Despite what Garrett thought, Dugan did not want to hold on to his anger, but it was the only thing he had to protect what little was left of his pride and tattered heart. It was the armor he needed to distance himself from Adanel.
“What I’m feeling is not like blowing a candle out, where one moment it is there and with a simple action it’s gone,” Dugan said, in an attempt to provide an explanation without revealing his true emotions. “You want me to trust someone in a way that I cannot. Like you, I’ve been betrayed by those I loved and who supposedly loved me. And I ask you, how many times does a person need to learn a lesson before they stop repeating their mistakes?”
Garrett sighed. “I don’t know the answer, but I do know that Adanel can only take so much, and you, my friend, will lose her long before your handfast is complete.”
Dugan closed his eyes. “I should have realized you would take Adanel’s side.”
“I’m not. She made a mistake. So did you. You both need to decide if you are going to let your mistakes define who you are, or if you are going to let them go and seek the future you really want and go live it.” Garrett tightened his grip on the horse’s reins. “On this I speak from experience. If you wait too long before realizing that you want the latter with Adanel, it will be too late.”
Before Dugan could ask for clarification about what Garrett meant about him speaking from experience, his commander had dug his heels into the side of his mount and sent his animal galloping to join the slow-moving army. It did not matter. He could ask later, but doubted he would get an answer. Dugan had his secrets and Garrett was entitled to his own.
* * *
Dugan stood in the empty great hall of Lasairbhàigh Castle. He named Mackbaythe Castle Lasairbhàigh after Adanel’s fiery temper and mane, though he doubted anyone including her realized it. He looked around and sighed. The rushes were old, and he suspected the unpleasant odor came from them. The bin for the firewood was empty, and the hearths had not been cleaned in weeks. The tables were in disarray, and some of the chairs and benches had been recently broken in large brawls or their violent equivalent. The room was, in a word, a disaster—just like the docks.
What was not in need of repair was in desperate need of cleaning. The castle staff upon hearing of the takeover by the McTiernays had done little to no work over the past couple of weeks. Several had made their acrimony for the takeover evident by defecating in places, including in his solar and the laird’s day chambers.
Dugan was not sure what kind of reaction they intended to rise out of him, but not a thing that was done had been unexpected. It also was not his problem for he had given complete responsibility to restoring the castle to Adanel. It was a daunting task, and he would help as he could but he had too much to do with the docks, the army, and the rest of the clan to adequately oversee the cleanup, repair, and refurbishment of the castle. While a notable burden, Dugan hoped the challenge—and eventual success—would boost Adanel’s confidence, proving to her that she was just as capable as the other Lady McTiernays.
“I know it seems like a lot, but I am sure you can do it.” His tone was warm and sincere.
Entering Bàgh Fìon, both he and Adanel had made an effort to put their anger aside. Their ride into the port had been cordial, and their dialogue warmed with each exchange. Their efforts to stop pummeling each other and at least act civil was a welcome reprieve from their recent encounters. The McTiernays may have thought a juicy fight was a good way to express strong emotions, but Dugan far preferred the laughter he and Adanel had shared in their private moments last summer.
Adanel stood next to him, wide eyed and with her heart pounding. “I think you overestimate my abilities to inspire people.”
“Nay, I do not. Anyone who can make Laurel McTiernay an advocate like you were able to and as fast as you did is not someone who should be underestimated.” He meant it, and soon the castle servants would discover the meek young woman who used to hide from this place was gone. In her stead was the Adanel he had met last summer—a woman who was strong, feisty, and incredibly stubborn. It might take her a while to get her footing, but one thing Dugan was sure of was that when Adanel was pressed too far, she would fight back.
“I have no idea where to begin,” she said, waving her hand at the obvious food and bones poking through the rushes. “It is obvious no one has any care or pride in their work. They do not want to be here, Dugan, and without willing servants, how will I get this place fit to use again, let alone entertain and welcome guests?”
“You told me that most of your clansmen were good people who wanted to work. Seek out those people to help you.”
Adanel shook her head. “I have no idea who has what skills or even who would be willing.”
For almost all her life, her role around the castle had been one of obscurity. Adanel never had dealings with those who worked castle duties, and she had no idea how to cultivate those relationships now. They not only did not want her, they did not trust her. In their minds, by marrying a McTiernay, she had sanctioned all the changes being forced upon them. As such, Adanel feared she actually might be the most hated between the two of them.
“So you will make mistakes,” Dugan replied with a lighthearted shrug. “I’m sure I will make many myself over the next few months. Just do me a favor and keep Brùid close.” Adanel nodded. She would keep the guard near and not just to pacify Dugan. She was not sure how emboldened the staff were, but they would be less likely to try something with Brùid nearby. “With him around no one will physically go after you. Hopefully, none would even if he were not, but I don’t want to find out.”
Adanel tilted her head to look at him. For a moment, Dugan sounded as if he cared and was worried about her. It warmed her heart, but she told herself not to read too much into it.
“Meanwhile, don’t expect me to be around much for the next few weeks. I’ll try to make dinner when I can, but there is a lot to be done at the docks.”
Adanel’s brow creased with concern. “I saw that the port is empty.”
Dugan nodded. “Your uncle’s clan is blocking the passageway to and from the inner seas, but it doesn’t explain why the fishing ships aren’t going out in the bay. I’ve asked Loman to work with Fearan whenever he can. With all that has happened, the port master is probably doing the job of ten people right now and could use any assistance he can get. Meanwhile, my focus is going to be on the docks and just what is going on with the goods in the storage buildings. This mess is nothing in comparison,” he said, gesturing to the filthy rushes.
Adanel swallowed. That was not good news. She reached out and grabbed Dugan’s arm. “Don’t trust him.”
“Fearan, the port master?” Dugan asked, surprised.
“Nay, he is a good man.” Adanel nervously licked her lips. “Don’t trust the dockmaster. He was my father’s man, and he will work against you, though he will say otherwise. You would be best to just banish him now.”
Dugan looked down at Adanel’s fingers clutching his forearm and rested his hand on hers. Her scent had been bothering him since they entered the room and not even the stench of rotting food could dampen its effects on him. “I will but not yet.” He gave her a slight smile and a wink. “Trust me. I have worked with thieves before. They always reveal their secrets. Usually without even knowing. Once I know his, I’ll send him on his way, but not before.”
Adanel sighed and reluctantly withdrew her hand. “What about the other two towers?”
Dugan let her step back and fought the compulsion to pull her into his arms and hold her tight. That was the problem with letting go of his anger. It allowed room for other emotions. “Garrett’s using them to house the soldiers guarding the port and the castle when they are not on duty.”
“How?” Adanel scoffed. “I am sure there is no bedding, and as for food . . . I’m not even sure how to feed you and me.”
Dugan laughed. “We’re soldiers. A dry room with a fireplace to heat it is a luxury compared to wha
t we have when we are out patrolling the borders exposed to the weather. There’ll be no complaints, especially not if they ever want to eat in this room once you have it ready. Until then, they’ll eat whatever they hunt. Do not worry, aithinne.”
Upon hearing his nickname for her, Adanel could not suppress a frisson of desire going up her spine. She prayed Dugan only thought she was cold and left soon for he was not behaving like the angry man from that morning. He was acting more like her mystery Highlander from last spring—the one she had lost her heart to. With every passing minute, she was in danger of falling back into the trap of believing Dugan felt more for her than antipathy.
“So Brùid is with me, and Garrett is overseeing the new army and the towers. What about Nigel, Tybalt, and Faden?”
Dugan fought back a small smile. Garrett was wrong. He had not lost Adanel. For a moment, her eyes had darkened and sparkled with luminous desire. Adanel still wanted him, and despite everything he wanted her as well. Like him, she was resisting her feelings, something he was not sure he wanted her to do.
“Dugan?” she pressed, realizing his mind had wandered. “Faden and the others? Where are they?”
With a little shake to his head, Dugan rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, they are training with the McTiernay army. Once we have our army formed, they will join them.”
Adanel’s lashes fluttered in an effort to stop a sudden spurt of tears, which she quickly brushed away. “I just wish they were around. I could use a friendly face.”
Unable to resist, Dugan pulled her to his chest and ran his hand up and down her back in a light caress. “Don’t worry, Adanel. I’ll make sure they have rotations with you regularly. Those three care not that I’m their laird and would hunt me down if I didn’t.”
He could feel her lips curve into a smile and resisted the urge to kiss the top of her head when she chuckled against his chest. This was the way things were supposed to be between them. And for the first time in a long while, Dugan hoped that maybe they could be. “You are safe, Adanel. I know you never felt that way with your father, but you are now. No one will hurt you. That I promise.”
* * *
A fortnight later, Adanel sat in Kara’s inn, slumped in a chair. She let her head fall onto her crossed arms at the end of her friend’s dining table. “Is it just me? Or are all of them out to get me?” she moaned to Kara. “Running the castle would be difficult enough with well-trained, supportive servants. I sometimes wonder if they are plotting to kill me in my sleep!”
Adanel had expected resistance, not open hostility. And it came from everywhere—the stables, the kitchens, the chambermaids taking care of their rooms, even the swordsmith. Farmers sent their worst food, and no one was willing to sell their goods to anyone where it might benefit Dugan, Adanel, or any of the McTiernay soldiers. After two weeks of enduring bad food, insolence, blatant disrespect, and a growing stench and filth that had to be intentional, Adanel feared that she should start sleeping with a dagger.
Kara tucked a loose strand of her wavy brown hair behind her ear. Her blue eyes looked hesitant, and she bit her bottom lip not knowing what to say. “I had no idea it was so horrible. I mean hardly anyone is upset that your father and brother are gone. Most are troubled about having to become McTiernays, wearing their plaid, and swearing allegiance to Dugan. But I don’t think it’s about them wanting to remain Mackbaythes. Our clan name has not meant anything honorable in decades, but—”
“—it’s the ultimatum they don’t like,” Adanel said with a sigh. “Dugan expected that and said they would adjust in time. Honest leadership and being able to provide for their families were supposed to help ease the adjustment. But the ones over there”—Adanel waved her hand in the direction of the castle—“have no interest in a position that pays well and helps their families. They just have one goal. To make my and Dugan’s lives, as well as the life of any McTiernay they see, absolutely miserable.”
Kara pressed her lips together and nodded. “It’s too bad your father never had a steward. He would know how to go to the village and hire a completely new staff.”
Adanel sighed again and lifted her head, resting her cheek on her hand. “I’ve thought about it. Believe me I have,” she reiterated, seeing the look of doubt on her friend’s face. “But I honestly believe only a handful of the staff are involved in the most egregious acts. The rest are just looking the other way when the few that are causing the problems hatch their plans. Problem is that I don’t know who those few are.”
Kara lightly elbowed Adanel’s side. “Probably shouldn’t have avoided your father’s castle all those years. Then you’d know exactly who they are.”
“If only I could find out, but it’s not like anyone is going to tell me. That’s another reason why I need you to take charge of Lasairbhàigh’s kitchens! You could tell me who is causing problems!”
Kara leaned back and waved her arms back and forth, rejecting the idea. “This little visit has only convinced me that I was right to turn down your offer. Not only am I sure I would be working alone,” she stated without any remorse, “I wouldn’t have any decent food with which to cook.” She picked up the piece of bread Adanel had brought over and banged it on the table.
Adanel frowned at the example of the poor fare that she and Dugan had been served the night before. She had hoped that by showing Kara just what she was facing, her friend might change her mind. “This is actually good. At least it’s not rotten. Last night, Dugan picked up a piece of meat and, after smelling it, cautioned me to stick with the bread. Loman came by with some birds later and that’s what you see here.” She gave a woeful look at her friend, who poked at the dried, overcooked meat in front of her. “And it’s not just the food. Most of the chambers have been untouched, and I am almost positive several of the servants are sleeping in a few. And then last night . . .” Adanel moaned and covered her face with her hands.
Kara winced at the sound of her friend’s anguish. “Why? What happened last night?”
“Dugan marched all the way to the Village Tower, entered my chambers, and dumped what had to be every piece of clothing he owned on the floor except that of which he was wearing. This morning I was out washing both our garments, which is why I was late today meeting you. Until they dry”—she waved down the front of her bliaut—“this is all I have to wear.”
Kara’s blue eyes grew round and large. “What you just said brings to mind so many questions I don’t know where to begin. How mad was Dugan? What did he say? And he expected you to wash his clothes? Does he not understand how wrong that is and that there are severe problems with the servants? And probably my biggest question is just why were you in the Village Tower and not with him in Mackbaythe Castle?”
“Lasairbhàigh Castle,” Adanel reminded her as she threw her head back onto her arms. Dugan had changed the name upon their arrival right before he announced that Adanel would be overseeing the changes, improvements, and all staffing matters regarding the castle.
“Tha mi duilich,” Kara apologized. “Habit! You know how much I like the new name.”
Adanel peeked out from her arms and narrowed her gaze as a warning to say no more. One of the first things she had done upon getting back was to visit her friend as they had much to catch up on. Adanel wanted to discuss all that had happened and the McTiernay wives, but Kara had wanted to talk about Dugan. She was far more interested in her sudden marriage, and all that it meant—or in Adanel’s mind did not mean. Kara’s romantic heart would not be daunted though, and even saw the castle name as a tribute to Adanel and the color of her hair.
“And Dugan was not mad. He was frustrated . . . but not with me,” Adanel insisted. “Actually, since we arrived, he has been unnervingly supportive.”
“Unnervingly supportive?” Kara repeated, wondering at the choice of words.
Adanel nodded as she bit her bottom lip. “I’m wondering when he is going to erupt again, and yet Dugan told me that the castle was my responsibility and when pr
oblems occurred, as he expected them to, that I should handle them however I wanted. And despite all the many, many problems I’ve had the past few days, he has not said a word. He just repeats that I should work through the issues as I think best. Last night was not a condemnation . . . it was more like a plea. Dugan just asked if there was something I could do to help out when it came to the laundry until I had the castle under control.”
“I must admit to being . . . well, shocked,” Kara said, blinking, and then rose to her feet to stir the stew she had been preparing for her and Fearan’s supper. When done, she turned back around and with her hands on her hips, said, “So, then answer my last question. Why are you not sleeping together? You are married, are you not?”
“Handfasted,” Adanel clarified once again. “And until a few days ago, we could barely stand each other’s company.”
“So, you are telling me that it’s been almost a month and you have not yet consummated your marriage? I mean last year, the way you spoke, you could barely keep your hands off each other.”
“I think it’s best if I just stay in the Village Tower for now. I’m not even sure Dugan is sleeping in the castle most nights anyway.”
Kara threw up her hands in exasperation. “You went through all the effort to trap him in marriage and now that you are married, you act like it’s not what you want!”
Adanel grimaced. She loved that Kara could be direct, but at times—like now—she did not appreciate her candid disposition. “I did not try to trap him, Kara. I would never do that. And being married was something neither of us wanted.”
“Laird McTiernay forced the two of you to make promises?”
“Not exactly. I agreed, so did Dugan. But what choice did we have? It was the only way I could come home, and this was Dugan’s one opportunity to become laird.”
Kara waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “I know how to spot a marriage trap when I see one. Without women using them, the human race would have died out long ago. Remember my little plot to get Fearan’s attention? If I had waited on him to admit his feelings for me, I would have had gray hair and wrinkled skin before our first kiss.” She leaned forward on the table and stared at Adanel. “Now look me in the eye and tell me you had no hand at all in what happened. That this handfast was someone else’s idea and that you just agreed to it.”
How to Marry a Highlander Page 22