by Kat T. Masen
“But Max is old,” I blurt out, not thinking clearly.
“I’m old.” She laughs. “I know it’s a change, Noah, but you have your life, and I’m forty-four. I need this change.”
“And Max is fifty-two. Isn’t that illegal or something?”
She grins, walking over to where I stand and pats my hand softly. “He treats me well, Noah. We’ve really bonded.”
I let out a sigh. “He’s a good guy. But don’t you think it’s a big deal moving across the country for somebody you’ve known for like five minutes?”
“Yes, I’m scared but excited. Sometimes, when it comes to love, you take risks even if there’s a chance your heart will get broken.”
“Love?” I almost yell.
She never said anything about being in love with him. I thought they were just screwing around. Even then, that thought sends me into a blinding rage. Argh, I can’t win either way. Karma really has her foot in my ass right now.
“I also got that job, so if things don’t work out, I can still stand on my own.”
I sit quietly and process her news. No matter which way I turn, Morgan will be in my life. Mom and Max’s dating will no doubt make it difficult to avoid her. There’s no escaping her.
“Mom.” I keep my voice low. “What do you know about autism?”
She pulls a bottle of bourbon out of her kitchen cupboard, pouring us a glass. We clink our glasses together, then let out a rasp at the same time. It’s something we occasionally do when life kicks our butts.
“My friend, Sandra, has an autistic son. I don’t see her that often anymore, but when he was younger, we used to meet for lunch. He was high-functioning. It meant that he could do what most kids could do but had challenges in certain areas.”
“Like?” I ask, feeding off her knowledge.
“He was a whiz on the computer. Really smart and somewhat obsessed with being on it. When Sandra got a new job, he couldn’t cope with the change… her being gone at night. It was difficult for them because she needed the money.”
“I don’t understand why she just wouldn’t stick it out? A kid is a kid. Of course, they’ll complain.”
“It’s not the same,” Mom informs me. “He had difficulties communicating. It was a hard time for her family. Noah, maybe you should spend some time researching this. I may not be the best person to ask.”
I don’t answer her. It stresses me out even to think about it. Morgan doesn’t come alone. She comes with a husband and a son who has special needs. It’s too complicated. I want to go back to my old life when I didn’t worry about anyone else but myself.
“Mom, there’s something I need to do.”
I stand and grab my wallet and keys. I move to where she’s sitting and kiss the top of her head. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad she’s moving to the West Coast.
***
The drive isn’t long but gives me enough time to think carefully about my next move.
I park the car and walk toward the house. The lawn is overgrown with garden beds requiring a good weeding. The porchlight is broken, but it doesn’t matter since the Christmas lights are still up. I keep the smile to myself—the same lights have been up for the past five years. Tom had a Clark Griswold moment, and since then, he’s left them up at his parents’ house because he can’t be bothered removing them.
The porch wraps around the house, and I can hear their voices while making my way around the back. Benny and Rose are sitting on a lounge chair, his arms casually wrapped around her. Tom is leaning against the pole, laughing along with them. They turn and watch me approach. Benny immediately looks straight into my eyes, keeping his expression rather still.
Rose offers me a warm smile—nothing sexual. Just a friendly welcome-back type of grin.
“Well, look what the cat dragged back,” Tom says, folding his arms with a pensive gaze.
I keep my distance, just in case Benny’s ready to take me out again. I probably shouldn’t have worn my favorite t-shirt and shorts.
“Can I talk to you guys, please?”
Rose stands to leave. I place my palm forward, motioning for her to stay.
“I don’t even know where to begin. I know I fucked up. There’s no excuse behind that. Fuck! I can’t even think straight,” I babble incoherently.
Benny hasn’t changed his expression, and Tom continues to watch me with curious eyes.
Rose is the first to speak up, “Who is she?”
“Excuse me?” I ask, narrowing my eyebrows.
“Who’s the reason why you can’t think straight?”
I don’t say anything, and Tom interrupts, “Maybe I should fuck her, so you see what it feels like?”
The mouth on the fucker.
I want to punch his cocky grin but know full well he’s egging me on to get some sort of reaction from me.
“A wise woman once asked me if I believed in karma. I do. Fuck me up, that’s fine. But if you touch her, I’ll pretty much rip your balls out and feed them to the coyotes.”
“So then whip out your balls, and we’ll call it even,” Benny challenges, followed by a roaring laugh.
Tom joins in, and then it dawns on me that I can finally relax. These boys will always be my brothers. We had our rough patch, but we’ve gotten through it. I just need to chill the fuck out and let all of us be, have faith in our friendship, and make better decisions moving forward.
And stop screwing around with strange women because you never know what’s around the corner.
“So, should we tell him the news?” Benny looks at Rose. She nods, and I wonder what the big surprise is.
“We’re having a baby,” she announces with a contented smile, happily holding onto Benny.
I’m happy for them yet sad at the same time. A baby means that Benny will be tied down with parental duties and zero time to hang out with Tom and me.
“Congratulations,” I say with a smile. “Who would’ve thought… Benny, a dad?”
“Don’t diss my dad skill. I can change a diaper like a boss.”
“Dude, you’ve never changed a diaper,” Tom chuckles.
“Nope, but I cleaned up your shit, Tom… when you sharted in my car.” Benny howls, then walks over to hug me. “I miss you, man.”
“I miss you, too, bro,” I respond, patting his back.
“Geez, boys, don’t get all Brokeback Mountain on me,” Tom complains, scowling at our display of affection.
“Aww, someone’s jealous. Come here,” I tell him.
Tom runs over and throws himself on top of us, just like back in college. He has some weight on him—it’s those damn steroids he takes all the time.
“So, Noah boy is in love, huh?” Tom pushes my chest, forcing me to use all my strength not to fall over.
“It sucks,” I finally admit out loud.
“It ain’t so bad.” Benny smiles, making his way back to Rose. Argh, the two of them are too cute for my liking. It only makes me miss Morgan more. And I hate that I miss her. It’s a sick carousel of emotions.
“Well, can’t wait to meet her,” Rose says.
“We’re not together… it’s complicated.”
She chuckles softly, grazing Benny’s arm as she speaks, “Someone once told me that love can do crazy things to a person. I’m sure you’re acting pretty crazy right now. Take a moment to stop and think long and hard about what you want before it’s too late.”
I still remember the moment when I told her that. And now, the shoe is on the other foot.
I hang out with them for a little while longer before saying goodbye. We promise to catch up in the near future, but for now, I have only one thing on my mind.
NOAH
It’s my final destination before life as I know it will change forever.
New York City.
The last time I was here, it was a boys’ weekend, which almost resulted in Tom being mugged for his shoes. One wrong turn, the three of us drunk, and our carefree attitude of thinking we owned the s
treets while running our mouths at random strangers.
We were lucky to come out alive.
Lex notified the receptionist of my attendance, keeping my visit between us for now.
With a friendly welcome, she offers me a refreshment before guiding me to Kate’s office. I kindly decline, waiting for her to open the door.
After a polite knock, the door opens into a large office. The room is almost three times the size of Haden’s office back in LA with sweeping views of the city and a large table positioned in the middle toward the back of the room.
The walls are bland, lacking a personal touch. Behind the table, Kate raises her eyes with an incredulous stare.
“Noah,” she mouths, clearing her throat of a rasp. “Why are you here?”
“Can we talk, please?” I eye the receptionist, wondering how long she’ll fucking stand beside me. “In private, perhaps?”
Finally, she gets the hint, but not before Kate nods for her to leave us alone. Kate motions for me to sit down across from her. The setting is rather formal, and although Kate looks incredibly sexy in her gray skirt and white blouse, there’s a certain distance she keeps from me. No kiss hello or friendly hug to welcome me here. I narrowed down her stand-off behavior to being in work mode. She’s told me several times that who she is in the office isn’t the same person I know.
“How have you been?”
“Good,” I lie, keeping my gaze fixated in her. “And you?”
“Busy.”
The silence falls between us again, speaking a thousand words neither one of us can say.
This is it!
I have no other choice.
I’ve fallen in love with Morgan. For us to make it work, I need to let go of my past and admit that certain things will need to change.
“I came here because…” I search for the right words to verbalize how I feel without hurting her feelings. “I think I’m in love with Morgan.”
Kate’s expression remains fixed, her slow and steady gait gives nothing away. With her fingertips running against the edge of the table, her mouth curves upward into a small smile.
“Of course, you are,” she tells me, “It was bound to happen.”
“But I—” I stop mid-sentence, confused by her response. “How did you know?”
She purses her lips, tilting her head to the side. “Sometimes, you just know.”
With a breath escaping my lips, I bow my head, ignoring the more pressing problem. We can carry on as friends, but we’d be burying the truth that our friendship will never be the same. Gone are the nights of texting with an occasional request for a nude picture just to drive each other crazy. Our impromptu visits to our laying in each other’s arms to comfort our own heartbreak will all be a thing of the past.
This relationship stuff is hard, but I know Morgan has an issue with Kate, and there’s no way I can balance the two women in my life.
And suddenly, I’m torn.
I don’t want to say goodbye to Kate, but I can’t ignore how I feel about Morgan any longer. Decisions need to be made, and for once, I have to make them responsible.
“Noah, it’s time for you and Morgan. I’ll always be here as your friend.”
She says the words I need her to say. Almost as if she reads my mind and knows exactly what thoughts are jumbled inside of me, piecing it together to make some sort of sense.
“You’ll be okay,” I tell her, my voice low, unable to look her in the eye. “You always were going to be okay.”
Rising from the chair, I stop myself from reaching out as I’ve always done, embracing her, smelling the scent of her strawberry shampoo while burying my face into her hair. Deep inside, I’m scared if I touch her, I won’t be able to let her go. Desperately holding onto what we have because navigating through life without her by my side is a life not worth living.
She brings out the best in me.
I’m going to fucking miss her, but just like Charlie suggests, I follow my gut.
I say goodbye to Kate.
To us.
And to our friendship as we know it.
NOAH
Just my luck, the flight is delayed—another reason why I hate flying. I’m taking the red-eye back to California to finally take charge of my life. I know I want her. I just don’t know what I’m going to do or how to go about it. I thought that five hours on the plane might give me the answers I so desperately need, but between the screaming kids and the woman who excused herself a million times to use the restroom, I’m no closer to the desired outcome.
And five hours gives me too much time to think about Kate. I miss her, and I just left her. But I’m certain that all those feelings will disappear once Morgan is back in my arms.
I’m back to square one without a plan of attack on life in general.
What makes this non-plan more difficult is the fact that I have no idea where Morgan lives. The only person who can help me is Scarlett.
It’s late at night, just after eight, when I drive to her place and pull up to the gate. The guard calls the house, and Scarlett’s quick to let me in. As soon as I park the car, I step outside and walk with ease to her front door. Upon pressing the doorbell, she opens it within seconds, dressed only in a white negligee slightly covered in a matching white robe.
Fuck, she must have company.
My eyes narrowly avoid her ample tits, staring directly at her face instead.
“I’m glad you’re here, Noah.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking around. “You obviously have company.”
“No company, just you and me.”
It clicks, finally. And I’m at a loss of what to do. If you had placed me in this exact situation two months ago, I’d have bent her over the expensive marble hall table and fucked her pretty little ass. But she’s Morgan’s sister, and I’m failing to understand her eagerness to please me knowing what happened between us.
She places her hands on my chest, caressing my shirt, and releases a soft moan. “Noah,” she murmurs, her bright red lips teasing me. “I know you’ve fantasized about me. I know you pushed the book deal to get closer to me. Do you want me? I’m all yours.”
Scarlett pulls me by the hand toward the kitchen. Only the light underneath the cupboards is switched on, leaving the room quite dim. Sliding her robe off, Scarlett jumps onto the countertop, spreading her legs open, giving me a widespread view of her pussy. I stare, in shock, then shift my eyes nervously to the fridge.
What the fuck is going on here?
I’m never one to be rendered speechless, priding myself on my excellent skills in situations just like this, but I’m completely stumped right now. No different than a sixteen-year-old boy losing his virginity for the first time. Awkward Jim in American Pie would sum this situation right up.
Her hands find their way around my backside, pulling me in closer to her while my body stiffens on cue.
“Fuck me, here, on this bench. Make me scream your name,” she moans, tilting her head back.
Here, before me, is Scarlett Winters.
The most desired woman in the world.
Men want her, and women want to be her.
The same women who prompted this ridiculous bet with Charlie.
I grab Scarlett’s wrist and pull it to the bench, restraining her. Just as I’m about to ask her how she could betray her sister and expect me to follow, I hear a gasp behind me. I turn around, dropping her wrist to be met with Morgan’s hostile face.
“Morgan,” I call out as she runs from the room.
I sprint through the house, chasing her outside until I’m within reach and pull her arm, stopping her.
She begins to fight me, thrashing her arms about while yelling profanities. “Let me fucking go, Noah,” she cries as I try to restrain her
“Morgan, please. What you saw isn’t what you think.”
“You’re fucking my sister! I know what I saw!”
“I wasn’t fucking your sister. Please, Morgan. Look at me,” I beg,
bending slightly, so our eyes are at the same level.
I can see the pain in her eyes, mixed with anger and hostility seeping through her veins as I clutch onto her hard. She’s dressed rather casually in a pair of jeans and a white tank, yet still looks as beautiful as the first day I saw her. I’ve missed her so much and wish she’d understand that I didn’t touch her sister and would rather be touching her.
I am making sweet love to her for the rest of my goddamn life.
She refuses to make eye contact but stills her body enough for me to be able to talk.
“I didn’t fuck her. Would you just fucking listen to me?”
“Why, Noah?” She removes her arm from my grip. “You choose never to listen to me. Then you give me an ultimatum. Why should I even think about listening to you?”
“Because I love you.”
There, I’ve said it.
The three special words I have never said to a woman before. And now that I’ve said them, I want to shout it out loud for everyone to hear. Relief washes over me, and I expect everything between us to be okay. After all, how can it not be since I’ve finally given her what she wants?
Her stare is wide and quizzical, her laugh that follows is strangely dark and disturbing. I’m confused by the way she’s reacting. Shouldn’t she be in my arms telling me she loves me too?
“You have a lot to learn about love, Noah.” She silences herself while watching my confused expression. “It’s quite easy to tell someone you love them. What’s difficult is actually showing someone you love them. And until this very moment, I’ve yet to see anything which would make me believe that you love me.”
I find myself pulling away, offended that she thinks my words mean nothing after I’ve finally confessed the truth. “And would the same not go for you, Morgan? What have you done to show me that you love me? You’re still married. And I’m pretty certain you still sleep in the same bed with your husband even after I found out the truth,” I say with distaste. “I should be asking you the same question.”