by T L Bradford
“So, what are you looking for now in a relationship?”
“I still want someone with those qualities, but it’s more important for me to have a deep connection. I need to be thought of as a living, breathing, human person, and not a convenient substitute. He must be caring, affectionate, because I love to cuddle, and good to others. I would want him to support my career and dreams as I would do for him. Trust is important. He would believe that if I told him I wanted to be with him, he would know it was for real and never question my motivation.”
“Wow, if you find that guy, give me his number,” I say, without thinking, then backtrack. “Well, her number. You know what I mean.” I feel myself blushing a little.
“It’s pretty late. Maybe we should pack it up for tonight,” Kai says.
We clean up our camp area, making sure to secure all the food, no need for any nighttime bear visits. It’s a lot chillier up here than I anticipated. We are approximately 6,000 feet up. I should have brought a heavier jacket to keep me warm.
“You know, if you’re cold, we could easily zip our two sleeping bags together and share body warmth.”
The idea of spooning lazily with Kai to conserve body heat catches my attention immediately. I would love that, but at the same time, it terrifies me of making my desire come true. “I think I’ll be okay, no worries. Thanks, though.”
“I promise not to hit on you. Gay cub scouts honor,” he says, holding up two fingers.
“It’s not that, no, I think I have another jacket in my bag. I should be fine.” I know I don’t have another jacket and that I will freeze my ass off by morning.
“Your choice.” He flashes that lazy grin.
We crouch down in the tent and lay our bags out. Mine is supposed to be a pretty good brand, but I haven’t had a chance to use it yet. Josh and I were going to use them for our trip this summer to the Grand Canyon, but well, that never happened. Kai lays his bag out right next to mine, so our heads are in the same direction. After about a half hour or so it begins to cool down considerably. I start to shiver in my bag and reconsider his offer.
I hear the sound of a zipper being pulled and a split second later a cold blanket of air splash across my back. It is quickly replaced by a warm, hard body. Kai scoots himself closer to me and zips the bag up again after he has settled. He lays right behind me, unspeaking. Then, he lifts his arm and brings it across my body to rest across my lower stomach. I settle in and push my back deeper into his heat. He holds me like that all night.
The next morning, I wake up to the sound of dishes clinking and coffee brewing. I wouldn’t exactly say we are roughing it since we have about every contraption you can imagine from REI to make our stay comfortable. I’m a little disappointed that I was not able to wake up in his arms. I still smell his scent on my clothes from last night.
I peek out the tent flaps and see him standing over a fire, breakfast just about finished and ready to start the day. “Good morning sunshine,” he sing- songs to me.
“Morning, what’s all this?” I ask.
“A wholesome breakfast. We’re gonna need it if we hike the longer trail today.”
“Good idea.” I walk over to where he is and see a cup of coffee with my name on it. He hands it over to me and smiles gently. I’m feeling shy after our spoon session last night and not sure how to respond to him. He does not comment, so we continue about our business.
The trail hike is more intense than yesterday. I’m sweating like a pig not long after we start. There is very little tree coverage where we hike, so we get the direct sun. The views are beautiful. I try to get as many shots as I can with my phone. I post them on my Instagram feed.
We hit a gravelly slope on our loopback, and I take a slider down part of a hill. I scratch the side of my leg up, but I’m okay.
“You okay Noah?” Kai runs over concerned and looking over my leg.
“Yeah, I just lost my footing. Yikes, that’s gonna leave a mark.”
“I’ve got some bandages in my pack.”
“Thanks, I’m so bad at this. Usually, Josh packs our things and—” I cut myself off, before giving away too much. “Anyway, I forgot to bring some.”
“No problem, I’ve got your back.” He gives me a smug smile. I catch his double meaning and grin back shyly.
I’m grateful when we get back. My leg is throbbing, and I’m ready to clean myself off. I change into my swim trunks and walk to the outdoor park shower. Kai is already there showering as well. He is also in long bathing trunks. His eyes are closed as he puts his face under the shower head and lathers up his body. I watch the tiny rivulets of water run down his cut body and find myself unable to look away. I grip my towel in my hand and move it over my lower extremities as I ogle him. He opens his eyes and sees me standing awkwardly off to the side, waiting for the shower.
“Come on in; there’s room for two.” He coaxes me over.
Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, granny panties, granny panties. And with that thought, I am ready to walk over. I make a slight adjustment before turning around toward him and take my top off. I think he appreciates what he sees because he does not take his eyes off me.
Now closer, I can examine his fine body better. He has a light patch of dark curly hair on his chest and dark brown nipples. On his back, he has a sizeable birthmark in the shape of Florida, oddly enough. He also has a few scars across his back that I wonder about. The soap drips between his pecs, and he flexes slightly as he attempts to clean his hard to reach places.
“I can get your back for you,” I say.
Wordlessly, he turns around and hands me his bar of soap. I take longer than needed to wash him, but rational thought is not a priority right now. His skin is smooth to the touch, and I caress every taut muscle. When I have finished, he turns around and grabs the soap from my hands and spins me around by the shoulders.
Then he begins to wash my back, rubbing his fingers all along my spine and to my lower back. I feel him move his pelvis toward my ass. I come in contact with the hard ridge of his dick before he jumps back suddenly. A family of five with little kids comes into view. Shit! Kai reaches to turn off the water, and we both grab our towels and get out of there laughing the entire time.
Later that evening, we partake in, burgers, beer, and blunts. We have a great time just chilling and telling increasingly embarrassing stories from our pasts.
I told him about my ill-fated encounter with Rachel during Thanksgiving last year. “Oh, man! That is all kinds of fucked up!” he bellows, and we both fall out laughing.
“Alright, alright, I’ll see your nut catastrophe and raise you one helluva Nutella story.”
I’m intrigued. “You’re on!”
“So, there’s this guy I started seeing. We hadn’t been together very long. One night we decide to get a little adventurous. I’m still living with my moms, but I have the room down in the basement with the washer and dryer. He comes over late one night through the basement door. We’re feeling freaky and decide to try something new. I go upstairs and grab a jar of Nutella. I figure the name is on the jar; it was meant to be.
“He doesn’t know what I’m up to, and in the heat of passion, I reach for the jar and spread it over his nuts. I then get down to business if you know what I mean. Not long after, he starts to sweat and squirm. I think I’m doing a fan-fucking-tastic job on him, but after a while, I look down and see that his dick has inflated to two times the size it was, and it’s turning red. It turns out the motherfucker is deathly allergic to peanuts. Just then, I hear my moms coming down the stairs to do a load of laundry. He’s having a reaction, and I’m trying to keep him quiet, so she doesn’t come over and ask what’s wrong.
“He can’t help it and starts making noise. My mom comes over, and I try to cover him up, but all he’s trying to do is scratch his nuts. This dude is bright red, sweating and swelling up. My mom asks what’s wrong, and I try to say he ate a habanero pepper or some shit. But then, trailing down behind he
r was our dog Bruno, and he smells the peanut butter right away and jumps on the guy’s sack to get to the smell. The dog bites the guy’s dick, and he howls and jumps off the couch, free-balling it across the room in front of my moms. She’s screaming not knowing what the hell is happening, the damn dog is barking and trying to grab a nut and this poor guy is howling in pain.
“He’s able to yell out ‘epi-pen!’ and I grab it from his jeans pocket and stick that sucker right in the guys’ ass cheek. Needless to say, that was the last time I heard from him.”
I am rolling on the ground laughing and unable to catch my breath. Kai is laughing, dragging his sorry ass across the campsite trying to reach for another beer, but unable to stand of his own accord. Instead, he gives up and flops down on the ground beside me. When we finally calm down, we stare at each other, each of us lying in the opposite direction. Kai gets up on one elbow and looks down at me upside down. He runs his tongue along his lower lip as he always does and places a quick peck on my lips. Nothing more. It’s so fast I question whether it really happened at all. He is up and moving a second later, putting out the fire and gathering our things. Without a word, we head to the tent.
That night we climb in, and he closes us both up in the bag again. I turn towards him this time while he wraps me in his large arms to keep me warm.
“Noah, come on. We all miss you. It’s just one night,” Gemma says this as she tries to convince me to head out to Traxxx tonight.
“Gem, it’ll be weird. Nah, I’m not going.”
“If you’re worried about Josh, don’t be, okay? He’s over it. We’re all over it. We want you back with us, Kai too. There’s no reason anymore for you to hide out.”
“I’m not hiding out; I just wanted to give him his space.”
“It’s been almost three months. I’m sure he misses you too. You guys were friends before you were lovers. So, you should still be able to be at least civil to each other.”
I haven’t spoken to Josh other than script reads this whole time. I’ve heard bits and pieces from around set that he is seeing someone, but I have no idea who it is. Everyone shuts up when I enter a room. Enough time has passed that the ache is a little less every day, but it’s still there.
I call Kai to see if he’s up for going out because there is no way in hell, I’m walking into that lion’s den by myself. He agrees, and I go to pick him up around 8:00 p.m. When we pull up, I see the cars from the gang already there. I don’t see Josh’s car though, so maybe he decided not to come knowing I might show up.
We make our way to the back of the club, and the first person I see is Gemma. She rushes over to hug me. Ash follows soon after and extends a hand to me. I figure it’s a good first step. I can’t expect much given the last conversation we had. We walk back to the booth, and Olive is sitting there sipping a fruity drink. I see her face slowly brighten as we get closer. She jumps up from the table and throws her arms around my neck. Then she whispers in my ear, “We missed you. We still love you, okay?”
I pull back to look at her. “Thank, you.” I grab her tightly and give her a huge hug back.
Then she walks over to Kai. “Miss you too, buddy.” He smiles and hugs her, then lifts and swings her around.
“YA crew back in the house!” Olive shouts. She says that like everyone is here, but I have yet to see Josh. We sit for a little while and catch up with the gang, then agree to play some pool. Ash, Kai and I go to the pool tables in the back of the club. As Kai is setting up the table, I finally spot Josh.
He is three tables over in the dark corner. He hasn’t seen that we are there yet. I had mentally prepared myself for a lot of different scenarios tonight. This was not one of them. Draped around his body, like she’s holding on for dear life, is Sarita. Josh is leaned up against the pool table with Sarita practically in his lap. They are all over each other kissing and touching. I glance over at Ash.
“Yeah, that’s happening now,” is all he says.
I feel Kai checking my expression and try to act as non-plussed as possible. Inside, I feel like I just drank a gallon of Drano. Kai gets my attention and asks me to break. I do, but it’s a shitty job, and I miss the cue ball on the first try, digging my stick into the table.
From the corner of my eye, I see they have finally managed to peel themselves off one another to continue their game. Sarita still has her arms around him as he sets up his shot. When he finishes, she gives him a huge french-kiss. When he lifts his head, he makes eye contact with me. His shock registers for only a few seconds. But then he does nothing to remove himself from Sarita’s embrace. He simply turns away and goes back to their game.
My concentration is shot, and I lose the first round to Kai. I stand back and watch Kai and Ash play. I try not to look over to Josh’s table, but I can’t help it. Each time they touch is like a roundhouse kick to my balls. I seethe inside and pray for the end of their game so that I can get the hell out of here. Kai can see my mood turning from bad to outright foul and gives me questioning looks.
Way too long later, we finish and walk back to the booth, on the way, Kai asks me what’s wrong. I deflect and say, “It doesn’t even matter anymore.” Then we say our goodbyes and leave.
Part 3
Friday, I’m in Love
Chapter 40
Josh
It was a shock to the rest of our crew when Sarita and I started seeing each other, especially for Ash.
“I thought you were gay?” Ash says one day when he drives me home.
“Well, technically, I’d be labeled as a bisexual.”
“So, you’re into guys and girls. I have that right, at least?”
“Yep. You got it right.”
There is a beat of silence. “If you don’t mind my asking, how exactly does that work?”
“How does what work?”
“How can you be attracted to both genders at the same time? Are you horny all the time? How do you cope?” Normally, I would give some standard response to this, but seeing he is genuinely curious; I tell him the truth of how it works, at least for me anyway.
“Well, first of all, bisexuals are not sexually attracted to everybody. Just like you aren’t sexually attracted to all females. We have preferences, and sometimes, they are stronger than others. A bisexual person is more attracted to the inner person, not necessarily the gender.”
“So, you can walk into a club and see a hot chick and want to hit on her, but then standing right beside her is a handsome guy. You could switch over and be into him too?”
“It’s possible, but it’s just that, attraction, it’s not like I want to hook up with everyone I’m remotely attracted to. And no, it’s not a switch I can turn off and on.”
“But you’re equally attracted to girls and guys, right?”
“No, well, not in my case, and probably not for most bisexual people. Ash, you have to understand it’s not an exact science. If I go to a party, I’m not into 50% of the girls and 50% of the guys. It’s not a quota we have to fill. It just depends on the person I’m into. In my personal history, I’m much more sexually attracted to females than I am to men on average.”
“Really?” He seems amazed.
“Yeah, really, you idiot.”
“So, Noah was the exception to the general rule then?”
“I guess you could say that. I don’t go around talking about it, but Noah was my first male relationship.”
“No, shit?”
“I shit you not.”
“You guys had me fooled. I could have sworn you’d both been in the dude scene for a while. It looked effortless for ya’ll.”
“I can assure you; there was nothing effortless about us getting together.”
“So, is Noah bisexual too?”
“You’d have to ask him that for the right answer, but personally I’d say, no, he probably isn’t.”
“But he was so into Gemma? I’m really confused.”
“Welcome to the wonderful world of sexual fluidity. It’s
not easy to explain.”
“Now you’re with Sarita, and she doesn’t mind, you know, that you’ve been with a guy?”
“We’ve talked about it, and yeah, she’s okay with it.”
“It doesn’t bother her that you could switch back to guys?”
“I don’t know. If I had strong feelings, I wouldn’t be able to help it. Keep in mind; I didn’t fall in love with Noah because he was a man. I fell in love with Noah because he was what I always wanted.”
“How come you never hit on me?”
I chuckle. “You’re not my type, sorry.”
“Screw you! I’m a great catch, damn it!” Ash acts indignant. We turn around to look at each other and laugh our asses off.
I love the scent of Jasmine on her skin. She always smells so delicious in the morning. How is that even possible? Sarita is curled up in a tiny ball on my bare chest. I open my eyes fully and run my hand through her thick dark tresses. We’ve been casually dating for a couple of months now. It’s been surprisingly easy to make things work so smoothly with her. For all her attitude and sharp tongue lashings, as a girlfriend and lover, she’s been awesome.
She’s not too clingy, which is great because I love my freedom. She’s a great listener, and she knows how to cheer me up when I’m feeling low.
The night Noah and Kai showed up at Traxxx, it seemed obvious they might be officially dating. Against my better judgment, I stalked Noah’s Instagram to see if the rumors were true. They had been hiking up in the Angeles National Forest. Then, they were hanging out around LA and some nightclubs. They’ve even been up to Santa Barbara, some place Noah and I talked about going for a while, but never quite made it. It kills me to see it, so I vow never to go on his stream again.