Florence forced a smile, to cover the awkwardness. He was too late. Her heart belonged to Carter.
“When I heard about your secret admirer, my world felt like it was crumbling around me. If it’s not too late, Florence, and you haven’t given that other man your answer, I would like you to consider marrying me.”
Florence’s eyes bugged out. “You want me to marry you?”
“Jah. I’m hoping you will.”
“I don’t know what to say.” If she married him, she would be forced to forget all about Carter, and maybe that was the answer. Ezekiel was a good man, he would look after her, care for her and be a good husband to her, and a splendid father for any kinner they might be blessed with.
Would it be best to turn her back on Carter to ensure her place by God’s side for eternity? The other choice was an uncertain future with a man she barely knew anything about. Marriage to Ezekiel was the logical choice since they were of the same world.
It seemed Gott was serving her two choices on a plate.
Was this a test?
If Carter was such a bad choice, why did her heart and every fiber of her being want him so bad? Surely it would be better to live alone than to be married to someone she didn’t love.
She cleared her throat. “Ezekiel, I have to be honest with you. I don’t have feelings of love for you. I know you’re a good man, but you deserve someone who loves you.”
“Love will grow after marriage.”
His words disturbed her. “Does that mean you don’t love me?”
“You’re a good woman and when we commit to each other in love, Gott’s love will water our relationship with seeds of love.”
Florence grimaced and stopped herself telling him that you don’t water anything with seeds. “And you’d marry me knowing you don’t love me and I don’t love you?”
“I have feelings for you or I wouldn’t have been upset when Ada told me about the other man. I hope it’s not too late. Is it?”
All this was Ada’s fault. She shook her head. “It’s not too late. Can I have a few days to think about it?”
He bounded to his feet. “I’m leaving on Friday. I would like to have an answer before then. I can’t leave my farm too long.”
“Sure. I understand.” She stood up. He rubbed her shoulder with one hand and then placed his hat back on his head.
Leaning on the porch railing, she watched him get into his buggy and drive his horse and buggy away. The horse was one of Samuel’s, so she knew he was staying with Ada and Samuel.
When he was gone, her sisters spilled out the front door, pushing and shoving one another.
“What did he want?” asked Favor.
“Nothing, nothing much.”
“We heard it, I’m sorry,” Joy said. “He’s got a loud voice.”
“You heard it all?”
“We heard everything he said.” Favor giggled. “Wait until I tell Mamm.”
“Is that all right, Florence?” Hope asked. “Mamm didn’t hear it.”
Florence shrugged her shoulders. “Might as well I guess.”
The girls ran inside looking for their mother. Florence sighed. It would’ve been better that they didn’t know. Now she felt extra pressure to make a decision. If she married Ezekiel, the only reason to do so was to put an end to things between her and Carter. But, is that something she wanted to do?
First, she had to ask Carter a few things about himself.
She sat down on the porch chair once more. The thing that nagged in the back of her mind was that for an Amish woman of her age—in her late twenties—it was madness to let a man like Ezekiel slip through her fingers especially if she wanted kinner. The sensible thing to do was take him up on his offer.
“Are you going to marry him?” a small voice asked.
Florence turned to see Joy standing on the porch and hugging her puppy. “I don’t know. I don’t have feelings for him. I’m not in love with him.”
“I understand. You can’t do it then.”
Florence shrugged her shoulders. “He said love would come.”
Joy moved closer. “And, it might not. You might end up hating the sight of him and his pigs.”
Florence burst out laughing. “I know. Love might come, but it might not.”
“Besides, you can’t leave the orchard, you just can’t. No one else knows what to do. It’d be left to me and I wouldn’t do everything as good as you can.”
“We didn’t even talk about whether I’d have to leave.”
“Well, of course you would. He’s not going to move here, is he? You’ve never met his family and what if you don’t get along with them and you’re stuck there?”
She stared at Joy. Those were all good points. “Thank you, Joy. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.”
“You have. Is Ezekiel coming back for dinner?”
“Not tonight.”
Favor stuck her head out the front door. “Florence, Mamm wants to talk with you.”
“This’ll be good.” Joy smiled at Florence.
“I might as well get this over with. I’m feeling a lecture coming on. She’ll want me to marry him.”
“Maybe.”
Florence and Joy walked into the house and saw Mamm, Hope and Favor sitting in the living room.
“Come sit by me, Florence.” Mamm patted the chair next to her.
As soon as Florence was seated, Mamm said, “Tell us about your proposal.”
“There’s not much to it.”
“Is that the first time a man has ever proposed?” Hope asked.
“Jah, sadly it is.”
“Sadly?” Mamm asked. “You’ve had many men interested in you and you pay them no mind.”
“I don’t know if that’s true, but you can think that if you want.”
“Are you going to marry him?” Mamm persisted.
“Truthfully, I don’t know what to do. I’m not in love with him, and neither is he in love with me, but he’d be a good husband.”
She looked up from under her eyelashes at her stepmother wondering if she had been in love with Dat, or whether it was a marriage of convenience for either one of them, or both.
Hope asked, “Where would you live?”
Florence looked at Hope. “I didn’t even think to ask.”
“You can’t leave us and the orchard,” Mamm said. “We need you.”
“Jah, don’t leave us,” Favor said. “He’ll have to come here.”
“Yeah, but he’s got a pig farm. What will he do with his pigs?” asked Joy.
“He can come here and help you farm the orchard and his brothers and his mother can run the pig farm,” Hope said.
“I don’t think that will work. I think his mother is in ill-health and one of his brothers left.”
Mamm shook her head. “Florence, before you consider his proposal seriously you do have to find out exactly what he is proposing. Where you will live and such and so forth. And then take consideration for what will become of all of us if you up and leave. None of us have the knowledge of apples that you have. We’ll have to pay a manager and that will take up all our money.”
“I won’t let that happen. It won’t come to that.” Even though it was sensible to marry him, it certainly wasn’t sensible to leave her orchard. She wouldn’t be living if she was without her orchard. She would be miserable.
Now she was in no mood to see Carter—she didn’t want to see him when she was feeling down.
When Florence went to bed that night, just before she turned off her gaslight, she pulled out her mother’s letter and read it once more.
My dearest Florence,
If you’re reading this letter that means I’m no longer around. I’ve asked your father to give you this letter when you’re an adult, the same as the letters I have for Mark and Earl.
Life is so uncertain.
Nothing is forever. I want to be there always, guiding you and your brothers, whispering in your ears. If I can’t be there, pay attention
to my following words and keep them in your heart.
Always be kind to others.
Try to see the other person’s point of view. It’s just as valid as your own.
You must follow your heart rather than your head sometimes.
Don’t make my mistakes.
No matter where I am, I will always love you, your father and your brothers.
Always be there for your family.
Your loving Mamm
She switched off the light, no closer to finding out what her mother’s mistakes were. It clearly had nothing to do with another man like she’d first thought. Unless the answer was that her mother hadn’t been in love with her father.
Why didn’t she make things clearer in her letter? Could there be a clue in the words ‘follow your heart’?
She had to see Carter soon. Once she saw him again everything would become clear. She was certain of it.
Chapter 27
The next evening after dinner, Goldie, Joy’s new pup, was in trouble for destroying two pairs of shoes and a pair of socks. Joy took him outside with her while she talked with Isaac on the porch.
“I’m just so upset that Mercy is gone. She’ll have the boppli somewhere else and I won’t see it until it’s probably a-year-old or something.”
“Don’t be sad. How about we see if we can go up there somehow and see her sooner, when the baby is born. Or when it’s a few weeks old we'll go up. Wilma probably won’t let us go alone, so what if I take all of you there?”
Joy giggled. “You’d do that?”
“If it would keep that beautiful smile on your face I’d do anything.”
“Sounds like you love me.” She put Goldie down and he sat by her feet.
“I do. With all my heart.”
“You do?”
“Of course. I thought you’d know that.”
“You’ve never said so.”
“I didn’t know I would have to.” He sat down on the porch to pat the pup.
She sat down on the boards of the porch, on the other side of Goldie. “Isaac, would you marry me?”
“Yes, of course we’ll get married.” He continued to stroke Goldie.
“We will?”
“There’s no one else for me, Joy, and there never will be. I’m sorry if I never made that clear to you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I need to see you every day.”
She nodded. “I feel the same.”
“When do you want to get married?”
“I don’t know, I don’t care. As long as I know that you want to marry me, that’s all I care about.”
“I’ve saved up some money, so when I’ve got enough to support us both, along with Goldie, let’s get married.”
“I’ve got money too. We can put it together and then we’ll have double.”
He laughed. “Whatever makes you happy, Joy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Me too.” She leaned across Goldie and put her arms around him and hugged him tight.
Chapter 28
She hoped he wasn’t upset with her for not stopping by sooner. She hadn't been ready to talk to him then, but now she had to see him. She walked through the orchard with her heart racing. She was sure she heard the sounds of a buggy pulling up to the house and was pleased. Visitors meant that everybody would be occupied and no one would notice she was missing. She kept going.
When she saw Carter’s house, she noticed his car and that told her he was home.
Just as she was making her way through the fence, he came out of the front door. He must have seen her. She was halfway through the fence when the ties of her apron snagged on the upper row of barbed wire.
She turned around to unhook herself and that was when she saw Ezekiel. That must’ve been Ezekiel's buggy that she had heard.
This wasn’t good. She wanted to yell at him to go back to the house and she'd see him soon but she couldn’t. She glanced over her other shoulder and saw Carter making his way toward her.
Her two possible futures were about to collide.
Carter had his eyes so fixed on her, he didn’t see anyone else. “I’m so glad you’ve finally come. There are some things you need to know about me.”
Ezekiel had the worst timing in the world. She looked over at Ezekiel and then looked back at Carter.
It was then that Carter noticed they had company. “What I’ve got to say will have to wait.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded, and said quietly, “Me too.”
She wasn’t sure what to do, but with her apron securely snagged on the fence, she wasn’t going anywhere quickly.
Carter busied himself helping to free her.
“Just rip it,” she said about her apron.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
Ezekiel reached them just as she was freed and now Florence was on the opposite side of the fence to Ezekiel, standing next to Carter.
“Hello,” Ezekiel said staring at Carter.
“Oh, Ezekiel, you haven’t met Carter yet, have you?”
“No, I haven’t."
"Ezekiel Troyer, meet Carter Braithwaite.”
“Nice to meet you.” Carter walked forward and held out his hand. Ezekiel stepped forward and shook it. Then, Ezekiel just stood there and Florence knew she would have to say something, but Carter spoke again. “Florence, you’ve finally come to approve those renovations, have you?”
He was giving her an excuse, but it did sound fake. “That’s right.” She looked over at Ezekiel. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming to dinner tonight.”
“Your mother invited me. I told you I was only here for a few days.”
“Yes, I know that.” She looked around nervously at Carter.
“I see what’s going on here.” Ezekiel glared at the two of them. “I shouldn’t have returned for you, Florence. I made a big mistake, and now I know why you stopped writing.”
He turned and strode away. She was tempted to point out that she only stopped writing because of the tone of his last letter, which practically—pretty thoroughly, really—told her they had no future.
As she watched Ezekiel go, she couldn’t find a place within her that cared; not her heart or her mind, and even her good manners were letting her down at this point.
There was nothing she could say; it was best to let him walk away.
Then she was worried that Carter might think that she liked Ezekiel. She turned back to him. “There’s nothing between him and me.”
He smirked. “I know.”
“How could you?”
“What we have is rare and special. You’re the once-in-a-lifetime love for me, Florence. Come away with me?”
If only she could. She was so lost in his unusual colored eyes, she asked, “Where to?”
“Anywhere.”
“Okay. No, wait. The orchard.”
“What’s keeping you from being with me? Is it the orchard, or your faith?”
“My faith. We can’t be—I can’t be tied with an unbeliever.”
“I believe.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I believe in you, I believe in me, and I believe in our love. The first time I saw you, I knew you were special. You were in a buggy driving, and your sisters were in the back. There was something about you, that face, the slight apprehension across your brow. I knew then the type of person you were. I could tell.”
“You mean you saw me before your cows broke through the fence that day?”
A wide smile revealed his perfect teeth. “I did.”
She licked her lips. “Why don’t you learn about us and our ways?”
“I only desire you. Marry me and do what you want. Believe in what you want and I will respect that. I’m offering you marriage and all of myself. I know with your faith you probably wouldn’t feel right about living with a man, so I’m offering you everything I am.”
She sighed. Her thrill from him loving her was entangled within the reasons they coul
dn’t be together. “If only things were that simple.”
“What do you want, Florence?”
“What I’d like is you and to still have my family and be in the community with you in the community as well.”
“I can give myself to you, but with me—”
“Stop!” She put her hands over her ears not wanting to hear words that would shatter her dreams. Why couldn’t she have it all? Surely God would make a way for them to be together.
He moved in and gently pulled her hands away from her ears. “I do believe in God, but I can’t have an organized religion telling me how to live my life.”
If she got away and prayed really, really hard, God might work on his heart. “It’s not like that. We want to do what we do.”
He pulled her in towards him for a hug and they embraced. “I’ll give you time,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“And I’ll give you time.”
He laughed and then she laughed, but only because she felt so good to be in his arms.
“Oh Florence, It would be cruel if we didn’t end up together. I don’t know who that man was just now, but he’s not for you. The only man for you is me.”
She pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes. She knew that was true. It had to be him or nobody; she’d never settle for second best. “Thank you.”
He laughed. “Why are you thanking me?”
She shrugged. “I just am. I have to go.”
“Don’t! I wake up every day hoping you’ll stop by. It’s hard for me as a man not to have control over my destiny. I can’t call you, I can’t text you, I can’t stop by and see you. I wait here hoping I’ll see you through that window.” He pointed back at his house.
“I’ll come back tomorrow.”
“Do you promise?”
“I said it, so that’s as good as a promise.”
He shook his head. “I’ve heard it before, though, and you didn’t come back.”
“I’m sorry. I will this time.” She shook her head, having nothing else to say.
He took hold of her hand and squeezed it. “I’ll be here waiting all day.”
They smiled at each other, and then she said, “Help me with the fence?”
Amish Joy (The Amish Bonnet Sisters Book 4) Page 10