by T L Bradford
“I love you, Gemma. I always will.” I tilt her head slightly, placing my hands into her cascading dark chestnut hair and press a light, but lasting, kiss on her lips. She closes her eyes as I do, to take in the last time we will have this moment as lovers before we part ways.
“That will be our secret,” I say. She grins widely and nods her head, too overwhelmed with emotion.
“Okay, let’s not keep this boy waiting any longer.” Arm in arm we walk down the stairs and to her new future.
We hear the music, Ave Maria playing as we arrive. Olive and Sarita are already there with their bouquets. They are dressed in simple cranberry colored flapper style dresses with their hair cascading down their backs. Unpretentious. Just like my girl. Gemma’s father greets us and takes her arm from mine.
One at a time, we each walk into the center cobblestone courtyard. As I pass down the aisle, I see the people I love most in this world. Xander sits next to his parents Sara and Lloyd. Zach and his fiancée sit in front of them. Beside them are Chloe and Danny holding hands and looking ever in love. My parents smile brightly and wave shyly. Up front is Kai who sits with Steph and Genie.
When I look up, the most important person in my life is staring back at me. Beside Ash at the altar awaits the most incredible man I’ve ever known. My head goes fuzzy whenever I see him. I imagine it is me walking down the aisle to marry Josh. I can tell from the slight smile on his lips that he’s thinking the same thing. We both blush and can’t keep our eyes off of each other until the music changes, and we both turn to see Gemma make her debut.
She radiates grace and elegance. I turn to take a peek at Ash’s reaction. He’s a mess, barely keeping it together. But in a manly way, of course. Josh pats his back and says what I assume are reassuring words to him. He laughs a little. Gemma’s father releases her and hands her over to Ash, who is only capable of seeing her now. They hold each other’s hands tightly throughout the ceremony. I look to Josh and find him staring right back at me. With every vow they recite, we quietly mouth those words to each other.
The world changes before my eyes, and I swear I have a vision where I flash forward in time. Everything I thought I wanted in the past is erased, and I see only him in my future. He is my husband, and we have our first home together. We are insanely happy. Shortly after, there is a small girl around five years old playing in our backyard, and she’s standing on Josh’s shoulders. She has light brown skin, long curly dark hair, and the biggest brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
Maybe Josh is seeing the same thing. We are entranced by each other. It is only when we hear Gemma and Ash say the words “I do,” that we are brought back to this world. At the same time, we both mouth, “I do.” After the couple walks down the aisle, Josh offers his arm, and I take it as we walk down the aisle together.
The claps and hollers abound as their friends and family approach the couple and give them hugs and congratulations. Josh and I simply stand there, staring at each other, not wanting to leave that safe space. He comes to me and takes my hands. He says, “Someday.” I nod my head.
The reception has the best Italian cuisine I’ve ever had in my life. Josh and I do the couples toast together. You can only imagine, given our bizarre romantic entanglements, how amusing it is. I crack on Ash bringing me the cake, and Josh muses on our coming out to him. Everyone laughs, starting the evening on a high note. Wine flows and the music plays. Soon everyone is ready to party.
Gemma and Ash kick things off with their dance. It takes from both of their strengths, Ash and his boot scooting and Gemma with her hip hop moves. Our entire YA crew, including Steph and Genie and the Hill Gang, hangs around the table near the dance floor getting drunk off our asses and having a great time.
I’m pretty sure the caterer, Felipe, is trying to put a move on Josh. Discreetly, I put my arm around the back of Josh’s chair, scooting him closer to me. It’s a very possessive gesture, but I don’t care. He’s mine. He turns around to look at me.
“He hasn’t got a chance,” Josh says, his eyes half-lidded.
“I have to mark my territory. That’s what we men do.”
“We knew you guys would be a great couple from the very beginning,” Genie says drunkenly.
Josh and I look at each other confused.
“Did you guys do this on purpose?” I ask.
“No, not exactly, but we were hopeful. Noah, we love you and didn’t want to lose you on the show. It wasn’t working with the others; we supposed you probably figured out you were gay, so we decided to change the storyline to suit you.”
“Wait, you thought I was gay when you hired me?”
“We assumed, but you’re a great actor, and you seemed to work great with Gemma chemistry wise, well, until it didn’t. We were determined we weren’t going to waste your kind of talent.”
Sitting back in my chair, I ask aloud, “How the hell did everyone know?”
I hear a chorus of ‘I knew’ from almost everyone.
Josh laughs, “I realized you were too, babe. I once caught you checking me out in our dressing room.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Shit.”
“Josh being amazing was a bonus,” Steph says.
“He is pretty amazing. I’ll admit that.” I lean over to kiss him.
“Awe! I’m so in love with their love!” Olive squeals.
“Watch out, I see another entry in her #JAX blog,” Sarita says.
An old school jam comes on, It Takes Two by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock and immediately the older crowd gets out there and starts busting a move. It is a site to behold. Limbs go flying left and right as people try to pop lock, do the worm, and the Robot. I’m legit afraid someone is going to break a hip.
“Who’s that trying to moonwalk?” I ask, indicating the guy with a tie around his head who is currently wearing socks with suspenders, a sweat-soaked undershirt, and plaid pants.
Olive says, “I think that’s her Great Uncle Pete.”
“Damn, no one has ever given less fucks than that guy,” Sarita deadpans, shaking her head.
“Good one babe,” Xander says, kissing her on the cheek. He turns to Josh and me and says, “You know I’m gonna marry her one day, right?”
“Trust me, you guys are perfect for each other,” Josh says.
Never was a truer statement said. That is a match made in heaven. Or hell. Dealer’s choice.
When things start to wind down, the evening closes out with karaoke. Our resident songbirds, Josh and Sarita, get up to sing a song for Gemma and Ash. It’s “Endless Love” by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross. They sound epic together. It’s enough to break Gemma down into tears of joy. Ash holds her tight. After this song, as you can imagine, they disappear. I don’t imagine we will see them again for the rest of the evening, maybe the rest of this trip.
Everyone gets up to take their turn on the mic. I’m surprised at the real singing talent we have. I am not one of them, unfortunately. Josh tries to get me to stand up and sing with him, but I refuse. I end up begrudgingly getting roped into Bohemian Rhapsody but only while sitting in my chair. Everyone still applauds me, and I want to shrivel up and crawl under the table.
Josh then goes to the DJ and makes a request. Walking up to the mic in a surprise move, he dedicates the song to me.
“I’d like to sing Lovesong by The Cure for the love of my life, Noah Sinclair.” He gives me a sly grin, then starts to sing. Instead of the usual up-tempo beat of the song, he slows it down, making it dark and haunting.
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you…
I’m crushed. I’m his.
After the party has died down, we leisurely make our way back upstairs, loosely holding hands. Neither of us says a word. We are behaving oddly shy around each other. I’m almost sure I see him blushing. We’re shooting each other furtive glances and catch each other on occasion.
It’s a picture-perfect night, warm with a slight breeze. The moonlight creates a path for us as if it is guiding us to our destiny. The sweet smell of the vineyards tickles my senses. I experience something I’ve fought for my entire life — true happiness and peace. My head feels light, and the weight on my shoulders lifted.
The energy in our room is intense once we enter. I made a decision earlier tonight; one I won’t back out on. I need to tell him. Swallowing hard, I take his hand again and walk to the outside patio off the living suite.
I hold both of his hands in mine and face them upwards where I can feel the pulse of his wrists. I always find the steady pace of a heartbeat calming for some reason.
Josh breathes deeply, no doubt contemplating what I am about to say. My heart pounds as I consider my words. For me, the internal struggle is over. I know who I am, what I want, and who I love. Therefore, the need to be constantly in control is no longer a predominant force in my life. I am learning to trust and have faith in my partner. I feel ready to go the distance with him, but first I need to get over one remaining hurdle. I’ve given him my heart and my soul, and now, I will give him my body.
“Joshua…I’m ready.”
A moment’s confusion crosses his expression, but it is quickly replaced by realization. “Baby, are you sure?”
“Yes, I trust you.”
We sit for a minute, holding hands until Josh stands up and extends his palm to me.
“Meet me in the room in fifteen minutes,” he says, his tone tender. He kisses the back of my hand and walks away toward the bedroom.
I gather my courage walking over to our mini-bar to pour myself a shot of whiskey and take off the suit. Walking back out onto the balcony, I remember all the firsts he and I have had together. Our first vacation, the first time we kissed, we skied together, celebrated holidays, our fights, our makeups, when we first made love — all of these memories. And now we’re about to make a new one.
I’m more anxious than nervous. It’s not that I’m afraid he will hurt me; it’s just the anticipation of the unknown that has me on edge. Before I have a chance to get too far into my head, I hear him summon me.
When I walk past our bedroom and into our over-sized terra cotta tiled bathroom, there are lit candles throughout. The bath is fragrant, with the light smell of lavender. He has his phone playing relaxing piano scores. Peeking around the corner, I see him. He is bare, wet, and waiting inside the large claw-footed tub for me. He smiles brightly, leaning back against the side of the bath. He opens his arms in a gesture to have me enter.
I strip everything I am wearing off and toss it to the side, all the while aware of his appreciative gaze over my body. The water is warm and inviting. He’s even gone to the trouble of spreading flower petals over the surface of the water. I’ve pictured our first time together this way many times, but never once had I imagined it to be…romantic.
I sit opposite him in the large bath, amazed there is enough space for us both to stretch out our legs. He reaches back behind him and produces two flutes of champagne. Trying to look serious, he hands one over to me, which I take eagerly. It tastes sweet. Bubbles are streaming from the inside of the flute, catching the soft candlelight.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Hill?”
“Is it working?”
“I think so.” I take another long sip of my champagne, setting my glass down.
“Then, yes.”
He sets his flute down and wades over to my side of the bath. His hair is damp and wavy from the steam, making his blond strands appear darker than normal — a slight sheen of sweat coats his brow and upper lip. With no delay, he takes my mouth in a heated kiss. He uses a soft touch and deliberate movements. I feel my body temperature starting to rise, not only from the heated tub but from his tantalizingly slow movements. He slinks his hand up behind my head and into my dark waves, pushing me forward into his body. We mold together, damp skin gliding over each other.
The humid mist in the room brings out that natural woodsy, smoky scent of his. It’s heady and overwhelming to my senses. With my eyes closed, I feel dreamy, like I’m outside of my body experiencing his pleasure. Then he releases his grip from my hair and moves his head away from mine. I feel his loss immediately wanting his warmth back.
He gathers his hands together in the water and fills them with water. Then slowly, as if anointing me, he raises his hands over my head to let the water trickle down my head. He repeats the action one more time, thoroughly dousing my head in the warm liquid.
Josh shifts, getting a bottle from behind me. He tells me to turn around with my back facing him. He sits back down behind me and opens his palm to squeeze out a small amount of shampoo. After rubbing his hands together, he runs his hands through my hair, coating the thick strands in the citrusy scented shampoo. It tingles and makes my scalp feel fantastic. It feels insanely sensuous to have him wash and massage my hair and scalp. I close my eyes and lean back into his chest. When I do, he again cups his hands with water to cleanse the shampoo from my strands. It reminds me of a metaphorical baptism.
I feel a soft washcloth move across my chest and abs as he cleanses me thoroughly. Underwater he moves the cloth lower to envelop my dick. He takes extra special care to make sure he misses no surface. Once he bathes the rest of me, he has me lie back on his chest. He wraps his arms tightly around me.
“Noah,” he says barely above a breath against my ear, “I understand what a huge step this is for you. I promise I won’t hurt you or do anything to make you uncomfortable. It’s important we have good communication tonight. If you need me to stop, I will; no questions asked, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Lie back on me and let me pleasure you.” I do exactly as he says.
He caresses every part of my body, giving me a sensual massage of sorts, starting with my tensed shoulders. They relax at his touch. He slides his rough hands over my chest and stops to pinch my nipples sharply, eliciting an unexpected moan from me. He moves his hands lower to sculpt my thighs and knead my buttocks almost reverently. I feel him lift and separate my cheeks, letting his finger glide gently across my hole. I jump a little, unused to the feeling of someone being so near that intimate area.
Josh shifts me slightly, moving me from between his thighs to directly over his lower torso. He runs his finger lightly down my crack again, then slips his shaft between my cheeks. He does not push in. Instead, he holds his dick at the base and gently drags it up and down my ass through my crease, repeatedly sliding over my hole.
I feel an unexpected tingling sensation in an area I’d never felt before, deep within my core. I feel my channel begin to clutch and release without prompting as though it knows to prepare itself for the upcoming onslaught. I am keenly aware of the amount of trust Josh puts in me each time I fill him. I start to tremble and shudder as he increases the pressure around my entrance.
I guess not wanting to bring things to a close too quickly, he withdraws his length from me and sits back in the bath, distancing himself from me. As I look back, I see he is just as affected as I am; both our rods are rock-hard and seeping.
“Put your hands on the back of the tub on either side of my head,” he directs.
As I begin my ascent over his body, he takes hold of my hips and pushes me up higher, so I am hovering over his body. He slides down slightly and proceeds to take all of me into his mouth.
He starts with the tip, massaging gently in slow and steady motions. After a few minutes, hi
s tempo picks up. He runs his tongue along my slit, playing with it by moving his tongue randomly over the sensitive nerves. His sharp, solid strokes nearly put me over the edge again. Josh keeps his eyes wide- open, closely checking my reactions, making sure I’m not getting too far ahead of where he wants me to be.
He’s teasing me. This must be payback for all the times I took him right up to the edge, only to bring him back from the brink to prolong the aching need. Now it’s my turn to hunger and my time to thirst. He has my hips tight in his grasp where I’m unable to move away for relief. All I can do is drop my head forward and let him have his way.
I try to distract myself, but his mouth is like a hot vice on my steel. I tremble and shudder, arching my back. He pulls away and looks me dead in the eyes, warning me not to release yet. I tilt my head back and take a breath, trying to get a hold on myself. His focus moves from my member to the subtle dip between my lower torso and my hip. He loves to nestle his head in the divot there, kissing up and down the soft, smooth patch of skin.
He sits back up in the tub and moves his mouth over mine. I taste his unique flavor along with my own on his lips. This only turns me on more. He rolls his tongue and softly grazes the inside of my mouth, gliding along my teeth and lapping around my inner cheeks. He pulses his tongue under my upper lip, going deep into the groove, making the kiss so much deeper and intimate. He sucks my tongue deep into his mouth before gently letting go and tugging on my bottom lip with his teeth.
I’m so distracted by his tempting kiss that I fail to realize he has moved his hand down to my lower region and is slowly probing my ass with his finger. It startles me at first, feeling foreign and out of place, but not altogether bad. I’m aware he needs to open me up. In the early days of our sexual escapades, I had to do the same to him. Since we’ve been active regularly, it hasn’t been an issue. Still, I clench down on his digit when he makes the first insertion.
I hear him say, “Relax baby,” against my mouth as he continues to kiss me good and full. He then moves further down my body, trailing kisses along my jawline and down my neck to my nipples. He suckles and teases the stimulated tips reigniting the pressure in my balls.