After Ani spent the first eight years of her life as the center of Sunny’s universe, I expect her to be jealous of her little brother. There were times when she got sad while watching Sunny hold Bahira. Her mother is special to her in a way that no one else will ever be. I even expect Ani to end up back in our bedroom—if not our bed—from the stress of Reef’s birth.
But she loves her little brother enough to share her mama. Ani reads to Reef and tells him stories about Robin. I’m fairly certain many of her tales about the dog aren’t true, but she’s a child with a vivid imagination.
When Sunny gives birth to our daughter, I feel as if our family is complete. Ani is nearly ten and more independent, while Reef is just beginning to walk. We’ve finally moved to the Mediterranean-style home next door. With Darya, every bedroom is filled. There’s something just right about that number.
“Thank you,” Sunny tells Cobain on the night she returns from the hospital with Darya, “for helping us pick her name.”
Cobain refuses to smile, but I catch him wink at Neri nearby. When we were thinking about water-themed baby names, he suggested a Persian one meaning, “the sea.”
Normally, he wouldn’t get involved in such discussions. The man still lingers just outside of family conversations. Yet, he offered his suggestion when she asked during dinner. I suspect she would have agreed to whatever name he offered simply because it meant so much for him to participate.
Sunny and Cobain share an odd relationship—part father/daughter, part older brother/little sister. Neri and I love to watch them in the kitchen, working together. Sometimes, they argue over little details. Cobain normally wins unless Sunny’s in a stubborn mood. Then she gives him plenty of grief.
Darya reminds me a lot of her older sister. She possesses an insatiable curiosity, lacks volume control, and knows Sunny hangs the moon.
One day as I watch Reef and Bahira follow Ani around while Darya crawls after them, Papa joins me in the family room and smiles.
“I’m glad you risked yourself and Neri to save them,” he says, having held a small grudge even after all these years. “The thought of Sunny and Ani back in that hell hurts me. I also know you wouldn’t have given your mother grandchildren, and she’s fond of them.”
I chuckle at his wording. “They do love their Papa-Jake and Mama Mia.”
Even sharing my smile, he shakes his head. “I was so angry at you for being so reckless, but look at all I would have missed out on if you had been more like me.”
“I’m me because you are you. I can be idealistic because I know my father will save my ass if necessary.”
Papa’s smile warms his face. “I like knowing you have a woman that looks at you in the way Sunny does. She thinks you’re the best person in the world, Kai. My boy deserves that kind of thinking,” he says and then adds almost grudgingly, “And Cobain still looks at Neri like he knows he’s a loser and she’s too good for him. I was right to allow him to live.”
“Yes, you showed great wisdom.”
Papa throws his head back and laughs. “My children indulge me.”
“No, we just know we got lucky with you and Mama,” I say and pat his back.
“Ah, but I need to hear the truth sometimes. I was wrong about Sunny and Ani. You knew your heart and stood up to me. That’s good.”
I think back to the day when my life changed. “It’s like the world fell away,” I tell Papa. “When I noticed Sunny, it’s as if no one else existed. There were other women there, five or six of them dressed the same as Sunny. Some of them might have been young, pretty even. I don’t know. None of them registered. There was only Sunny in the spotlight with the rest of the world in the darkness.”
I exhale unsteadily. “I figured out Ani was her child. Sunny showed no emotion, no attachment, but there was a similarity around their eyes and lips. Mostly, it was Ani’s behavior that tipped me off. The way she looked around at the tourists and other workers before glancing back at Sunny. She was friendly with everyone, yet I saw such love in that child’s eyes when she looked at her mother. I knew they were a package deal. I had to take them both.”
Nearby, my children and niece stop moving around the living room. They huddle while Ani organizes the little ones for whatever game they’re playing.
“I bought vegetables from their stand. I needed Sunny to look at me so I would know,” I explain to Papa. “In my heart, I already did. She was mine. I couldn’t breathe when I thought of leaving without her and Ani. But my head said I couldn't steal them without knowing. I wasn’t sure what I needed to learn, but I thought if she looked at me and saw nothing, then maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn’t have to kill the armed men and put Neri in danger. Maybe I could walk away.”
Ani notices us watching them and tells the little ones to wave at Papa-Kai and Papa-Jake. Their little hands all moving together reminds me of how we waved at Cobain back at the second safe house.
“But Sunny saw me, and her dull eyes warmed. She knew like I knew. The universe set something in motion that I couldn’t deny.”
The look on Papa’s face makes clear how he experienced such a moment in his life too. A time when he could have made a very different choice and ruined his future. I assume he remembers something about Mama, but he doesn’t share the details. Men like my father need their secrets.
Though not haunted in the way Papa and Cobain are, I know when to embrace the darkness inside me. For Sunny and Ani that day, I was willing to burn down the entire compound to free them from their hell.
I was a weapon forged for a single purpose. On the day I saw Sunny, I found it.
THE END
EXCERPT FROM “GATOR”
≫ONE SPENT SHELL≪
GATOR
The city suffocates me. Too much grey. Too many people. Too much noise. The place smells like a graveyard filled with people who don’t know they’re dead. I hate the city.
Money lures me to this place, and I need the extra cash. Paradise doesn’t come cheap.
Carz is a guy I know from my first years as a killer. He’s a freak with a love of cars and women. He thinks he’s funny too. Others laugh at his unfunny jokes, but I don’t pretend. A man willing to kill over a misunderstanding doesn’t need to fake anything.
My face will make a grown man piss himself. While my mother was a delicate Hawaiian flower, her family is filled with large warrior men. The story goes that my grandfather was a Mexican wrestler vacationing on the islands. He enjoyed the weather, surf, and my lei wearing grandmother. After he savored what Hawaii had to offer, he left and never returned. I’m a warrior like my ancestors—big and imposing—and I use my size to terrify my enemies.
This time around, Carz gives me an easy job. A list of losers already dead and just waiting for a bullet to make it official. The first two provide easy targets. Only a man as fucked-up as me could fuck up such a simple assignment.
Logic isn’t something I ever gave any mind. I don’t care about laws or morals. My life and needs are paramount. And I want her.
A day rarely passes when I don’t work for or kill gutter trash. Paul Douthit is that kind of garbage. A life wasted on booze, drugs, cheap women, and crime. He would deserve a bullet between the eyes, even if Carz hadn’t gotten spooked about someone snitching him out. Paul is the first name on a list of five marked for death. When I got the job, I never figured I’d have a problem with offing any of them. They’re losers wasting air and dirtying everything they touch.
Except I want her, and she’s on the list too.
Carz says she’s Paul’s daughter. A whore. Trash like her old man. Kill them both and send proof of death. I’ve done it plenty of times before. Men in my work call themselves ghosts, cleaners, and assassins. I used to think I was a garbage man, but now I view myself as an exterminator. I destroy vermin. As a boy, I hunted rats around the swamp. As a man, I hunt parasites in the ugliest parts of the ugliest cities.
This girl isn’t a cockroach like her dad. I don’t know how
I know. Something in her eyes—as she stares at traffic while Paul fumbles around for cigarettes—intrigues me. They stand in the open, unconcerned in a way that proves Carz is likely paranoid. No way does Paul plan to rat him out, but I’m getting paid for the bullet, not to give Carz my opinions.
Blonde hair dirty at the ends and oily at the roots, the girl looks trashy. She is wearing a jean skirt that is both too big and too tight. I can see her legs are pale except for the bruises. I know how she makes money for her dad. I understand that the dullness in her expression comes from a lifetime of beatings, rapes, and neglect. She doesn’t live outside her head. I knew all this from her blank stare. Anyone else might have seen a waste of space like Paul, but I know better.
As I watch her through the scope of my rifle, I see a glimmer of life in her blue eyes. A whiny kid yanking on his disinterested mother’s jacket waddles past her, and she awakens enough to smile. She’s alive enough to save. I decide then that I’m keeping her.
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ABOUT BIJOU
Living in Indiana with my three sweet sons, three wacky cats, one super mom (and her ugly dog), I love cats, Phelan Porteous, Call of Duty, and sitcoms canceled before their time.
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Shellshock (Spent Shells, #2) Page 21