“Yep. Except in my version, it’s Oxy, not chocolate. Maybe I should change it to chocolate.”
“Do you have the script?”
“For Oxy?”
“Nooo.”
“I know what you mean. Yes.”
“Let’s see how far you’ve gotten. I never realized how much time I spent on my phone until I came here. I could use something creative to distract me. I’ll act, you direct.”
“Direct? I don’t know anything about directing.”
“You’re in luck because I do.”
“You’re not kidding.”
Rina opened the door. “Go.”
“Be right back.”
Rina held the door while Swan dashed to her room two doors down. Swan handed her a few pages when she returned.
“Do you think the story is silly, Rina?”
“No, it’s different. A woman enters a rehab for prescription drugs, not realizing that it was predestined for her to meet someone there who will change her life in a mysterious way. It’s a fantasy rom-com.”
Swan moved across the room and sat in the chair by the window. “So the one thing she never counts on is that it’s not just a rehab, right?”
“Yes. It’s a mystical place—with a…what’s that called?”
“A positive nexus. But she doesn’t know that yet because she can’t unlock her journey through the nexus until she uncovers the reason for her addiction. Once she ‘sheds the old and embraces the new,’ she gets a cosmic do-over. Then she can choose a different path in life knowing what she knows now, and that’s when she finds the love of her life.”
“It’s a spin on the road not traveled,” said Rina. “So because she takes the road that doesn’t lead to addiction, the effects filter through her life and relationships from then to the present?”
“Right. But she’s the only one who is aware of both worlds. In her new life, her relationships with family and friends are a result of the do-over.”
“So, the Catch-22 is that only she remembers all of the bad stuff that happened between her and all those people.” Rina paced across the room and turned. “I think it’s very creative and different, Swan. It would make a good indie film.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Why not? The major studios mostly put out the same crap over and over.”
“Not so,” said Swan.
“You don’t think so?”
Swan smiled. “No. Every once in a while they redeem themselves and come out with a Katarina Verralta movie.” She stood and held a copy of the pages she had given to Rina. “You’re reading for Dolly.”
Rina put on her reading glasses and paced while silently reading the scene. Across the room, she stopped with her back to Swan, and when she pivoted, she transformed into someone else.
“What the hell are you talking about, Simon? What the fuck is a ‘positive nexus’?”
Swan read the part of Simon. “It’s a direct connection with the universe—a portal of some sort.”
“Aren’t we connected to the universe already?”
“This is very different.”
“How?”
“You’re getting the opportunity to go back. You’re one of the few who have made it this far.”
“Back to where?”
“Back to where you made the wrong choice in your life. It’s real—I’ve done it. But your time there is limited, so you need to know what you want to change and get it done quickly. If not, then you wind up right back here—an addict in rehab. If I could do it, so can you.”
“What happens to all the things I know now?”
“You’ll still know about now, but you’ll also know a new now. One that’s based on the changes you made through the nexus.”
“What happens if I run out of time and don’t get to change everything that needs to be changed by the time I come back?”
“Then you have to live with those choices. Those are the rules.”
Rina swung her arms outward. “That’s crazy talk. Then what, Simon? We all get medicated for our delusions?”
“It’s not a delusion. It’s how I finally became drug-free and started to live my dreams.”
Dolly gazed at Simon through Rina’s eyes. “Which moment did you go back and change?”
“We don’t have time for the whole story now. But I went back to the night the opportunity first presented itself to take that shit. And I said ‘no.’”
“Wow, I get to be twenty-five again!”
“Yeah. Think about it, Dolly. You’ll still be you, but as if you’d never had the addiction—never had the bad relationships resulting from the drug use. Imagine what your life might have been like by now. It’s all possible.”
Dolly sighed. “Simon, have you talked to your shrink about this?”
“Sorry, Rina, that’s all I have so far,” Swan said with a frozen stare.
Rina removed her reading glasses and looked at the screenwriter. “Are you okay?”
Swan gawked at her. “I can’t believe that Katarina Verralta just read one of my scenes with me.”
“It’s Rina. And I like it. The dialogue could use a little beefing up but…where’s the rest of the script?”
“I’m writing it.”
“Does it have a happy ending?”
Swan stared at her. “I don’t know.”
“For it to work, Swan, it has to have a happy ending. It’s a fantasy rom-com. Older woman, younger guy rom-com.”
“Huh. You’re right.”
Rina glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s getting late. Do you want to go to the lake before group?” She handed Swan a paper bag. “I gathered up everyone’s leftover bread.”
“Sure. A little fresh air with the ducks is always a good idea.”
The two of them strolled almost the entire circumference of the lake before Rina spoke.
“What I wouldn’t give right now for just a bite of dark Belgian 75 percent cacao.”
“I hear you,” said Swan. “Half a vicodin would be great. I wouldn’t have been able to even feel a half a few weeks ago.”
“Question.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why did you want to check out?”
Swan shrugged. “I guess I liked feeling one step removed from life. Less painful that way.”
“But why? You’re smart, beautiful—talented. Have you ever been in love, Swan?”
“Unfortunately.”
Rina looked her in the eye. “Why unfortunate?”
“Because I self-medicate to get rid of the feeling after the breakup. And the breakup is usually caused by obsessing over the relationship when I’m in it.”
“Yet here you are taking back your life. Taking back your power.”
“Working on the screenplay has had a lot to do with that. Thank you, Rina. It’s healing me. Writing heals me.”
“I get it. Acting does the same for me.”
Swan’s eyes flared. “Yeah? So, I’ll ask you the same question about chocolate.”
“That’s different.”
Swan stopped walking and looked into Rina’s eyes. “Is it really? Because last I checked, you have a room here at rehab.”
“Point taken,” Rina acquiesced. “Maybe it’s more the same thing than not. But, chocolate rehab is still experimental, at best.”
They sat on the bench.
“What does chocolate cover up for you?”
“I’ve been trying to answer that for weeks. I don’t think I’ve gotten very far.”
“I may be able to help you with this one,” said Swan. “When do you want chocolate the most?”
“When I’m awake.”
“How often do you think about it?”
“When I’m not acting. Although, I do think about rewarding my work between takes when I’m filming.”
“When was the last time you were in love?”
“No. This is about more than passion.”
“Interesting.”
“What
?”
“I asked you about being in love, and you translated that to sex.”
“And you think that has something to do with chocolate?”
“I think that you do. Sounds to me like chocolate has been a merciless lover for you. Really, really good and very, very bad.”
“Maybe you are onto something, Swan. As delicious as she is, she sabotages me every time. Just like every woman I’ve ever been with. Oh! I think I just found an answer to what I cover up with chocolate.”
Swan raised her eyebrows. “You’re gay?”
“I thought you’d figured that out by now. I’m not out in the press, so I hope you’ll keep that to yourself.”
“Your secret is safe with me. Since we’re on the subject, why aren’t you out?”
Rina thought for a moment. “Maybe I would consider it if I had the right woman. I don’t know—I don’t want to go through that circus. Being my age makes it hard enough in the biz. But being gay too?” She shook her head.
“Have you ever thought it might help to shift people’s views or acceptance if you came out?”
“No. What I think is that they’d stop casting me as an older romantic lead. Who am I kidding? They’d stop casting me altogether.”
“No. Not you—you’re too big a star for that.”
Rina groaned. “No one is too big a star for anything in Hollywood.”
They sat in silence watching the ducks paddle around the lake. Rina did some deep breathing. Swan stared at the ducks.
“I sure could use a piece of chocolate right now.”
“It will pass.” Swan’s voice was soft—calm.
“Ready for group with Therapy Brittany?” asked Rina.
“Why do you always call her Therapy Brittany?”
“Because she’s nice and I don’t want my brain to confuse her with Regular Britney, whom I despise at the moment.”
They got up and started back to the building.
“So Regular Britney is a villain, huh?”
“What makes you say that?”
“You hate her like a bad ex-lover.”
“Very perceptive, Swan.” Rina laughed in one short burst. “Can’t I just hate her because she’s an asshole?”
“Sure, that works.”
“It will seem weird around here without you after tomorrow,” said Rina.
“You’ll be leaving yourself soon enough.”
“I’d like to keep in touch once we’re back in LA,” said Rina.
Swan smiled. “I’d like that too.”
* * *
Before dinner, Rina returned Clay’s call. While waiting for her personal manager to answer, she noticed how slow was her breath—how still was her mind. The sensation of the phone receiver against her ear felt foreign—imposing.
“I’ve been waiting all day to hear from you,” Clay said when he answered. “I was beginning to think they hadn’t given you my message.”
“Hi, Clay, how are you?” Rina said in an even tone.
“Fine. Are you all right?”
“I’m really good.” It had been weeks since Rina had had any outside contact. Her focus had been about balance in her life—except for intermittent chocolate cravings. The cravings were no longer her fallback position, however, as they once had been. In this moment, she savored calm gratitude.
“You sound different, Rina.”
She chuckled. “I am different. You’re not used to hearing me calm.”
“Honey, if they could do that for you in a few weeks, book me a stay.”
“Is everything okay at home, Clay?”
“Yes. I know you’re getting out soon, but I called because I need an answer right away. I’ve been putting out feelers for your next project. Brace yourself. Your favorite director, Reese Collingworth, wants a meeting—soon. Rina, this is the role of a lifetime in a blockbuster film, and he wants you.”
“What’s the part?”
“Lead actress in a drama. Reese wants to know if you can meet with him next Wednesday at his place in Palm Springs.”
“What day is today?”
“Are you joking?”
“No.”
“It’s Wednesday. You’re getting out on Saturday. There’s time to come home and switch gears.”
Rina paused in the silence to think.
“Are you still there, Rina?”
“Okay, I’ll meet with him, but I need Gigi to have my car brought here. And have her book me into the Sierra Bella Spa in Scottsdale from Saturday night until Tuesday. I’ll drive to Palm Springs after that and spend the night. I want to meet with Reese looking and feeling my best.”
“Scottsdale, Arizona?” said Clay.
“Yes. I’d like full spa services and then hair and makeup. Gigi knows who to ask for.”
“Why do you want your car delivered?”
“Because I’d like to drive.”
“Alone?”
“Yes, Clay.”
“Why? It’s like a four-hour drive from Scottsdale to Palm Springs. And the drive to Scottsdale is longer from where you are.”
“I have nothing but time.”
“Who are you?” said Clay. “How about if I send a car and driver?”
“No.”
“Fine,” he exhaled. “Which car do you want?”
“The Jag. Thanks, Clay.”
“You don’t sound excited,” he said.
“I think it’s great,” she offered.
“You’re a great actress, and you’re not even acting excited.”
She laughed. “I’m just being present in this moment. Next week is a lifetime away.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Never better. Thanks for working so hard on my behalf.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll let you go do…whatever it is you do there.”
“It’s pretty wild, Clay.”
“Yeah?”
She smiled. “I’m about to end my daily reflection and have dinner. I’ll call you from the spa next week.” Rina hung up the phone and joined Swan, who was already eating.
“I saw you on the phone but didn’t know how long you’d be,” said Swan. “Everything okay at home?”
“Opportunity is knocking.”
Swan swallowed her bite. “So, you ready to answer that door—without chocolate?”
“We’ll see. I don’t have any details yet about the part. I don’t even know what the film’s about.”
“When the time is right, you’ll know if the project is right.”
“I agree. If the part is right, it’s right. My personal manager, Clay, says it’s the role of a lifetime.”
Swan stopped eating and looked directly at her. “Whose lifetime was he referring to?”
Chapter Nine
Julia pivoted one last time in front of the full-length mirror, peering over her shoulder to see if she looked good from behind. She glanced out her bedroom window when she heard Cass’s car rolling down the driveway and raced down the stairs.
“Wow!” said Cass when she came through the door. “You look beautiful. Nicki’s eyes are going to pop out of her head when she sees you all glam.”
“So you get what I’m going for here.”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve worn high heels.” Julia chuckled. “Make sure I don’t tip over.”
Julia knew the short skirt she was wearing with the heels would give her the chance to show off legs she usually hid under jeans and boots. The sleeveless scoop neck top allowed her sculpted arms to feel the soft sensation of her hair falling onto them. It was such a welcome change from the ponytail she wore all too often.
Before they headed out, Julia entered her casita and returned with the small padded crate she had constructed to transport Nicki’s birthday present.
Cass opened the car door for her. “I can’t believe I’ll finally get to see this sculpture that you’ve been working on forever.”
“I hope she likes it.” Julia le
aned into the back seat and secured the crate with a seatbelt. “There, that should do it.”
Cass drove out slowly, then tackled the two-lane with a lead foot. “I’m looking forward to this party. It’s time to blow off the stink.”
Julia laughed. “I haven’t heard you use that expression since high school.”
“Well, it’s true. No secret that we could both use more fun in our lives.”
“I’m with you.”
“You’re staying at Nicki’s tonight, so I’m sure you’ll have some fun.”
“You bet. She made a point of trying to get me to stay until Monday night.”
“I told you I’d get someone to work for you if you want to do that.”
“No. I’ll be home tomorrow night.”
They drove along the country road, singing to the radio until they arrived at Nicki’s house. “Nice digs,” said Cass when she pulled up in front of the Territorial style ranch home. “How many garages does the woman need?”
“You know Nicki and her toys. There are cars, jet skis, a motorcycle… I’m leaving the sculpture in the car until she starts opening gifts if that’s okay.”
“Great idea. Just give me the sign and I’ll bring it in.”
Nicki rushed out the door when Julia and Cass approached the walkway. She greeted Julia with a kiss. “Hiya, Cass, thanks for coming.”
“It’s the big ‘three-oh’ and I’m here to celebrate the passing of your youth.”
“Attagirl.” Nicki patted her shoulder.
“I’m going to put my gift inside with the others,” Cass said, walking away.
Julia kissed Nicki again. “Happy birthday, honey. You’ll get my gift later,” she teased.
“I like the sound of that. You look gorgeous, by the way. But now I’m really curious.”
“Hmm. Good.”
“Come on in. My friends from LA have been waiting to meet you!” Nicki cradled Julia’s hand in hers and led her inside to the party room.
Julia stiffened, tugged her skirt down, and tossed back her hair. She smiled at each woman as Nicki introduced them.
“And this is Marielle, my old college roommate,” said Nicki.
Julia and Marielle hugged. “Finally,” said Julia. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Same here, Julia.”
“Let’s get you a drink, baby,” said Nicki, escorting Julia to the bar. “What are you having tonight?”
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