by J. Bengtsson
Twelve-year-old Burton woke his mother at five in the morning and passed over the walkie-talkie. She hopped in her car and drove the mile distance to the collapsed building on Waterbury Rd. Holding onto her son’s walkie-talkie, she found the closest fireman and asked for Parker, who, it turned out, was still on shift. And within fifteen minutes of RJ threatening to shove Burton into a microwave, I heard a familiar voice.
“Gladys, is that you?”
I smiled with relief. “We talked about this, Parker. The name’s Dani.”
“Ah, man, Dani. Tell me I heard wrong. You didn’t go back in, did you?”
“You met me, Parker. What do you think?”
He didn’t snicker like before when he’d found me frustratingly entertaining.
In fact, Parker didn’t say a word. That couldn’t be good.
“When are you guys coming?” I asked.
“Listen, Dani,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. I could tell by the way he was breathing that he was on the move. “If you can get out, you need to do it right now.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“I shouldn’t be telling you this because it hasn’t been made public yet, but the engineers have deemed it too unstable for us to go back in. The building is swaying. The rest of it can come down on top of you at any minute. You have to get out of there.”
Tears rushed to my eyes. “I can’t.”
“Look, I know you don’t want to leave your neighbor, but you can’t save him. You have to think about yourself. You’ll die in there.”
“Well, then I’m going to die,” I said, my words wrought with emotion. “Because I have no way out of here.”
RJ blinked in rapid succession. “What do you mean?”
“When I was shoving the backpack through the hole, it caused a cave-in. I fell through like freakin’ Alice in Wonderland. And now there’s no mountain of debris for me to climb anymore.”
The look of horror on RJ’s face said it all. This whole time he’d thought I was free to go, that when things got really bad for him, or if he died, I’d make my way out into the land of the living. But now he knew the truth. There was no way out. We were both going to die in here together.
15
RJ: Time’s Up
Maybe it had been the fever talking, but I hadn’t fully understood the sacrifice Dani had made for me. This whole time, she’d known what was going to happen to her if the rescue team didn’t arrive, yet she’d stayed immeasurably calm, playing card games with me and shaving my damn face. But I wasn’t the only one who needed comfort in this storm. Dani needed it too and had never said a word. What sort of superhuman strength did this woman have?
I felt sick. This was all wrong. It couldn’t end this way. At least not for her. Just the thought of Dani’s bright light going out spurred me to action. I didn’t know who this Parker guy was, but it was clear by his instructions to her that he cared about her well-being, and that meant he and I were on the same page.
Taking the walkie-talkie from Dani’s hand, I raised it to my mouth and pushed the button. “Parker, this is RJ Contreras.”
Silence.
I added, “You heard right.”
“From AnyDayNow.”
“Yes.”
“Did Dani put you up to this?”
“Dude, I’m about to die. Does it sound like I’m playing games with you?”
“Oh, shit. No. Sorry, I just… I thought Dani was making it up to get me to come rescue you… I mean there’ve been unconfirmed reports on the news, but it’s all based on the podcast Dani did with Misty Swallows.”
I turned to Dani. “You had time for a podcast?”
“How else do you think I got your fans out here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a tweet?”
“I have fifty-eight followers, RJ. Nothing I have to say is going to go far.”
Shaking off the surprise, I redirected my attention to what was most important.
“Listen, Parker, you and I have the same goal. Dani needs to get out of here. I know it’s too unsafe for you to come down here and get her, but can you leave a ladder in the hole so she can climb out herself?”
Parker cut out long enough that I worried we’d lost the connection.
“Parker?”
“I’m here. Sorry. Most of our trucks have already moved out. I’m looking to see if any unit might have an extension ladder. Hold on.”
The sound of Dani’s crying tore at my heart. I pulled her to me and she buried her head in my neck while we waited to see who lived and who died.
Static preceded Parker’s voice on the walkie-talkie. “I got one. Bringing it over. But she needs to come out now. We’ve pushed everyone back and are evacuating the buildings in the vicinity. Listen, I can’t stress this enough—a collapse is imminent.”
“I hear you. Just have the ladder in place. I’ll get her there.”
“No.” Dani sobbed, grabbed hold of my face, and staring me straight in the eye, she said, “I told you. I’m not leaving without you.”
“And I’m not leaving here…ever. Don’t you get it, Dani? I’m going to die here, but you don’t have to.” My voice broke into a thousand pieces. I was a man facing my own mortality, and the last thing I needed was more regrets. “Please don’t put your death on me.”
Dani’s jaw tightened, her eyes blazing with anger. “Then don’t put your death on me.”
“Without you, I’d probably already be gone. I know what you’ve done for me. You sacrificed everything to come back in here and help me. You gave me hope. You made me laugh in this hopeless situation, and I can’t possibly be more grateful to you. But it’s time. There’s nothing more you can do for me. Please, if you care about me at all, you’ll go.”
Dani was a mess of emotions, and my heart hurt watching her struggle. I knew what I was asking her to do. I was sentencing this beautiful, caring, loving woman to a lifetime of guilt. But there was no other option because Dani Malone’s light needed to stay on.
Parker interjected. “Are you still there?”
I tipped Dani’s chin up and kissed her lips. “Do this for me?”
Her eyes met mine and there was a resolve in them. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she nodded.
I pushed the button. “We’re still here. Get the ladder ready. Dani’s coming out.”
We spent the next few horrible minutes saying goodbye.
“Hey,” I said, cradling her neck. “It’s okay.”
I’d never been a crier—barely showed any emotion at all half the time—but there was no reason for restraint now. This was it. The end of the road. Once Dani left, I’d be alone, waiting to die. And that moment couldn’t come fast enough, because once she left, I’d already be dead.
“No, it’s not okay,” Dani cried. “None of this is okay.”
With my thumb, I swiped at her tears, placing a tender kiss upon her lips.
“I need you to do me a favor.”
Dani tipped her head up, her eyes red and swollen. “For you, RJ, I’ll do anything. Always.”
Her response took me apart piece by piece. My whole life, that level of devotion from a woman was all I’d ever wanted. A loyalty my mother had never been willing to extend to her youngest child. Sure, I’d gotten it from my fans, but none of that was real. They didn’t love me. They loved the idea of me. And now there was Dani, the woman who’d risked it all. In these last moments with her, I felt her heart beating against mine, and I knew I was loved.
“I need you to get in contact with Bodhi Beckett and tell him you’re my gale force wind.”
“Your gale force wind? What does that even mean?”
“He’ll understand. And tell him to check inside the curtain rod.”
“RJ, you’re not making any sense.”
“It’ll make sense to him.”
“But how am I going to contact him? Bodhi’s famous. He’s not just going to accept my friend request.”
“You worked your way i
nto a podcast yesterday. I think you can figure out how to contact one celebrity.”
Dani threw her arms over my shoulders and buried her head into the nook of my neck. I held her, wishing, wanting. But it was selfish. She had to go.
Into her ear, I whispered, “Now go, Post-it Note girl. Make me proud.”
“I will, and RJ, I promise you this. I’ll make sure the world never forgets you. Everyone will know the man you really are.”
She kissed my cheek, then pulled free of my arms, sobbing the words, “I love you. Don’t forget it.”
My heart ripped from my chest as I watched her hurry away, her cries echoing through the hallowed space.
Dani Malone never looked back.
16
Dani: Sign from Above
I’d never experienced such sorrow. The pain burned through me like licks of fire from the inside. I wanted to turn back, to take my chances, but I understood that RJ didn’t just want me to go for me but for him as well.
How I was going to process this once he was gone, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I would keep my promise to him. I would make him the hero he was in the eyes of the world. I would never let anyone forget his name or the sacrifice he’d made to save my life. If that wasn’t love, then I didn’t understand the meaning.
Before I even got to the hole in the ground that was now a crater, I saw the ladder gleaming in the early morning sun. It was like a mirage, beckoning me forward and promising me a future it would not afford to RJ. I slowed as I drew closer, wanting to embrace its saving graces but at the same time throttle it.
I placed my hand on a rung and looked up to the sky. My freedom was but a climb away. I knew Parker was out there somewhere, waiting. He’d told us he would be fired if he disobeyed orders, so he’d lowered the ladder and left, leaving it up to me to save myself. But as I was about to take the first step, I noticed a bag on the ground. Bending down, I turned it over, only to see my name written in black Sharpie and a message scrawled over the canvas.
Give this to RJ.
I don’t know how I knew what was in the bag before even opening it, but I did. I swallowed back the horror of what was inside. Parker was giving him a chance—but at what cost?
A few feet from the bag was a single crutch, with Bruce scrawled in Sharpie on the side. I picked it up and sprinted back the way I’d come.
17
RJ: At What Cost?
Once Dani left, I wrapped myself in the blanket and prepared to die. There was nothing else I could do. In that entire vast expanse of items she’d shoved into the backpack, she’d forgotten the one thing that would have made leaving this earth easier—a pencil.
I didn’t have a will; I never thought I needed one. I was twenty-five. I wasn’t going to die. But here I was at the end, and the only thing I could think of was that the ones who would benefit most from my death were the ones who would miss me least.
There was some solace in knowing that Dani would pass my message along to Bodhi. He’d connect the dots and use that knowledge to carry out my wishes. It might not keep my family from grabbing my fortune, but it might help Dani rebuild her life, even if Bodhi had to take money out of his own pocket to make it happen.
I thought back to our conversation after our last AnyDayNow concert. Despite the sweet sorrow of our breakup, Bodhi was on a high. He couldn’t stop talking about his girl, Breeze.
She’s the one, he’d said.
How do you know? I’d asked.
You just know. I can’t explain it, RJ, but I promise you, when your Breeze comes along, she’ll knock you on your ass.
I’d laughed at that. No light Breeze will knock me on my ass. I’d need a gale force wind.
I heard her coming before I saw her turn the corner. She was back. I wanted to scream. Now I’d have to say goodbye all over again.
“Dani! Dammit!”
“I know.” She dropped to her knees, cupped my face, and placed a breathless kiss on me. “But Parker left this for you.”
She dropped the bag beside me. I opened the top and looked inside, lingering there as my brain caught up to what it was seeing. Slowly, my eyes tracked up from the bag and landed on Dani’s. No words passed between us. We both understood. And then I reached into the bag and pulled out the knife.
It was hard to describe the moments leading up to the act itself. I’d heard about animals chewing off their own feet to free themselves from traps and the mountain climber who’d cut his own arm off to survive. I’d wondered what sort of desperation you’d have to be feeling in the moment to resort to such horrifying measures. Now I knew.
And while Dani prepared the area just above the concrete slab with the supplies provided in the bag by her buddies topside, I readied myself by getting into the headspace I’d need to get the job done. I’d grown up a victim of circumstance—the bastard child of a manipulative, selfish woman who tried to fool a man who wasn’t my father into loving me. It hadn’t worked, setting me up for a lifetime of having to prove my self-worth. If I sang well enough. If I looked good enough. If I had the most fans. On the cover of popular magazines. Top of the charts. Maybe then. But none of that was sustainable. And none of it made me feel deserving. So, it wasn’t that surprising that when my value to society was tested, I’d fallen completely apart.
How had I not seen it before? Inner strength did not come from the adoration of others. It came from within. And as I sat there, knife in hand, prepared to do whatever it took to defend my life, I finally understood what it took to be a man.
I was not a victim anymore.
And if I lived through this, I’d never be a victim again.
18
Dani: The Climb
Quitting was not in my vocabulary. Even when life threw curveballs at me. Like the time I failed to get accepted into medical school after a lifetime of preparing; I’d quickly readjusted my aim and swung for a different field. Even when this earthquake sent my world into chaos, I’d kept my focus, doing what needed to be done. But this…
I’d hit my limit. I was done.
Dropping heavily to the ground, I pulled the walkie-talkie from my pocket and pressed the button.
“Parker, are you there?”
I waited, wiping the blood, sweat, and tears from my eyes.
“I know you’ve already done so much for me today—above and beyond in every sense of the word—but I need you now more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life. I know you could lose your job if you disobey orders, and I promise you, I wouldn’t be asking you this if I had any other choice. But please, Parker. Please help me.”
There was a crackling on the other end like he was there, listening, and had chosen to remain silent because there was nothing more to be said. How could I blame him? What I was asking for was too much. Tears streaked across my face as I bent down and kissed RJ’s fever-ravaged forehead. He was unconscious now, the pain, the exertion, the loss of blood all working together to create the perfect storm.
I looked down at the gauze wrapped tight just below his lower calf. His foot was gone, left crushed under all that concrete. I watched him do it, horrified but in awe of his strength, his desire to live. The screams. The blood. They would haunt me to the day I died. But I stayed there by his side, even taking over when the knife fell from his hand. We’d come that far. I had to set him free.
And when it was done, RJ had wrapped his appreciative arms around me once more. His foot was gone, yet his resolve remained. He wanted to live; we both did.
But neither one of us had been prepared for the trek that followed. Using the crutch Bruce had provided and me as support on the other side, RJ and I began the arduous journey across a wasteland of destruction and fallen debris. When it had just been me climbing over crushed cars and mangled rebar, the trip had seemed manageable but RJ, fresh out of self-surgery and with only one foot to navigate on, was quickly beginning to fade.
Yet I kept pushing him past what should be expected of any human body. And when he finally
fell, there was no getting him back up. RJ was out cold, his skin so pale it was streaked in shades of light blue. Still, I didn’t give up, calling on whatever reserves I had left inside me to drag him through the debris and over mounds of crumbling concrete until I dropped to the ground in sheer exhaustion with his near lifeless body draped over me. We’d made it to the crater. But that was the farthest the two of us would go because that ladder was my breaking point.
“Parker, if you can hear me… I tried. I really tried. I got RJ to the base of the ladder, but he’s unconscious and too heavy for me to get him out of here. His pulse is so low. I don’t think he has much longer. I’m going to stay with him until the end, and then once he’s gone…” I swallowed back a sob. “I’ll come out.”
I stroked RJ’s handsome face, pressing kisses along the smooth skin and smiling at the memory of shaving him graveside. When he’d been at his most vulnerable, RJ’s spirit had shown. And while he would not be able to make the grand, heroic exit we’d both planned, I would never let anyone forget his name. RJ Contreras would live on as a shining star.
“That’s my last promise to you,” I whispered in his ear.
The walkie-talkie crackled.
Hold on, Gladys. I’m coming.
Parker descended the ladder with a stretcher strapped to his back. But he was not the only hero to climb down those stairs. His captain, Marcel, was already on the ground, checking RJ’s vital signs and calling orders to those who stood above the hole, waiting to hoist him up on the stretcher.
I stood off to the side, watching. In shock. Emotional. RJ was lifted onto the stretcher and strapped in. And as Parker cushioned his leg for the trip out of the parking garage, the firefighter who I knew after this would be my friend for life turned to me.