by Iris Trovao
She swallowed the lump of emotion forming in her throat as the click-click started up again at another red light. “How do you always know the cutest things to say?” she murmured.
Carson chuckled. “I don’t know if anyone’s ever called me cute before, but I’ll take it.”
She smiled, relaxing a touch, finally dropping the tab on her zipper and shoving her little purse beside her thigh so she would stop fidgeting with it.
“This is the road, now, right?” he asked, peeking up at the street sign as he made his turn. “You’ll have to direct me from here.”
“Just keep heading in this direction, and I’ll tell you when to pull over.” She snaked her fingers down her thigh and started fiddling with the zipper again, nerves dancing in her belly. Time’s running out, Jo… “So, you really don’t have an irrational fear?”
He drew his bottom lip between his teeth, and she watched it pop back out, wanting nothing more than to launch herself across the vehicle and cover it with her own.
“I don’t like heights,” he admitted. “But I don’t know if that’s wholly irrational. I’m not afraid of being up high, I’m afraid of falling from up high.”
Jolie snapped her fingers. “Dammit, and I was going to take you skydiving for our date.”
He side-glanced her, and she poked his arm.
“I’m kidding.”
“I know.” He shook his head. “Well, I was pretty sure.”
She laughed. “I’m trying to even imagine you afraid,” she mused, putting a finger to her chin. “Professional doctor man, standing on a chair squealing because there’s a mouse running around underneath.”
“No, I definitely wouldn’t be up on a chair. I’d take my chances with the mouse.”
“Well, you protect me from the geese, and I’ll keep you on the ground,” she declared. “Deal?”
He chuckled again, that gravelly sound, and she pressed her thighs together. “Deal,” he said.
“Oh, just up here, on the right.” She pointed to a string of empty spaces on the side of the road next to a strip of store fronts, her heart racing.
When he slid smoothly into the space, he pulled the emergency brake but left the car running, and her stomach sank. If I can get him out of the car… She sighed internally. She didn’t want to fuck with him. She didn’t want to play games. She wanted him to want her.
And it seemed like he did… Was this a chivalry thing? It was their first date. But they’d known each other for how long, now? She tried to force herself to invite him up, but her voice dried up, and as she violently flicked the metal tab of her purse zipper it toppled over the side of the seat and clunked down between it and the door.
“Aw, shit,” she muttered, and tried to jam her hand down to reach it.
“Oh, hang on,” Carson said, and undid his seatbelt, getting out of the car. He walked around the front and opened her door, leaning down to snake his hand under the seat.
Jolie’s breath left her lungs, his face hovering over her thigh as he plunged his arm beneath the seat to feel around for her fallen purse, and she didn’t know what to do. She stayed frozen, watching him work, seemingly oblivious to their closeness in this moment, a moment where he was just being his normal sweet, helpful self, and she was picturing him naked.
“Got it,” he murmured, backing up onto the sidewalk and triumphantly holding out her purse.
“Thank you,” she said breathlessly, struggling with her libido, and took it, their fingers brushing lightly in the process. She swallowed and took a fistful of her skirt, readying to hop the slush against the curb to the sidewalk.
“Oh, here,” Carson said, and leaned forward with his hands outstretched. “I’ll help you jump.”
She laughed, hooking the loop of her clutch around her wrist, and placed her hands in his palms. It was as if electricity zapped from him, shooting through her body from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. He felt it too, she knew it, from the way he stiffened and his eyes locked on hers.
“Ready?” he rasped, and she nodded jerkily, not breaking eye contact.
She pushed off of the floor of the SUV, and he pulled, and soon she was on her unsteady heels on the sidewalk, and his arms were around her waist somehow, his biceps beneath her hands, and she cursed his coat for robbing her of the sensation of his rippling skin under her fingertips.
He stared down at her, breath coming out in little puffs, his eyes alight with wonder, as if he’d never seen anything but her ever in his entire life. Her lips parted, and anything she thought she might say to him poofed from her brain, never to be seen or heard from again.
Her hands moved from his arms to the lapels of his jacket of their own accord, her fingers acting on instinct as they threaded around the fabric, and gave a little tug.
Carson moved with it, allowing her to pull him down. Her eyes fluttered closed, and his lips were on hers, melting her body, the frigid winter air forgotten, everything forgotten, because all that mattered was the feel of him against her.
Chapter Forty
As soon as Carson took hold of Jolie’s waist and stared down into her heated eyes, he knew he had to kiss her. The air crackled between them with intensity, swallowing the breath straight out of his lungs.
Then she had the lapels of his jacket, tugging him down, and he crashed his lips down onto hers, and the world exploded into nothingness, the only thing in existence the presence of her body against his, her soft lips massaging his, the sweet mewl in her throat reverberating through his entire body like a storm.
His arms slid around her back, folding her into him like something precious, because she was precious, she was everything, and he was kissing her, and it felt so right that he never wanted it to end.
Eventually, unfortunately, they needed to breathe. But though their mouths parted from one another, their foreheads leaned together as if magnetized, as if their bodies couldn’t bear to not be touching.
“Wow,” Jolie breathed, the word coming out on a puff of steam, and Carson imagined the snow around them melting into vapour as soon as it came into contact with their bubble of need.
He wasn’t about to pull away or open his eyes to look, though. “Yeah, wow,” he whispered.
“That was a long time coming.” She snaked her hands from his lapels up to his neck, sliding her fingers through the hair at the back of his head.
“I’ve been thinking about it all night,” he admitted.
She pulled back, their eyes opening at the same time. “I’ve been thinking about it for much longer than that.” Her cheeks pinked, and her swollen lips curled into a smirk, and his heart skipped a beat.
“Me too.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want you to think I…” He trailed off, unsure of how to voice his thoughts.
“If you’re afraid I’ll be creeped out by how long you’ve been fantasizing about me, you can stop it right now.” She lightly scratched the nape of his neck, her fingertips leaving fire in their wake. “If you knew back then what I was thinking about you would have definitely blocked my number.”
Carson couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “I wasn’t strong enough to block your number.”
“You’re right,” she teased. “I got wildly inappropriate and you stuck around.”
He reached up and cupped her cheek, stroking the soft skin with his thumb. He couldn’t believe she was here, with him, in the flesh. He couldn’t believe that he was gazing upon her, touching her, kissing her…
He leaned in again, this time brushing his lips softly against hers, more tentative. She allowed this for a moment, before threading her fingers into his hair, pulling him down to deepen the kiss.
He groaned and she swallowed it as her tongue massaged his, the movement stirring an animal inside of him that had been sleeping for a very long time. Panic zipped through him then, and he fought to beat it into submission, but the damage had already been done, dousing his body with ice water.
If he stayed here, if he continued
this, she’d want more…she’d expect more…
“Are you okay?” she asked, pulling back, brow furrowed.
Carson nodded jerkily and swiftly kissed her forehead. He had to peel his arms from her as he stepped back, his body feeling the loss of hers like a part of him tore violently free.
“I, um,” he stammered, inwardly cursing his lack of eloquence. “I had a wonderful time.” He motioned vaguely to the SUV, which was still humming with life from when he’d abandoned it to devour Jolie’s face on the sidewalk. “I should get home to the girls.”
He didn’t miss the disappointment in her eyes. This woman was like an open book with her expressions, and it was clear she didn’t want him to leave.
But if I stay…I couldn’t bear that look on her face later…
“Happy birthday,” he said, filling the awkward silence and turning to push the passenger door closed before retreating around the hood of the SUV like a coward. He knew if he stayed and looked at her any longer he’d be pressed up against her within seconds. The pull was too strong.
“Thank you,” she called hoarsely, seeming to find her voice as he made it to his side of the vehicle.
He got into the driver’s seat, and she waved awkwardly through the window. He gave her his warmest smile and waved back, then threw the shifter into first gear and tried not to stall out as he pulled away from the curb, heart pounding.
“Idiot,” he muttered. “You are an idiot.”
Carson’s phone buzzed while he was driving, but he didn’t check it. He didn’t need a texting and driving ticket. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.
When he got home, he didn’t check it because he wanted to make sure the girls were okay. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.
When he found the girls sprawled out sleeping on the pull-out couch, the Are you still watching? screen splashed across the streaming service they’d been watching, he didn’t check his phone because he didn’t want to disturb them.
When he entered his bedroom, he didn’t have an excuse anymore, and he sank down onto the bed, the mattress dipping with a creak. He unlocked his phone, the screen already sitting on his conversation with Jolie from when he’d been maniacally checking it in the restaurant as he waited for her.
Jolie: Look we’ve gotten good at being honest with each other. Please tell me if I did something wrong.
He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw as he stared at the screen. He could still feel the ghost of her lips on his, the silk of her tongue, the sound in her throat… He groaned.
You didn’t do anything wrong, he typed out. I am a cowardly idiot.
He stared at the words for a long time before finally hitting send. Her three little dots appeared almost immediately, and he held his breath as he watched them flicker there.
Jolie: After everything we’ve been through? What the hell would you be afraid of?
He closed his eyes momentarily, taking in a deep, ragged breath through his nose. When he opened them again, ready to draft eight hundred texts before he could figure out what to actually send her, the three dots were back.
He waited instead of attempting to answer.
Jolie: If it’s too fast you can just say so.
Jolie: I’m not gonna be pissed at you for suddenly realizing you weren’t ready for this…it got a little intense.
He imagined her furiously typing, desperately trying to fill the void with rambling because she was terrified of his answer. He had to say something, otherwise he was just letting her stew in worry.
I’m old, he typed, and hit send quickly before he could think too much about it.
There was nothing for a moment, and he wasn’t sure if she was waiting for him to say more. He groaned again and pressed the phone to his forehead. He loved talking with her every day, but somehow being back to agonizing over the messages he sent to her felt like moving backwards.
His phone buzzed and he pulled it away from his face.
Jolie: And?
He barked a laugh, rubbing his cheek as he typed, And it did get intense. I loved every second of it, but I wasn’t prepared for it and, he paused, still not fully sure how to explain. He wrinkled his nose. You’re so young and beautiful and you’re used to being with young and beautiful people. He hit send and flopped back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
Carson had never been one to be overly self-conscious, but after meeting Thad all those months ago…really seeing what type of man Gina had replaced him with…he had a hard time feeling like his body could be something desirable for even a woman his own age, let alone one so much younger…
His phone buzzed, and he rolled onto his side.
Jolie: You’re right.
He blinked at the screen, his heart rate tripling, blood turning to ice in his veins.
Jolie: You are an idiot.
He finally took a breath, a ragged laugh tearing its way from his throat.
Jolie: I apparently need to buy you a mirror, like have you seen yourself? You’re fucking gorgeous.
His cheeks burned, the ice completely dissipated by the flush overtaking his entire body.
Jolie: There is literally nothing you could be hiding underneath your clothes that wouldn’t also be gorgeous to me.
Jolie: Dumbass lol
He laughed again, his chest clenching with the emotions suddenly zigzagging through it. Dr. Dorky McDumbass? He added a tongue face emoji and hit send, drawing his lower lip between his teeth.
Jolie: Apparently lol
Jolie: If it makes you feel any better, one of my tits is bigger than the other and the birthmark on my thigh looks like a mutated turtle.
He snorted. I’ve always wanted a turtle.
Jolie: There, see? We’re a pair lol
He took a deep breath. Thank you, he typed out. I’m sorry I left so suddenly.
Jolie: You should be. Blueballs are no fun.
A choked noise whined out of his throat. He didn’t know what to say. Before he could stop it, an image of her materialized in his mind, sprawled across her bed, restless…
He groaned. He didn’t know what to say to her. Part of him wanted to take this conversation to the next level, because he had a feeling that his vision of her wasn’t that far off. But he didn’t want to assume, either. They’d been on one date, just one. Despite knowing each other for as long as they had, it didn’t feel right to push her so quickly.
Jolie: Well, goodnight, doc. I can’t wait to see you again.
He smiled. Me either.
Jolie: Until then, I guess I’m gonna have to take care of myself. ;)
Carson’s breath hitched, and his blood shot straight south.
Chapter Forty-One
“You suck, doc,” Jolie muttered, throwing herself onto her side on her bed. “Stupid, beautiful idiot.”
She couldn’t believe he was self conscious. If either of us has anything to be self conscious about, it’s me! I’m the one with no life experience who’s only fucked one dude my whole life, she thought.
It was endearing, though, to know that he was just as nervous as she was. And she was happy that it was his insecurity that had sent him running and not that he didn’t want to continue the way they’d been going.
The kisses had been magical. She’d been afraid she was going to spontaneously combust the whole time. And the way he’d looked at her…she’d felt so…important.
She checked her phone, even though it hadn’t buzzed, but he hadn’t replied. She wondered if he was in the same state as her, all hot and bothered.
Her eyes fluttered closed and she imagined him…the real him. The sexy doctor had taken many forms in her mind over the time she’d known him, but now she had the real thing… Carson.
She danced her fingers along the soft fabric of her dress, the dress she’d neglected to shimmy out of in her disappointment over his abrupt departure. The dress she’d wanted him to peel from her skin. Brush his hands down her shoulders, taking the garment down, revealing her soft flesh t
o him.
A sigh escaped her lips as she teased herself, imagining him brushing his lips along her collarbone as she parted her thighs.
Buzz.
Jolie’s eyes flew open and she dove for her phone. She stamped down the hope that maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe her text had been just enough of a sultry torture that he was going to show up at her door…
She frantically unlocked her phone.
Alicia: HAPPPY BIIIIRTHDAY!!!
Jolie laughed, smacking her forehead with her hand. There was a video beneath the text, and she clicked play, watching a motion-sickness-inducing shaky-cam selfie rendition of Alicia drunkenly singing the birthday song.
Thanks, that was beautiful, Jolie sent back, flopping over as she gnawed her lower lip.
It was as if she’d been splashed with ice water, the fire from a few moments ago completely quenched. The frustration was still there, the underlying need for him…but hearing Alicia’s voice, seeing her face… The only thing in the forefront of her mind was her best friend’s disappointment in her. How upset she would be to know that Jolie was lusting so hard after another man less than a year after John’s death. Deeper than that…how difficult of a time she’d even had connecting with grief over John’s death.
“Ugh,” she grunted, and took in a deep, ragged breath. She wasn’t used to feeling so damn torn about things. She knew at some point she’d have to tell Alicia about Carson…but today was not that day. Nor any day in the near future, if she could swing it. “Having a conscience sucks.”
“Well?” Janos asked as he slid a cortado across the counter. “You’re here on your day off, so I can only assume you’re desperate to talk about your date.”
Jolie wrinkled her nose as she pulled up a seat at the coffee bar, setting her phone face-up on the oak top. “As if you’re not desperate to hear about it,” she retorted.
“It took all of my willpower not to text you as soon as I woke up this morning,” he admitted, putting a hand to his chest. “Now spill. With that face, it either went really bad or really well.”