by J. Bengtsson
“Dani. You’ll die in here.”
She leaned back in and whispered, “I don’t believe that.”
We stared at one another for the longest time. I wanted to shake some sense into her, but I knew it wouldn’t change Dani’s mind. She’d decided to believe in a fairy tale where everything worked out in the end. But our story was not going to wrap up so nicely, and I think, deep down, she knew it.
Dani returned to a seated position in the dirt, dusting herself off all while keeping her eyes trained on me. It was as if she were awaiting my next move. Like I had one. If ever I’d been stripped down to the naked core, it was now, and without all the fancy packaging, I was nothing but that insecure little boy begging for love and acceptance.
Dani’s loyalty to me at my most vulnerable was as remarkable as it was depressing. She barely knew me, and yet, still she had more allegiance to me than did my own parents—neither of whom would’ve stayed here by my side so I wouldn’t have to face the end alone.
I shook my head, wanting her to remain in the rubble with me but knowing how selfish that made me. She had to go.
“You’re going to make this harder on me.”
“Actually, the intention is to make it easier.”
“Well, you’re not.”
“You haven’t seen what’s in my bag.”
“So leave the bag and go.”
“Or I’ll keep my bag and stay.”
“Dani, I…”
“Stop, RJ,” she blurted out. “Give it a break, okay? Leaving is not an option.”
There was a quiver in her voice, and something about it gave me an uneasy feeling.
“What does that mean?”
More hesitation. What was she not telling me?
“Nothing. I just don’t want to leave, and you’re in no position to make me, so let’s end this discussion now, or I’ll go to that corner over there and enjoy my own calamity picnic while you sit here in your hole and starve.”
I blinked back my surprise. There was no reasoning with her, but then, when had there ever been? She did what she wanted, and nothing I was going to say would change that. I could either spend what time I had left fighting and pleading for her to go or just accept that she would take her exit when I did.
“Okay, fine. You can stay.”
“Ah, so nice of you,” she replied in a cheeky tone. “Not that I need your permission.”
“No, you never have,” I agreed, lifting my arms to the sides. “Oh, and Dani? Welcome home.”
A smile instantly brightened her pretty face. “Thank you. And let me say, I really like what you’ve done with the place.”
I nodded, as if pleased with my efforts. “It’s taken twelve aftershocks to get to this point, but I think it’s really coming along nicely.”
“Oh, for sure. Is that car dangling off the edge over there a new addition?”
“Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. I believe that was earthquake number six. I can’t remember exactly. They’ve all been so much fun.”
Dani giggled, rummaging through her bag. Eventually she produced a protein bar. “Here.”
I refused her offering.
“Are you sure? I thought the enticement of my calamity picnic was what changed your mind about me staying.”
“No. It was the fact that I don’t have the strength to argue with you.”
“All the more reason to eat.”
I wished I could, but pain had robbed me of an appetite.
“I’m not feeling great,” I admitted.
Her brows furrowed. “Just give it a try. You need the calories to get through this, RJ.”
I took the bar from her, not because I was hungry but because she needed me to maintain the illusion we’d be leaving here together.
Tearing the package open, I sank my teeth into the bar and chewed through the rubbery texture. My stomach churned, but I kept it down.
“Where did you get all this stuff, anyway?” I asked.
“I told you. I stole it.”
“I know, but I thought maybe you were kidding.”
Her eyes flickered in amusement. “Um… no. And just FYI, I’m gonna need you to pay my bail.”
“Your bail?”
“It’s not like I’m a seasoned thief, RJ. My face will be all over the security cameras at the store.”
“Okay, look. I’m not a looter, but I don’t have to take a course in it to know I need to hide my face.”
“I’m one of those visual learners. Next time you’re stuck in a quake, I’ll have it all down.”
Damn, she was cool. Layers upon layers of it. “I had no idea you were such a rebel.”
She laughed. “Because I’m not. You’re just a really bad influence.”
“Me? I never told you to steal. You could’ve just gone up to your apartment and filled a garbage bag of supplies.”
Dani winced.
“What?”
Again, I got the distinct impression she wasn’t being totally forthcoming with her information.
“Nothing. I told you—no one is allowed back into the building.”
“Then why’d they let you back inside?”
That stopped her. I could almost see the wheels turning, the lies forming. But then she slumped her shoulders and sighed. “They didn’t. It’s dark. I slipped past the police lines.”
My eyes widened. Was there nothing this woman wouldn’t do to save me?
“Jesus, Dani. It’s like you’ve been through SEAL training.”
“Or maybe just dealing with your disagreeable ass for the last few months has prepared me for battle,” she said, fidgeting with her hair.
Why so nervous?
“Dani, what are you not telling me?”
“I couldn’t gather supplies at my apartment because…” She started and stopped twice before finally finishing the sentence. “Because all the apartments on our end of the wing are gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean? Where did they go?”
She pointed up. “They’re on top of us.”
And then her words registered. I sat there a moment, absorbing. Triple A hadn’t been in the parking garage when the earthquake struck; he’d been in his apartment on the first floor and had fallen down to me. And if his apartment had been crushed by the ones on top of him, then… my god… the loss of life would be staggering. For the first time since this all began, I had complete clarity. I wasn’t the unlucky one in this scenario. I was still alive.
Seeing my distress, Dani reached out and touched my arm. “Are you okay?”
I answered her question with one of my own. “So, there are no structural engineers assessing the building? That was a lie?”
“No, not a lie. Only part of the complex came down. The rest is still standing… for now.”
“Meaning what?”
“It’s unstable.”
“Unstable? Like the rest of it’s going to collapse?”
She hesitated before nodding.
I shook my head, shocked and horrified as the stark truth sank in. Why had I ever demanded it of her in the first place? If I’d had even a sliver of hope before, it was all dashed now. Closing my eyes, I dropped my forehead to the earth. A shiver racked my body, but before I even had time to address the chill, Dani draped a blanket over my shoulders and wrapped her comforting arms around me, burying her head into my neck.
“That’s why I didn’t tell you, RJ. I’m so sorry.”
“They’re not coming, are they?”
“They haven’t done the assessment yet. For all we know, it will be deemed safe and they can renew their efforts by morning. That’s why I came back bearing the fruits of my labors,” she said, dragging the bag of wonders to her side. “I have another space blanket if you need it.”
Realizing we were in for a long night, I replied, “No. You need it. What else do you have in that backpack?”
Dani unfolded from me and began removing items. “Mostly camping supplies, but I did take a pass through the personal ca
re aisle and the grocery aisle. I pretty much shoved everything I could fit in here.”
Something in the forming pile of stolen contraband caught my eye. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” I said, holding up a three pack of razors. “What the hell is this?”
“I can understand your confusion. It’s this thing that’s used to shave hair off men’s faces. It’s called a razor. Would you like to say it with me, RJ? R…A…Z…O…R.”
“I know what it is, Dani,” I said, eyeing the handheld mirror, shaving cream, and sensitive skin aftershave she’d also stolen. “I just for the life of me can’t imagine why it would be needed in our particular survival situation.”
“I thought maybe you might want a clean shave for your big moment when rescuers pull you out. Your face will be splashed across every headline in the world. I was just being forward-thinking… thoughtful.”
“No, you just hate my beard.”
“That too.”
I gathered up all her shaving paraphernalia and dropped it back in the bag. “The last thing I’m worried about is my vanity.”
“Good for you. High self-esteem.”
I couldn’t help but laugh through my misery. “Can you please use that brain of yours for good? Figure out a way to get me out of here. Everything I’ve tried has failed.”
“What have you tried?” she asked. “Napping?”
“No. I tried pulling my leg out from under the concrete… then I took a nap.”
“Ah. Okay. So, I do have one thing we can try.”
Dani pulled out two pink hammers with Do it herself written along the handle.
“You couldn’t find anything more gender neutral?”
“Enough with the judgment, RJ. When you’re looting, you don’t get to be choosy.”
“Sorry. I just didn’t know hammers were such high-ticket items. What are we going to do with them?”
“Bang the shit out of the concrete and free your foot.”
Rather simplistic, but it was as good a plan as any, so I picked up the hammer and got started. Using the claw end, Dani and I banged the hell out of the unforgiving surface. It was maybe fifteen minutes in that we realized the futility of the mission. A few small, insignificant chips had broken free, but it didn’t even come close to freeing my foot. Dani’s stolen seven-dollar hammers were a flop.
Frustration mounting, I’d finally had enough and flung the hammer at Dani’s car.
“Hey, watch it. That’s my ride.”
Her ride was now just a pile of junk, but that didn’t stop a thought from forming in my brain. “Do you have a car jack?”
Dani jumped up. “I’m on it.”
She tried opening her trunk first, but that was a no-go, so she began searching other demolished cars with her flashlight until she was finally able to pop a trunk and pull out a car jack.
Our enthusiasm quickly faded, however, when there was no way to even get it under the concrete to lift the block off my foot. She kept trying, though, salvaging anything that might help my cause, but in the end, our efforts were for nothing. I was still frustratingly and painfully stuck.
Dani plopped into the dust beside me, her face flushed with exertion. There was a feeling of finality. We’d done all we could do.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be. They were all long shots to begin with.”
“I know. But I really thought the nail file was going to work.”
I forced a smile at the levity she was trying to bring to the hopeless situation. “We tried… maybe if you’d stolen a jackhammer.”
“A jackhammer without electricity holds no value down here.”
She was right. I felt defeated. Bending over, I closed my eyes and rested my head in the dirt.
“Hey.” She rubbed my back. “You have to stay awake.”
“I’m trying. I’m just so tired. It’s getting harder to breathe, and my whole body feels like it’s shutting down.”
“Head up, RJ. Come on.”
“Just let me sleep for a little while.”
“No,” she said, trying to pull my head up. “You slept while I was gone. Now it’s time to stay alert and be here with me.”
“Because you think I’m going to die if I fall asleep.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Okay, yes. I worry about that.”
“What do you think is going to happen here, Dani? Nobody’s coming. The only way you can avoid watching me die is to leave.”
She looked down, brushing away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. “And I already told you, I’m not going to leave you.”
“Why do you care what happens to me?”
“What kind of a question is that? Why wouldn’t I care?”
“Because no one else does.”
The words, they just slipped out, and I instantly regretted them. Dani would never let a statement like that lie.
“That’s not true,” she said. “You’re loved by millions.”
“That’s not love. At least not the kind that counts.”
“What’s the kind that counts?”
“The mom who tucks you in at night. The dad who coaches the Little League team. The brother who sticks up for you when others are being mean. The woman who sneaks back inside a collapsed building to try and keep a dying man alive. That’s the kind that counts.”
“And you didn’t have that growing up?”
We were stumbling into forbidden territory, a place I rarely ventured. It had happened only once before—with Bodhi. He’d confessed things about his controlling father and I’d unexpectedly reciprocated, giving him a glimpse inside. He’d climbed my walls only to discover the insecure boy who hid behind sarcastic wit and a biting tongue. He knew I was unwanted, unloved. That knowledge was power, and now I was considering giving it to another—a woman I barely knew, but one I could easily love if given the chance.
“No.” Just one word said it all.
Dani reached out and touched me. “I’m sorry your family wasn’t there for you.
I drew in a breath, shallow at best, and nodded. I was grateful she didn’t press for more.
“I’ll try to stay awake for you.” I sighed, feeling such affection for Dani that I wanted to see the smile return to her face. “You didn’t steal anything fun, did you?”
“Funny you should ask,” she said, dipping her hand in the bag and pulling out a deck of cards. “You wanna go fish?”
Somewhere midway through our first game of Go Fish, Dani equated fish to tadpoles and tadpoles to sperm and then suddenly she was balls deep in an incredible story of her father and his one hundred and eleven children. At first, I thought she was kidding, but her story was too out there not to be true. The Lucky Swimmers Club. Donny. She’d reeled me in. I was no longer tired. I was no longer waiting for death, so fascinated by this woman I could almost forget about the pain. I wanted to live, if only to meet the dozens of Donor 649’s offspring. It went to show you could make your own family, like I’d done with the boys. Like I could do with Dani if given the chance.
“I’m just speechless…” I shook my head.
“I know. It’s a lot to take in. My situation,” she said through air quotes, “isn’t for everyone.”
“I don’t know about that. You could make a documentary or film about this. Your brother Landry alone is worth the price of admission. Dude’s got some major Batesy vibes going on.”
“I think Landry is pretty harmless,” Dani said, grabbing another card from the deck and rearranging her hand. “Do you have any nines?”
“Go fish.”
“He’s more emotionally immature than anything else.”
“Dani, he has a clipping of his mother’s hair in a little container he wears around his neck. And she’s not dead. Next thing you know, he’ll be draped in her skin and wearing her as a fashion statement.”
She unraveled her legs in order to stretch one out and tapped me with her dirty shoe. “Be nice.”
“I’m never nice,�
� I said, pushing her foot away. “Stop kicking me. You do realize I have major injuries, right?”
“You do realize you insulted my brother, right?”
“He’s your sperm brother, Dani,” I corrected. “It’s not like you took baths together as kids.”
“First, ew. And second, why are you never nice?”
“Because no one requires me to be.”
“That’s such a celebrity thing. You people think you can act however you want.”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules.” I shrugged, checking my hand before calling out, “Do you have any fours?”
Dani made a face and handed over two cards.
I laid four fours down.
“So, what if you had to be nice?”
“Like if someone was torturing me or something?”
Dani rolled her eyes. “Sure.”
“I fake it.”
“You fake it?”
“Yeah. Like at concerts, I smile and pretend that I like the fans. But the truth is, I barely tolerate them.”
“RJ,” she complained. “They’re kids.”
“I know, and that’s why I pretend.”
Her eyes were wide with surprise. “My god. You need to be socialized with other humans. As soon as we get out of here, I’m going to set up playdates and teach you how to play nice with others.”
“Good luck with that. Do you have any jacks?”
“No. Go fish.”
I picked a card. “And you’re socialized? You’ve never dropped the f-bomb in class before?”
“Of course not. They’re six and seven years old.”
“So?”
“So, they’re impressionable. Last thing I want is a bunch of potty-mouthed RJs running around.”
“You’re telling me you’ve never sworn once around them.”
“Nope. Not even when Ardavan accidentally shit on me.”
The things she said. I shook my head, laughing under my breath as I passed over a two of hearts.
“You wanna know, don’t you?” she asked, looking up from her cards with mischief in her eyes. “Let me shave off your beard and I’ll tell you.”
No way did I need to hear her story that bad, but I liked having something she wanted, and if shearing my face made her happy, maybe my act of kindness might be the difference between heaven and hell.