I shakes my head. I explains to pusari I comes back wit vadai and dosai another time to make pooja for my Laksman to be smart boy. Make him good boy.
Then I goes home.
‘You come back have you?’ Koddi asks, waking up.
She sleeps next to father-in-law. And father-in-law sleep next to brother-in-law who sleep next to idiot sister-in-law. Next to her Murukananthan little brother. Five peoples. All sleep in one room. Murukananthan, Laksman and I sleep dere too. Now I no understand how.
Koddi sees I gots dosai and sambar. She grabs de bag from my hand and she calls. ‘Eii! Wakes up! Wakes up! All of you. Pilar, she brings food.’ Dey all wakes up real quick and eats. Peoples here not fat like in de big house. In de big house dere always be food to eat.
‘Eh, Pilar, what’s you got dere?’ Koddi she asks after a while, pointing to de bag under my arm. I squats in corner of hut wit my Laksman.
‘Sarees,’ I say. Koddi, she stuff dosai into mouth quick and drinks thairu fast and come over. Fast. De milk still dripping corner of her mouth.
Father-in-law eat and burp loud. Den he go outside and do sani. Right in front of door. It be very smelly.
I say nuttin. I no want to say anytin. Maybe it good I work in de big house. I no like boy grow up like Murukananthan family.
‘All dis food, it come from wedding?’ idiot sister-in-law asks. ‘I hear dey did not eat much.’ She got big eyes and big ears and she go down to well by end of street and gossip all de time.
‘No, dere be lots of food. Aloo gobhi. Vadai. Dosai. Biryani. Dis just what left,’ I says.
‘I hear de groom did not even come to sangeet,’ my father-in-law says, coming in limping.
‘Pilar is stupid girl, she knows nuttin,’ Koddi says.
‘I hear de groom did not tie mangala sutra around her neck,’ my brother-in-law says now he finish eating his food. He put all his fingers in mouth and suck. ‘And he tie string around her waist. Like second wife.’
Sir is de richest man in Kanchipuram. Everyone in town talk about wedding. I works at wedding. I hears all de peoples saying nasty tings about de new Sir. Dat he not good enough for Missy.
‘Is dat true? De big Miss from Kanchipuram Silk? She second wife?’ idiot sister-in-law asks.
Again I no says anytin.
‘Dey say he be very ugly. Burnt like a vadai. Dey say you cannot see his eyes and his legs like banana tree. All scaly and ugly,’ my father-in-law says.
‘Poor Missy,’ Marmee says now. ‘It cannot bes easy to marry man like dat. If he be so burnt maybe he cannot do man ting.’
‘Man can always do man ting,’ my brother-in-law laugh. He smile ugly smile.
I pretends I cannot hear. It not my job to talks about Missy, Madame or Sir. And house servant never says what happens in house out of house, Balini baba says to me.
But maybe it true. When I wakes up next day after wedding, I takes bed tea to Missy and new Sir. New Sir sleeps on one end of pretty bed, de middle all nice and tidy. Missy sheets thrown back and she gone. I is scared Missy nots in bed so I goes to bathroom.
And dat is where I find Missy. She is crying. Not making noise but tears come from her eyes. I looks at what she is doing. She has saree in hand and she trying to prick her finger wit pin to puts blood on saree. But she be scared.
I carefully takes saree from her. I pricks my finger. I have good blood. Lots of blood. And we puts blood on her saree. Everywhere. We needs more blood so I pricks my finger again. And I puts more blood on de saree.
Den she turns to me and says, ‘Pilar, this must be our secret. And if I find out this has got out, I will tell everyone you stole from me. Do you know what they do to thieves?’
I shakes my head.
‘They put thieves in jail. They will take your Laksman from you and they will put you in a pit.’
And it be de saree wit my blood is de saree dat Missy take to see her mother, Dhobi woman and her new sister-in-law. The Dhobi woman wash my blood not Missy blood. But I says nuttin to Murukananthan family. I no want to leave big house. I no wants my Laksman to sani in front of house. I wants him to sani in toilet like good man. Like smart man.
It be two months now dat I work in big house. Now I knows my job good. Balini baba says dat. ‘Aii! Dat Pilar. She good girl. She works hard. See, all Missy tings clean and she does housework too.’
Even Madame say dat. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without Pilar,’ she says. I gives her head massage every day. ‘Now my daughter is married, I feel I have no purpose in life. I can’t wait for my grandchildren to start coming!’ And she start playing wit my Laksman.
Everybody play wit my Laksman. He crawl good now. Madame, she plays wit him day and night. Like he be toy. Even Sir play wit him. He bring him little car and dey sit in big hall and dey plays. All afternoon after Sir comes back from town. He comes home from work tired, so he plays wit my Laksman. ‘I used to play like this when Shanthi was a little girl. Do you remember that, Selvi?’ he says to Madame.
Madame plays wit Laksman. Sir plays wit Laksman. Balini baba she play wit Laksman. Mama Leela she play wit Laksman. Even Gopal and Thomas, dey also plays wit my Laksman. Sometime at night, Laksman crawl and sleep wit Balini baba. He likes to play wit her nose-ring and bangles. He not scared of her even if she look like she be cut-up saree blouse. So sometimes now he only come to me when he want titty!
De only peoples not play wit Laksman be Missy and new Sir. Dey be in deir room all day. Not dat it be room. Now dat Missy marry, Sir give her own part of big house. It has three bedrooms, a room for dem to sit and three bathroom. I goes in dere every day to clean. Only dere be nuttin to clean.
De new Sir. He no do much. He sits dere all day. De reason he not come to sangeet because he cannot even stand for long. He be burnt bad. One eye he cannot see. Dere be all skin over dat eye. De other eye, he can see. He arms and legs like bark of tree. All burnt and ugly. And some places it still not healed. De doctor come to house one time a day and give Sir medicine.
‘Mrs Shanthi, you will have to rub this salve onto his arms and legs every day. It is essential that he rests,’ he says.
I no understand what doctor says but I sees. Sir is stiff. Like old dead cow.
Sir no speak to Missy. But she speaks to him all de time. She bring him dis. She bring him dat.
‘Darling, look! I’ve got Thomas to go down to the market and get you fresh rambutans. I remember you saying once that you loved them,’ Missy say. ‘I got Henry to drive down to Puducherry to get some fresh king coconut for you. I hear it is great for healing burns.’
And she send Thomas all de way to Madras every two weeks. ‘Sweetheart, I know you like tea from Sri Lanka. From home. I have had it sent for you especially.’
But he looks at Missy like she be cow or dog. Or like he no see her. Like she be nuttin.
I gets angry. My Missy be very pretty. Her skin be like milk and she be plump like fat chick Guru Rameshwaran keep for eggs for his son. Missy titties like ripe watermelons after monsoon. Murukananthan likes Missy titties. I hears Murukananthan and his brothers before Missy gets married. Dey says Missy be most beautiful woman in Tamil Nadu.
And Missy talks to him, de new Sir. Reads to him. ‘I saw you got a letter from your sister today. If your eyes are giving you trouble, I can read it for you.’ And if no letters, she reads books for him. Missy reads, and after little while, new Sir, he stands up and walks away. Say nuttin.
No. New Sir, he sits dere. And does nuttin’. Says nuttin’. Another month pass. I still takes down to Dhobi woman Missy red cloth to wash. Madame sees me carry covered bucket. Madame be big worried. She asks me, ‘What is in there?’ Ands I shows her.
One day Missy go to see friend. She no go out much now she married, she spend all day wit new Sir. In room. But Madame say Missy must go.
‘Shanthi, you’ve known Parvathi since you were in school together, darling. You must go and see her new baby.’
Den Madame calls us. Mama Leela, Miss S
onali, Balini baba and me. To her room. She ask me to bring tea and big plate gulab jamun. Mama Leela, Balini baba and me, we sits on floor. Balini baba still got pain from being cut so Madame gives her a little cushion. Miss Sonali she sits on little chair. Madame, she sits on bed.
‘Oh Mama Leela,’ Madame cries. ‘It’s been two months and my daughter has not conceived!’
‘Madame, Missy becomes big girl it be ten years. Her bloods nice and red. Dere be nuttin wrong wit my girl,’ Mama Leela say grumpily. ‘It be dat man.’
‘My sister, she be married for four year,’ Balini baba she says. ‘No baby. Her husband in army. She gots many mother-in-law problems. She runs away. She go live wit my brother in Ooty. In de hills. Her husband come back from army. He be very angry and goes to Ooty. Dere dey do man-woman ting. And she gets baby.’ Balini baba drink her tea carefully.
‘Maybe I should suggest to Shanthi that she goes on a little holiday to Ooty with her new husband,’ Madame says.
Den Miss Sonali, she speaks. Miss Sonali, she be intelligent woman. She studies until her father dies. She writes and she reads. She writes all de letters and messages for Madame. I wants my Laksman to reads and writes like Miss Sonali.
‘Madame,’ Miss Sonali she says. ‘We live in the City of Temples. Kanchipuram is where the Kamakshi Amman dwells. Why don’t we do a big pooja? I know of a great many hardships that have been relieved by her gracious intervention.’
I no understand much of what Miss Sonali says. She use big words.
‘You are quite right, Sonali. We should ask the pusari to help us with a pooja. Lal and I aren’t very religious but I will try anything.’
So dat how Madame, Mama Leela, Miss Sonali, Balini baba and I goes to temple. For seven days. Before crow cry in sky. Madame, Balini baba and Miss Sonali goes in car wit Henry, Mama Leela and Laksman and I, we walks. Mama Leela she angry Balini baba go in car and not her.
‘I be older dan her! I be house servant and she be kitchen servant,’ Mama Leela she complain.
I no say nuttin. I no say Madame take Balini baba in car because people scared to look at her on street now. Mama Leela she very angry – she even angry wit me.
‘Pilar, leave Laksman at home. He will be asleep when we get back,’ she snaps.
I tries dat morning. I tries putting him away. But he sleep wit tumb in mouth and he play wit end of my saree. I takes my saree away, he wakes. He crawl into me like little dog. So I takes him. I no mind. I can walks now and give him titty. But Laksman, he wake when we gets to temple. Every day. He sit and watch pooja like he watch de television in Big Sir house he never put on. Says it takes too much electricity. Dey only watch TV when peoples comes to visit.
I sits dere for seven days and I listens. In de cold light. When de air is clean and dere be no cars or buses. Maybe dat how I starts to love Kamakshi Amman. I listen to de pooja wit Laksman on my lap. My Laksman. He sits and listen too. And when we comes home, he start to play click-clack wit sticks.
‘He is a Saliya, all right,’ Sir laugh. ‘If he studies with his grandfather, he’ll be the best saree weaver in all of Kanchipuram. I’ll be glad to sell his sarees for him!’
I no says anytin. I no want my boy click-clack Saliya. I no wants him work day and night to earn enough to eat. He go school and get proper job.
And now I haves dreams. In my dreams, Kamakshi Amman she come and she smile. She tells me my Laksman become big man one day. A rich man. And she smile at me. She takes me on beautiful train ride.
After seven days pooja, we comes home. I goes to see Missy and new Sir wit bed tea. Dey still sleeping. I goes to bathroom and see bucket in corner for Missy red cloth. I covers it quick and runs to de Dhobi woman. I no want to show Madame. She be so sad. She want grandchildren so bad. But how Missy give parents grandchildren when she and new Sir no do man-woman ting? Every morning I goes into deir room wit bed tea. Dey sleeping. She on side of window. He on side of door. Big bed. Middle very tidy. Nuttin happen dere.
It been six weeks since pooja ands I tinks it make new Sir worse. He sit dere everyday now in de dark. He not even go out and sit on verandah. Missy says it because de sun hurt his skin. I no know how Missy know dis. Because new Sir, he never speaks. I never hear new Sir speak.
So Missy she works harder. She makes special special food. Everyday new ting. ‘Make sure you put more turmeric in the lentil curry. And his sister wrote to me that he loves pureed avocados with milk.’ But new Sir, he no notice. He eats his lunch like cow eat grass and sits dere. Looking out. Den he walks to bed and sits dere.
One morning Missy she comes to kitchen and says, ‘Balini baba, my husband’s sister is coming to visit. Could you set an extra place for her at dinner and set up the best guest room?’ Den she turns to me. ‘Pilar, could you take special care with the cleaning? I want everything spick and span. And please don’t mention to my husband that his sister is coming to visit – I want it to be a surprise.’
So I cleans. While new Sir sits on chair after breakfast wit glass of big water. I makes de bed. I sweeps de floor and I cleans de toilet. I wipes de furniture wit wax Balini baba make wit oil from sandalwood tree and ginger lily. It smell so good. Even my Laksman he likes de smell and he grabs de cloth to play. My Laksman he already start to walk now. Even he run. He run fast.
‘Go, Laksman,’ I says. ‘Go play outside on verandah. I haves to clean dis.’
My Laksman he no wants to go out and play. He grabs my cleaning cloth. I pulls it from him. I smack his bottom wit my hand. Only small smack. But my Laksman, he gets angry. He cry. He runs out. Just den, new Sir, he stand to go to bed. My Laksman he run into new Sir. Little boy run into big new Sir.
One minute new Sir be standing dere and de next he be on de ground screaming.
I grabs my Laksman and goes to help de new Sir, but Missy she come in.
‘Pilar! What has your son done to my husband?’ she cries.
‘Nuttin,’ I says very scared holding tight my Laksman. ‘It be only an accident. He only playing.’
‘My husband could have hurt himself badly,’ Missy she says helping new Sir up.
I worried. ‘He only playing,’ I says again.
‘How dare you speak back to me!’ Missy she shouts and she raise her hand. I turns around quick so my Laksman he not get hit.
I is so surprised when I feel no pain. I know pain of hit. My father, he get angry, he hit.
I evens more surprised when I hears new Sir speak.
‘Shanthi, no. Don’t hit her. It was hardly her fault,’ he says. He standing up straight now and hold Missy hitting hand.
It de first time I ever hear new Sir speak. He speak but he speak funny. His Telugu little strange.
‘But that child could have harmed you, my darling,’ Missy she say.
‘Hardly, Shanthi, he just bumped against a part of my leg that hasn’t quite healed,’ he explained. ‘And don’t ever hit any of the servants. I will not tolerate violence of any kind.’ New Sir drops her hand like hot chapatti.
‘Ana!’ I hears a voice. And dat is when I notices dere be other lady wit Missy when she come in. I see a tall grand lady. She very dark wit lots of gold jewellery.
Missy she looks at new Sir and den at her sister-in-law and starts to cry. She tinks new Sir he scolds her. She cry and runs away.
I stands dere when new Sir sister come to him. Help him to bed.
‘I didn’t know you were coming, Gauri,’ new Sir says to sister.
‘We were planning it as a bit of a surprise for you, Shanthi and I. And now you’ve ruined it for her.’
‘Well, it was hardly my fault. You know I hate violence.’
‘All the same, Raju ana, you need to be patient. And try being kind. She deserves that at least after all she and her father have done for us.’
Now I know new Sir name. Raju.
‘Yes,’ Raju Sir says. His voice bitter.
‘Have you told her about Nila yet?’ his sister asks gently.
‘Yes,’ he
says, quiet now. I see de tears.
Who dis Nila?
‘But ana, she is dead. You know she is dead. You have to move on,’ his sister say now kneeling in front of him.
Den she stop. Raju Sir sister sees that he tired. Face drawn in pain. ‘Oh, ana,’ his sister says. ‘What did those Sinhalese people do to you? You are still in pain even after two years.’ She look so sad.
Raju Sir sound impatient. ‘It was Sinhalese people who saved me, Gauri. If it had not been for the monks from the Paramananda Vihara, I would have died. You know that. They came and doused the flames on my body with their cotton robes. Several of them were burnt and badly beaten, but they managed to get me to hospital. They saved me, Gauri. Do not hate all Sinhalese. Stupidity and cruelty is characteristic of all humanity and does not belong to any one race alone.’
I is glad Raju Sir sister gone. Balini baba glad Raju Sir sister gone. Even Missy she be very happy dat her sister-in-law gone. Home. Far away.
‘Oh, Pilar,’ Missy she says after Thomas drives Missy Gauri to airport in Madras. ‘Can you please bring my mother’s oil and give me a head massage? I have a headache.’
And I understand why Missy head hurt. My head hurt. All de time Miss Gauri stay here in Kanchipuram she fight. She fight wit Big Sir. She fight wit Missy. She fight wit Raju Sir.
‘Mr Govindarajan, you must understand that you are obliged to provide us with a certain amount of work. It was a condition of my brother’s marriage to your daughter,’ Missy Gauri says to Big Sir.
‘But the labour costs are too great,’ Big Sir he says.
‘But the Sri Lankan rupee is worth less than the Indian rupee!’
‘All the same, you spend far too much money running your mill. I had my man look over your accounts. You could be making double the profits if you didn’t spend so much on your staff. The cost of the training program alone is prohibitive.’
‘That is none of your concern!’ Miss Gauri say angrily.
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