“History?” Julia said.
“All I can say is that Reese has assured me, as has Britney, that she’ll behave like a normal person.”
Pinna chuckled. “Good luck with that!”
Julia’s heart sped up and she strained to keep her tone normal. “I didn’t know you were doing this film with Britney Cavell.” Why hasn’t she told me that?
“Come on, Reese,” Monty began, “you really hired Cavell after all that she did to Rina?”
Rina’s eyes danced far away from Julia when she stared at Reese, awaiting his answer.
“We’ve been very specific in the contracts about the do’s and the don’ts,” said Reese. “I promise you I can keep her in line.”
Julia glanced at Rina. Keep Britney in line? Why would he need to? she wondered.
* * *
“At last,” said Rina, falling back onto her bed beside Julia. “What a fun night. How are you?”
“I’m exhausted, Rina. And I’m worried.”
“About what?”
“That I’ll never fit in—that I embarrassed the hell out of you tonight. What’s worse is that I don’t even know when and how many times I did it.”
Rina rolled over. “You did no such thing. You were wonderful.” She pushed herself up on her elbow and kissed Julia’s lips. “I know it wasn’t easy for you, but you seemed to become more comfortable as the evening progressed.”
“Thanks to your martini. But, really, I wish you would have intervened a few times.”
“When?”
Julia mindlessly played with Rina’s hair. “Susie was so condescending.”
“I spoke with her about that. Ignore her.”
“Why is she your publicist?”
“Because she’s the best there is.”
“And Gigi. She’s used every opportunity since I’ve gotten here to let me know my place. I think she has it out for me. Did I offend her in some way?”
“No. She’s the layer between me and the world. I’m afraid her reflex to protect me can be overwhelming. I’ll have a talk with her.”
“I don’t want her to think I was whining to you about her.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, Julia.”
“I hope you’ll be as forgiving of my flaws as you are of those of other people.”
Rina stroked back Julia’s bangs and smiled at her. “Now that everyone is gone, do you know what we need?”
“Don’t say more food.”
“I wasn’t going to. How about a relaxing hot tub?”
“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”
“Honey, no swimsuits needed—or allowed. It’s around the corner on the bedroom terrace.” Rina pointed to the French doors.
“I’m confused. I thought I saw the hot tub downstairs by the pool.”
“Yes, that one is for guests. This one is private. For you and me.”
Julia grabbed a handful of chestnut locks, pulled Rina down to her, and kissed her deep and long. “So why would there be a problem between you and Britney Cavell on location? What’s the bad blood?”
“We used to be lovers.”
Julia stared at her dead-on. “What?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Julia awoke to the addictive scent of Rina on her skin and on strands of her hair. She kissed the bare shoulder of the sleeping elegance draped across her. Unable to tell in the blacked-out room if it was day or night, she slid out from under Rina’s arm and reached for her phone on the nightstand.
Since when do I sleep until ten a.m.? She yawned. Rina’s going to want her coffee soon.
Silent as a Sunday sunrise, Julia stood and slipped into the robe she had worn to the hot tub, then tiptoed barefoot out of the suite. She rubbed her sleepy eyes on the first flight of stairs. Midway down the second flight, she stopped to listen to the voices trickling out from the kitchen.
“I still don’t like it,” said Gigi. “She’s all wrong for Rina.”
“Give the girl a chance,” said Clay. “Considering she’s young and an outsider to our world, I think she held her own last night. I like her. I mean, she’s such a refreshing change from the vultures in Rina’s past. Didn’t you see how they treated each other?”
Outsider? Vultures? Was Britney Cavell a vulture?
“I don’t trust her, Clay. She must want something, and I’m here to make sure Rina doesn’t get blindsided. As for how Rina acted toward her—she’s an actress. Have you ever seen her not act with a girlfriend?” She paused and then chuckled sardonically. “Did you hear what Julia said to Monty about his show being canceled? I thought his claws were going to come out. Then she was positively rude to Susie.”
“Come on. Monty knew it was an innocent remark. Julia was being conciliatory, and by the end of dinner, Monty was quite taken with her. As for Susie, she had way too much to drink last night and acted like an ass. You need to stop worrying.”
“You know what, Clay? You’re right. I’m not gonna worry—I’m not. Nope. You know how Rina gets when she’s filming. This little fling will fade away like the others, especially once Rina goes on location.”
“You mean once she’s on location with Britney.”
“That too.”
Fade away like the others? Britney! Ugh. How do I compete with this? Julia pivoted to creep back up the staircase, climbed two steps, and stopped. Push back. Rina told me to push back. How do I do that with the person closest to her? She descended the rest of the steps and entered the kitchen with a smile and a bounce in her step. “Oh! Good morning. I didn’t know anyone was here.”
“Good morning, Julia,” said Clay. “I take it Rina is still sleeping?”
“Yes, she is. I know she’ll be up soon so I came down to make her coffee.”
Gigi stood from the table, moved to the counter, and picked up the coffee pot. “I’ll do it. I know how she likes it.”
Push back! “That’s okay, Gigi. We kind of have a special morning ritual.”
Gigi stared at her.
Julia shrugged. “What can I say? The woman loves how I serve her my coffee in bed.” She held out her hand and took the coffee pot from the assistant.
Gigi winced when she handed it over.
Clay snickered.
* * *
Julia set the tray of coffee, fruit, and croissants on the counter of the kitchenette in Rina’s suite. Time skidded to a halt when she entered the dark and serene bedroom. Except for the echo of Gigi’s comments, which she was unable to leave at the door, Julia had never been filled with such deep insight. For the first time, she understood that this ache, this craving for another, was more than an idea or a fantasy. It lived a full life inside of her. Her stomach fluttered with a short growl.
She touched the wall switch and raised the automatic blinds just enough for an oblique shaft of light to pierce the darkness low to the floor. The scant light that filtered upward left her admiring the outline of Rina tangled in the sheets, asleep with her thick hair tossed across the pillow and her head turned to the side. The vision flooded her with longing—a cascade of chills chased by heat, followed by another chill down her back and goose bumps along her arms. Julia’s lips went dry, then they parted. A continuous loop played in her mind of how Rina had taken her in her own bed for the first time. She gasped to restart her breathing.
Sonofabitch. This is what true love really feels like.
Thoughts of what Clay had said invaded her peace. “Vultures in Rina’s past.” Next, she replayed the ugly words spoken by Gigi—every single one of them—and her conversation with Rina the night before, when she’d asked her about Britney Cavell. “We used to be lovers.” She still couldn’t get that thought out of her head.
Suddenly nauseated by the thought of Rina having been with Britney Cavell, Julia didn’t know how to deal with it. Should I bring it up? Or do I wait for Rina to tell me about it? She had tried in the hot tub the night before to ask about that, but Rina was clearly intent on making love. Still, she had no idea what to
do with this information. How could Rina want to be with me after being with a gorgeous woman—an Oscar winner!—like that?
Julia retrieved the tray from the counter, walked into the bedroom, and placed it on Rina’s night table. She sat quietly beside her lover, leaned forward, and placed her lips lightly on the softest lips she had ever tasted. Lips that were full and smooth—not chapped by dry desert winds. In the stillness, Julia had no words except for the ones she whispered. “I love you, Katarina.”
The actress stirred before opening her eyes. Julia always prepared herself for that moment, never knowing exactly what color Rina’s eyes would be, only knowing that she couldn’t wait another second to look into them—to be seen by them—to be adored by them.
“Good morning, Julia,” Rina whispered. “Did you just tell me you love me or was I dreaming?”
Julia smiled at her. “Yes.”
“Is that your amazing coffee I smell?”
“You know it is, baby.”
“I love it when you call me that.”
Julia stood, fluffed Rina’s pillows, and positioned them the way she liked them for coffee in bed. Their custom had fast become ritual. Julia poured her a coffee from the carafe, mixed in the cream and sweetener, then set the tray on the bed.
“What’s all this?” Rina asked after taking her first sip.
Julia let her robe fall to the floor and stood naked before her. “Breakfast in bed.”
Rina devoured her with one stare. “I never tire of seeing you this way.”
“That’s what you said in the hot tub.”
“Was that before or after you fucked me into oblivion? No wonder I slept like the dead.”
Julia climbed onto her side of the bed. “What are we going to do, Rina?”
“When?”
“When you leave.”
Rina placed her cup on the tray and cradled Julia’s cheek. “Why are you asking that right now?”
“Truth?”
“Always.”
“I overheard Gigi and Clay talking. Gigi had said that once you start filming, you’ll forget about us. I think what she actually said is that our fling will fade away just like the others.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. First off, you’re not a fling. Secondly, there are no longer any others.”
“Rina, I’m head over heels, madly…crazy in love with you. So, if there’s even a chance that what she said is true, you need to tell me. Now.”
Rina picked up the tray and placed it on her night table. She tossed back the sheet, turned to Julia, and opened her arms. “Come here.”
Julia crept across the sheets, an inch at a time until her body was up against Rina’s. She shivered at Rina’s touch, at the slow sweep of her hand as it tickled her back. The actress pulled her tight against her own naked body until they were nose to nose.
Rina sighed. “I never want to forget this moment with you. I’m not awake enough to throw myself at you again, so I’ll just come out with it. Make love to me.”
Momentarily disabled by the mutable green stare, Julia anchored everything about this moment into her mind so that she could replay it forever, whether or not Rina was with her. Rina’s scent. The timbre of her lover’s morning voice. Her soft skin and ample breasts pressing against her own. The way the morning light fell on the fine lines next to her eyes. The siren’s breath on her lips; the bouquet of Rina mixed in with Dior—an essence that permeated her own bed for long afterwards each time that Rina left the ranch. All, all, all of it!
“I will, as soon as you promise we can talk afterward.” Julia teased her with her lips on Rina’s neck, then she kissed every spot that made the woman groan.
“Um-hmm, we’ll take a walk on the beach…and we’ll talk.”
Rina’s nails lightly traveled along Julia’s back as she slid down and coaxed Julia on top of her. The sculptress traced the outline of the woman beneath her again and again, her hands learning it by heart and marking how their bodies differed; she wanted desperately to sculpt that difference—to make tangible the shape of time. Sleep had only served as an inconvenient intermission—an interruption of the craving that rarely left them. Julia’s hand stroked the heat of Rina’s thigh up to its source. She whispered in Rina’s ear. “The beach is a long way off.”
Rina moaned. “I’m in no rush.”
Their bodies entwined, their tongues played against each other’s, and Rina pulled her in until even the coffee in the insulated carafe grew cold—until her head whipped back and her nails gored the sheet. Until that exquisite instant when Rina called Julia’s name—and every stray nuance coalesced.
The stark silence that followed filled Julia with a hollow deafness—a dread that was not an absence of sound, but a confluence of unanswered longing for permanence in her life. She told herself she knew better—permanence was a temporary condition.
Rina wrapped her legs around Julia’s. “I want you, Julia. I want us.”
Julia pulled back to look at her. “How can I be sure?”
“You’re here with me, aren’t you?”
“But I barely survived your entourage. Do you really think we have a chance of making it through being apart when you’re on location?”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because, as I figured out last night, there’s so much about you I don’t know.”
“Ask me.”
Julia rolled to Rina’s side, stroked her cheek, and wondered how she could ever make it through a day, let alone a lifetime without looking into those dreamy eyes. Even the thought was painful.
Rina smiled. “Let’s walk on the beach and we can talk about whatever you’d like.”
“Right after I have coffee.”
Rina laughed. “I’m so glad you said that. Not that the sex isn’t amazing, but I feel a little cheated out of our routine.” She glanced at the untouched breakfast tray and reached for a strawberry. She lightly traced Julia’s lips with it and then pressed the fruit against them until Julia took a bite. Teasing with her most alluring expression, Rina took a long sensual lick before she finished it. “So then…your fabulous coffee?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Disguised beneath a wide-brimmed hat and large sunglasses, Rina strolled alongside her lover at the brink of the ocean. A set of waves had broken before she snuck in a sideways glance. The midday sunlight poured through Julia’s long, highlighted layers as the breeze blew them gently back.
I can’t lose her.
A bank of cumulus clouds offered patches of shade, distorting the light over an endless navy horizon. Rina had never wanted to hold anyone’s hand as much as at that moment, but she knew better. Photos, conjecture, outing—it was devious luck that nothing had ever stuck to her. She flashed on Cavell. Amazing how that escaped the press.
But none of that changed the fact that until now, she had never been in love before or felt this vulnerable. Never had she wanted anyone in the way she wanted this young woman who often enough made her call her own wisdom into question. Julia made her feel protected and safe—wild and free. Loved.
The ranch girl shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, her eyes darting in every direction except Rina’s.
“What is it you’re not saying, Julia?”
Julia stopped and turned. Rina waited. “How can I compete with your life? With the people in it? How is it I didn’t know about rehab or your relationship with Britney Cavell?”
“In all fairness, neither of us has been very forthcoming about the details of our pasts. You still change the subject every time I bring it up.”
Julia waited for a runner to pass them before continuing. “How can you feel about me the way you say you do? I mean, I feel it, but then I remind myself that you’re an Oscar-winning actor, and that makes me question if this is as real as I think it is.” She shifted her stance to let the breeze blow the bangs out of her eyes.
“Sweetheart. Do you think I let everyone, no, a
nyone ever see what I’ve shown you?”
“I believe every character you throw at me on-screen and off. Then once I get through all of that, I’m faced with the fear that you’ll get bored with me…that I won’t measure up. Really, Rina. Look around you.” She nodded at the estate on the cliff.
Rina exhaled. “Honestly, I don’t have a choice about what I let you see. Feelings I’ve never known gush out of me, and I can no sooner control them than I could control riding Thunder at full speed down the mountain.”
They began walking again.
Julia smiled. “You know, you look pretty damn hot on that horse.”
Rina playfully poked her arm. “When I’m not with you, all I want to do is be with you. I can’t think or be around anyone else—including my entourage.”
“How is that possible?”
“From the first time you touched me, I knew I’d been lying to myself for a long time. I’d told myself that my past relationships didn’t work because of one reason or another—that always boiled down to what was wrong with those women. But in retrospect, there was something wrong with me—something broken that I didn’t even know about until you fixed it. They weren’t right for me because I’d settled for ‘not-you.’”
Julia stopped again, looked out to sea and then sat on the sand. Rina joined her.
“See?” said Julia. “You say something like that and my whole world upends. Every cell in my body believes you, and then later, I wonder…”
“If it’s true? I’ll tell you what’s true for me,” Rina began. “My fear that you don’t love me as I do you, that you’ll want someone else when you’re a little older—someone younger when I look old.”
“What? You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am.”
“I wouldn’t leave you unless you did something awful to me. I’m not that kind of girl.”
Rina lowered her glasses to meet Julia’s eyes. “No. You’re not, are you? When I told you I’ve never felt this way, I wasn’t being dramatic. You’re the only woman who’s ever known how to love me—who makes me feel the way I’ve always wanted to feel. I’m lost in your eyes right now.”
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