by Gerri Hill
“Lexie was never one to talk about her personal life with me. Never.” She smiled gently at her. “Maybe you’ll be more open? Fill in the blanks for me.”
Kyler gave a nervous laugh. “Are you wanting to know how far we went?” She was surprised by the blush on Susan’s face.
“I can guess that.” She tapped her chest. “I’m talking about in here.”
Kyler sighed. “We started this knowing that we were not the type of person either of us would normally date. Of course, I haven’t really dated in years, but Lexie—at first—reminded me of someone I used to date. That was when I was younger, before I…I changed. My values are different now, my outlook on life has changed. My likes and dislikes are all so different now. And Lexie reminded me of her. If it had been back then, then yeah, she would have been exactly my type.”
“But?”
She shrugged. “Lexie ended up being nothing like her. Lexie ended up being the type of person I’m attracted to now.” She met Susan’s gaze. “But I’m still me. And I’m nothing like the women Lexie dates. I don’t think I quite fit into her world.”
“Not down there, no. I’m not sure that’s what she wants any longer, Kyler. She wasn’t happy in Austin. I don’t think anything there has changed, has it?”
“She’s now got something to compare it to—this remote, dry, rocky mountain that we call home. It’s quite the contrast. Now that she’s seen it in person, she’s got something to compare.”
“And you think she’ll get back to Austin, with its vibrant nightlife and traffic and crowds and decide she loves all of that after all?”
“She has friends there. What would she have here?”
“You came up here not knowing a soul. Do you feel like you have no friends?”
“No, of course not. But—”
“But nothing. Friends won’t be the deciding factor. I know my daughter. She’ll have a spreadsheet on her laptop. She’ll have three columns. Pros, Cons, Comments. And she’ll fill all the spaces and she’ll agonize over it and try to make a decision.” The she smiled. “All the while, it’ll be out of her hands.”
“What do you mean?”
“This decision she’s about to make will have to come from of her heart, not a spreadsheet. She’ll realize that as she’s arguing with herself over each one. Her mind will say one thing, but her heart will say something completely different.”
Kyler stared at her, searching. “You think she’ll come back?” she asked hopefully.
“Lexie has always been so cautious about everything, never one to take chances. I think, this time…well, I think it’ll be different. I think she fell in love. With the mountain. With you.”
Kyler felt her heart tighten in her chest. “I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Fifty
Lexie sat on the floor in the kitchen, taping up another box. Even after Cathy had gone berserk and broke most of her dishes, she still had a ton of kitchen stuff. More than one person possibly needed. Certainly more than one needed who ate out for most meals.
She leaned back against the counter, mentally going over her pros and cons once again. The pros for moving were much longer this time than they’d been before Thanksgiving. In fact, the cons were sorely lacking this time around.
She slowly shook her head, remembering how she’d agonized over them at the time—dinner dates, green smoothies, and tofu had been at the top of her con list. She rolled her eyes. Seriously? How trivial were those concerns?
She stared at the wall. She missed Kyler. She missed her far more than she’d missed anything about Austin and her friends while she’d been away. Shouldn’t that tell her something? Yes, but part of her was afraid to admit what she felt. Actually, terrified would be more apt. She needed to talk it out, say it out loud. If she was looking for a friend to talk to, Kyler would be that person. However, that wouldn’t be appropriate in this case.
She would talk to Trish instead, even though she wouldn’t understand, she was sure. Trish assumed she’d come back with the intent to stay. And Trish was trying her best to keep her busy—out to dinner twice, lunch once. Tonight was dinner on West Sixth, then the usual parade through the bars until midnight or one. And, of course, Sunday brunch at Trudy’s.
She leaned her head back against the cabinet and closed her eyes. No. She didn’t feel like going out. She didn’t want to be crammed together with throngs of rowdy people strolling the sidewalk while music blasted out of every bar. She felt almost claustrophobic just thinking about it.
“So don’t go,” she said to her empty kitchen. “Don’t go.”
Yeah, right. Trish certainly wouldn’t understand that. Because Trish lived for Saturday nights and she most likely thought Lexie did too. Maybe, by her actions, she projected that as the truth or maybe Trish assumed. She sighed. No, she didn’t feel like going. She had no excuse not to, though.
Do I need an excuse?
No. When Trish came over later for lunch—pizza—and to help her finish packing, she’d tell her she wasn’t in the mood. And she’d tell her why she’d come back to Austin, she’d tell her about Kyler, and then she’d listen as Trish told her how crazy she’d be to consider leaving again.
Crazy? It really didn’t seem so crazy anymore, did it?
* * *
Kyler motioned with her head to the young woman sitting at the end of the bar. “Who’s the blonde?”
“Oh, that Irene’s granddaughter. Jamie.”
“She’s attractive.”
Mark nodded. “Yeah. Kinda quiet. Hardly speaks.”
“Well, her asshole husband was abusive, what do you expect?”
He shrugged. “I guess. Her kid is really cute, though.” He smiled. “He was running around in here earlier. Well, as fast as a two-year-old can run.”
“Where is he?”
“I let them use my office. He’s taking a nap. James. His name is James.”
She watched as Mark’s gaze slid again to the woman. She followed it, trying not to stare. The woman wasn’t paying them any mind. Her attention was on a book.
“You think I should go introduce myself?” she asked.
“I’ll introduce you. Come on.” Kyler walked behind the barstools as Mark moved along the bar to the end. “Jamie?”
The woman looked up sharply and Kyler saw a wariness in her eyes. Damn. How badly had her husband abused her?
“This is my best friend. Kyler. She works at the state park.”
Jamie turned her head, nodding at her. “Hello.”
“Hi, Jamie.” She held her hand out and Jamie shook it briefly. “Nice to meet you.”
“My grandmother has mentioned you, yes. Nice to meet you.”
“You’re from Dallas? I guess this is a change, huh?”
Jamie met her gaze. “A nice change.”
“Gonna stay a while?”
“A few months, at least. My grandmother seems to like us being here.”
“Oh, I’m sure. Irene never gets off this mountain. I know she misses not having family around.”
“I had an opportunity to get away so…”
Jamie turned her attention back to her book and Kyler looked at Mark who only shrugged. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then.”
Jamie looked up and smiled at her before returning to her book. A well-worn book that looked like it had been read many times before.
She went back to her normal stool, nodding when Mark drew her a beer. She kept her voice quiet when he slid the beer to her.
“She’s terrified.”
“You think? Of me?”
“Wonder if Irene knows what all happened. Did you see that scar above her eye?”
He nodded. “Could be from anything.”
“I hope the bastard’s in jail.”
“It’s not any of our business.”
“No, I guess it’s not.” She took a swallow of beer. “So? Are we still going bike riding in the morning?”
“You think we can beat the front?”
>
She smiled at him. “Trying to chicken out?”
“Strong winds. Might get snow.”
“Our Sunday will be long over with by the time the storm hits. I’m in the mood for pizza, I think.”
He leaned his elbows on the table. “I want to ride. I do. But I’m afraid.”
She met his gaze. “Afraid of memories?”
He nodded. “It’s been almost eight years. The scene—in my mind—is not quite as fresh as it used to be.”
“You’re afraid it’ll all come back?”
“Yeah.”
“I won’t push you, Mark. You do what you feel is best. But maybe, if you get on a bike, the memories that come back to you will be good ones. I mean, you used to have a lot of fun riding, didn’t you? Do you ever think about those times? The good times?”
He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes searching. “I think about things I miss, I guess. Lexie misses her cookies. I miss our Sunday brunch…blueberry pancakes.” He shook his head. “When I think of the bike, I think of that day. That’s all.”
She squeezed his hand. “If you don’t want to ride, then we won’t ride. You decide.”
“Thanks, Ky.”
Chapter Fifty-one
“Where did you get all the boxes?”
“I’ve been hording them for months, it seems like. They were in the spare bedroom.” Lexie tucked the hair behind her ears. “I’ve already gone through what was in there. Mostly crap that Cathy left behind.” She looked at the clutter in her living room. “What the hell am I going to do with all this stuff?”
“Have you started looking for new apartments yet?”
“No.” She chewed on her lower lip nervously. “Actually, I…I’m probably going back.”
Trish’s mouth fell open. “What? You can’t possibly be serious.”
“I am.” She looked around, wondering where they could sit and talk. The only available chairs were in the kitchen. She went there, knowing the pizza they’d ordered would be arriving soon. “Let’s talk.”
“Oh, Lexie…no.” Trish shook her head. “Why would you want to go back?”
She sat down and motioned for Trish to do the same. She was having a bit of déjà vu, she thought, as she was preparing to tell her she was leaving. Again.
“The reasons I wanted to go there in the first place haven’t changed. I don’t have a job and I can’t afford this apartment being the main two.” She rested her elbows on the table, trying to find a way to say it without hurting her feelings. “I didn’t miss going out on group dinners or having lunch out or even the gym. I thought I would, but I didn’t.”
“But Lexie—”
She held her hand up, stopping her protest. “You would have gone stark raving mad up there. And maybe a year ago, I may have too.”
“Your mother is pressuring you, isn’t she?”
“Not at all.” She met her gaze. “I fell in love with the place. I really did. It’s quiet and slow and…and real.” She smiled a little. “And I met someone.”
At that, Trish’s eyebrows shot up.
“I actually mentioned her to you before. Kyler.”
“Oh my god! The birdwatcher? Are you crazy?”
“At first glance, I would say she was absolutely not my type. Too earthy, too outdoorsy…too gentle.” She pictured Kyler’s face and smiled a little more. “She taught me a lot about life and a lot about myself.”
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Too earthy? Let me guess. She doesn’t shave. Legs and armpits both. Probably doesn’t wear deodorant. Good god, Lexie.”
At that, Lexie laughed, remembering Kyler’s smooth skin. “She does shave, but that’s not the point. She’s very, very different from anyone I’ve dated before. Different from any of my friends here. She’s—”
“So you’re dating?”
“I guess you could call it that.”
Trish shook her head disapprovingly. “So, you were sleeping with her. Good lord, Lexie.”
“She’s not the sole reason I want to go back, Trish. I really did love it there. Mom and Dad are there. Mark, of course. As soon as I got back here, it didn’t feel right. When I was up there, I thought I would miss everything down here. I didn’t. Yet when I came back, I missed everything up there like crazy.” She leaned forward, meeting her gaze. “I fell in love with the place. And I think I fell in love with Kyler. It feels like home. This doesn’t anymore.”
Trish stared at her. “In love with her? Really?”
“Really.”
“Then why did you come back?”
“Because I was scared. Scared of what I was feeling, scared to make a decision, scared it would be the wrong one. You know me…”
“Had to run the odds through a computer program, yes.”
“It feels like the right decision, Trish. I don’t really have any doubts anymore.”
“I guess your mother is happy then.”
“I haven’t told her. In fact, I haven’t told Kyler either.”
“Because once you tell them, then it’s set in stone.” She nodded. “Oh, I do know you, Lexie.” She smiled at her. “You’ve made your decision, yet you’re afraid to say it out loud.”
Lexie nodded. “If I tell them, then I’m going to want to be there, not here.” She motioned to the living room. “And I have all of this to deal with still.”
Trish grabbed her arm and squeezed. “You’re really leaving? For good this time?”
“Yes, I am.”
“And there’s nothing I can say or do to talk you out of it?”
“I know you’ve tried really hard to keep me entertained this last week. I appreciate it, Trish, I do. But all those things that I thought I enjoyed doing were nothing more than busy work. The prospect of going out to Sixth Street tonight is not appealing in the least.”
Trish stared at her as if she’d spoken blasphemy. “It’s…it’s our thing, Lexie.”
“No. It’s your thing. I enjoyed going when we were in college, sure. And maybe once in a while—a couple of times a year—it might be fun. But not every Saturday night. I’m sorry.”
Trish stood. “So this is it? You’re just throwing everything away as if it meant nothing to you? I suppose our friendship will be the same. Once you leave, I’ll probably never see you again.”
“I’m not going to lie, Trish. Once I leave, it may be a year before I come back to visit. We’ll talk on the phone some—text—but it won’t be like it’s been, no.”
“I didn’t think you’d really do this. I was convinced that you’d hate it there, that you’d come running back.”
“So was I, actually.”
Trish sat down again. “Okay. I’m being selfish. I’m sorry. If this is what you want, then I need to be happy for you. So, let’s figure out what we’re going to do with all your stuff.”
“Thank you.”
“If you’re not taking your furniture, put a sign down at the mailboxes. You could probably sell it all in a few days.”
She nodded. “I had thought about that, yes. My clothes, I think I’ll donate. I certainly won’t need business suits at my new job.”
Trish smiled at that. “Running a lodge. Who would have thought?”
“I know. But I love it there. And I can’t wait to get back.”
“So, come out with us tonight. One last time. Dinner first, then bars. One last time, Lexie. Please?”
She looked around her cluttered apartment, knowing she and Trish could have it all boxed up this afternoon. What else was she going to do tonight?
“Okay. One last time.”
Trish clapped. “Great. Because I need a date.”
“A date? What happened to…what was his name? The guy with the beard.”
“Jacob. No. But Aaron will be there, and he’s been asking me out. He’s not my type at all. He’s got tattoos all over both arms. Can you imagine my mother if I brought him home?”
She laughed. “I remember in college, your mother always wa
rned you to stay clear of tattoos.”
The doorbell rang, signaling lunch and they spent the next hour eating pizza and drinking beer, reminiscing about past exploits, and sharing many laughs. They both seemed to know this was their goodbye. When they saw each other again, whether a year from now or longer, things would be different. But that was okay. This was a new chapter in her life, and she’d make new friends. She wouldn’t ever forget the fun times she and Trish had had, going all the way back to their freshman year in college…but things would change.
And she was ready.
Chapter Fifty-two
“Are you sure?”
Mark nodded. “I think so.”
“You look ridiculous in Lexie’s helmet, by the way. It’s too small.”
Mark gave her a glance. “That’s what you’re concerned about? Who’s going to see me, Ky? A deer?”
She wheeled her bike closer to where he stood. He was holding Lexie’s bike by the handlebars, but he had yet to attempt to get on the thing. She saw fear in his eyes.
“Are you sure?” she asked again.
“Yeah. Let’s take it for a spin.” He got on then and she saw him visibly swallow. “But go slow.”
They didn’t speak as they wound around the restaurant and onto the park road. It wasn’t until they were past the picnic area before she dared to turn and look at him. Tears were streaming down his face.
“Oh, man,” she murmured.
He shook his head. “I’m okay.”
She rode on, glancing at him from time to time, seeing him wipe tears off his cheek, only to have them run down again. When she got to the first road that went to one of the tent camping areas, she turned. She found an empty campsite and stopped. Mark was nearly sobbing then, and she let her bike fall to the ground, going to him. She held his bike while he got off and she put it down beside hers.
He covered his face, as if hiding his tears. She took his hand, urging him down. They sat there on the rocky ground, leaning against trees. She didn’t say anything, she just held his hand while he cried. A few moments later, the sobs turned to laughter. She frowned as he leaned his head back against the tree, wiping his tears and laughing at the same time.