by T L Bradford
Everyone comes running from inside the house to the garage to see what the hell is going on. I push her out of the car and grab my junk to make sure it’s still there.
What they see is her sprawled out on the garage floor skirt up to her waist. What they hear is her saying, “What the hell is wrong with you? No man ever turns this down.” She haughtily indicates her voluptuous curves. “I guess those pictures were right. You must be gay!”
I turn around to see 12 pairs of eyes all trained on me and my bleeding crotch.
Fuck. My. Life.
“Sweetie, you’ve got to believe I had no idea what a ho she was.”
“You…You’ve just got to stop using those phrases ma.” She is with me in the bathroom as I try desperately to stop the bleeding.
“What was that she was talking about sweetie? What pictures?”
I was hoping I’d get through this holiday without having to address the pics. “Nothing, ma, it’s just some pictures someone took of Josh and me.”
“What kind of pictures?”
“It’s nothing. Someone was hanging around outside the kitchen and took a picture of us together.”
“Well, were you doing anything?”
“No.” I decide to hedge my response. “It’s just the angle makes it look like we’re…really close.”
“Oh. Okay.” She picks up the bloodied towels, spins around and closes the door behind her. My mother never leaves a conversation open.
Chapter 28
Josh
“Nice highlights,” Zach says sarcastically when he walks in the room instead of an actual greeting.
“Oh hey, look, folks, it’s the mayor of slacker town. How’s that rollout bed in the basement working for you?” I tease.
Zach grabs his heart as though I’ve mortally wounded him and goes directly to the fridge to rummage. I want to see my family, but I have been dreading this particular trip ever since I booked it. Xander and Zach are going to give me a hard time, but I knew this day would come.
I got into Denver a few hours ago to visit the family for Thanksgiving. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen anyone in person, so this is important to me. I tried to sleep on the flight over, but I couldn’t. I’ve been restless for the past few days.
This thing with Noah has me tied up in knots. He’s been running hot and cold towards me since we got back from Hawaii.
After that insane shoot, he pulled a duck and cover, and I haven’t seen him since. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about his effect on me. It was so all-consuming; my body was on fire. I remember his words in therapy, “I would have let you.” It starts me off all over again. My idea to lure him in totally backfired and now I’m the one feeling the effects.
I almost went over to his place the other night; then I chickened out. He’s not ready yet. How long will I have to wait? I check my phone. No word from him. He’s visiting his family in Tennessee. How can I miss him this much when it’s only been a few days! Anyway, the ball is in his court. I showed him my cards. Now it’s time for him to show his.
I hear my other brother Xander’s booming voice in the living room before he even reaches the kitchen.
“Lil, bro! Wassup? Nice highlights,” he says as he walks by, mussing my hair.
“Fuck you, man.”
“Nah, I hear that’s your job now,” he zings me. He and Zach pound fists. “You know, if you had fabulous locks like mine, you wouldn’t need fake hair color.”
“I do have hair like yours; only it’s not on my head.” Score one for Josh.
“Damn Xander, he got you there,” Zach chuckles.
Things 1 and 2 (Xander and Zach, respectively), are the classic older brothers from hell. Zach is two years older and Xander four. My childhood consisted of these two putting me through any number of demeaning and degrading pranks. There was the one where they put Icy/Hot cream into my jock strap before one of my games, forcing me to run off the field in the middle of a game and pour water down my fiery crotch. And the incident when they thought it would be funny to put the vomit-inducing medication, ipecac in my drink before the Sophomore prom. And let’s not forget the time when they hid a bag of dildos in my bag when I went to stay at Harmony’s parent’s mountain cabin for the weekend. Of course, her father found them. You see where I’m coming from.
They were the Insufferable Two, while Chloe and I were the Wonder Twins.
“We’re going out for a game of flag football with the guys. You game?” Xander asks me.
“Yeah, hey, when is Chloe getting in?”
“I think Dad went to go pick her up,” Zach replies through a mouthful of sandwich. Chloe’s in her last year of nursing school and studying at Colorado State University. She’s my sounding board, so I’m waiting impatiently for her to get here so we can talk.
My mom, Sara, walks into the kitchen and asks us how long we’re going to be out so she can plan when to serve dinner. She has scary good hearing. With four kids, I guess that comes with the territory. But that’s my mom, always concerned with our needs first. She is from a large brood, so family has always been a priority to her.
Sara can best be described as a “smother,” AKA a smothering mother. She’s the mom that showed up to every PTA meeting, organized the annual bake sale, was a field trip chaperone and got all up in everyone’s business. She’s on the tiny side, but don’t let that fool you. She packs a huge wallop. Mom has the same short blond flip bob that she’s had for years. She’s from where I get my fair complexion. Chloe ended up with my father’s, scoring dark hair and blue eyes.
“What happened to my sandwiches! Who ate them! Those are for the auxiliary meeting tonight!” my mother yells. We all turn our heads to Zach, who still has half of one end hanging out of his mouth. Fury begins to rise on her face.
“Sorry, I thought they were for us?” He says it like a question.
“I could just…GRRR!” She’s growling and begins taking out items to make more sandwiches. She rarely curses, but it’s amusing to see how she gets around it by slamming items around like a crazy woman.
Zach has never been the brightest bulb in the family. He’s very tall, around six foot five and lanky. He has earlobe length straight dark hair that continuously falls in his bright blue eyes.
He was our resident high school, “Bad Boy.” Zach probably screwed almost half the girls at Lincoln High. Not that I’m going to complain, because once he was done with them, I was there to swoop them up and move in. Vulnerable girls are easy. He never played school sports or anything like that. He could usually be found behind the shop building smoking weed and getting into various types of trouble. He peaked out in high school and still lives at home with Mom and Dad.
Xander, my eldest brother, looks like the literal red-headed stepchild of the family. We tease him that he was adopted because he looks like none of us with his big bushy strawberry blond ‘fro. Xander is too cool for school and says little, but when he does, you know it’s going to be sarcasm at its finest. I have been the recipient of some of his best zingers for years, and I am oddly proud of that. Unlike Zach, Xander is incredibly smart, but unfortunately, not driven. He spends his days fixing up old cars and working down at the mechanic shop.
I go upstairs to my old room and change for the football game. It’s like a freakin’ shrine to my childhood. Mom hasn’t moved anything. My trophies and ribbons from all the sports I played are still on the walls. Pictures of me playing football in college are on my mirror. My old poster of Jessica Alba I used to crank it to is still there too. This, of course, is a trigger in my head, and I check my phone again — no message from Noah. I grab my old pair of board shorts from my dresser and a jersey I wore nearly every day in high school. They are snug but still fit.
The park is around the corner from our house, so we walk there. On the way, Zach comments on how my appearance has changed since he last saw me.
“Josh, man, you’re looking jacked. You got a personal trainer or something out the
re in La-La land?” One of the benefits of living around Noah has been better eating and fitness patterns. We run nearly every day and eat healthily. I didn’t realize it was showing.
“Nah, just good clean living.”
“What? Afraid ‘lil bro here is finally gonna be able to kick your sorry ass?” says Xander.
“No way in hell,” Zach says, defending his manhood.
“I could so kick your ass now,” I say with confidence to Zach.
He starts running backward, giving me the double bird flip off as he shouts, “Bring it, bitch!” smiling and laughing at me. Oh, I’ll bring it.
Some guys from high school we used to hang out with are already there, and we pick our sides. Shirts and skins. I get skins which put me on my brother Xander’s team. It is an odd experience to reunite with old friends once you have achieved some level of fame. Guys I’ve grown up with are now standing back from me with a strange reverence and awe. I’m trying my best to fit in and be “one of the guys,” but they keep staring at me like I’m some sideshow freak. After a while, I start feeling uncomfortable.
We’re ahead by three. I believe this is mainly because no one wants to get too close to me. Do they think they’re going to break me or what? After about a half hour or so of playing, I take a break to get some water out of the cooler one of the guys brought. I’m sweating and thirsty, plus I need to check my phone for texts. Nope, no sign of Noah. As I’m checking my phone, I feel someone come up beside me. It’s Archer. I haven’t seen or talked to him since before I left Colorado.
He was on the football team with me during our senior year. He’s now a backup quarterback for the Denver Broncos. I put my phone down and take another big gulp of water. I feel him watching me.
“It was a tough break for you in college, shattering your knee like that. Sorry man. I meant to come see you, but I didn’t know what to say.”
“It’s alright, don’t worry. It was a long time ago.” I assure him.
“I guess it all worked out, I mean, you’ve made a pretty good life for yourself.”
“I can’t complain. It’s good to see you.” I notice he’s having issues making direct eye contact with me, like most of the guys. We used to be pretty good buds, so I decided to ask him what’s going on with the gang.
“Oh, don’t mind them. They’re just a bunch of small-towners with small minds and even smaller—”
“Whoa, I thought these guys were your squad. What’s up with the hater speech?”
“Turns out you find out who your true friends are when you come out.” He darts spiteful glances over at the other guys.
“Hold up, you, came out? As in, came out of the closet, came out?”
“Yeah, about a year ago. It was a total dumpster fire, man. My parents freaked; my brothers will barely speak to me. The guys are still adjusting, but it hasn’t been easy.”
“I had no idea, Archer.”
“It’s not something the team wants to broadcast, so it’s being kept on the down low. It sucks with my family, but I’ve had my supporters too. Some from folks, I would never have thought would stand up for me have done just that.” He looks down at the ground. “You know, what you’re doing on the show? It’s a good thing. It shows people we’re just like everyone else. Good and bad. I wish I’d had those characters to watch when I was growing up. It would have made processing this whole thing so much easier.”
“It makes me so happy to hear you say that.”
“Archer, hightail it back here and quit trying to make out with Josh!” This comment comes from one of the other guys on his team.
“Still adjusting,” he says and shakes his head as he runs back on the field. We play for a little while longer when some blowhard from Zach’s team gets called on a play against me. He gets unnecessarily pissed and walks off, saying under his breath, “faggot” as he walks by me. I walk up to him and demand he repeats what he said. He says it again with vile contempt, and I leap toward him, ready to pummel his face. I get one good lick in, then Xander’s on my back pulling me off the guy.
I hear Zach’s voice from a distance, saying, “That’s it. Game over.” We leave before I can get in another swipe. Blowhard is still spouting homophobic slurs at me while someone drags him off the field. On the way back I’m riled up, so Xander and Zach take me out to help me wind down before I get to the house. We drive over to our old hangout and get some food. We eat it in the same booth where we always sit. I’m almost back to normal by the time we sit down.
“Guys like that need to have their asses kicked. Good on ya ‘lil bro,” says Xander.
“You know, that’s what’s messed up about this whole fame game. People can’t tell the difference between your character and the real you. And even if you tell them, they still don’t believe it. I’ve known these guys since grade school. Today they treated me like I was an alien from another planet.”
Zach and Xander exchange a quick look between them which I catch; then they go back to eating. “What was that? What was that look?”
“What look?” Zach says, stuffing half the burger into his mouth.
“That one, from a second ago!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zach says, barely decipherable around the meat patty.
“Yeah, you do. You guys got something you need to say to me?”
The look again. Then Xander sighs and says, “Well…there are those pictures of you out there with that Noah guy. They’re saying you guys weren’t on the set shooting when they were taken so, why were you guys…”
I’m in a strange position. I would out myself if I felt the time was right but doing so would also expose Noah, and I couldn’t do that to him. So, for now, I must dodge and fake left. “We were rehearsing. I live in the guesthouse, so I was over at his place running lines. We got into character, and that’s when the vultures took the picture.” The lie came so easily it was scary. I’m not sure if they bought my lie or not, but it was enough to shut them up, at least for now.
We go back to the house where mom has a full spread ready for us. When I arrive home, Chloe is already there. Finally, we are all together.
Lloyd, my dad, greets me with a huge bear hug. He’s all about the loving. My dad is one of the sweetest souls you’ll ever meet. He is on the shorter side and husky but still nimble from his college sports days. Mom says he was a catch back in his day, and they have been high school sweethearts ever since. He coaches little league games on the weekends for the local Youth Center. Overall, he is the ultimate dad, complete with lame jokes, a man cave, and always ready to whip out an embarrassing story about you. In my case, that is many.
All through dinner, I keep checking my phone. Zach calls me out on it, asking who it is I’m waiting to hear from. I say no one special; I’m just a popular guy. He snorts with laughter.
After dinner, Chloe and I get a chance to talk and hang out, just the two of us. We go out onto the back porch and start a fire in the pit to keep warm. Chloe is bound up in her snuggie and sitting on the outside couch furniture. She looks tiny with her dark brown hair in a loose topknot on her head, her over-large bright blue eyes so excited to see me in the flesh.
“How’s nursing school going?” I ask her, genuinely interested in her life.
“Stop humoring me with questions about my boring life. Give me the scoop.”
“What? Come on; there’s nothing to tell.”
“I don’t believe you. The goons are gone now. You’ve checked your phone no less than 20 times since I’ve been here. What’s going on? Are you seeing someone?”
“It’s…complicated.”
“I knew it! Spill now!”
I resolve to give her the broad strokes and not go into specifics about what’s going on to protect Noah. “I met someone a while ago. We’ve become close, but there are a lot of other circumstances that are coming into play that make it difficult for us to be together.” There, that wasn’t so bad.
“Does this person know how you
feel?”
“I think so.”
“How do you feel?”
I think about it for a minute, and then I say, “You know that feeling you get when you go to sit down, and the chair suddenly tips too far backward for a couple of seconds before you can right yourself again? You get that feeling of utter helplessness for like 2 seconds? That’s what it feels like.”
“Damn! That’s deep, bro.” Her eyes go wide.
“Yeah, my stomach is in constant knots. I can’t sleep well. Everything reminds me of them.”
“Have you talked about it with them?”
“Indirectly, I guess. I know it’s not one-sided. They have a lot of hang-ups and won’t admit it to me, much less anyone else. So, I’ve been carrying this weight around, feeling like I’m in limbo. I want to be with them, but I’m not sure how much longer I can go on waiting for them to sort it out.”
“Do you love this person?”
“Fuck, I think so.”
“Then…I think you should try asking Noah out and see how it goes from there.”
I pan my eyes slowly over to her. “How the hell did you know?”
“Uh, hello, seriously? Wonder-twin powers.”
“You’re not like, freaked out by this?”
“No way! Josh, are you crazy! Oh my god! I’ve always wanted a sister!” She’s beaming then jumps up and gives me a great big bear hug and smothers me with kisses.
“Uh okay, not that kind of gay, but okay. I’m still very much into females.” I try to beat her off me.
“Oh, semantics. This is going to be so much fun! We can stay up late, braid each other’s hair, talk about boys, and eat cookie dough ice cream together!”
I roll my eyes. What have I gotten myself into? “I’m not down for the hair braiding, but I could go for a bowl of ice cream.”