by Gerri Hill
Lexie elbowed her playfully. “It’s a healthier version. No heavy cream. And I ‘kinda’ made it up after combining three different recipes. Thus the name.”
“You know, you threatened me with a tofu stir-fry one time. Why chicken?”
“I’m not averse to eating chicken.” She paused in her chopping. “I have it a couple of times a week. I mean, I did back in Austin when I went out, which was often. I have resigned myself that it will become my staple since—other than stir-fry—I’m not great with tofu dishes. Besides, I don’t really have a kitchen. And as much as I love fish, I would imagine I’d get tired of grilled fish every day.”
“Hmm. Wonder if I will? I’ve got a lot of years to make up for.”
The chicken was seasoned and put in the oven on a low bake, then Lexie left the veggies out on the counter. “We’ve got about thirty minutes before I’ll need to sauté these.”
“How about a drink?”
Lexie nodded. “I’d love one.”
“I’ve also got a fire ready to go.”
“That’d be nice. There’s not one in my little apartment, but I enjoy sitting by my parents’ fireplace.” She sighed. “I try not to stay up there too much, though. I don’t want to get in the way of their routine.”
Kyler poured bourbon into two glasses. “Do you think you are?”
“Maybe. I don’t want them to feel like they have to entertain me. Same with you.”
“Me?” She poured Coke into the glasses. “Is that what you think?”
“I don’t want you to feel like your free time has to be spent with me. On a bike or like tomorrow—a hike.”
“Lexie, those are things I love doing. Sharing two of my passions with someone—you—isn’t a hindrance. It’s a benefit, if anything.”
“You’re used to doing them alone.”
“Yeah. So it’s nice to have company.”
Lexie met her gaze. “Okay.”
“Is that why you were avoiding me these last few days?”
“Was I?”
“Weren’t you?” She tilted her head. “Or were you avoiding me because of what happened the other night?”
“No. The other night was fun.” Then she shook her head. “Okay, maybe. I felt like we were—well, like we were getting close to that line.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Is there a line?”
“Isn’t there?”
“Does there have to be?”
“Oh, Kyler, you surely can’t be serious. We’ve already had this discussion. We are so not each other’s type.”
“No, we’re not. That doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you.” Lexie seemed surprised by her admission and a bit uncomfortable about the topic. She decided to lighten things up a little. “Maybe because you’re normal. You know my choices are women with pigs as pets and the twins.”
“Mark mentioned the pig lady.”
“She was nice enough, I guess, if you could get past the two pigs roaming the house.”
She started the fire and they sat on the sofa, watching the flames for a moment. She assumed their conversation would shift to less personal topics, so Lexie’s question startled her.
“Why don’t you date? And I don’t mean the pig lady or the twins. Or the excuse that you can’t meet someone up here. What’s the real reason?”
Kyler twirled the glass between her hands. What was the real reason? Bad luck? Poor decisions? Britney?
“Part of it is that there’s not a lot of opportunity to date. That’s only part of it. I haven’t actually tried very hard.”
“Why not?”
“At first, I was still reeling over the thing with my boss’s wife. That was a huge mistake. I knew it was wrong and it was a damn stupid thing to do. It upended my life. Got me sent a thousand miles away.” She took a swallow of the drink. “As you know, I don’t have a relationship with my parents. Part of me blames that on being up here, so far away. And I’m up here because I made a bad choice.” She glanced at her quickly. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it up here now. I don’t want to leave. If I finish my career and retire up here, I’d be happy.”
“But you miss your family?”
“Sometimes, yeah. I told you they weren’t crazy about my career choice. They kinda let me drift away on my own after that and they turned all their attention to my sister. We didn’t see each other all that much anymore.”
“Were you and your sister ever close?”
She leaned back with a sigh. “Close like you and Mark? No, I wouldn’t say that. She’s a few years younger than me. We never shared a room growing up, so we missed that closeness. We didn’t have any mutual friends. We lived in the same house, that was about it.” She turned to look at Lexie. “My parents aren’t like yours. They’re more clinical. Everything was always straightforward. Regimented, almost. Your mom and my mom? Complete opposites. My mom is cold where yours is warm. Susan is affectionate. My mom? I can count on one hand the number of times she’s hugged me.”
“That’s so sad, Kyler.”
“Yes, it is. That’s why I love your mother so much. She makes me feel…included.” She felt Lexie’s hand touch her arm and squeeze it. “You’re very lucky to have had her.”
“My mother loves you too.”
She nodded. “Yes, I know. That’s not something I have to doubt.”
“But you do with your parents?”
“Yes. They’ve never told me.”
Lexie’s hand squeezed harder. “You’re kidding?”
“No. Actually, the first person to tell me they loved me was Britney.”
“Who was Britney?”
She took a sip of her drink, wondering why she’d brought up her old flame. “It was love at first sight, I guess. For me, anyway.” She shrugged. “I was Twenty-four when I met her, and I went all in. Happiest time of my life…or so I thought. I was head over heels in love with that woman. For one whole year. There was no drama, no cheating, no big breakup scene either. I was Twenty-five and we were having dinner one night and she said we needed to talk. She said she didn’t love me anymore. She said she wasn’t sure that she was ever in love with me. She said we were friends and we should have left it like that.” She took a larger swallow of her drink, surprised how those words still smarted. “It was all so very calm and civilized. I was speechless. I don’t think I said a single word to her.”
“You were in shock, I imagine.”
“Yes. Two days later, she had completely moved her things out and I was still in shock.”
“Was there someone else?”
Kyler shook her head. “I think maybe it would have been better if there had been. Then I could have been angry. It was a month or so before I heard she’d started dating again. And then I’d bump into her from time to time.”
Lexie reached a hand out to touch her arm again. “Are you not over it? I mean, are you still in love with her?”
Kyler jerked her head up. “Oh, no. I mean, yeah, it took a while for the hurt to go away, but I rarely even think about her anymore. I’m certainly not in love with her. Love blinds you, as everyone knows. After it was over, I saw her in a different light, I guess. She was right to end things. We didn’t have enough in common to sustain a relationship. Especially now. I’ve changed so much since then. She’s not anything like the person I’d want to spend my life with.”
“So you just don’t date at all? Your boss’s wife?”
“That wasn’t dating. I knew it wouldn’t ever go anywhere.” She shook her head. “But in my stupidity, I never considered how I was going to end things with her and still keep my job.”
“And that only lasted a couple of months?” Lexie laughed. “Was she at least good in bed?”
“Honestly, I was so concerned with getting caught, it wasn’t really enjoyable.”
“And did you get caught?”
Kyler felt a blush light her face, something which prompted Lexie to laugh again.
“I see you did.”
“We wer
e in the supply closet at the headquarters. She worked as the clerk. Like Tammy does here. Anyway, he had radioed that he was riding with one of the guys to check out the beach picnic area. I was working the check-in booth that day. She called me. Told me to put the self-pay sign up.” She shook her head. “And, like a fool, I did.”
“He set you up?”
“Yeah. He suspected something, but he didn’t know it was me. He thought it was Scott, one of the young maintenance guys.”
“And he caught you in the supply closet? How bad was it?”
“We were still fully clothed. Well, mostly.”
“She blamed you?”
“Of course she did. Said I forced her. And he wanted to fire me. Then he wanted me to quit. We compromised. I got sent far, far away—here—and promised never to step foot in the park down there again.”
“And did she try to contact you?”
“No. Thankfully. I got up here and tried to put all that behind me. I love it here now, as you know. I made a poor decision, had a huge lapse in judgment, and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. This place, this area, it’s like I was meant to be here. I feel at peace up here. Like my world is right where it’s supposed to be.”
Lexie nodded. “I was having those thoughts the other night when we were watching the sunset. How peaceful I felt.” She smiled at her. “I don’t know if it was the sunset or being with you. You’re very different from the friends I left behind.” She tilted her head a bit. “You’re introspective. You get enjoyment out of little things, out of what nature provides. Most of my friends were all so career-oriented, ambitious to a fault, some. There was no downtime. No idle time. Their life existed only through social media, as mine did. My phone was for texting and Facebook, checking Twitter, Instagram. Actual phone calls were rare.”
“I remember. I’m a millennial too, you know.”
Lexie laughed lightly. “I would never describe you as a millennial. Never.”
Kyler laughed too. “I know. They’d think I was giving them a bad name. I don’t do Twitter. I don’t do Instagram. I have a Facebook account, but I can’t remember the last time I was on there. I just kinda do my own thing and don’t worry about all that mess.”
“How freeing that must be. I still feel compelled to check mine. I haven’t posted anything, though. I mean, since I’ve been up here. No picture of the lodge or anything.”
“Why not?”
Lexie looked at her thoughtfully. “I don’t know, really. I think at first, it was why make a big announcement that I’m here if it’s only going to be for six weeks or so. I mean, my closest friends all knew, but I felt uncomfortable sharing that with everyone.” The timer on Lexie’s phone signaled it was time to start the veggies and she stood. “I think I should. Post something, I mean.”
“How about a picture of you on our hike tomorrow?”
“That’s a good idea.” She went into the kitchen, then paused. “Can we have a campfire later?”
“Outside? Sure. It’s one of my favorite things to do.”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Lexie sat beside the campfire ring, watching as Kyler layered twigs on top of the newspaper she’d wadded up.
“Did you make this?”
“Yes. All of the campsites have these metal rings with a dropdown grate for grilling. I brought one of the old frames over—minus the grate—and then put rocks around it with mortar and everything so you can’t see the frame anymore.”
“You’re pretty handy, aren’t you? Mom’s bird garden, the waterfall…a campfire ring. Would you believe me if I said I’d never had a campfire before?”
Kyler nodded. “You live in the city and you’ve never been camping, so yeah, I’d believe you.”
A loud rustling in the brush caused her to whip her head around. “What’s that?” she whispered urgently.
Kyler lit the fire, then stood, shining her flashlight into the woods. “Let’s hope it’s a raccoon and not a javelina.”
“What’s a javelina?”
“Like a mean little pig.” Kyler turned the light off again, apparently not seeing anything. “I throw out corn for the deer. They might come during the night to eat if there’s any left. I haven’t seen any around here, though.”
“Will they like…attack?”
“As a rule, no. But if they have babies and we get too close, they’d probably charge. The fire will keep them away.” Kyler sat down in the chair next to her. “I haven’t seen any at the cabins. Now the campsites, yeah. Even though we post signs to lock food up, people don’t. Or they throw birdseed out on the ground. The javelinas come during the night to clean up.” She leaned closer to the fire, adding a few small limbs to the flames. “I enjoy watching them. From a distance. They chased me one time.”
“Really? What were you doing?”
“Oh, I was clearing some brush on a trail. It was early morning. They hadn’t settled down for the day yet and I came upon a group with young ones. The whole damn herd charged me.” She laughed. “And yeah, I screamed like a girl as I ran back to the truck. I jumped on the back in one leap with them nipping at my heels.”
“How funny. I mean, probably not so funny at the time.”
“No. I about pissed my pants. Maybe you’ll get to see one. They don’t come out during the day very often. If it’s a dreary, overcast day—which is rare up here—a lot of the nighttime animals stay out longer. Those are the best days to be out in the woods. You see all kinds of stuff.”
“So this is nice,” Lexie said, scooting her chair closer to the fire. “It’s safe to sit out here, right?”
“Yes. Whatever critters are out there, they’ll stay away from the fire.”
Kyler moved her chair to the other side of her, away from the smoke.
“Where’s your bird feeder?”
Kyler turned the flashlight back on and aimed it into the trees, finding the hanging feeder. “I sit on the little back porch there in the mornings with my coffee. I throw corn out right before daybreak. There’s this deer that comes by, a young doe. I call her Daisy.”
Lexie leaned forward, holding her hands out to the flames. “You are probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”
“Sweet?”
“Kind. Kindhearted,” she clarified. She turned to her. “You named a deer. You wake up and come out here to watch everything else wake up too. I’m not sure something like that has ever occurred to me before. Certainly not anything I would have considered doing. But now? I go out of my apartment and I immediately turn my attention to the bird garden. And I’ve taken to having my morning coffee on Mark’s little patio and I listen and I watch.”
“Do you feel like a stranger?”
“Somewhat. Like, who is that person looking back at me in the mirror?” She gave a quick laugh. “No, not a stranger really. But I did talk to Trish today.” Lexie glanced at Kyler. “Trish is my best friend. And I’ve only been here a few weeks and I feel us growing apart. I think she could sense it too.”
“What do you mean? You didn’t have anything to talk about?”
“Not really that. She doesn’t understand how I could possibly like it up here. I think she thought I would be on the road back by now. She was quick to belittle this place, you.”
“Me?”
“I told her a little about you. How I’d made a friend. She couldn’t imagine that you and I would have anything in common.” Lexie turned to her. “But we do, don’t we? I don’t feel like we’re so completely opposite that we have nothing to talk about. In fact, my conversations with you are so much more meaningful than any I’ve had in, well, a long time.”
“Maybe being up here is allowing you to see a side of yourself that you didn’t know existed.” Kyler held her hand out to the warmth of the fire. “I’m not the same person I was when I moved up here. My whole outlook on life is different. It’s not only that I’ve taken up birdwatching and stargazing that’s changed. Those are two byproducts of being where we ar
e. The altitude, the atmosphere, the remoteness—it’s a stargazer’s paradise. That’s why the observatory is located up here. Down at the coast, it’s often foggy, cloudy. City lights. It would be futile. It never once crossed my mind.”
“What got you started?”
“Irene. She had me over for riding and she cooked a meal for us. It was getting dark as I was leaving. She walked out with me and the sun had set but the sky still had that red glow. She looked over to the east and the moon was rising. She pointed at a faint star and told me it was Jupiter.” She smiled at the memory. “I stared at it—the moon and Jupiter—and something clicked inside. I had been up here a couple of months by then and, sure, I’d noticed how clear the sky was, how bright the stars were, but I hadn’t really given it much thought. That night, when I got home, I pulled a chair out. Right in this spot, actually. And I sat and watched the sky for hours.” Kyler bent her head back to look at the stars now. “That was the first time I felt at peace. I didn’t feel lonely anymore or out of place. I didn’t feel like I needed to simply get through each day, each week, each month, all with an end date in sight so I could leave here and go back down. I had a sense of renewal, I think. I was living my life, but not really, you know? It was like I was on the fringes, looking in but not really being.” Kyler turned to her. “Does that make sense?”
“Being present?”
“Yeah. I was present physically, but I never embraced it. I never was a part of it. Now I feel like I’m an integral part of everything around me. The earth, the sky, the birds, the critters that hide in the dark—I’m aware of all of that now. I’m a part of it.” She glanced at Lexie and gave a quick smile. “I’m sounding like a weird tree hugger now, aren’t I?”
Lexie shook her head. “You sound like you are at peace with yourself and everything around you. That’s not weird, Kyler. That’s something to envy.” She looked overhead at the stars. “Trish asked me if I missed it there, if I missed the nightlife. She expected me to say yes. She expected me to say I couldn’t wait to get back home.” Lexie turned to her. “Truth is, I don’t miss it. I can feel myself changing. I can see it. You’re a big part of that. If I hadn’t met you, I’m not sure I would be as content as I am. I feel like you’re teaching me how to be me.”