by Jaime Reese
“C’mon, dinner’s ready,” Nat announced. Rather than use the larger dining room table, she set up the small round table for four his father had in the kitchen nook. It was likely her way of reducing the distance between them and bringing them together—a detail that might have sounded great in other households, but the proximity made Bull nervous. To Nat’s credit, she hadn’t been oblivious to tonight’s tension in the air, giving Bull worried glances every time their dad said something with a hint of a jab.
One positive of the smaller round table: it was easier for Ben to read lips during the dinnertime discussion since he could see everyone with little effort. Bull waited until his father sat. Natalie quickly followed, taking a seat to their father’s right. He swallowed heavily as he claimed the chair to his father’s left and pulled out the chair between him and his sister for Ben.
After a few quick words, they filled their plates and ate in silence.
Silverware scraped the last remnants of food when Nat finally spoke. “Gabe’s been helping at the shop more.”
His father glanced up at him, wiping his mouth before speaking. “I thought you were too busy traveling the world with your top secret work.”
Did everything the man say to him have to sound like a reprimand?
A squeeze to his thigh calmed him.
In the last decade, he had had two top secret assignments. Two requests from his government contacts for his expertise in behavioral assessment for a target he had monitored for a solid three years while serving. Two. But—of course—during one of those assignments, Grandpa had been taken to the hospital after a fall and Bull hadn’t been able to hop on a plane at a moment’s notice.
Now, every mission was top secret and he was never home. Ever.
“I do security assessments. The work’s not top secret but I do respect my clients’ privacy.”
“And you put your life at risk for them.”
“He’s no longer doing personal security for his clients, Dad. He’s home more now. We’ve been spending a lot of time at the shop together.” She gave Ben a smile. “All of us.”
That got his father’s attention.
Natalie stood and cleared the table before their dad had a chance to say another word. “I’ve got this,” she said, the moment Bull tried to stand to help. He needed the escape. His experience had heightened his skills at assessing imminent danger.
And every warning flag in his mind was raised.
Natalie returned to the table holding a small cake. A smile instantly pulled at his lips, knowing this was Ben’s way of contributing to tonight’s dinner. It was likely Dad wouldn’t notice or care, but to Bull and Nat, it was Ben’s way of trying to add something special to the evening and mend this broken bridge with cake and icing.
“You didn’t have to buy a cake. I know you don’t bake them.” He covered her hand with his and gave it a squeeze before grabbing one of the small dishes.
She glanced over to Bull and he subtly shook his head. They watched as their father ate his first bite. “This is delicious,” he said, scooping another forkful into his mouth. She glanced back at Bull and waited for his nod.
“Ben made it. He bakes cakes, cupcakes, and a bunch of other treats we’ve added to the menu at the shop. We’ve been really busy.” She beamed at Ben.
His father quieted. “How long have you two been working together?”
“About five months now.”
His father nodded. He glanced over to Bull. “And how long have you two been…together?”
Another squeeze to his thigh silenced him.
“We’ve been friends just as long. Together, as a couple, for four months,” Ben signed, before Bull had a chance to respond. Two points for Ben underscoring together with a slower hand gesture, then doubling down by using more signing space with his movements to emphasize they were a couple.
It was a visual standoff. Ben standing his ground while Frank tried to figure out what lay behind Ben’s gaze. Good luck with that. It took me a whole hell of a lot of time to figure him out.
A chill trickled down Bull’s spine when his father turned to him. The warning flags in his mind whipped and snapped as if they were in the midst of a Category 5 hurricane.
“So you’re gay?”
Bull’s jaw clenched. The vein at his temple pulsed. He wasn’t doing this. Again. “Dad…” His body heaved with a deep breath. He needed to rein in his temper or he was going to lose control.
His father looked to Ben. “He’s confused.”
“Stop it!” Bull yelled.
Nat reached out and placed her hand on their father’s forearm. “Dad, don’t—”
“But it’s the truth,” he said, cutting off Nat. “And we speak the truth here. That was the house rule set by your mother. And we don’t break that sacred rule.”
Bull scoffed and shook his head. “Bullshit.”
“Don’t you dare disrespect your mother’s memory!”
Bull threw his head back and stared at the heavens, begging for his mom to send him a heavenly care package with a boatload of her never-ending patience. He shook his head, resigned. “I knew this was a mistake.”
“You said you weren’t gay.”
Gritting his teeth, he leveled his tone, trying to maintain some semblance of control. “I’m bisexual. That’s my truth. And you can’t accept that.”
His father shook his head as he frowned. “No, you’re confused. You’ve changed your mind before.”
“This isn’t a choice, Dad.”
“You played baseball, then switched to football.”
Bull’s leg bounced, channeling the energy zipping through his body. “T-ball, Dad. I was five. I moved on to football in junior high.” He blew out a steadying breath. A trip down memory lane never ended well.
“You gave up baseball after that. As if it meant nothing to you.”
“I was the first freshman at the high school to ever make the varsity football team. It was an honor and I didn’t want them regretting their decision. I played first string and we won the championship for the first time that year and for the next three years while I played.”
“You joined the service, then left.”
“I did more tours than you did.” It was a jab, but he was struggling to keep his shit together.
“Now you’ve decided to stay home. To not do bodyguard work anymore.”
“My job has always been security assessments. The bodyguard work started as favors to a few clients who trusted me. It was never something I truly wanted to do.”
“So they don’t trust you anymore? Or did you just abandon them too?”
“For fuck’s sake!” He slammed his fist on the table. He hated that damn word. Especially knowing how deep it cut into Ben’s wounds.
“Watch your language!”
“You’ve always complained! I was never home. I worked too much. I never thought of my future. I can go on and on. But I guess that was just more bullshit too. I grew up and no longer fit into your precious little box with your strict rules and your ridiculous expectations. You expect me to have a nine-to-five job, a wife, and at least two kids. What’s easier for you… Dad? Stay away? Put my life on the line for someone or a higher purpose? Would that finally make me an honorable man and a better son in your eyes? Would dying a hero put me in one of your perfectly labeled boxes and finally solve the fucking mystery of who I am to you?”
“Gabe—” Nat gasped just as his father’s palm smacked his cheek.
The point of impact burned. Funny how a father’s slap felt like a knife to the heart.
It was surreal. It was as if he were leaning against the wall in the corner, looking in at the unfolding del Toro family drama. He knew his words had stung. Likely just as much as they had pained him to think or admit.
He had tried damn hard to be honest and true, to himself and to others. He had pushed himself to be better, stronger. He wanted to be the good son. Scratch that…he wanted to be the best son. The one who would
make a father push his chest out as he slung his arm around his son’s shoulders and paraded him around to all his friends as he declared…“that’s my son.”
Instead, he had been a disappointment to his father. For a million different reasons. And likely a few more for good measure.
He closed his eyes, reluctantly accepting things wouldn’t change regardless of how many times he tried to rewrite their story.
He ducked his head as his vision blurred.
His skill of assessment was a quality he had undoubtedly inherited from his father. And deep down, he knew the root of his father’s frustration. His father was structured, methodical with his tasks, and had the gift of dissecting things to the smallest of details. It was a trait that drove Mom up the wall, especially when Dad agonized over something he believed defied logic…his logic. He rarely accepted things he couldn’t understand.
And he couldn’t understand his son.
Bull wouldn’t deny who he was in favor of appeasing his father. He was finally at a point in his life where he was happier than he had ever been, with a man he loved more than life itself. He had fought, sacrificed, negotiated, and compromised far too much in life to be where he was at that very moment.
It had taken him thirty-eight years, but every morning, he now smiled back at the man in the mirror.
If his father couldn’t accept him—all of him—then he needed to leave.
And yet, he couldn’t will his body to move.
He sat there, hands clasped together under the table, frozen.
If he walked out that door, deep down, he sensed it would take a miracle to return. Maybe there’s still a chance?
He desperately wanted to rekindle the father-son relationship they once had. But if his father didn’t try meeting him halfway, it was pointless to keep pushing. Especially when he chose to attack. It was physically and emotionally exhausting to keep hitting that iron wall and always landing on his ass, bruised and battered.
He couldn’t keep doing this to himself. With his fingers numb from the tight clasp of his hands, he knew he needed to leave.
His heart and head were in sync.
He just wished his body would listen.
= ♥ =
The physical similarities between Gabriel and his father were striking. Ben could easily see Frank as the age-progressed version of Gabriel.
But they couldn’t be more different. There was an air of life, confidence, and happiness around Gabriel that always shone in his eyes and smile. Frank was stoic, intimidating, and commanded attention. Ben imagined few would dare challenge or question him. Gabriel had. And the battle scars were now evident in his slumped shoulders. The weight of the world bore down on him, beating him within an inch of his life.
And Ben refused to sit and let that happen for another second.
He slid his hand under the table and over Gabriel’s clasped hands, drawing his attention. The pain staring back at him pierced his heart. He stood and tapped Gabriel’s shoulder, urging him to follow. It seemed as if it were the nudge Gabriel needed. Something inside him told him Gabriel needed the contact—as comfort, support, or reassurance. With a hand on Gabriel’s back, Ben guided them to the door.
He stopped when a firm hand gripped his forearm. He whipped around, giving Frank a hard stare as he yanked his arm free. “He doesn’t know what he wants,” Frank said while signing. “You’re going to get hurt when he figures it out.”
Oh…now you decide to start signing? Ben scoffed. He glanced over to Gabriel, the life had sparked again in his eyes and his jaw muscles tightened.
“Don’t you fucking dare touch him like that again!” Gabriel said, his chest heaving with each controlled breath as his features twisted.
Ben placed a hand on Gabriel’s chest, the contact calming the tic of Gabriel’s clenched jaw and stiff shoulders. It took every ounce of control in Ben’s body to maintain his composure. The thrumming anger inside him was foreign, but he couldn’t walk away from Gabriel’s father or ignore the hurtful words that were daggers to Gabriel’s spirit.
He turned to Frank. “Gabriel knows exactly who he is and what he wants. He wants his father to accept him.” He stood taller, straighter, and more confident as he signed, feeling the weight of Gabriel’s stare on him. “And if you knew your son half as well as you’d like to think you do, you’d know he would never hurt me.”
Frank winced as if stricken by Ben’s hands with each signed word.
Ben shook his head, refusing to waste his effort on someone who had no desire to change. Over the years, he had seen the same signs with his sister, but had ignored them. Ben didn’t know if Frank was ignorant to how his words and actions hurt or if they were intentional, but he wasn’t going to stick around and find out. Especially not with the obvious pain eating away at Gabriel’s soul.
He slid his hand into Gabriel’s, leaned in, and placed a tender, closed-mouth kiss on Gabriel’s lips. It was meant to show support and comfort. To show him that Frank’s words hadn’t driven a wedge between them.
The emotions screaming from Gabriel’s gaze squeezed his heart. Ben tugged on their clasped hands, leading them toward the front door and out of the house.
Natalie followed. He glanced over at her, catching her repeated apologies to Gabriel, but he seemed too numb to acknowledge her. Ben opened the passenger side door of the SUV and guided Gabriel inside. There wasn’t a chance he would let Gabriel get behind the wheel with the mental disconnect evident in his distant gaze.
Ben stilled when Natalie climbed into her own car. “You’re not staying?”
She shook her head. “No. And I’m so sorry. I thought if he saw you two together and how happy you both were…” She glanced over to the passenger seat where Gabriel sat. “If you need anything, text me. Please…just…”
He nodded and climbed into the driver’s seat, pulled out of the driveway and headed for the highway.
The drive back home took an eternity. Gabriel either stared ahead at the road or out the side window. He didn’t speak, he didn’t smile, and he wouldn’t touch or look at Ben. Gabriel needed space, and Ben would grant him all he needed to process everything that had happened tonight.
It would hurt once the blow hit him. Just as it had hit Ben when his sister had severed the blood ties between them.
Ben pulled into the hotel’s parking lot and into their designated reserved spot. Gabriel attempted a wave at staff as they walked toward the elevators, even feigning a quarter smile to the guard at the security station. But his gait was weighted and sluggish, still bearing the burden of everything that had happened tonight. Not a word or sign escaped as they walked through their door and into their bedroom. With a kiss to his cheek, Ben left Gabriel sitting on the edge of the bed as he went to the bathroom and readied himself for bed.
Minutes later, he stood in the doorway after switching off the bathroom light. He froze at the sight of Gabriel sitting in the exact same spot and pose. The faint glow of the corner lamp lighting the room enough to show he hadn’t even bothered to strip a single item of clothing off his body.
Gabriel’s chest heaved with each deep breath.
A few seconds later, the dam of emotions finally broke.
Ben quickly walked over to him as Gabriel’s shoulder slumped and shuddered. Gabriel reached out and wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist and held him close, burying his face against Ben’s chest.
He held Gabriel close, stroking his broad back and running his fingers through his hair.
Over and over again.
After his breathing settled and the shuddering stopped, Gabriel glanced up at him. Even in the dim light of the room, Ben could see the pain in his eyes. “I would never hurt you.”
Ben stroked his cheek before signing, “I know.”
Out of everything that had been said tonight, every emotional jab that had been aimed at him, it was the worry of Ben believing a hurtful lie that had lingered the most in Gabriel’s mind.
He held Gabriel’s f
ace, tilted it upward, and pressed a kiss to his lips. He inched back, his pulse quickening at the sight of Gabriel, eyes closed, his lips parted as if still lingering on the tender kiss. Ben ran his fingertip along Gabriel’s jaw and down his throat, telling him he loved him in their private sign.
Gabriel’s eyes shot open as he grabbed Ben’s face and slammed their mouths together. The kiss was desperate, messy, and exactly what they needed in that very moment.
They tore away from the kiss, each gasping for air. Gabriel’s gaze swept his features, scanning for the tiniest hint of…something.
Ben smiled at the hope wanting to peek through Gabriel’s expression. He placed his hand against Gabriel’s cheek and leaned in for a gentle kiss before signing, “I’m as stubborn as you are. I’m not going anywhere.”
Like a spotlight in the middle of a pitch-black night, a smile finally appeared on Gabriel’s face. Ben wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s shoulders, vowing to do everything he could to spare the man he loved from ever feeling this pain again.
“I need an answer,” Rachel said, giving him one of her pointed glares that usually made her staff cringe.
Bull glanced down at the plans. After the Father’s Day dinner disaster, he had spent all week on anything but thinking about what had happened at the dinner. With laser focus, tackling the Davenport Holdings building-assessment project had been effortless, eliminating one location after another for various reasons. The plans currently laid out on his desk were different. The location was the one Rachel favored most, but he was missing something, and until he was sure everything was acceptable, he wouldn’t certify the deal enough for his client to move forward and finalize the negotiation.