by Lily Hayden
He turned his back to her in annoyance. “You’re working. I don’t see the problem.”
“We need to eat, Ben,” she could hear her voice rising hysterically, but was helpless to stop it. “That’s the problem! You must have had some notice from Darren.”
“You’ve got money,” he hit back. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“Oh, yeah,” she shook her head slowly in sarcastic disbelief. “I’m rolling in it, Ben. Have you got any money saved at all?”
“No, you know I haven’t,” he huffed. “And anyway, it’s hardly fair that I’ve been paying half the bills when there’s two of you to pay for.”
She’d been struggling to keep her temper up until that point, but his pettiness lit the fuse on the fury that had been bubbling away beneath the surface. She ripped the bed cover from him jumping to her feet. He barely flinched at her sudden movement, catching the duvet in his hand, and pulling it back over himself.
“Don’t start,” he warned in a low tone. “You’re tired and emotional, Belle. Go to sleep and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”
“I’m not emotional,” she shot back. “I’m furious with you, you selfish bastard!”
“Don’t take this out on me,” he sounded completely calm in the face of her anger. “You’ve been in a mood since you came back from your dad’s. Just go to sleep before you wake Toby up and upset him.”
Her blood was still racing furiously through her veins, but the mention of Toby forced her to temper her reaction. Toby had been flat out exhausted after their trip to Hampton Dale, and she had warned Ben as she left for work not to leave the flat for even a minute. He had claimed that he’d only nipped down to borrow some tobacco from a neighbour when she had confronted him, but as much as she wanted to believe him, she wasn’t convinced.
Still, she thought to herself as her heartrate began to return to normal. The last thing I want to do is get into a screaming match with him and upset Toby before school.
She figured that she’d have all day to argue in private with Ben, and in the time that she’d been debating what to do for the best, his breathing had grown heavy. Realising he’d fallen asleep, she begrudgingly slipped back into bed.
Belle shut her eyes, willing her mind to go still and sleep, but she was wide awake from the burst of adrenaline, and she found her thoughts wandering back to yesterday’s trip back home. She rolled onto her back as Ben began to snore and stared up at the ceiling.
The trip home had opened up old wounds as well as new ones, leaving her feeling angry and sad, confused and homesick. She’d shunned her father’s attempts to talk to her, wanting him to try harder, but they’d been there barely an hour before his fiancée had started making a fuss about having to go out. Linda had been acting nice as pie in front of her father, but Belle could see right through the brassy woman. She’d followed her and Toby outside at Frank’s insistence, but instead of making a fuss of Toby and showing him the best gap in the hedge to see the lambs, she’d gruffly pointed up the lane and then hovered in the garden, fussing about with her washing on the line. Toby had found a tennis ball in the hedge to play with, and the evil old cow had had the audacity to shout at him for hitting the rickety old security camera on the side of the house.
Well, Belle chewed her lip. She didn’t quite shout, but there was definitely an edge to her tone.
She didn’t like the woman, and the tiny scrap of possibility that she and Frank could build a bridge had been well and truly scuppered by the woman’s presence. Seeing her dad looking so old and vulnerable had lowered her defences, but they had shot back up when he did nothing to stop his heartless harpy shooing them all away like cold callers who’d overstayed their welcome.
She felt the tell-tale sting of tears prickle at the back of her eyes and she squeezed them shut defiantly. She knew she hadn’t been the easiest teenager when her mum had passed away, but her father had been the adult. He should have been there for her. Since having Toby, she had firmly placed the blame at Frank’s feet knowing that she would walk through fire to be there for her son. Instead of seeing her behaviour as a symptom of her teenaged grief and heartache, he’d pushed her further away with his harsh temper until she had packed up and left home at the first opportunity, thinking she was an adult when she was still just a child. The first few years were tough, and if at any time he had begged her to come home, she would have in a heartbeat. Anything would have been better than the dingy bedsits that she had found herself living in through a combination of bad luck and poor choices. But then at nineteen, her luck had changed. By some twist of fate, she had landed work as a model, moving to London and for a few years, everything was charmed and golden. She’d made plenty of friends and dated fancy men, she’d been earning good money and had spent it, and then some, like there was no tomorrow. But then she’d fallen pregnant with Toby. Her work had to be put on hold and her friends from that world disappeared with it. She’d foolishly married Toby’s father in a grim registry office wedding, probably out of fear of loneliness, but then he’d taken off when their son was barely three months old, leaving her in a flat she couldn’t afford with a ton of debt that he’d taken out in her name. She’d spent a year on benefits, which was hard enough with a new baby in London but excruciating for someone used to living a champagne, designer lifestyle, no matter how fleeting it had been. Before she’d struck lucky with modelling, she’d only worked in retail and catering, and the hours were so antisocial that she struggled to get a job that worked around Toby, and when she did have one she struggled to keep it, having to take time off for childcare and sickness, or having her hours cut forcing her to look elsewhere. It was a vicious circle, and a constant battle to keep herself afloat. If she kicked Ben out now, and she really wanted to, it would mean she’d have to give up this job and look for something else. She didn’t love the job, but it paid a hell of a lot more than she’d get in retail or some factory, and the hours were perfect. She got to pick Toby up and spend time with him, rather than running around like a headless chicken trying to figure out who could watch him when she got saddled with a weekend shift.
Her mind flickered to her brother Will. He had been back in the country for a while now, and it had briefly crossed her mind that he might be able to help her out, but as quickly as the thought came to her, she shook it away. She loved Will, but he had his own busy life; she couldn’t expect him to help. She knew that there was no magic solution to her problems, and no amount of pining for her family would make them any closer. That ship had sailed long ago. The only person she could rely on was herself.
Will
Sheets of rain belted down almost horizontal as Will dashed from the entrance to his apartment to the waiting cab. The car idled just metres away, but he was soaked through by the time he slid into the backseat slamming the door behind him. The driver gave him a sympathetic grin in the rear-view mirror as Will pulled at the sodden fabric in a bid to stop it clinging to his chest. The damage was already done, and he resigned himself to the fact he was stuck in a soaking wet shirt for the night. He turned his attention to the streets of London as the taxi whisked him through the dark, miserable night and marvelled that out of all the places he had lived in he had chosen a rainy, British city to finally settle down in. As he gazed out at the bright lights of the traffic, blurry beneath the torrential rain, he felt a familiar yearning for sunnier climes and new faces.
“What’s the matter with you?” Craig asked him hours later as he set down another round of drinks on the table.
They were out on the town with Craig’s friends. The abysmal weather had dampened their big plans to bar-hop and instead they were crammed into a booth at a cheap-and-cheerful bar for the evening.
“I’m just a bit tired.” Will replied honestly. “It’s been chaos in work. It’ll be worth it if the magazine is happy with the shoot.”
He had been enjoying being his own boss, but it was starting to feel monotonous. He opened his mouth to voice his thoughts aloud a
s Craig dropped into the space next to Will, but something stopped him. Instead Will rested his head against his broad shoulder, waiting for the feeling of contentment to settle over his frazzled mind. His eyes were itching with fatigue and his clothes, now dry from the heat of the packed bar, felt constrictive and uncomfortable. As nice as Craig’s crowd were, Will yearned for some solitude, a shower, and his bed.
“Any chance you’re ready to go home?” Will asked. “Sorry to be a bore, but I’m dead on my feet.”
Before he had a chance to reply, Craig’s best friend Kev flew over to the table and slammed a tray down with gusto, causing liquid to slosh from the tiny shot glasses.
“Shots! Shots! Shots!” He cried with drunken excitement and the rest of the group descended on the table, knocking back the vile alcohol.
Will eyed the remaining glass, feeling his stomach churn at the thought.
“Will?” Craig spotted his hesitation and handed him the glass. “C’mon! Shot!”
He laughed politely and shook his head, but Craig’s arm stayed stubbornly outstretched. Reluctantly, Will took the glass and drained it grimacing at the bitter aftertaste. The table erupted into rowdy applause before the song changed and a chorus of whoops went up. Will felt himself being dragged in the direction of the dancefloor and he pasted a smile on his face, even as his heart sank at the thought of prolonging the night. After a sweaty hour of shaking his hips on the sticky dancefloor, Will slipped away from the crowd. Every bone in his body felt drained of life and he headed back to their table.
“Hey!”
Will felt a hand grab at him through the packed bodies and he braced himself for confrontation, immediately relaxing when he turned to find himself face-to-face with Raya. She pulled him into a tight hug and he temporarily forgot his tiredness, sweeping her off her feet to spin her around.
“Hey!” He exclaimed once he had set her back down. “What are you doing in this neck of the woods?”
Raya held out the soaking jacket in her hands and he recoiled from the wet leather.
“Taking refuge. It’s lashing down outside,” she grimaced, dumping her belongings on the table, and flicking open the camera on her phone to check the damage to her make-up. “I think I’m going to call it a night and go home.”
“Same,” Will agreed. “Let me finish my drink and we’ll get a cab.”
“This weather makes me crave somewhere hot and sunny,” she groaned.
“I feel that on so many levels,” Will agreed. “I genuinely thought I was growing up and settling down. I was even thinking about trying to get a mortgage, but it’s starting to feel like Groundhog Day. I just feel like taking off again.”
“I love working together, but I’ve been looking at flights back to Oz,” Raya admitted. “Fancy it?”
Her words kickstarted something inside him. With the thoughts of turquoise waves on golden shores, the tug of wanderlust he’d been trying to ignore resurfaced stronger than ever. The need to escape had always been inside him; leaving Hampton Dale at eighteen desperate for something that the sleepy, little village couldn’t offer him. He had thought that the bright lights and bustling night life of Manchester were what he needed, but even then, living his best student life, he’d longed for something more. His mother’s death had been the trigger for his first long-term trip. He had always figured that he’d settle down eventually, but the world was a big place. He’d fallen into a comfortable cycle of work, travel, repeat, and somehow his twenties had passed in a happy blur. The impressive debt he’d amassed and the niggle that he was getting too old to live out of a backpack had been the only reasons that he had decided to come home and have a go at building some semblance of a normal life. But the novelty was beginning to wear off.
“Sounds tempting,” Will agreed. “How long are you thinking of going for?”
“Six weeks initially,” she grinned, knowing that an extended holiday was always the start of months of globetrotting. “I just need to pay off one credit card, and then I’ll look for flights. Head back via Japan.”
“Oh nice,” Will hadn’t managed to fit Japan into his itinerary on any other trips. “I’d definitely be up for Japan.”
Raya’s eyes widened with excitement. “We could even start there. See the big cities, then maybe head to Shikoku?”
“Aargh!” Will jokingly covered his ears. “I’m so tempted right now.”
“It’s happening,” she laughed, but then her expression turned serious. “Oh, crap, I really wanted to go this summer, but it’s your dad’s wedding, isn’t it?”
“It’s the beginning of June,” Will replied.
Raya looked relieved. “Perfect timing. Have you spoke with him since?”
Will shook his head. “No. Rose has texted a couple of times. She’s spoke with them and they’re answering the landline now.”
Will had told Raya about the alleged phone issues, and about how standoffish Linda had been. Raya had agreed that it sounded a bit off, especially when Will had mentioned his dad’s plans to sell off part of the estate.
“Well, that’s a positive,” she said. “Did your brother look into the whole will thing?”
“Not sure,” he shrugged. “I’m still no wiser as to what we get, what we don’t get. It feels a bit morbid and callous to ask.”
“But if your mum wanted you four to have it,” Raya gave him a stern look. “It’s not right that your dad’s selling it off.”
“I’ll pluck up the nerve to ask Tim,” Will promised. “Or more accurately to ask Rose to ask Tim for me. I’m sure Tim will know to the penny what we’re due.”
Before Raya could respond, Will caught sight of Craig weaving his way through the crowded bar towards them. “Raya, you remember Craig?”
“Nice to see you,” Raya smiled up at him.
“And you,” Craig nodded. “Do you want a drink?”
Raya waved a hand dismissively. “Thanks, but I think I’m about to head home?”
Craig eyed Will suspiciously and reached for his hand. “Why are you sat down? We’re having fun.”
“I’m just exhausted, sorry,” Will replied. “Do you mind if I head off? I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”
Craig covered Will’s hand with his own. “You can’t go! Dan’s just got another round in. We’re going to go to Kev’s after last orders.”
“Sounds good,” Will answered diplomatically. “But I really am shattered. Do you mind if I call it a night?”
Craig’s face fell. “Please?”
Will opened his mouth to object, but then he thought better of it. Craig had only just stopped sulking about him going to Hampton Dale without him, and that had been almost three weeks ago. He really didn’t want to upset him; another weekend with an atmosphere would be unbearable. Raya frowned at the exchange and Will prayed that she wouldn’t get involved, knowing how outspoken she could be.
Another couple of hours won’t kill me if it makes him happy, Will told himself.
“Yeah, ok,” he agreed reluctantly. “I’ll see Raya to a cab, and I’ll be back.”
He could feel his friend’s eyes burning into the back of his head as she followed him to the door. Outside rain was pouring from the sky in sheets and brave revellers ducked in-and-out of doorways trying to avoid the downpour.
“If you’re tired,” she started the moment they drew to a halt huddled under the bar’s canopy. “Just tell him you’re going.”
Will held back a sigh. He knew she wouldn’t understand and would berate him for being a pushover.
“I’m not that tired,” he lied. “Is that a free taxi? Jump in, quick before we drown. Text me when you’re home!”
He could sense Raya was dying to say something as he hugged her goodbye, and he quickly shut the car door before she could. He flattened himself against the wall beneath the canopy to watch the car disappear into the night, and as he did, he felt a strong urge to jump into the next cab. He pictured himself swinging by Craig’s apartment just long enough to
grab his passport and a bag, and even though he knew it was just a wild fantasy, he could almost feel the weight of his problems float away.
Tim
On the other side of London, Tim darted from the station; his umbrella flapping uselessly in the gale. He surveyed the taxi queue feeling his irritation grow at the short line of commuters huddled against the wall of the building for shelter.
His direct reports, based all over the country, came to the city once a quarter for social events. The company paid for dinner, drinks and an overnight stay in a fancy hotel, and even though he lived locally he could have still taken advantage of the offer. The plan had been for Eleanor to accompany him, but she had bowed out at the last minute, anxious over Bea’s temperature. Tim had tried to reason with her; they were leaving the kids with her mother, Bea was just teething, they would come home early, but Eleanor wasn’t having any of it. It was a growing source of contention between them, although unspoken. Eleanor had been the one who had wanted children, he had always been quite honest that children never really figured in his life plan, but it had been important to her. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his children, he thought to himself as he reflected on the atmosphere between him and Eleanor after their slight disagreement, it was just he found them such an inconvenience. The change to the dynamic of their relationship hadn’t been as marked when they had only had Hugo, but Bea’s arrival had tipped their previously charmed life into a less desirable chaos. He’d been looking forward to spending some time with Eleanor this evening and he couldn’t help but feel slighted that she’d put the children first again. The last few months in work had been stressful, plus he’d had the added inconvenience of the trip back to Hampton Dale and his sister calling him constantly about the most mundane matters. All he’d wanted was to enjoy a night out with good food and wine, and a bit of attention from his own wife. He couldn’t see how that was unreasonable.