by Clare Lydon
Needless to say, my parents fell in love with Rachel — and I didn’t blame them. What was not to love? She was a smart, sexy, sassy chef. And tonight I was going home with her, my clothes for tomorrow in my bag.
“You were amazing today.” And she had been — she’d dazzled both my parents, as well as improving the sauce my dad served with his lamb, which hadn’t changed in years. When I saw the way my dad looked at her when he tasted it, I knew I wasn’t the only Di Santo who’d fallen for Rachel’s charms.
“They made it pretty easy. Your family were fab, as were Barbara and Maggie. My family are usually the noisy lot, but I think yours could give them a run for their money.”
“And that’s a good thing?”
Rachel laughed and squeezed my hand. “Definitely a good thing.”
We walked along the back street running parallel with the Euston Road, the roar of the traffic muffled by the intervening houses. The yellow glow of the statuesque concrete street lamps lit the way, and across the road, the local chip shop was doing a roaring Sunday night trade.
“Do you think you will move into Tanya’s after what your sister said?”
I nodded. “I think so — Tanya’s offered and if they need somewhere so they don’t kill each other, I can’t really say no. Plus, it makes sense as it’s closer to you, especially now I’m back at school. I want to see you as much as I can, which is difficult with your crazy hours.”
Rachel was quiet for a beat as we stopped at a traffic lights, waiting for the green man. It announced itself with the accompanying beeping sound a few seconds later, and we crossed in silence.
“You know,” Rachel began, before stopping outside an off-licence, its display advertising champagne I’d never heard of. “I know this might be a bit soon, but I live alone now. I need a flatmate, but I’d prefer to have you.” She chewed on her lip. “What I’m saying is, if you wanted to move in with me, you could.” She frowned as she spoke. “If this is too soon, just say no. I don’t want to make you feel weird.”
I stared at her delicate nose, her soft, sure eyes, her strong cheekbones; the face that had become so precious to me in such a short space of time. And I considered her words, wondering how I should reply.
It was something I’d thought about, of course it was. Sophie had moved out to Tanya’s flat a couple of weeks ago, and now Rachel had a spare room. But was it too soon?
Last time something big had come up in our relationship, I’d panicked — it was all too new. But now, I couldn’t imagine my life without Rachel, and when I looked to the future, I saw us living together. So why not bring the timeline forward a little?
I leaned in and kissed Rachel’s lips, and she smiled in response.
“Do you think it’s too soon?”
She shrugged. “I know we’ve only been together for a short while, but it’s not like we just met, is it?”
It certainly wasn’t. “Keep talking,” I said, staring into her sapphire eyes, currently asking me a question.
“I could promise at least two home-cooked meals a week,” Rachel said, kissing me again.
“Cooked in the buff?”
She laughed. “As the allotted health and safety monitor, I’d have to decline.”
“You see, that would have sold me.” Were we ready? “You think we should do this?”
A customer leaving the off-licence startled me as they opened the door, the shop’s bell ringing. I’d forgotten we were standing on a street in central London — I’d been too caught up in our conversation.
She took both my hands in hers and ran her thumbs over my palms. “Damned if I know,” she said. “But what I do know is the thought of waking up with you every morning makes me smile.”
I stared at her, a smile creeping over my face. “You know, you tell the world you’re a cool, laidback chef, but really, you’re just a slushy romantic at heart.”
Rachel blushed bright red, before casting her gaze to the ground, finally landing on me. “Can we just keep it between us?”
“Your reputation as a Lothario and straight-girl defiler is well documented on YouTube, so I wouldn’t worry.”
Her face creased up at that. “Straight girl defiler? That does not sound sexy.”
I cocked my head. “The act was most definitely better than the words.” I wrinkled my brow. “So we’re doing this? We’re going to move in together?”
Rachel nodded. “Looks like it.”
I glanced at the champagne in the display, and a bubble of happiness went pop in my head. This journey started the day I met Rachel over a year ago, and now it was ramping up, just getting started.
We were moving in together. I was going to be living with a woman who was my girlfriend.
Holy fuck.
“You realise Tanya and Sophie are not going to shut up about it, right?” I said.
“Oh, I know, but I can handle them.”
“Does this make your block of flats the most lesbian in London?” I asked, kissing her lips.
“I doubt it, but it does make it the block with the best-looking lesbians for sure.”
I laughed at that. “Just to be clear, we’re above Tanya and Sophie, right?”
Rachel looked at me like I’d gone mad. “Natch,” she replied. “And you know the other plus point?”
“Tell me.”
“My sister broke up with her girlfriend recently — for reasons I predicted correctly — which means I’m not the single lesbian sister in the family. For the first time ever.”
I laughed as we started walking again, threading my arm through Rachel’s as we did. “So are we toasting your sister’s misfortune, Mystic Rachel?”
“I prefer to see it as celebrating my own. That, and the fact I get to lord it over her for once in my life.”
I shook my head. “Glad to be of service,” I replied.
Chapter 33
“You’re so lucky this weather has held, you know that?” I was concentrating on not cutting my fingers while I chopped up this courgette — cut fingers were a major turn-off in lesbian circles, as I was quickly learning.
Tanya shook her head, her new, shorter hair not moving. Ever since I’d known her, Tanya had worn long hair, but not anymore. She’d recently had it cut, and just like everything Tanya tried, it looked incredible on her.
“It’s not luck, it’s the weather gods smiling on us. The weather god is clearly a woman, and possibly even a lesbian. She knows how important it is for the weather to hold for today and this particular barbecue, because there’s so much to celebrate.” Tanya counted on her fingers. “My best friend coming out for one,” she said, winking at me. “Plus Sophie moving in, you moving in with Rachel, Meg and Kate having their baby. I mean, my cup runneth over with celebration.”
“And it’s all because of you. I wouldn’t have met Rachel without you, and Meg would never have got together with Kate had you not been such a vile ex-girlfriend, so give yourself a pat on the back.”
“Hey!” Sophie said, walking through from the balcony, a barbecue tong in her hand. “Enough slating my gorgeous girlfriend, thank you.” She slapped Tanya on the arse before kissing her lips. “Is she giving you grief? Do I need to have a word with our guest?”
Tanya smiled. “It wouldn’t help, she’s been dissing me for years.”
I nodded. “It’s true.” I finished chopping the courgette into long strips and put them into the bowl Tanya had given me. “What’s next? The peppers?”
She nodded. “Yes please, and big chunks.”
“I know,” I said. “You’re such a control freak, you know that?”
Sophie grinned. “And that’s why her life runs with military precision, isn’t it, sweetheart?”
Tanya brandished the knife she was chopping the onions with, wiping tears from her eyes. “You may mock.”
“And we do,” Sophie replied, grinning. “Are you impressed with all the baking Tanya’s done for today, too?”
I nodded. “Amazed — I never knew sh
e was a baker. Rachel and Jess have some competition.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Tanya said.
“I would,” Sophie replied. “One thing I know, too — your gran would be so proud of you for carrying on her recipes. Wait till you taste that lemon cake, it’s amazing.”
I gave Tanya a grin. “Hidden talents.”
She rolled her eyes. “I keep seeing my kitchen on YouTube, so I figured I better start using it.”
A knock on her front door interrupted us, and Sophie was first to react, looking over her shoulder as she walked to the hallway. “I’d say that’s our first guest. Are we ready, kitchen crew?”
Tanya wiped her eyes again as she nodded. “Once I clear these tears, I’m ready,” she replied.
Two hours later and the afternoon was in full swing, the smell of roasted steak mingling with barbecued prawns and roasted peppers. Tanya had made her famous potato salad, and Sophie had rustled up a couple of Nigella salads for good measure. Rachel wasn’t here yet — she’d had to go to her parents’ to see her aunt who was visiting from the USA — but she was arriving soon, bringing her younger sister Becca with her to meet everyone.
I was sitting on one of Tanya’s balcony chairs, with Meg and Kate’s two-month-old son Finn on my lap. Even though Meg was her usual perky self, her make-up couldn’t hide the bags that had taken up residence under her eyes. It turned out Finn was a night owl, which didn’t sit well with his mum, a florist who was used to early mornings. Meg’s mum had come out of retirement to run the shop for three months with some part-time help, but Meg was hoping to go back full-time in the not-too-distant future.
“And how was the birth?”
“Don’t ask,” Kate said, sitting down beside Meg and gazing at her son.
Meg smiled. “I ended up having a caesarean as there were complications, so I’m only just up and about again.” She grasped Kate’s knee as she spoke. “You’re having the next one, aren’t you, babe?”
Kate laughed. “Only if Finn starts to sleep soon, otherwise I might be put off.”
I stared down at this new life in my hands, currently dribbling and smiling up at me. “Don’t listen to them, Finn,” I said, kissing his cheek, his new baby smell swamping my senses. “He clearly just has a massive fear of missing out, so he doesn’t want to sleep. I don’t blame him.”
“He gets that from you,” Meg said, kissing Kate’s hand, before turning back to me. “Anyway, enough about us, this party is to celebrate your coming out I hear — and can I just say, I hope I played a part.”
I gave her a grin. “You certainly helped.”
“So how are you finding being on Team Queer?”
“Let’s just say we’ve been living together for two weeks and I’m not getting much sleep either, but for different reasons.” I felt my cheeks heat up as I recalled the sex Rachel and I had the night before, with my girlfriend showing me just how flexible she was through regular yoga practice. It was impressive, I had to admit.
“I remember those days,” Meg said, glancing at Kate. “Do you remember?”
Kate cocked her head, her cropped peroxide blonde hair not moving. “I don’t remember anything before Finn anymore,” she said, laughing. But even as she said it, I could see the loving look she was giving her wife.
“So it’s going well?” Meg said.
I nodded. “It’s going really well. Rachel’s awesome and I’m a gibbering wreck. We’ve been living together for two weeks, so far, so good.”
Meg looked over my shoulder and smiled. “Talk of the devil, here’s the woman currently putting that smile on your face.”
I turned my head and Rachel was standing over me, giving me her special smile, reserved just for me.
“Is this a glimpse of my future?” she asked, kissing the top of my head before making a fuss of Finn.
“You didn’t tell me you had a baby as well as getting a new girlfriend,” Rachel’s sister Becca said, as she bent to kiss me.
“We didn’t want to shock you,” I replied. “Girlfriend, moving in, baby, in that order.”
Becca gave me the same sweet grin I knew from Rachel’s face as she laughed. “You’re a traditionalist, I like that.”
Rachel swept her hand around the balcony, raising her voice as she spoke. “Everyone, this is my sister Becca, who’s newly single and looking for a woman, so form an orderly queue.”
Becca slapped Rachel on the arm as she laughed. “You are the archetypal embarrassing sister, you know that?” She scowled at Rachel as only sisters could.
“It’s a skill I’ve perfected over the years,” Rachel said.
Finn began to cry in my arms, so Kate lifted him up, putting him over her shoulder and patting his back. He quietened down in an instant, while Meg gave me a wide smile.
“She’s so brilliant with him,” she said, glancing at her wife. “Honestly, I was the one who wanted to have kids, but it’s Kate who’s the most maternal, which I wasn’t expecting.”
I was thrilled for Meg — she’d found her one, got married and had a child — she was all-in.
I glanced at Rachel, now chatting with Becca and Sophie over by the barbecue, and a wave of warmth flushed through me. Had I found my one?
“Hey Alice — they bought prawns just for you,” Rachel shouted.
I got up and walked over to her. Even though it was October, it was still 20 degrees today, like we were on a balcony in Spain and not south London.
“Have you had one yet?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.” I stroked Becca’s arm before addressing her. “How are you?”
Becca gave me a grin so reminiscent of her sister, it was uncanny. Rachel’s three older sisters all took after her mum, whereas Rachel and Becca had inherited their dad’s dark hair colouring and his paper-thin Irish skin. Becca also had crystal blue eyes, just like her sister. Even though she was newly single, I had no doubt some woman would fall for her very soon.
“I’m good, although Rachel sold me this party saying there would be lesbians to meet. She forgot to say they’d all be old and coupled up with children.” Becca rolled her eyes, and I had to laugh. She was only 23, after all.
“It’s free food, so what are you moaning about?” Rachel said, poking her sister in the ribs. “Plus, you’re here to meet Jess and Lucy who are in the kitchen, chatting to Tanya. Becca’s going to organise their wedding as a pilot project for her event-planning business — they’re her willing guinea pigs. Jess almost kissed me when I suggested it this week.”
“I rest my case,” Becca said, taking a sip of her beer. “Lesbians getting married and having babies everywhere I look.”
“It’ll come to you eventually, little sister,” Rachel said, putting an arm around me.
Becca shrugged. “Not for a good few years, and anyway, I don’t care. I’m off women after my last relationship.” She paused. “Or maybe I’ll do casual from now on — a hook-up, no emotions and no questions asked.”
Rachel snorted. “Good luck with that.”
The sound of steel on glass put a stop to our conversation and I turned to see Tanya standing by the balcony doors, tapping a teaspoon on an empty wine bottle. Jess and Lucy squeezed past her and came to stand next to us, Jess giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“Happy coming-out party!” she whispered in my ear, giving me a wink.
“Thanks,” I replied.
Tanya tapped the wine bottle again, and the party all swivelled their heads towards her and waited expectantly.
I winced, wondering what she was going to say.
“Before we all get too drunk and eat far too much delicious food — all prepared without Rachel, I might add!”
That got a cheer, to which Rachel rolled her eyes.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming, and also get you to raise a glass to the main reason I threw this barbecue — my best friend, Alice.”
Oh god, here we go. I ducked my head, as Rachel dropped her arm from my shoulder, wanting me to en
joy the moment on my own.
“Alice and I have been friends for years, and in all that time, everyone always thought Alice was the lesbian and I was straight.”
Much laughter from the party.
“But not anymore. And no, before you ask, this is not a party to tell you I’m straight—”
“—I hope not!” Sophie shouted.
“—rather, it’s a party to celebrate Alice’s coming out as not straight. She’s not settled on a label yet — am I right?”
I shook my head. “No label.”
“But what she’s definite about is that whether or not she’s a lesbian, bi, pansexual or whatever — she’s into chicks now. Or one chick in particular.”
More laughs.
“So everyone please raise your glasses to my friend Alice finally getting the orgasms she deserves.”
That got the loudest laugh of all, before everyone raised their glasses. “To Alice!”
And then Rachel’s arm did come back around me and I was glad. I needed her by my side, now more than ever.
“I’d also like to add something,” I said, my voice coming out loud and clear even though my insides were quivering. “Thanks to Tanya and Sophie for being true to their word and throwing this barbecue — and congrats to them on moving in together, too! And congrats to Meg and Kate and their new addition, Finn. He might not sleep much, but he’s the cutest thing here, and that’s going some to outdo my new girlfriend.” I leaned in to kiss Rachel and the whole party hollered.
When I drew back, I gave Rachel a wink. “And for those of you who might say that was the first time you’ve seen us kiss, you’re all liars. I know you’ve all watched the video, so don’t try to tell me otherwise.”
Huge laughter for that one, including from me. Because now, even a few weeks on, it seemed like it happened to some other people in another life.
Yes, Rachel and I had been caught on camera kissing and the whole world had seen, but life went on — and what I was quickly learning was nobody really cared. It was me who’d cared the most. And once I stopped worrying about other people, life had become much easier.