us," he said with a laugh.
"I want to so badly, Westley. You have no idea."
He looked from side to side like he was either looking for the bear, or making sure the coast was clear before he told me a secret. "You can try."
I was surprised by his response.
I didn't want to make a mistake, to screw up something special with Westley because I was thinking with my dick. Sleeping with Westley could be a very real and big mistake, one that I might regret. Because if Westley didn't reciprocate my feelings, it could possibly ruin all the work I'd done over the years to heal my heart.
"Let's head back," I said.
A fresh layer of snow had covered our footprints, making it hard to navigate the way back to the cottage. We walked slowly, I was holding most of the firewood, Westley carried a few pieces.
I noticed I was having a hard time looking at him. He was too busy blushing and trying not to look at me to notice. I felt like all I wanted to do was kiss Westley again.
It was a primal feeling in me that was hard to describe even to myself.
"So, you're sure about tonight, right? You want to try having sex with me?" I asked.
"I'm guessing you'd rather fuck me than the other way around," Westley said.
The ground was slippery as we headed down a steep hill. I walked in front of him. Worst case if he fell, I'd be able to hold him up... or at least cushion his fall.
"Yes, I'm a top, if that's what you're asking," I said.
I felt Westley suddenly grab me from behind.
"Careful," I said, steadying him so he wouldn't fall.
He regained his balance.
"I got a bit nervous thinking about tonight." He laughed. "We can try. It will be my first time being fucked."
"We'll go slow," I said. "It will feel so good."
"How are you so sure?" he asked.
"Because I can feel our connection," I said, putting my hands on his waist, bringing him even closer to me. "And when I get inside you, you'll know what I mean."
"Fuck," Westley said quietly. I sensed him quivering, wondering if he was turned on or just cold.
I didn't know how long it took us to get back to the cottage, but we made it with all the firewood.
I opened the door and the warmth of the cottage stung my wind-burnt face.
Austin was in the living room. He glanced at Westley, then back at me. He grinned mischievously, a grin that only I could understand. I wondered if he knew what was going on without me having to even tell him. He was my best friend after all.
He got off the couch and came over to help me carry some of the firewood.
"You weren't just collecting firewood out there, were you?" Austin said quietly to me.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said with a slight smile, but I couldn't lie to my best friend. "We may have done other things out there."
Austin helped me set the firewood down next to the fireplace. "Do you like him?"
"Do you think he likes me?" I asked him back
"Only you would know," Austin said.
"I wish I did," I said. "I've never been so uncertain in my life."
"You seem really happy tonight," Austin said. "And isn't that all that matters? I haven't seen you like this in a long time. Ever since Ryan passed."
"Is that really true?"
Austin nodded.
After he mentioned that, I realized he was right. It'd been a long time since I felt completely in the moment without obsessing about the past.
13
Westley
Clayton and I were outside, enjoying a glass of wine and looking out at the sunset.
I was still unsure if I wanted to have sex with a man for the first time. I wasn't sure if it was because of this beautiful setting and the lack of women here that made Clayton so attractive. Or maybe because he just seemed so mature and so caring.
But I couldn't go back on my word. I'd already made the decision to explore more sexually with him. Maybe I'd hate it. But maybe I'd love it.
I took in the crisp air. The forest surrounding the cottage made the setting feel intimate, but there was an element of danger too.
I could tell he had a good idea who I was and that after this trip, we'd probably go back to our busy lives, but I was very glad that I'd met him. In a short time, I'd learned so much about myself because of him.
I
wouldn't have the courage to go for this new experience if I didn't trust Clayton to guide me through it.
I was overthinking the situation and everything became a blur.
I closed my eyes and set the wine glass down on the ledge, putting my hands on both the railings.
"You alright," Clayton asked.
"Yeah," I said. "Fine. I think I just need to rest for a bit."
I was really fucking nervous, and I didn't know how to tell Clayton.
But his words, his eyes, the little things I could feel inside of me--all of it made me want him even more. I sensed he was nervous too, but not as nervous as I was.
I went into his room and lay down. I needed to be away from him and everyone else so I could process my thoughts. But as I sat on the bed... his bed, all I could smell was him. He smelled so fucking good. I picked up his pillow and buried my face in it.
I wouldn't even know what to say if he or someone walked in on me right now, with my face buried in his pillow, but I didn't care. I had no self-control.
The door opened, and I was slightly relieved to see it was Clayton.
"I watched you come up," he said. "Was wondering if you were alright."
I put the pillow down as he came over and lay next to me to me.
I just lay there as he felt me up to the chest. He grabbed one of my nipples, squeezing it, and then he bit it. I began to moan. I didn't know I was so sensitive there.
"Clayton... these guys need to go to bed so I can finally have sex with you," I said.
I was nothing like the professional I was supposed to be at the hospital. Being at the cottage so far away from home made me want to explore my sexuality.
"I see a bit of your impatient side," he said, followed by a long pause. His voice was teasingly deep. He rubbed his cock against my leg. The heat of his body was intoxicating. He unexpectedly moved his hand under me and grabbed my ass. "Are you sure about that?"
"I've been overthinking everything, but I want to do it with you." I smiled tightly. "I think we'll have to wait until tonight."
"Yeah, we will," he said.
CLAYTON (Single Dads Club Book 3) Page 5