by D. N. Carter
“Let me escort you back to your room,” he said politely.
Upside looked at him and frowned just as Thomas did likewise, but then nodded he should.
“Thank you,” Alisha replied and turned to leave the room. She picked up her drink. “Good night Upside, Thomas…”
“Be straight back down,” Thomas said looking at Nicholas.
Nicholas followed Alisha out and across the reception hall. As she stepped up on the first step, Nicholas took a step beside her. Alisha suddenly held his hand as she went to take the next step to steady herself. She was still holding his hand as they reached the corridor on the next floor. She stopped when they reached an open door into one of the spare chambers, the very same room she had shared years ago with Paul when they had stayed there. Curious, she led Nicholas inside and closed the door quietly behind her. The room was dark except for the moon shining through the open curtains. She was shaking and shivering. She put the tankard down and stood in front of Nicholas. He looked at her, utterly confused.
“What are we doing?” he whispered.
“I do not know…but I cannot…just cannot be alone right now. I do not know what to do, but I do know I do not want you to leave my side this hour. Just talk to me,” she pleaded and clasped his hand again. She sat down on the bed and motioned for him to sit down beside her. Abi’s words ran through her mind that she must do whatever it takes to get through her grief. Seeing Nicholas was just about the only thing she thought of that would help her at that exact moment.
“Ali, you are distraught and confused…and this is wrong. If we are found like this, alone in a chamber, how would we explain it? No Ali, this cannot be so,” Nicholas whispered back, his heart feeling like it was beating so hard she must surely hear it. He sighed as he looked at her. Her eyes were full of emotion and hurt, the moonlight making them appear to sparkle.
“Yes I am distraught…but I know not who Paul is any more,” she whispered, a single tear rolling down her face. “You once wrote me a poem… remember. Do you remember the words…I do, and right now, I remember all too clearly where it said about the time when you realise the one you want the most is gone…well, my son has gone…and Paul is gone from me, and I do not know what to do,” she cried, trying to quickly wipe away the tears.
Very gently Nicholas used his finger to wipe away the single tear still rolling down her face. He kissed his finger, the salty taste of her tear tingling upon his tongue.
“Ali…you have had my heart since the very first day I laid eyes upon you…and now, right here this moment, as selfish as it is of me, I have this deep emotion that makes me want to hold you tightly with one hand and draw my sword against the whole world with the other,” he whispered back, his eyes searching hers. “I have always loved you and always shall.”
Alisha let out a slight nervous laugh and bit her bottom lip. Nicholas leaned closer to her and gently kissed the side of her face where another tear was falling. He then gently cupped his hands around her face looking deeply into her eyes. She raised her hands to hold his arms. Nicholas looked at her inviting moist lips. He had desired this so many times and now here she was in his arms. Alisha rubbed her hands up and down his arms, his muscles feeling solid. Hesitantly, slowly and very softly he placed his lips upon hers. She did not pull away. He rubbed his right hand through her long dark hair and pulled her closer as he pressed his kiss more firmly. She responded by pulling his head against hers. Nicholas broke the kiss and pulled back slightly, his eyes looking into hers again. She licked her lips and smiled. She placed her hand upon his chest. She could feel his heart beating through the chain mail vest and tunic. He let out a nervous laugh, then placed his arm around her waist and pulled her closer and kissed her again. He could taste her and wanted to kiss her all over. He pulled back again not really believing what was happening to him. He had dreamt of this moment so many times and now it was actually happening. He knew that sometimes the fantasy was better than the reality, but now as he held her, it was far beyond his wildest expectations. The very touch of her skin sent shivers through his whole being. He had lain with other women before; he had thought he had loved before, but never like this. Her skin was of the purest smoothest white he had ever seen. He had wanted this so much he was prepared to risk everything for her, including his very life. The Lord had contrived things to bring them together this hour, he told himself, and at that very moment in time, the world did not exist. It was just them alone together.
“I need you,” Alisha whispered.
Quickly Nicholas unfastened his tunic, flung it off and started to unfasten the leather straps that held his chain mail on. Alisha hurriedly helped unfasten the others until his armour fell onto the wooden floor with a thud. He unbuckled his sword and placed it upon the floor and within moments he had undone his leggings, chain mail and chausses. With his bare chest exposed he looked at Alisha again. He was cold and the touch of her hands as she ran them down his chest made him shudder. She noticed his firm muscles across his chest and his rough hands. She breathed in the very smell of him and felt more aroused than she could ever recall. She moved closer to him and pushed off her heavy nightgown. Nicholas’s eyes fell to her chest as she breathed in and out heavily in anticipation. Her smooth white skin and the soft curve of her breasts clearly visible in the moonlight beneath the thin silken nightdress made his heart beat even faster. He too was already aroused as she moved closer to him and leaned in to kiss him again. As their lips met, he ran his hand down her side, his other hand placed in the small of her back, he pulled her against him. She kissed him harder, the passion rising in her. He kissed her lips, and savoured the sweet taste of her. He then kissed her chin, then the side of her face and then started to kiss down her neck including the scar still visible. As he kissed her, she arched her back and moaned with pleasure as his strong arms held her. He lay her down upon the bed, her bosom heaving as she breathed. He started to kiss lower toward her cleavage, his left hand running down the side of her nightdress. She pulled it up revealing her thigh, which he moved to kiss. He ran his hand around her thigh and then slowly inward until his hand was resting on the inside of her knee. Gently he moved his hand back up her inner thigh as she pushed her leg to open herself to him. She shifted herself so her other leg was now around him and ran her hands through his thick blonde hair and moaned, biting her lower lip as his hand moved ever higher. When his fingers finally touched her lightly, she was already moist, his fingers easily parting her. They both shuddered with delight, the emotions running through them overpowering in their intensity. She started to thrust her thighs upwards against him and pulled him close and kissed him. Her pelvis pushed up against him several times with ever increasing urgency. Nicholas broke the kiss as he looked down and began to guide himself toward her taking his body weight on his right arm.
“Come on…I need you inside me…to feel you and your strong arms around me to protect me,” Alisha whispered, her hands placed upon his face. She then placed her hands under her knees and pulled her legs up whilst pushing herself upwards to meet him. Her eyes were wide as she looked into his eyes, her mouth open ready for him to kiss her. As he lowered himself to kiss her, he held himself back slightly, as he felt her wet warmth envelope him. He paused just barely inside her as she thrust herself up to take him further inside. His heart beat so hard Alisha could hear it. As he entered her further, she arched her head back in pleasure. She wrapped her legs around him tightly and started to pull him as close to her as she physically could. As he moved upwards slightly, Alisha moaned even more, her body already convulsing as she was overwhelmed by an orgasm almost immediately, the tension flooding her entire body to the point she could hardly breathe. Nicholas could sense himself already about to come so tried to remain still as Alisha thrust herself up in ever faster movements. “Come on…come inside me,” she whispered biting her bottom lip, her eyes closed tightly as she pushed herself up and down beneath him, every movement sending surges of warmth through her to the poi
nt she felt unable to control her body and became completely lost in his embrace, her legs shaking as she tried to pull him deeper.
“I am so ready to,” Nicholas whispered and smiled, kissed her and moved himself so he was deeper inside her. He could feel her tightening and relaxing around him as she smiled at him, her face flushed and slowing down her movements, sensing every part of him.
After a few minutes holding that position and gentle movements just looking into each other’s eyes, Nicholas began to move again more vigorously, Alisha moaning with every push forwards in her. As he increased his rhythm, he kissed her passionately, his tongue tasting her as she responded by pressing herself harder against him. As another convulsive wave flooded through her body, she lay her head back, closed her eyes and sighed deeply and waited for the sensation of him to release himself inside her. As she lay there enjoying the moment, she opened her eyes when she realised he had stopped moving and was just looking down at her resting upon his elbows, his chest against hers, her nipples tingling sending shivers throughout her upper body. Nicholas just stared at her, smiling, the tension in his loins now almost uncontrollable and with every slight move she made, he knew he was ready. Never had he felt so much emotion and love for someone as he looked at her, enjoying every sensation, smell and taste of her. ‘Is this how Paul felt for her?’ he suddenly thought and the crushing sense that what he was doing was wrong overwhelmed him and hit him as surely as if someone had slapped him. It took him by surprise the deepness of that feeling, for this is all he had ever wanted and longed for since the very first moment he had seen her…but it was wrong of him to take her when she was so clearly at her most vulnerable. Alisha saw the sudden tension in his face and different look in his eyes…almost apologetic.
“What is it, Paul?” she asked, sweat beginning to bead down her neck.
“Exactly that,” Nicholas whispered and strained to control himself, feeling himself about to ejaculate as her muscles tightened around him.
“What…why have you stopped?” she asked and leaned up to kiss him again.
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“No Ali…you just called me Paul…and I must not pleasure myself inside you…I dishonour you, myself…and Paul this hour.”
“Oh no, my love…’Twas just a slip of the tongue,” Alisha replied and placed her hands upon his face, tightening her muscles further inside around Nicholas.
Nicholas held her hand against his face as he took his weight upon his right arm only and pulled himself up. He could sense the beautiful warmth of her around him tightening and he pulsed with anticipation. Knowing he was about to come, he gently but quickly took himself out of her, but as he moved, Alisha tried to pull him deeper inside her again, but she was no match for his strength as he pulled himself away just in time. He lowered his head against her chest, closed his eyes and sighed with a low moan as he ejaculated outside her. Alisha wrapped her arms around his shoulders, confused. She was burning for him to be back inside her…then it hit her what they had just done as he just remained in that position.
“You are hurting, you are confused…and it is Paul whom you really need here,” Nicholas whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her stomach, his head resting on her chest. “You may have needed me, but ’tis not me you really want is it?”
Alisha shook involuntarily. She turned her head to the side, closed her eyes tightly and began to think of Paul. A tear ran down her face and as she ran her hands through Nicholas’s hair, the thought of Paul and what she had just done spilled over into a wave of tears as she began to cry. Not once whilst she was with Nicholas had she even thought of him. This fact alone shocked her. The feel, the smell and sensation of Nicholas was all new and different and she had climaxed so fast and furiously as if all normal sense, thought or regard for Paul had simply left her. Now as she lay upon her back, Nicholas kneeling between her legs, his head still resting upon her, she knew that what he had just said was in fact true. She opened her mouth to speak but could not. ‘How many tears can a woman cry?’ she asked herself as more streamed down her cheeks. Her body shook as she began to cry uncontrollably. She ran her hands through Nicholas’s hair gently as he held his strong hands behind her back, in his mind never wanting to let her go or for the moment to end. She felt guilty for not only Paul but also him. She sniffed and tried to stop herself from crying when the door opened slightly. Nicholas looked up instantly alarmed just as Sister Lucy peered in. Her eyes widened as she could clearly see them. Nicholas sat up and pulled the blanket across Alisha as she tried to sit up seeing her at the door. Sister Lucy’s eyes narrowed, the deep scowl upon her face obvious as she stepped into the room closing the door quietly behind her. Her eyes surveyed the floor, then Nicholas before fixing upon Alisha, who started to shake as she held the blanket to her chest. Nicholas just sighed, shook his head and lowered his gaze to floor in shame.
“I was worried as you did not return with the drinks…then I heard you crying in here,” Sister Lucy whispered. She looked at Nicholas just sat with his head low, the bed blanket covering his modesty.
“Lucy…this was my fault…not his…and we did not finish the deed,” Alisha blurted out and reached to touch Sister Lucy. She pushed her arm away as if angered.
“Well thank the Lord for small mercies eh,” she replied, her voice laced with sarcasm. She put her hands upon her hips and looked at them both, disappointment clearly visible in her face as she shook her head disapprovingly.
“What will you do?” Nicholas asked quietly as he looked up at her.
“Me…as I always do in such matters like this,” she answered and paused. “Absolutely nothing!” Alisha and Nicholas looked at her puzzled and then each other. “That does not mean for one moment I condone what has happened here, but to speak of this will ruin you both.”
“Thank you…you are indeed a godly woman,” Nicholas remarked.
“Godly my arse! I am a practical realist…and this never happened… unless of course this is what you both truly want or a child arrives?”
Nicholas looked at Alisha, his eyes desperate for her to say it was, but he already knew in his heart it was not what she really wanted. He sighed and feigned a brave smile and took her hand as she bit her bottom lip. After what seemed an eternity to him, she gently shook her head no.
“I think we already established what she really wants before you came in…and there is no chance of a child being conceived,” Nicholas answered, his voice full of sadness.
Sister Lucy knelt down in front of them. She placed her right hand upon his chest and her left hand upon Alisha’s chest. They looked at each other puzzled.
“You know, that somehow you are connected…and these things happen. If you have learnt from this, then it would have served a beneficial purpose… and I shall certainly say no more on the matter. But I would advise you both not to torment yourselves with guilt…and neither confess this. Sometimes in this life, you have to keep secrets. Trust me on this matter for I know only too well the consequences.”
Alisha put her hand upon Nicholas’s knee. He looked at her. She could sense the sadness within him as he searched her eyes.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered emotionally.
“Do not be…this moment I shall forever cherish as the best, and perhaps saddest, moment in my life. I momentarily had you only to lose you…actually I never really had you,” he explained, a single tear rolling down his face. “I was weak…the fault is with me.”
“Don’t be a daft romantic noble idiot,” Sister Lucy said and slapped his arm. He looked at her, surprised. “’Twas neither of your faults. ’Tis just life. You may beat yourselves up this was a mortal sin you have committed, but you have showed more strength than most ever will in a life time…trust me.”
Alisha looked at Nicholas. Sister Lucy’s words certainly applied to him, she thought. Emotion welled up in her as she thought of Arri and what he must think of her if he could see what she had just committed. She took a sharp intake of breat
h as Sister Lucy removed her hand from her chest. She felt sick and lowered her head, feeling guilty, for in her mind using Nicholas. As the tears fell again, Sister Lucy leaned over and put her arms around her to comfort her. As she hugged Alisha, she looked at Nicholas, winked, smiled and nodded toward the door. Without a word, he gathered his clothing, sword and armour. When he reached the door to leave he mouthed ‘thank you’ to her and with a great weight of sadness and guilt, despite Sister Lucy’s words, he left the room.
Port of La Rochelle, France, Melissae Inn, spring 1191
“There is certainly another side to Sister Lucy,” the Hospitaller remarked.
“I don’t know whether to love Alisha more or hate her,” Sarah commented shaking her head disapprovingly.
“I did ask that you do not judge her for her actions for without making excuses for her, or Nicholas, it had been a passion that had burned within them for years. And then, at that moment in time, Alisha was broken in every manner possible. Mad with grief, mad with Paul, whom she blamed, mad with God, mad with life itself,” the old man explained.
“I admire and respect Nicholas more I think. I know not of any man who having gone that far, would stop as he did,” Sarah remarked, Stephan raising his eyebrows.
“What about poor Paul? How long was it before he arrived in Kerak…and did they confess to him what took place?” Gabirol asked.