by Clare Lydon
“Say hi to them for me,” he said, giving me a final look. “And you know what? Today wasn’t too bad at all. I think all of us still working together is going to pan out just fine. Here’s to us being modern and cool.” He turned, wearing a huge smile. “You agree?”
I looked at Rachel, she at me, and we both mumbled our agreement.
He laughed, beginning to walk out the room. “Try to work on your enthusiasm!” he said, over his shoulder. “I’ll see myself out.”
I watched him go, my eyes never leaving the bag as it swung on his shoulder, disappearing into Tanya’s hallway.
When I looked up, Rachel was wiping her wet hands on a tea towel, clutching the island again. “What are we going to do?” She slammed the island with her fist. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. He can’t see that edit. I’m his business partner and you’re his ex-girlfriend.” She exhaled. “This is a disaster, Alice!”
“I know,” I replied, my voice raised. “I tried to get it off him, but you saw — he wanted to do the edit.”
She ran around the island to where I was standing. “But he can’t do this one. We can’t let him go, can we? Shall I go and see if he’s gone yet?” Her eyes were wild as she put a hand to her dark hair, sweeping it off her face. “I’m going to try and stop him. He might still be waiting for the lift.”
She ran past me, a blur of nervous energy and I heard the front door open, then an even louder “fuck!” escape her lips. This one with extra defeat ladled on top.
I took that to mean the lift was gone, and with it, Jake and his camera.
I ran down the hall, to where Rachel was standing in the doorway, watching the lift numbers descend, her face scrunched in pain.
“He’s gone then?” My stomach churned as I thought through all the terrible consequences of what had just happened. I couldn’t believe I’d let him go. What were we going to do?
“You think we should try to run down the stairs and grab him?” Rachel’s face twitched as she spoke.
“And say what? Forbid him to do the edit? If we do that, it’s going to come out. We’ll have to tell him why.”
“It’s going to come out anyway, whether we get the edit or not.” She shook her head. “I’d just rather not blow up our business in the process.”
Rachel slumped against the doorframe, before closing the door and walking back into the living room, head in hands, shaking it from side to side. She flopped down on the sofa, leaning her head back on the white cushions. “How did this happen? How has my life come to this when this morning went so well?” She turned her face to me as I sat down next to her. “What are we going to do?”
I winced, my heart thumping in my chest. “I think we have to warn him before he watches it.” I paused. “Or maybe he won’t watch it?”
Rachel gave me a look. “He’ll watch it, especially after seeing our faces.”
She had a point. “You think he already suspects after what he said about us today?” My mind was all over the place, trying to piece together the day so far. So much had happened and it was barely lunchtime. This was turning out to be a monumental Saturday.
“I don’t. That’s in our heads, not his. I guarantee when he sees us kissing, he’ll be surprised.”
I covered my face again. “Fuck-a-doodle-do.”
“You could say that.” Rachel let out a long sigh, before putting a hand on my thigh.
Despite everything, my attention was immediately drawn to it, as my core throbbed.
My body wasn’t bothered about Jake, it only had eyes for Rachel. Which is what had got us into this mess in the first place. I sat up, collecting my thoughts, gulping as I looked at her hand.
She followed my gaze, then gave me a gentle smile, before withdrawing it. We didn’t have time to think about anything else right now.
“You think we should Google it? Is there an etiquette on how we should handle this?”
“Help, my ex-boyfriend has a recording of me kissing his female business partner?” Rachel raised both eyebrows, before giving me a gentle laugh. “I doubt it.”
I blew out a raspberry as Rachel took my hand and kissed it lightly.
More sensations.
A tell-tale scratching on Tanya’s wooden floor signalled Delilah had woken up, and sure enough, she soon appeared, jumping onto the sofa and licking my face with no invitation.
“Hey there, girl,” I said, giving her fur a good shake, wiping my mouth. “Look at you all perky. You don’t have any worries do you? Not like your Aunty Alice and Aunty Rachel. You haven’t kissed anybody recently, have you?”
Rachel was grinning beside me. “Delilah’s only kissed you,” she said. “Then again, you are pretty irresistible.” She leaned in then and kissed me softly on the lips. My breathing stilled.
Damn, this was beyond everything I’d ever dreamed of.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I told her, putting a hand on her cheek, just as Delilah popped her head between the pair of us and licked first Rachel, then me.
“Way to kill a moment, Delilah,” I said, as she barked in my ear. “You want to go for a w-a-l-k soon?”
Delilah wagged her tail at that, glad to be made a fuss of.
I looked up. “We might have to take her out. You up for that?”
Rachel nodded. “Sure.”
“Did you have any plans today?”
“Only making a dinner to impress you later. And now, of course, to worry about when Jake might see us kissing.” Rachel winced, shaking her head. “It’s like a scene from a really bad farce, isn’t it?”
“Only it’s real life.” I stood up. “You know what, let’s look on the bright side.”
“There’s a bright side to me fucking over my business partner?”
I put Delilah on the sofa next to me, before taking Rachel’s hand and pulling her up, planting a brief kiss on her hot lips.
That action brought me back to the here and now, to us, to what really mattered.
Yes, this situation was far from ideal, but we’d deal with it.
Together.
I squeezed her hand and kissed her again. And then I wanted to kiss her all over, but I parked that thought for now.
“This is not on you, it’s on us. And the bright side is that it’ll be out in the open, no more secrets. Jake might not be happy, but at least we can be honest.”
Rachel didn’t look convinced.
I was choosing to think positive. “I’ll call him when we get back from the walk and tell him — and then, if he watches it, he does. I used to do the editing on Sunday, so he probably won’t do it today. Didn’t he say he was going out later?”
Rachel nodded. “And he had clients this afternoon.”
A weird sense of calm descended on me. “There you go, then. We’re reprieved for today, and I’ll call him later.” I sighed. “If he’s going to find out, I’ll be the one to tell him.”
Rachel cocked her head. “Since when did you get so Zen? I’m the one who does yoga and affirmations and I’m freaked out.”
“I’ve been doing affirmations, too, and they clearly worked.” I gave her a grin. “You must be rubbing off on me.”
Rachel got right into my personal space, stopping when her lips were inches from mine. “Shall we take Delilah for a walk so we can get back and I can rub off on you some more?”
My heart took a large intake of breath. “Fuck, yes.”
Chapter 22
We took Delilah out for a short walk along the river, walking side by side and brushing arms at every opportunity. Two women walking in the opposite direction had smiled at us in the afternoon sunshine, and it occurred to me I’d been mistaken for being queer a million times before, but this was the first time it had been true. Life was rich with possibility and I was walking on air.
When we got back, Rachel had a couple of errands to do in her flat, but she promised to reappear back at Tanya’s in two hours, replete with ingredients to cook for me tonight, and wine to drink.
I sat on my disappointment tha
t she was leaving me, and focused on seeing her later. Then I tried to call Jake, but there was no answer. I left a message and tried to put it out of my mind. Until I spoke to him, there was nothing I could do. I had to hope he didn’t watch the edit before then.
Before I knew it, Rachel was knocking on my door.
When I opened it, she looked so beautiful, I had to grip the door frame.
She was wearing denim shorts that folded up to just above her knee, a fresh white shirt printed with bananas and hair that dropped into her stunning eyes, the colour of the ocean.
She looked fierce — and my heart told me so.
“You look incredible,” I said, my eyes drinking her in.
She slipped a hand around my back, drew me to her and kissed me fully, confidently.
When she pulled back, I could do nothing but gape, my heart staggering around, gasping for breath.
She took advantage of my stunned silence to walk past me into the flat, like she owned it.
I closed the door, gripping the handle to steady myself as I turned.
Rachel was at the island, placing her bags on the counter, giving me her best sexy grin. “Ready for the best paella of your life?” she asked, waving a bottle of red in my direction, before placing the ingredients in front of her.
It was almost like we were doing a YouTube shoot.
Only, there was no camera, there was just us.
“I am,” I replied, walking towards her, resonating a confidence that was all for show.
Inside, I was back to a frazzle of nerves.
As I neared her, I could still taste her on my lips — and it took me right back to Wednesday night when I’d been engulfed by Rachel.
Rachel had me all off balance and from the look in her eye, I think she knew.
“So did you get your jobs done?” I could do this, I could have a conversation, eat dinner and do date things.
I could try not to think post-date thoughts, take control of my imagination that was going on a freewheeling thrill ride.
She nodded. “I did — and I did it all as quickly as humanly possible so I could get back to you.”
“I’m glad.”
I was standing on the other side of the island, but I was acutely aware of her. Of her body. Of her presence. Of all of her.
“What did you do?” Her gaze was scorching my skin, and my neck muscles locked up. “Did you get hold of Jake?”
I wasn’t going to let Jake into this moment. “I left a ton of messages, I’m sure he’ll call me back when he gets them.” I paused, channelling my best Marilyn Monroe face. I was going for allure. “Other than that, I made a fuss of Delilah, sat on the balcony and wondered when you might get here.”
Rachel gave me a slow, smouldering smile, before sweeping a hand through her black hair.
She picked up the paella rice, locked her gaze with mine, then put it down.
A beat, a rise in temperature, a subtle shift of the head.
Then all of a sudden I was walking towards her and she was walking towards me.
Our bodies collided at the top of the island, and I groaned as we connected. In an instant, she was cupping my head and then her mouth was on mine once again, greedy, claiming me for her own.
I fell against her, dizzy, and it was in that moment I knew that no food would be cooked tonight, and no wine drunk.
Her kiss was just the same as before — perhaps better. The intensity seeped down me as we connected; a punch of heat, the drench of desire.
Minutes later, when we pulled away, my lips swollen, my thoughts a mess, I pulled on Rachel’s hand, my gaze intense.
She didn’t utter a word, just nodded, and then pulled me. So much had never been said with so little.
As Rachel walked down the hallway, I followed the shape of her strong, broad shoulders, the perfect shape of her. A shape I was about to see in all its glory.
When we got to my room, the scene of such desolation only weeks earlier, I didn’t notice much apart from Rachel: the soft sheets and the tasteful decor were all in the background, in my peripheral vision.
Looming large in my eyeline was Rachel, and when her lips met mine, her kiss was deep and explicit, requiring an instant response: it was marked urgent.
I responded as directed, kissing her back with all the intent I had, pouring everything into that moment, not caring about the next one, or the one after that. All that mattered was that moment, that second: if I focused on that, the future would take care of itself.
Rachel’s arms were around me and on me, pulling me in, getting us as tight as we could possibly manage.
And then she was tugging at my shirt, undoing my buttons, and my insides were shaking.
As she worked, Rachel smiled at me, licking her lips. “You nervous?” Her breathing was laboured, heavy.
I nodded, silent.
“Don’t be, you’re perfect,” she replied, kissing my lips lightly, before discarding my shirt, then my bra, and gazing at me. “Beautiful, too.”
I had no words, my body on fire, my pulse about to take off.
She ran her hands over my stomach, and I closed my eyes, my body trembling under her touch. Her hands swept up my back, her mouth leaving a long line of hot, wet kisses up the side of my neck. My senses were overloaded and when she backed me up against a wall and brought her mouth to my breast, I stopped breathing, no longer certain who I was. Every ounce of blood I had plummeted southwards, and every hair on my body stood up as Rachel’s tongue slid around my nipple.
I swear, if I’d been breathalysed right then, I’d have failed.
Intoxicated with lust, officer.
Guilty as charged.
My hands were all over her now, too, wanting to feel what I’d been imagining this long. Without thinking, they were on her buttons, popping them with a skill I had no idea I possessed. As the fabric fell open, I gaped at Rachel’s beautiful breasts encased in white silk.
I’d wondered how I’d feel when this moment happened.
The answer was, spellbound.
Now it was my turn to explore, and all I wanted to do was feel, taste.
My feelings weren’t hesitant, but my actions clearly were, because Rachel shrugged off her shirt and took my hands, kissing first left, then right.
And as she did, tiny fireworks lit up my body.
But it was when she slipped off one bra strap, and then the other that the fire inside really took off. As the straps fell, so did my walls, crashing down around my ears. Now was the time to take control, to do the unthinkable I’d been thinking all along.
Now was the time to be who I really wanted to be.
“Give me your hand,” Rachel said, with a soft, sure gaze. She flipped her bra down, and then twisted it round so the clasp was at the front. And then she brought my shaking hands to the clasp.
“Undo it.” Her eyes were now all steel and slate.
My insides quivered, but I did as instructed, Rachel’s gaze never leaving me, the thump of my heart echoing in my very core.
When she took my hand and placed it on her breasts, I knew that was my cue. And so I took it, kissing her lips like they were the only place on earth, before taking her breasts in my mouth.
When I did, it was like an out-of-body experience, like this was someone else doing this altogether.
But then I felt my feet on the floor, my mouth sucking Rachel in, and I knew: this was all me.
And then Rachel took over, bringing my mouth back to her, making me wilt with the scorching heat of her kiss.
A shift of her thigh. A press of her hand. Hot breath in my ear.
And then five words in my ear. “I want you so much.”
Rachel’s breath hitched, as did mine, and I parted my legs, pulling her close.
I wanted her, too. So much, it terrified me.
“But this is too important to rush,” she said. “I want your first time to be absolutely perfect.”
I was dazed, confused. All I knew was, if it involved Rachel,
it was bound to be perfect.
Her tongue caressed my ear lobe, before she drew back, taking my hand and tugging me off the wall. I would have followed wherever she wanted to go. I couldn’t make sense of my emotions, only that they were panting, gasping for breath.
We moved to the bed, laying side by side, our mouths on each other, kissing like there was no tomorrow. Rachel’s tongue in my mouth was heavenly, her thigh between my legs divine.
We rolled so she was top, her kisses raining down on me like trained missiles, allowing no room for manoeuvre. Her mouth travelled over my shoulders, her tongue on my collar bone, over my breasts, swirling my belly button. Long minutes later she was reaching and undoing my belt, my button, my zip. Denim slid down my legs, closely followed by my pants, and then I was naked, with Rachel’s hands cupping my bare butt cheeks, whispering sweet nothings into my soul.
Her thigh eased my legs apart and I trembled; this was it, my dreams coming true. Rachel was on top of me, her hand skating through my clutch of hair, and this time, I was awake.
This wasn’t my dreams, this was for real.
She stared into my eyes, her hand creeping lower, her gaze questioning. “You doing okay?” she whispered, before planting a gentle kiss on my lips.
Then her hand was between my legs and I gasped, locking her gaze, my skull trembling.
“Touch me,” a voice said, and it took me a moment to realise it was mine. It wasn’t loud, it couldn’t be: all my energy was focused on my body tensing, waiting for the explosion.
Rachel never took her eyes from mine as she slipped her fingers through my wet heat, pressing her lips to mine in one swift move.
We both groaned at exactly the same moment; I couldn’t do anything else.
Everything about that moment was perfect: with one flex of her hand, I came undone.
Rachel’s fingers sliding inside me was like a light being switched on; they answered a question I didn’t even know I’d asked, stripping away all my doubts and all my defences. With one move, I wanted to open up to her, give her everything, be everything she dreamed of.
With Rachel inside me, her lips on mine, I was soaring.
It was at once the most intense experience of my life, but also the most natural; the one that allowed me to finally breathe for the first time. It was familiar, yet exquisitely foreign.