by T L Bradford
With both of us being so green in our newfound sexuality, we came to the decision that we would take things slowly and enjoy our time together, exploring each other in this new way. Essentially, we are chastely dating, which is fine with both of us for now. Making out like teenagers has been a lot of fun. Josh has agreed to keep our relationship under wraps, which eases my mind. Only his family knows about us, and they will not say anything until we are ready.
Josh and I are sitting around the kitchen island, making dinner together when I hear the front doorbell ring. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I’m curious who’s at the door. It’s Gemma, complete with takeout boxes. Oh, shit! It’s Netflix and take out night.
She walks through the doorway and comes into the foyer. “Hey there! I am ready to get my movie and take out on. I hear the movie—” and she stops there, seeing Josh topless in his sweats. Then she quickly turns back to me.
“Gemma, I’m so sorry, damn, I totally forgot!”
“Am I…interrupting? I can go. I should have texted first.”
“No, no, don’t go. It’s late; I’m not having you drive all the way back.”
She says very quietly to me, “If you’ve got something going on here, I’ll split okay?” At this moment, I choose to come clean with Gemma.
“Look Gem, I… think we’ll be needing to add one more to Netflix and take out Nights.”
“You mean, like permanently?”
“Yes. Josh moved in with me.”
“Does this mean what I think it does?” She raises her voice so Josh can now hear. Her eyes grow wide, and a giant smile starts to form on her lips.
I look over to Josh to confirm what I’m going to say. He smiles at me and shrugs his shoulders. “Josh and I are seeing each other.”
Her mouth makes a giant “O” and she grabs her mouth and runs to me, giving me a big warm hug. “I’m so happy for you two!” Then, she runs around the island and gives the same giant squeeze to Josh.
“Gemma, Gemma…look, you can’t tell anyone about this, okay? I’m serious!”
“You know I’d never do something like that to you. I’m just so happy! When did this happen? Oh my god, you have to tell me everything!” So much for movie night, tonight we are the headline.
“You’re getting married! Congratulations!” Olive shouts. She walks over to dole out the hugs.
“Thanks, Olive, but you know this isn’t real, right?” Gemma says.
“Of course.”
Ash rolls his eyes. The new Americana script has Beau and Gracie getting engaged. There’s a weird vibe with everyone today, and they all look visibly uncomfortable around me, knowing me and Gemma’s past.
“You should be happy. It’s been a long time coming for your characters. Now everyone quit looking at me. It’s just a new plot. Anyway, it’s not like they’re really getting married or anything. Geez,” I say.
No one meets my eyes and continues tapping on their phones or reading the script, even Josh.
Looking to break the awkward silence, Olive cheers, “The Primetime Award Nominations are here, and two of our own are up for awards!”
“No way, what for?” Ash asks.
“Best Couple!”
“Who’s nominated?” Sarita says.
“Wait for it…wait for it…”
“Oh, for the love of God Olive, we’re waiting for it. Get on with it already,” Sarita snarks.
“Jace and Max!!!” she screams.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” says Josh from the other side of the room.
“Nope, I just saw it on my feed.”
I pick up my cell and type in Primetime Award Nominations and there in black and white are our names. Not good. Not good at all. If my father sees this…
I sneak a peek at Josh; I see the side of his mouth quirked up, trying not to smile. We’re playing it cool on the set, trying not to tip anyone off to our relationship. For now, only Gemma knows. I trust her. The rest of the gang would be okay; I want to hold off for a while longer to enjoy our secret together. I’m sure other people have their suspicions, but as long as they don’t know for sure and it’s all rumor, I don’t mind. The crew protects their own, so I’m not too concerned about word getting around.
“So, now that we’re dating does that mean you’re going to pin me?” Josh gives me a shy expression.
“Oh, I’ll pin you alright—” I grab him around the waist and shift him between my thighs as I sit atop the kitchen counter. “—Against the wall, against the bed, against the…”
“Not like that, I mean, like in the olden days when a boy would ask his main squeeze to go steady.”
“Why the sudden interest in ancient social etiquette?” I’m curious.
“I was thinking, since we’re on the down low, something small like that would be my personal reminder that we belong to each other, even when we can’t show it.”
“Is it really bothering you that much?” I’ve been concerned about how he feels being behind locked doors.
“No, I’m just thinking out loud. To be honest, it’s kind of hot getting to sneak around with you.” He wiggles his eyebrows in a saucy way.
“If it ever gets to be too much let’s talk about it, okay?” I press my forehead to his and he nuzzles against mine. It’s become one of those things we do that makes my heart melt. He looks up at me through his thick lashes.
“Okay, I promise.” I plant a big kiss on his forehead.
“So, what do you think about us getting the Best Couple nomination?”
“I think it’s awesome, but only because I’m sharing it with you.” I’m feeling so sappy, but to hell with it, I am happy. I’m sappy happy.
I pull him forward and kiss him deeply, running my hands up and down his back, touching the tight muscle. I’m about to move this session into another room when I get a text on my phone. “It’s Gemma. She wants to meet up after taping.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ve got some things to take care of, anyway.”
We’ve been so glued to each other lately, that this will be the first time in weeks we’ve left each other’s side. I’ve got to say being alone is not a feeling I like anymore. I had always imagined myself not needing the presence of another person to keep me happy. Then Josh happened, and now I can’t get him out of my mind. I want to spend every waking moment with him.
When we arrive on set, there are decorations in the common room and a cake with our faces on it. It is equal parts thoughtful and creepy at the same time. The cast and crew have put together a congratulations party for us on our nomination. I’m touched they put this much time and effort into celebrating us. And although it’s for the show, part of me thinks it’s a celebration of our real relationship as well.
We’re a lot more careful with the PDA around set lately, only touching for our scenes. It crosses my mind that our real attraction is showing up on the screen. Marty always calls for a limited or closed set for our intimate scenes now, so I’m positive he knows something is actually going on between us. Luckily, he has the manners not to bring it up.
“So, Genie, if they win, can we expect a #JAX wedding in the near future?” Olive asks.
“I wouldn’t rule it out, but the fact is, people are more drawn to a couple when they have issues. #JAX still has some trials to go through,” she says. “Not to put a damper on the party or anything, of course.”
“Of course,” Sarita says with a cocked eyebrow.
I take from it that there are stormy seas ahead for Jace and Max. At least Noah and Josh are sailing smooth.
Saturday Morning
6:36 am
I hear the soft purr of his snores. I open my eyes. My whole world opens up. I’m looking through a tunnel, and he’s all I see. Josh lies on his stomach, arms up, clutching his pillow, sheet around his lower waist. He sleeps with his head partly turned down, facing me. He opens his eyes. However, only one is visible, the other shrouded by the pillowcase. He floats in a sea of my white comforter. It’s almost
too much. I raise my hand and brush my palm across his cheek. He smiles, small lines crinkling the far corner of his eye, but I see only half of his expression.
My hand molds every part of his face, creating a memory, sculpting his brow line. I marvel at his angular nose, his small, almost delicate ears. I rub the soft spot behind his ear and see his smile expand. His pupils dilate instantly, and I know he’s feeling this special connection too. I caress him slowly and sincerely. My hand moves toward the back of his neck, rubbing the slight divot there. He moans and flutters his eyes closed. I move my hand leisurely down the center of his backbone until I reach the base of his spine. Then I plant my large, warm palm there, teasing the sheet at his waist. God never let this end.
7:20 am
“Let’s not do anything today. I want to stay in this bed all day with you,” Josh utters gently.
“We’ve never done that before.”
“Exactly.”
7:45 am
“Did you turn off your phone?”
“Yes.”
“Perfect.”
8:15 am
“What do you mean you’ve never seen Star Wars? How is that even humanly possible? You must have purposely gone out of your way to avoid it. Noah, it’s just, dare I say it, unamerican.”
“I already know what happens, and who the characters are, so why would I need to watch it?”
“Oh, man, you just don’t get it.”
8:20 am
“So, you’re saying if I’m not somehow part of the Star Wars zeitgeist, I have no moral worth as a human being is that right?”
“Finally, we understand each other,” he sighs.
9:36 am
“You can absolutely see patterns in the ceiling. If you look hard enough, they start to move. You have to keep staring into it, like a Magic Eye book, back when we were kids,” Josh says. We’re on our backs, staring up at the ceiling from our bed.
“I could never see anything in those books.”
“That’s because you lack imagination. Free your mind, and you can see it.”
“I have plenty of imagination.”
“Says you,” he teases. I look over at him and tickle his side.
“Stop! Stop! I give!”
10:45 am
“Our love is alive, and so we begin
Foolishly laying our hearts on the table
Stumblin’ in
Our love is a flame, burning within
Now and then fire light will catch us
Stumblin’ in”
Josh sings a chorus from the old Suzi Quatro duet song Stumblin’ In. He threads his fingers through mine. Then I chirp in for the duet part.
“Wherever you go, whatever you do
You know these reckless thoughts of mine are following you
I’ve fallen for you, whatever you do
’Cause, baby; you’ve shown me so many things that I never knew
Whatever it takes, baby, I’ll do it for you
Our love is alive, and so we begin…”
12:35 pm
“Do you want more orange juice?”
“No, I just want you again…and again, and again,” I repeat.
1:15 pm
“My middle name is Evan, after my great grandfather. What’s yours?” he asks me.
“I don’t have one.
“Liar. I’ve seen some of your mail come through as Noah E. Sinclair. Just tell me. I promise not to laugh.
“Not a chance.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“No.”
“I’m hurt.”
“Now who’s lying?”
1:52 pm
“Alright, I’m not saying that I’m arrogant enough to believe that we are the only living beings in the vast cosmos. I’m just saying given how infinitesimally small we are relevant to everything else out in the universe I find it highly unlikely that a spaceship would travel a bazillion miles across the universe just to crash here or try to make contact. I’m just saying.”
“See, Noah, this is what I mean; you don’t think big enough. We are the vast universe to the microcosms within our own realm. See, like the viruses that infect us, the bacteria on our skin, the atoms, within the atoms within the atoms man.”
“No more weed for you, Josh.”
2:15 pm
“And that’s why I never get my eyebrows wet,” Josh confesses.
“What the fuck, Josh!?! You never clean your eyebrows. That’s insane. Where did you get that crazy idea?”
“Ripley’s Believe It or Not, the old TV show, if you get water on your eyebrows the number of bacteria grows like infinity. It’s crazy. Man, you have like a whole colony of the little bastards in there!”
“So, what, do they like form a rudimentary society or something?” I ask. I am laying upside down off the side of the bed with my head nearly touching the ground eating Cheetos and laughing my ass off.
“Oh, snap! I never even thought of that! Help me get them off of me!”
2:21 pm
“I can’t believe you just shaved off half your eyebrow!” I’m crawling on the floor laughing so hard I can’t breathe. “Amy is going to freak. You’re going to need an eyebrow toupee!” I laugh even harder and shove a full twinkie in my mouth.
“It’s not funny man; they’ll get you too!”
I roll and roll on the floor, grabbing my stomach and laughing. “Where the hell are my Cheetos?”
2:45 pm
“Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want I wanna, (ha)
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah”
“Josh, get down from there!”
“See you have to feel the zigazig ah to perform it properly,” Josh jumps on the bed performing some bizarre choreographed routine to the Spice Girls. “Chloe always wanted to be Baby Spice, but I would be Ginger, cause I’m SPICEY!”
“And you’re telling me, your family didn’t know you were gay?”
3:23 pm
“Josh, wake up!” He’s out cold. I fall back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling looking for moving images. Wait, was that a starfish? No. Why can’t I see it move!
4:02 pm
I lean back on the pillow and take a selfie of us in bed. I send it to him. “This is your new iPhone background picture. You have been pinned,” I say.
“I love it.”
I lean over and kiss him. “You make me so happy, babe.”
4:15 pm
“Cheetos!”
4:32 pm
I just fell in love with Josh.
Chapter 32
Josh
I’ve been debating for the last hour about whether to call Archer. I have a lot of questions and know that he would be the best one to help answer them. It’s not exactly the type of thing I want showing up in my browser history. If the media gets hold of something like that, it would be a PR nightmare.
“Just do it!” I say to myself.
I dial Archer’s number and wait to see if he answers. After the third ring, I am relieved he didn’t pick up and nearly hit the end call button when I hear his voice come on the line.
“Hey man, I nearly didn’t pick up, but when I saw the LA area code, I thought it might be you,” he says.
“Yeah, it’s me. What’s going on? How are things in Denver?”
“The season is over now, so we have time to relax before we have to go back into training.” Archer has been riding the bench for the last season since he came out publicly. He has a contract they have to fulfill, but that doesn’t mean they have to let him play on the field.
“I saw some of the games. You guys got owned. They need just to let you play. Homophobic assholes.”
“I’m not even going to worry ab
out it. I know they aren’t going to renew my contract, so my agent has been shopping me around. Who knows I may end up on the west coast?”
“That would kick ass, man.”
We chat for a while about Chloe and the crew back home. He’s been spending time with my family, which is great. I’m happy my family has become his. Zach finally got a job working at a youth center. It makes sense since he has the mind of a child. He can be on their level. Xander is still doing his usual at the shop.
“So, uh… I get a feeling you didn’t call me up to shoot the shit.”
I chuckle. “Wow, straight to the point.”
“Is it about, Noah?”
I pause, astounded that he could see through me so easily.
“Not exactly. It’s more about us. Together.”
“Chloe mentioned that you two finally got your act together. Congratulations. You make a great couple.”
“Thanks, we’re happy. I moved into his place. It’s working out really well. Better than I anticipated actually.”
“Good to hear.”
“This is all new to both of us, so we’ve been taking things slowly for weeks now.”
“Okay.” He sounds cautious.
I decide to be blunt. “I’m ready to speed things up.”
Silence on his end. “Have you talked to him about this yet?”
“No, not yet, I plan to, but I…wanted to make sure I fully understand the…mechanics of what I may be in for…” I trail off utterly embarrassed by this conversation.
“I see.”
“Yeah…”
“Gotcha, do you want to switch to Facetime?”
“No!” I shout a little too loud and too quickly. “I mean, I’m fine like this.”
I hear his thunderous laughter over the line. “No problem, man, just asking. Okay, so I’m going to make some assumptions here okay, that way you don’t have to say them out loud. Is that cool?”
“Yeah, that’s cool.”
“Good. Okay then, first, I’m going to assume you guys are considering taking your current sexual relationship to a new level right, and you have some questions?”