I slump to the ground, waterlogged and dripping head to toe. I pull my brush from my bag, and yank it through the knots in my curls, the ones I should’ve used to prove Rhonda’s statement false. I was too spineless to show them when it mattered. The water from my hair sluices into my collar and runs down my back. I shiver. I’ve been freezing cold and sopping wet for so long, things have probably gone permanently numb.
I begin shaking uncontrollably, and Sam’s arms encircle me from behind. He’s so warm, so strong, and so good.
Far too good for me.
He’s a better fit for Rhonda, who would be here if it weren’t for me. I pull away. I’m a much better match for Wesley, come to think of it. The guy who’s so careless he almost Marked me, so selfish he’d risk my life for a kiss. I slump alone in the mud, freezing. Somehow, even though I can’t accept comfort from Sam, I feel better knowing he wants to provide it. He saw my weakness, and doesn’t despise me for it.
Tears I thought were dried up completely leak down my face again. How he can tell in the rain that I’m crying, I don’t know, but he leans toward me and cups my face.
“It’s okay,” he says. “We’re going to get the cure, and Rhonda will be fine. She knew it had to be you, since you’re the only one who can reach it. She told me about the journal entry.”
I shake my head then, remembering he doesn’t know I gave her my blood. He doesn’t understand. That’s why he’s being so kind. Fear slices me in half, and I dissolve into the mud. I want to let him believe the best of me, but I can’t. He needs to know the truth. He needs to see the real me, even if he recoils in disgust.
“I told Rhonda how to reach my dad’s safe at the church. It has a blood key, so I gave her a bottle full of my blood while we were there. That’s why my finger’s bleeding.”
He pulls back in confusion. “What?”
“There’s a safe in my dad’s lab that has a blood key. That’s why he said I could reach the cure. It must be in that safe, which is keyed to his blood, and presumably to mine too.”
“See?” His eyes soften. “You need to be there. Rhonda did what she had to, to let you get there and open that safe.”
“I gave her my blood, Sam. I shouldn’t have let her take my place. The Marked knew my name.”
“How long would your blood sample last? A day? Two? We have no idea what we’ll find inside, or what reception we’ll receive from WPN. Besides, what if you’re wrong? What if some other little thing you know or remember ends up being important? It had to be you. Rhonda knew it too.”
“She’s Marked because of me.”
“She loves you, Ruby. She wasn’t afraid.”
“I was. I always am.” I hang my head. I’m so ashamed, so completely disgusted with myself.
Sam doesn’t argue, but he reaches over and pulls me close.
This time, coward that I am, I let him. “Am I ever going to be brave?”
“You already are,” Sam says.
“No, I’m not. I always chicken out.”
He pulls back and looks into my eyes, but there’s no judgment in his.
“You aren’t a coward. Everyone’s afraid,” he says. “Even me.”
“But you still do stuff—scary stuff—and you save people. You fight, always. I’m a total drain.” My voice drops to a whisper. “That’s why you wanted to leave me behind.”
“I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to keep you safe. We’re afraid of different things, Ruby. A guy with a gun doesn’t scare me because I know how to deal with it.”
“What scares you, then?”
Sam snorts. “You’re changing the subject.”
He’s too smart, and it still annoys me. He squeezes me when I shiver.
“You’re wallowing right now, and that’s okay. It’s a natural reaction.” Sam shifts me around until I’m looking at him. “You figured out the whole cure thing after reading your murdered dad’s journals. That took guts. I also watched as you calmed down all those kids the night of the Marked attack.” He smiles. “And you caught that rabbit.”
“The one I couldn’t kill?”
Sam shrugs. “I said you’re brave, not bloodthirsty. There’s a difference. But even before that, you kept me from killing the Marked kids with your gunpowder idea. You distracted the WPN guys in the grocery store so I could save Rhonda and Job. You made us Mark ourselves this morning, which saved us today from death under a net. You’ve done a lot more than you give yourself credit for.”
“I’ve done way more wrong than right.”
“Stop.” Sam touches my jaw with his hand. His eyes are full of compassion I don’t deserve.
“I saw it.” I blurt it out, because I can’t keep my secret inside a moment longer. “I saw a man shoot my dad. A man with brown hair and freckles on his nose. Blue eyes, and a strong jaw. He talked to my dad first, talking and talking. Then yelling, so much yelling. My dad wouldn’t listen to him, so he shot him, and I was there. I saw it all with a phone in my hand. I was too scared to call 911 because the buttons made a tiny beeping sound.” I shudder. “I was too scared to save my dad’s life.”
Sam doesn’t speak at first. He turns my face back toward him gently but firmly, whenever I try to look away. “You were only five.” His brow furrows.
“Almost six. Old enough to know.” I look down. “I don’t deserve Rhonda’s sacrifice.”
He pulls me closer and jounces me until I meet his eyes. “No one blames you. Your dad’s proud of you, wherever he is, probably up in heaven if it exists.”
The rain continues to fall, its soft pattering the only sound I hear.
When Sam speaks again, it startles me. “You think you’re worthless, so you act like someone worth nothing. You run and hide from scary things.” He pauses, but before I can contradict him, he says, “The worst part is that when you run, you miss the good stuff.”
“I don’t run.” I shake my head. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not,” Sam says. “Your dad knew you were hiding, right? When he got shot?”
“Yes.” I can barely breathe.
“He knew, and he died protecting you. He didn’t yell your name or ask you to make a call.”
“I guess.”
Sam’s hand draws lazy circles on my back. “He sacrificed himself to keep you hidden and safe. Don’t dishonor his actions by blaming yourself. You’re only a coward if you keep shutting out the people who love you because of a tragedy a decade ago.”
“What do you know about it?”
“A lot, actually.”
“Like what?”
“My mom left my dad,” he says. “I mentioned that before, but I didn’t tell you what it did to him.”
I realize something about Sam. “Not just your dad. Her leaving did something to you too.”
He nods. “I guess so. I shut people out like he does. That’s why I left him, because he never loved me or anyone else, not since Mom. I don’t want to follow his example.”
“You won’t.” I think about Rhonda saying they had a conversation and my stomach ties in knots. Is that why he shut her out? Is he realizing now how big a mistake that was?
“I moved to Port Gibson for a reason, Ruby. You asked before.”
He looks at me expectantly, but I can’t handle hearing about Rhonda, not today. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to be to blame for his separation from her, but I’m not even sure I buy that.
I change the subject, instead. “What I don’t get, what makes zero sense, is why the Marked knew my name. I’m sure Aunt Anne wouldn’t send them looking for me, and she didn’t go to join them anyway. She and my Uncle are probably around here somewhere, right? Plus they said ‘he’ when referring to the guy who told their boss about me, right?”
I look up at Sam, expecting his face to reflect my baffled astonishment.
It doesn’t.
He didn’t seem surprised when they knew my name earlier today, either. I narrow my eyes and pull away. “Why weren’t you surprised
?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Tell me, Sam.” I push away from him completely. I might be afraid of things, good and bad, but I’m standing alone now, and I want answers. “What do you know? What aren’t you telling me?”
“It’s complicated,” he says.
“What is? Why are you lying to me?”
“I haven’t lied.” He leaps to his feet in a dizzying blur. “I’ve never, ever lied to you. I wouldn’t, I swear. I never lie, especially not to you.”
“Keeping things from me is a lie.” I bite down hard on my lip. Lately, every time someone keeps something from me, it comes back around to smack me in the face. Wesley, my aunt, my dad. I brace myself. What new horror is about to jump from behind a wall and slam me to the ground now?
“Look, it’s just that, the night of the attack . . .”
“The night my aunt got Marked, you mean? The night you didn’t tell me about it until after she left? That night?”
“I didn’t even see you until after they left, but yes, that night.” He growls and runs a hand through his hair, pulling the rubber band out. His hair falls, wet and stringy all around his face. His sculpted features are even more achingly beautiful in the rain, and his eyes shine like twin flames, more gold than green in the moonlight.
“They were looking for you that night, all the Marked kids. That’s why your uncle made me promise to keep you safe. He knew they’d come back for you.” He looks away, clenches his fists, and looks at me again. I can barely make out his next words. “I did lie, I guess. I told you I didn’t see anyone you knew, but I saw him that night, briefly.”
“Who? My uncle? Tell me he’s not Marked, too. I can’t handle anyone else—”
“No, not your uncle. Him. Your freaking boyfriend, Wesley. The Marked’s precious new boss, or maybe his best friend, I don’t know.”
“Wesley?” I ask, incredulous. “He can’t be the boss. He’s been Marked for like a week!”
“I know it seems unlikely, but it’s true nonetheless. He led the attack. Your aunt got Marked because he sent people after her specifically. He was desperate to find you, and he was raving.”
“How do you know all that?”
“Because I almost shot the little jerk, okay? I saw him just after some skinny little spaz Marked your aunt. He came alone, after the initial attack, and we captured him. I have no idea how he escaped. He had a lot to atone for, but someone freed him while we were out dealing with fallout from the attack.”
“Why would he return? You said he asked for me?”
“He came to reason with your aunt, who wasn’t handling being Marked very well. He kept saying that all they needed was you.”
“It makes no sense.”
“He said some ludicrous crap, Ruby. That they couldn’t survive without you.”
“That, I mean, look . . .”
“He gave me this for you.” Sam holds out a scrap of paper.
I spread it out in the rain, but I can barely read the soggy words.
Ruby—
We need to talk. Our kiss changed everything. You could feel it too, I’m sure of it. You didn’t meet me like you said and I need you now, desperately. Turn yourself in to the Marked and I’ll guarantee your safety. I’m important with them. Trust me, and I won’t let you down, not again.
Truly,
Wesley
I read it twice to be sure I didn’t misunderstand anything.
“You’ve had this for days, Sam. Why not show me earlier?”
Sam stands like carved rock, rain dripping over his perfect features, but not touching him, not moving him.
“Tell me!”
“Why? So you can run back to him? To that spoiled brat who almost Marked you?” Sam clenches his fists.
“No, you idiot. Because I could’ve talked to the Marked and found out what they wanted. We’d know why they’re searching for me, why they’re attacking the Unmarked to find me. Who knows how many other people have been Marked, all because I didn’t know they wanted me!”
“You can’t talk to them or turn yourself over to them! Your uncle saw that and everyone else on the Council agreed. It’s not like they’re going to be reasonable, or rational! They think you’re some Promised One! It’s ridiculous, Ruby. He’s convinced them all that you’re the panacea, that you’ll save them all, just so they’ll bring you to him.”
“It’s not their decision to make, and it’s not yours either. I’m not a little girl anymore. I could’ve talked to Wesley, at least. He wouldn’t hurt me, Sam. I know he wouldn’t.”
Sam grabs my arms and pulls me against him. “I know what he wants. Why don’t you?”
I shake my head and water drips into my eyes. I blink it out.
“He wants you. He gets Marked, and what does he do?”
I stare at him blankly.
“He knowingly goes to the Last Supper and tries Marking you. When that doesn’t work, he rallies his new troops and comes after you. He thinks you’re his, and he’s used to getting whatever he wants. He wants you so badly that he doesn’t care what happens to you or anyone else as long as he gets you back.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I try to pull away, but he won’t release my arms. “Sam, it’s absurd.”
“Did you read his note?”
“That’s not what it says.”
“Fine,” Sam says. “I know, because it’s what I’d want. It’s what I’d want to do if I were him. That’s why I hate that little jerk. He wants what I want, and I get it. You don’t want to hear this, but you’re going to. I moved here because I wanted you to notice me. You never did when we were younger, but it didn’t stop me from trying. The difference between us is that he’s willing to hurt you, and that I can’t forgive.”
His words turn the world inside out. Sure, we’ve been flirting lately, and I think we almost kissed, but Sam moved back for me? My jaw drops.
“How could you not know?” he asks. “When I moved to Port Gibson, I came over every day for weeks.”
“I never saw you.”
“You were always gone with him. You spent all your free time on projects with Wesley. I even signed up for a few, but you didn’t notice I was there. You only had eyes for him.”
Sam’s emerald eyes bore into me, glints of gold burning me up. I was freezing a minute before, but heat floods my body. I want to reach for him, but I can’t. We stand like that, staring at each other, for a long moment. Then two.
I shake my head. “You never talked to me, and you never came over when I was even home. I had no idea how you felt. You barely spoke to me, and when you came back, you were different. A man who had won every award the Unmarked offered, girls swooning at you from every angle. I didn’t know what to say to you.”
“You know me now.” Sam pulls me against him, and this time his head lowers to mine without interruption of any kind. He crushes my mouth with his. I’m dry wood drenched in gasoline and he’s the spark. The flames reach the stars, impervious to the rain and the cold. I lean into him, pressing against him while his hand moves from my back up to my hair. His fingers cup the base of my scalp. He lifts me off the ground with his other arm, and I want to fly like this all night.
He breaks the contact between us too soon and collapses cross-legged in a large puddle. I sway, standing alone. In that moment, I miss something I hadn’t even known existed. My heart slams against my chest. My fingers long to wrap around his neck.
He reaches up with one hand and takes mine. He tugs until I let him pull me down next to him. I try to kiss him again, but he shakes his head.
“Why not?” I ask, feeling a little broken. I want to forget everything again.
“Ruby,” he rasps.
I shiver.
“What?” I tug his head back down toward my face.
“No.” He wipes water from my lips and caresses my cheek. “We need to talk. We have too much to discuss, and too much to do.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“
Job will be back any minute,” Sam says. “I don’t even know how you feel.”
I let the rain wash over me and think about my feelings. I like Sam. He’s smart, capable, caring. He’s almost hotter than my eyes can handle. But he’s a little too authoritarian. He always thinks he knows what’s best for me, and sometimes tries to make decisions without talking to me first. He keeps things from me.
“I don’t know how I feel,” I say. “Frankly, I’m tired of people treating me like a child, and maybe a little sick of feeling anything at all. I’ve felt too much lately.”
“I’ve put all my cards on the table. You have this boyfriend, the leader of the Marked, and he’s got a whole army following us. Rhonda says you guys are getting married, and I don’t know what to think.”
Rhonda. Who likes Sam, and sacrificed her life for me.
I shove another foot away from him and wind up in a mud puddle. “Why does everyone call him my boyfriend? He’s my friend. I had a crush on him for a while and we kissed, disastrously, one time. That’s it. I like you Sam, in case you hadn’t noticed, but I don’t always like the decisions you make.”
He frowns. “What does that mean?”
“You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re prettier than anyone deserves to be. You—”
Sam coughs and his eyes bulge. “I’m pretty?”
“Fine, you’re hot. Is that better? You’re hotter than anyone should be, and I feel safe with you. I like all of that. What I don’t like is how you make decisions without me that concern me. So, yeah, I don’t know how I feel right now.”
“But you think I’m hot?” Sam grins.
I roll my eyes.
“It’s a start,” Sam says. “I’ve liked you for ten years, and you finally know. And you think you’re a coward.”
“Are you saying you’ve liked me since we were kids?”
“Well, not in the same way.” He grins. “But yeah. Do you remember when we first met?”
“No.” I try to remember, but it feels like I’ve always known Sam. We didn’t meet on a certain day, nothing so tangible as that. He was just there at the beginning, and he’ll be there at the end.
Marked (Sins of Our Ancestors Book 1) Page 19