by Jaime Reese
Ben was thankful some things hadn’t changed.
He ate as Matt and Julian cleaned up the remaining items in the kitchen. After eating the food in record time, Ben grabbed his empty glass and stacked his plates, washing them in the sink and handing each item to Matt to dry off. Once finished, Matt slung the towel over his shoulder and leaned back against the counter.
“Shaw and Ryan know you’re here. They’re coming over today.”
Ben shook his head, his hand movements sharp and firm. “I don’t want to see them.” He lowered his head, the fight leaving his body. They had all gone through the same house and had followed the same process. And yet, Ben had been the only one to screw up.
He shook his head again, pleading with Matt.
The hand on his shoulder stopped his protest, drawing his attention. “Stop hiding from them.”
Ben blew out a deep breath, sensing the looming defeat. Matt obviously still had the skills to guilt someone into doing something. It was no wonder Matt had his partner wrapped around his finger.
“You’re not alone and you need to know that.”
He chewed his lip as he looked away. He wanted to believe that, but even his sister hadn’t bothered to visit him inside or respond to any of his texts since his release. People he had called friends had betrayed him. Not once, but twice. To avoid it happening a third time, he had pushed away the two he had called friends during his stay at HH. He didn’t trust his judgment anymore and couldn’t handle serving a third term. In his heart, he was certain he wouldn’t survive it.
Matt squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll go through the job listings later today. We’ve got two other residents living here. They’re at work right now, so you’ll meet them later tonight. I want you to settle in, unpack, and get comfortable before Shaw and Ryan swing by. Okay?”
Ben nodded. “I…” He fisted his hands and looked over Matt’s shoulder, spotting Julian as he reentered the kitchen. Ben glanced back and forth between them. “I don’t want to mess up again.”
“You won’t,” Julian signed. “And you need to start believing that.”
The power of positive thinking was a strong force in this house. Yet another factor that hadn’t changed.
“And we’re here to help you,” Matt added, his hand movements slow and his facial expression warm, punctuating his sincerity.
If Ben was going to start working on his trust issues, then Matt and Julian were the safest bet. He squared his shoulders and nodded, wishing he could trust himself just as easily.
They sat on the back porch bench at Halfway House. The roof shielded them from the blazing afternoon sun, but it did absolutely nothing to guard against the suffocating humidity hovering in the air.
Ben didn’t care. The freedom of being outside, staring at the trees, sun, and grass were enough motivation to tolerate the heat.
He wiped the trickle of sweat rolling down his temple, needing to busy himself with…something. Ryan’s visit had been tough, but they had drifted apart after their time at Halfway House years ago when Ryan had moved up to Broward County. Stopping by had likely been a courtesy and Ben couldn’t blame him. Ryan had moved on and had settled into a new life with a wife and newborn baby.
Shaw was a different story. After the zombie bunny surgery, he and Ben had become fast friends. Shaw and his partner, Drayton, were ridiculously wealthy and often appeared in some magazine or online article because of their innovative automobile company or some philanthropic project. Shaw had gotten him a job at their company and had played a part in helping Ben reconnect with his sister. So much had happened between them and somehow, Ben had screwed that all up. He appreciated the visit, but he didn’t want to feel like an obligation or a burden.
A tap to his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He closed his eyes and sighed. Finally mustering up enough strength, he turned to face his friend.
“Don’t do that,” Shaw signed as he spoke, his hand gestures firm and confident. He had once confided in Ben that his ASL was rough and based on crash course lessons from a prison friend from his own time inside. Shaw understood how to read the signs but didn’t feel confident enough in his own skills to only use ASL to communicate in a conversation. But Ben didn’t worry about missing anything important during their exchanges. Shaw’s lips always shaped his words clearly. He spoke but also signed the critical words of whatever he wanted to say. And if he wasn’t sure of the sign, he fingerspelled the word to ensure his message came through loud and clear.
Ben’s eyebrows twitched. “Do what?”
Shaw shook his head and jabbed his index finger at him. “That,” he said, his lips moved with force as if he had yelled the word.
Ben cringed, the silent yell like a slap to his face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I screwed up. And I’m sorry I didn’t want you to visit me in prison. I know you tried.”
Shaw’s gaze never broke their connection. “I denied Dray’s visits.” He stilled his hands for a moment but maintained the steady eye contact. “If anyone understands why you kept everyone away while inside, it’s me.”
Ben looked away for a moment and chewed on his lip. Blowing out a heavy breath, he returned his attention to his friend and signed, “I was stupid. I messed up.”
“I’m going to tell Julian you said stupid in his house.”
Ben’s eyes rounded as he shook his head. He couldn’t move his hands fast enough. “Don’t—”
“I’m kidding.”
He couldn’t fight the smile that curled his lips as he shoved his friend. He had forgotten how much of a tease Shaw could be.
“You didn’t mess up.”
“I did,” Ben signed. One thing Julian and Matt had drilled into their residents was the need to take ownership and be accountable for their actions. He wouldn’t deny his screw-up had landed him back into a gated hell. “You trusted me. You gave me a job at your company, and I paid you back by getting arrested on my lunch break.”
Shaw scowled. “Did you steal that car you were in when they busted you?”
Ben shook his head.
“Your friend wanted to grab a quick lunch with you. When you made a comment about his nice car, he said…” Shaw frowned before he resumed signing, choosing to fingerspell his next few words. “He said he had p-i-c-k-e-d i-t u-p.” Shaw rolled his eyes as he signed the phrase Ben’s friend had said on that day Ben wished he could do over. “Did you know he meant he had just stolen it?”
Ben shook his head. He hadn’t known his so-called friend was committing a crime at the time. “I shouldn’t have gotten into that car in the first place.”
It was Shaw’s turn to sigh. “You trusted him. It’s one of the things about you that makes you you. You wanted to believe he had changed.”
He nodded. In the end, he had been lucky his ex-friend had been careless enough to be caught on surveillance stealing the car. Alone. Otherwise, things could have been much worse. “My sister hasn’t responded to my text messages yet.” Yet. He was holding on to a tiny bit of hope that she would still reply, even though he suspected she had given up on him.
Shaw sat back on the bench and stared off into the backyard for a few moments before he resumed signing. A sour expression twisted his features, almost as if a memory had crossed his mind he wished hadn’t. “Blood family can be tricky. I consider my family to be the one I’ve built over the years.” A half smile pulled the corner of his mouth. “And you’re part of that circle. You’re like the kid brother I never had.”
Hope fluttered in Ben’s stomach and kicked up his heartbeat.
“Maybe it was that pervy stare thing you used to do whenever Dray stopped by.”
Ben’s cheeks burned. He remembered following Shaw around the house and being consumed with stealing peeks whenever Drayton visited his partner. There was something magnetic about their relationship that awakened Ben’s curiosity, and Shaw had busted him for staring far too many times for him to explain it away.
“Or maybe it was that zombie bunny you carried around all the time that freaked me out and threatened to haunt me.”
Ben gave him a sad smile. “I lost Bunny.”
“No, you didn’t. He’s still here,” Shaw said, pointing to Ben’s chest.
There were so many memories tied into that beaten stuffed animal—a gift his sister had given him after their father had died. That plush rabbit had been there for him on those nights when he missed his dad most. Years later, after his mom’s death and with no other living family, he and his sister had been put into the system, separated since most foster homes declined taking charge of both a grief-stricken child who was deaf and a rebellious teenage girl. During all those years, Bunny had been his one constant. It was silly how much comfort that worn stuffed animal had provided during his darkest times. Few would have seen past the worn stitching and ripped ear. They would have pitched the stuffed bunny aside rather than sew him back together the way Shaw had done all those years ago.
“I always thought you were different. Something like…” Shaw’s expression pinched as if trying to find the right word. “I-n-n-o-c-e-n-c-e,” he finally spelled out.
Ben quirked a brow.
“I don’t know what other word fits.” Shaw shrugged. “You’re trusting and kind-hearted. And that’s a big part of who you are. Don’t let your time inside take that from you.”
“How do I do that?” He would give anything to find his way back to being the guy from a few years ago.
“You don’t do it alone.” Shaw slung his arm around Ben’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug.
Ben wrapped his arms around Shaw and screwed his eyes shut. He desperately pulled him closer, thankful his friend hadn’t pitched him aside the way others had so many times before.
Ben sat on the couch and wrung his hands, waiting for the other two residents due to arrive at any moment. His thoughts cycled through different scenarios, wondering what they would think of him. The black eye wouldn’t help that first impression, but hopefully they could see beyond it to the man beneath the bruise.
Staring up at the wall-mounted clock, he willed time to move faster.
A tap on his shoulder had him jolting up from the couch. “They’re here,” Matt signed.
Blowing out a nervous breath, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans to still them when Matt returned with two guys in tow.
Ben smiled and waved a quick greeting.
“This is David and Calvin,” Matt signed as he pointed to each man with their introduction. “This is Ben. He’ll be staying with us for a little while.”
Calvin’s short auburn hair tended more toward dark brown except when the light hit it just right—the hint of red enough to complement the slight ruddiness of his skin. He was about six feet tall and had muscle mass destined to intimidate. But there was something about him that hadn’t raised any warning flags in Ben’s mind.
David wore black slacks and a black buttoned-up shirt, obviously a work uniform based on the embroidery on his chest. With his dark hair and eyes, average build and frame, David could easily blend into a crowd.
“What are you doing with your hands?” David asked.
“Sign language. Ben is deaf but he can read lips. When you speak to him, please face him so he understands.”
David slowly tilted his head toward Ben while Calvin stared at him, dumbstruck.
“Nice to meet you,” Calvin said, his lips moving slowly. He glanced over to Matt, as if listening to something he had said, then returned his attention to Ben. “So…I just talk like I usually do and you can understand me? Without the sign language?”
Ben nodded and smiled, thankful Calvin wasn’t a mumbler or fast talker. He withdrew the phone from his back pocket and typed out a quick message on his phone app that created large text notes on the screen. Turning the phone to face his new housemate, he waited for him to read his message.
“Lipreading isn’t perfect, but I have enough practice to catch most of the conversation. Texting and writing stuff down works too,” Calvin read out loud. He pursed his lips and nodded, as if digesting the bits of information. “Cool.”
A sigh of relief escaped Ben. He didn’t want to be in the man’s crosshairs. He didn’t like the idea of being in anyone’s crosshairs. Especially not one of his housemates. He glanced over at David. A chill traveled up his spine as those coal-colored eyes swept every inch of his body. The man’s tongue snaked out between his parted lips, then swiped across his upper lip. “It’s very nice to meet you.” He spoke slowly, his gaze skipping to Ben’s face, his features, and down his torso.
Ben stared, his mouth suddenly dry as the hairs at the back of his neck rose in warning.
“Do you speak?” David asked, his eyes sparking with something dark Ben didn’t want to dwell on.
He slowly shook his head, his pulse kicking up a few extra beats and his stomach somersaulting.
A smile curled the corner of David’s mouth. “I bet you scream.”
Ben’s eyebrows twitched. A handful of words that should have been easy to read, if it weren’t for the jittery nerves always making him second-guess his skills. But the gleam in David’s eyes, the wickedness of that twist of his mouth into a smirk… No, he hadn’t misread the words.
The breath caught in his throat. He inched back one step, then another until his back hit the wall. He whipped around, gasping when the wall was actually Julian.
“What did he say to you?” Julian signed. “He didn’t speak out loud.”
Ben turned back toward three pairs of prying eyes—two questioning and one mentally shredding each piece of clothing off his body. David had either wanted to tease him and test his lipreading skills or this was a hint of what was to come.
He just wasn’t sure which.
Oftentimes, he ignored his instincts, trying to seek the positive in a person. But sometimes, regardless of how hard he tried, there was no good in sight.
He returned his attention to Julian, still battling with himself if he should stir up trouble in the house. This was a new start and he didn’t want to screw it up. But this was one time he couldn’t ignore the warning flags in his head. After taking a deep, centering breath, he signed to Julian what David had said to him.
Julian inhaled, a breath so deep it swelled his body to his full six-foot-three height. Matt wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulder and pulled him close, as if shielding him from the wrath Julian was ready to unleash. The control tightening the muscles along Julian’s jawline was mesmerizing and stole Ben’s attention. The house owner took a step closer to David, then another. He spoke to David, but Ben couldn’t make out the words with the different way Julian’s lips moved, as if he were gritting his teeth to hold back his temper.
David slid a casual glance over toward Ben. He winked and slowly turned toward the stairs, taking one leisurely step at a time as if unfazed by whatever Julian had said.
Ben’s gaze skipped from one man to another, waiting to see who would be the first to speak, desperately wanting to know what had been said.
Calvin waved his hand to get Ben’s attention. “He’s an asshole.” He turned his face toward Julian and shrugged. “Yeah, I know, but whatever. I said what everyone else was thinking.” Calvin returned his attention to Ben. “You have to show me how to sign bad words so I won’t get in trouble.” He side-eyed Julian as he bit back a smile. “Those are the rules. Right? I get in trouble if I say them out loud?”
Ben rolled his lips into his mouth, holding back the rising bubble of laughter, thankful Calvin’s comment brought lightness to what had just happened. Julian scowled and shook his head. He narrowed his eyes at them, grumbled something under his breath Ben couldn’t decipher, and then stormed out the back door into the yard.
Matt tapped him on the shoulder. “I’m going to go check on him. You two behave,” he said before leaving to follow Julian out the back.
Rocking back and forth on his feet, Ben looked at Calvin and smile
d, hoping to convey a thanks for lightening the tension David had created.
Calvin withdrew his phone from his back pocket and tapped at his screen, turning the display toward Ben to read the text message he had drafted. Be careful with him. Calvin aimed his thumb up the stairs when Ben looked up at him. Calvin typed out another message, glancing over his shoulder as if his message were revealing a secret. The only reason he’s out is prison overpopulation. He’s trouble. He and Julian have butted heads a few times already but David’s slick, never gets caught. Try to avoid him if you can.
Ben nodded after reading the message. He rubbed his arms, a sudden chill rippling through his body, the warning cementing his suspicions about their fellow housemate.
Calvin typed out another message and turned his phone toward Ben. You’re going to have to give me your number so I can text you. Ben smiled as Calvin handed him his phone. He saved his phone number in a new contact record and texted himself a quick message to save Calvin’s number.
“Are you okay reading my lips?”
He nodded.
Calvin stuffed the phone back into his pocket. “If I say something that doesn’t make sense or you need me to repeat something, you let me know. Okay?”
Ben nodded again, more eager than he wanted to admit.
Calvin pointed to his black eye. “Were you in a fight or did someone hit you?”
He slowly pushed a fist through the air toward his own face and shrugged.
“Guess you’ve already run into a few assholes. Want to steal one of Julian’s chocolate chip cookies?” Calvin’s green eyes gleamed with mischief. “He keeps moving them from one place to another. But the man doesn’t think like a thief.”
Ben’s eyes rounded as he pointed toward Calvin and raised his eyebrows. Was that why Calvin served time?