For the Brooklyn Cat Cafe. Thanks for all the good work you do, and for Deno—JM
For Esme, cat of my heart—EC
For my elementary school art teacher, Mrs. Healy. Thanks for all the encouragement, kindness, and good memories from the very beginning—RM
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Text copyright © 2019 by John Bemelmans Marciano and Emily Chenoweth. Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Robb Mommaerts. All rights reserved. Published by Penguin Workshop, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. PENGUIN and PENGUIN WORKSHOP are trademarks of Penguin Books Ltd, and the W colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
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ISBN 9781524787257
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Dedication
Copyright
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
About the Authors
PROLOGUE
LOCATION: THE DOG HOUSE, HEADQUARTERS OF THE PACK OF THE UNITED PLANETS PEACEKEEPING SERVICE (PUPPS)
SITUATION: AN EMERGENCY MEETING OF THE SECURITY PACK
The Leader of the Pack, Comrade Muffee, called the emergency meeting to order with a howl. When the last echoes faded from the chamber, she turned to the space ranger standing before her.
“Greetings, Comrade Barx,” Muffee said. “My fellow Alpha Dogs and I have summoned you here for a matter of the utmost importance. It concerns recently intercepted communications from the planet Earth.”
“Earth!” Barx exclaimed. “Do you mean the wonderful planet that is home to the gentle and generous beings known as Humans?”
“The very one,” Muffee said. “As you know, thousands of years ago, this distant paradise was spoiled when our mortal enemies—cats—began using Earth as a maximum security prison.”
Her ears instinctively went back, as did those of the assembled.
“As you also know, we sent our finest peacekeeping officers to protect the Humans from the feline menace. But when cats stopped exiling their criminals to Earth, our contact with the planet ceased,” Muffee said. “What you don’t know is that our enemies have resumed this despicable practice.”
Barx began to growl, but Muffee held up a paw.
“It is even worse than you think. The cat they have sent to Earth is the greatest criminal in the known universe: Wyss-Kuzz the Wicked! Or, as he has become known in his exile, KLAWDE.”
Comrade Fydo bared her yellow teeth. “No dog will ever forget what he did to us! He must be punished!”
“Now that he is outside the Neutral Zone, we can capture him,” shouted Comrade Muzzil. “And make him pay for his crime!”
“Indeed we shall,” Muffee said. “Space Ranger Barx, as the bravest and most loyal officer of the entire PUPPS force, I nominate you to bring this evildoer to justice.” She turned to the assembled Alpha Dogs. “Do I have the unanimous consent of the Pack?”
“WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO!”
“And do you, Barx, agree to accept this dangerous mission?”
“Yes, Muffee! I do!”
All tails began to wag.
“In that case, comrade, your ship awaits,” Muffee said. “There’s just one thing you have to do before you go.” She coughed awkwardly. “You know.”
“Uh, I know . . . what?” Barx asked.
The sound of uneasy whimpering echoed throughout the chamber.
“You must . . . ahem . . . take off your uniform,” she said. “The dogs of Earth live the way the great Doggie Creator in the sky made us. Naked.”
Barx gasped. “Even my collar?”
“Goodness, no!” Muffee said. “Earth dogs are still canines, not mindless beasts!”
“You needn’t be ashamed, good comrade!” Fydo said as Barx removed his vest. “It’s all a part of the Earth experience. It will help you get in touch with your primal self.”
“You may even enjoy such primitive freedoms,” Muffee said. “But no matter how sorely you are tempted, do not become bonded to any of the Humans,” she warned. “Otherwise, you will be subject to the Master Clause! And if that happens, comrade, your mission may fail.”
Barx was down to his collar and license, but still he stood proud. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I will find this Wyss-Kuzz, and I will make him repay his debt to dogkind!”
The entire Security Pack howled their approval.
CHAPTER 1
“Raj, I need your help!” My dad poked his head into my room, wearing his PLAQUE IS WACK T-shirt. “Do you think I should sign up for the King of Crowns lecture, or the Pearly Gates: Adventures in Tooth Whitening demonstration?” he asked.
It was a Sunday afternoon, and he and Mom were about to leave for a dental conference—in Hawaii. Dad called it “work,” but it sounded a lot like vacation to me.
“Wow,” I said, yawning. “They both seem really interesting.”
“Krish, you need to finish packing,” Mom called to Dad. “We can’t miss our plane!”
I followed him back to their room. “I can’t believe you guys are going to Hawaii without me. And that
you’re going to miss my birthday!”
“But you have school,” Mom said.
Like I’d forgotten! I wanted to miss school.
“Besides,” Mom went on, “your ajji is very much looking forward to spending this time with you.”
Ajji—my grandma. Not my dad’s mom, who was funny and bought me all the comics I wanted. But my mom’s mom, who could be a little intense. I loved her, but spending two whole weeks with her and my grandpa was going to be exhausting.
“But what about your job?” I asked Mom. “Are you really just going to sit around on a beach instead of doing . . . whatever it is you do?”
“Me, sit?” Mom laughed. “I have a weeklong surfing intensive, followed by a week of deep-sea-diver training. Plus I have morning Pilates classes and Japanese lessons at night.”
“And I’m going to take Tooth Pics: Advances in Oral Photography with the coolest dentists in the world!” my dad said. “Then I’m going to do some serious poolside relaxing.”
He’d tossed a bunch of clothes into his suitcase, which he was now trying to push shut. Suddenly he yelped and snatched his arm away.
Klawde’s paw was poking out from underneath a pair of shorts.
“Awww, look at the little stowaway!” Dad said, rubbing his scratched hand. “You want to come to Hawaii, buddy?”
Klawde hissed.
I heard a car pull up, and then the doorbell rang.
“That must be your ajji,” Mom said to me. “Go let her in!”
I ran downstairs and opened the door to find my grandma standing on the porch. In one hand, she was holding the handle of the world’s biggest rolling suitcase. In the other, she was holding a leash. Which was attached to a dog.
CHAPTER 2
It was a gloriously sunny afternoon, and I was at nap. My sleep was not the death-like slumber of the Humans, but the hyper-aware trance in which all felines plot their schemes. And, oh, what schemes I had! A trio of brilliant inventions, each designed to help me reconquer my home planet.
The only question was which device to launch first. The Zom-Beam, a laser that would turn Humans into my brainwashed soldiers? The Starsucker, a giant battery that harnessed the destructive power of supernovas? Or the Squirr-a-pult, which I think explains itself? All three were under development by my minion, Flooffee-Fyr, in a secret lab far beneath the surface of Lyttyrboks.
In addition to his engineering work, Flooffee kept me informed about the political situation back home. Happily, my nemesis, General Ffangg, was in prison. But the traitorous calico—the Earth kitten I myself had rescued from a life of stupidity and sloth—now reigned with exceptional cruelty from the Most High Throne, and all cats despised her.
Of course I was proud of my protégé. But more importantly, her low popularity gave me the opportunity to overthrow her oppressive regime. And replace it with one of my own!
I rolled over inside my scheming chamber—a device the ogres called a “suitcase.” Suddenly, the bald ogre began tossing his garish bodily coverings upon me. The gall!
After slashing him with my claws, I was settling back to nap when the intruder alert rang.
The boy-Human hurried to open the front portal, and that was when I heard the barbaric sound that disturbs the feline soul like no other.
Could it be?
Creeping downstairs, I saw to my horror an ancient, unfamiliar ogre holding the shackles of one of them.
The mortal enemy of all felines.
A DOG.
My whiskers twitched in revulsion. I had never in my life been this close to a canine, Lyttyrboks being separated from the dog planets by a billion-mile-wide neutral zone. (Which I had once—gloriously!—trespassed. But that is another tale.)
Here on Earth, I had only seen dogs from a distance, as Humans maintained tight control over them. Canines were kept imprisoned inside fortresses or in yards protected by high barricades known as fences. Sometimes they were even contained by force fields connected to shock collars—a most excellent solution!
Because canine discipline seemed to be the one area in which ogres behaved responsibly, I was stunned to witness what the ancient one did next.
She leaned down and unclipped the rope from the canine’s collar. The murderous beast was now free!
CHAPTER 3
My grandma gave me a giant hug. “It’s so good to see you! And look how much you’ve grown!” Then she turned to the dog. “Wuffles, this is my mommaga. That means grandson where I’m from—Karnataka!”
Wuffles came halfway to my knee and had so much white fur it was hard to see his eyes. He was also barking like crazy. “Uh, Ajji,” I said, “did you know that we have a cat now?”
“Oh, wonderful!” Ajji said. “We need to find out if Wuffles is good with cats.”
But would he be good with evil alien warlord cats? And, more importantly, would Klawde be good with a dog?
I turned to see Klawde crouched on the far side of the living room, frozen. His eyes were as big as quarters, and his fur was so puffed out it looked like he’d just been electrocuted.
I had a bad feeling about this.
“Amma!” Mom said, coming into the living room. “You promised you were going to leave all your pets back in New Jersey!”
“I did! Wuffles is a foster dog. I couldn’t leave him right after he bonded to me. He’d be traumatized!”
Klawde was now slinking toward Wuffles in a low crouch. I wondered if we were all about to be traumatized.
“Wait—where’s Appa?” Mom asked. “I bought two plane tickets.”
“Well, Wuffles needed a seat,” Ajji said, leaning down to pet the dog, who still hadn’t stopped barking. She turned to me. “Raj, I’m sorry your grandpa didn’t come, but he couldn’t get away from work—unlike some people.” She shot a look at my dad.
“But Ajji,” Dad said. “This trip is work. How else am I going to keep up with the latest trends in designer braces?”
Ajji rolled her eyes, and my dad shrugged. “Let me help you with your giant bag,” he said.
“There are two more on the curb.”
As Dad went out to fetch the rest of Ajji’s stuff, Wuffles suddenly noticed Klawde. He stopped barking and tilted his head to one side.
I looked down at Klawde. Then I looked back at Wuffles. I heard a low, ominous growl, but I couldn’t tell which animal it was coming from.
“Is this a good idea?” I asked.
Ajji smiled. “Just let them work things out.”
Okay, the growl was definitely coming from Klawde. He took another step toward Wuffles.
Suddenly the dog exploded, snarling and barking right in Klawde’s face. Klawde turned and ran, racing into the kitchen and leaping on top of the fridge. The dog chased after him, still barking, and Klawde responded, loudly.
“My, what an interesting meow he has,” Ajji said.
Dad came into the house struggling with the rest of Ajji’s luggage. “Are you planning to move in?” he asked nervously.
I heard a honk from outside. It was my parents’ cab.
Mom gave me a kiss. “Now be good and listen to your ajji, Raj,” she said.
“And happy almost birthday!” Dad said, hugging me.
Mom paused at the door and turned to give me a big smile. “You might want to go check your room for a little special something,” she said. “Bye, dear!”
CHAPTER 4
Safe atop the food-cooling apparatus, I stared down at the drooling canine as it repeated its horrible war cry.
“BARKBARKBARKBARK!”
What a strange thing this Earth dog was!
Unlike the Humans, it had the good sense to walk on four legs. It was also less hideous than they were, having the proper anatomical parts: fur, tail, whiskers, and claws. But its snout projected out like a beak, and its whiskers were so stubby and thin t
hey couldn’t possibly act as intergalactic sensors. Its ears, far from the proud triangular shape of the cat’s, flopped over. They were clearly broken.
The ancient texts had much to say about canines. Long ago, cats and dogs lived together on the planet KrittR, in the peaceful epoch known as the Dark Ages. This era ended abruptly in the year 2B, when a dog crossed over into feline territory and peed, in an outrageous attempt to mark it for all dogkind.
The resulting battle between the two species reduced KrittR to a blistering ruin—a place nearly as uninhabitable as Earth. Thereafter, a truce gave cats the vast and magnificent planet of Lyttyrboks to colonize, while canines were given their own solar system, a collection of motley planets known as the Dog Star Cluster.
Although dogs would forever remain cats’ most despised enemy, the ancients understood them to be both strong and fearless, and the only opponent truly worthy of felines.
But was this one worthy? Its dark eyes looked up at me with a cold dullness that said no.
“BARKBARKBARKBARK!”
Another hint was its lack of vocabulary.
If, over thousands of years, the toxic atmosphere of Earth had so blunted the native brilliance of the feline brain, surely it had affected the canine one as well. But had it also altered the infernal species’ other strengths?
I needed to find out.
CHAPTER 5
My present—it was an Okto 4K action camera! With a head mount! It was exactly what I wanted.
I strapped it on my head, and I was filming my parents driving away when Ajji called me into the kitchen to help her unpack her suitcases.
“Um, shouldn’t we be doing this in the guest room?”
“I don’t need help with my clothes,” Ajji said. “I need help with my supplies.” She pulled a stack of serving trays—thalis—from the biggest suitcase, and then a pot and skillet. “I had to bring my kadais and tava, and of course my grinder! And where would I find fruits and vegetables such as these in this Oregon place?” She pulled out a coconut and some yard beans that were longer than my arm.
The Spacedog Cometh Page 1