by Jaime Reese
Keeping his hand firmly planted against the side of Gabriel’s neck, Ben carefully ran the fingers of his other hand through Gabriel’s hair, stroking away the wayward strands that covered his forehead.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Gabriel’s forehead. Closing his eyes, he held back the worry and focused on the warmth and life against his lips.
Please come back to me.
Slowly inching back, he stilled as sleepy brown eyes stared up at him. He inhaled a sharp breath, not trusting his own eyes. Maybe his sleep-deprived mind had a twisted sense of humor.
His entire body shook as he withdrew his hand from Gabriel’s hair. His breath trembled almost as much as his hand as he touched Gabriel’s cheek, needing confirmation that the vision was real.
Gabriel leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He turned his face and nuzzled Ben’s palm as he slowly reached up and wrapped his hand around Ben’s wrist, holding him in place.
Ben’s heart thumped hard and fast in his chest, awakening something deep inside him that had been dormant and numb for the last few days. He brushed his thumb across Gabriel’s cheek, wiping away a single tear that slid out the corner of Gabriel’s eye.
Those beautiful brown eyes opened again, capturing his gaze. Ben saw every thought and emotion he had tried to keep contained. The worry of what had happened and the fear of not having this moment again. Deep beneath, or maybe alongside it, there was also love staring back at him.
So much love.
It waved a flag and flashed its lights at him, demanding he pay attention.
Demanding he know it was real and true and all that mattered in that very moment.
Gabriel reached up and traced his fingertips along Ben’s jawline and down his throat, silently saying the words to Ben he couldn’t speak.
This was real. Gabriel was with him, staring at him with love in his eyes and keeping his promise, regardless of what it had cost him.
The surge of emotions smashed through Ben’s control and tore through his throat. Tears streamed down his face as he held on to Gabriel, unable to stop the sobbing. A second wave of emotions ripped through him as a large, strong hand settled across his back and pulled him close. He surrendered, bending his body and carefully settling next to Gabriel. He pressed his face against one side of Gabriel’s neck while he placed his palm against the other. The proof of life thumping against his palm was just as steady and comforting as the arm wrapped around him, holding him close.
He nestled into the warmth of Gabriel’s body and the protectiveness of his embrace. Peace finally settled and soothed his aching heart. He hadn’t been sleep deprived. He had been deprived of this, of Gabriel.
For the first time in days, he felt whole again.
= ♥ =
The sound of the beeping monitor woke him, but the cold nose pressed to one side of his neck and the palm against the other, reminded him he was alive. Bull wondered how Ben managed to squeeze into the narrow space between him and the side railing. He didn’t care. All that mattered was that Ben was there.
With him. Touching him.
Sighing, he turned his head and brushed his nose and lips against Ben’s hair, breathing him in.
“He hasn’t left your side.”
Bull glanced toward the far end of the room, his gaze landing on Aidan sitting in the corner. The shock took a few seconds to register in his foggy mind. Aidan hated hospitals. After spending so much time in them with his brother and then Jess, Bull knew how much effort it took to be in one.
“The only time he actually sleeps is if I’m sitting here.”
Bull tried to open his mouth but couldn’t.
“Bastard broke your jaw. It’s wired shut so it heals. Doc says you need to avoid strenuous activities. Especially those that make you clench your jaw or cause shortness of breath. So there won’t be any I’m-so-happy-to-be-alive fucking in your near future.”
That would definitely explain why he couldn’t move his mouth enough to respond. He raised his middle finger instead.
A smile pulled at the corner of Aidan’s mouth. “Glad to have you back.” He stood and walked over to the small table set at the side of the room. “Asshole busted your knee. You had surgery there too. If you’ve got any concerns about your new super knee, talk to Ty, he’s got far more metal in his body than you do and he makes it work. Here…I thought your tablet might help since you can’t talk.”
Bull took the tablet Aidan handed him, careful to avoid waking Ben. He called up the notepad app and typed out a short note. How long?
“He held you for twelve hours. You’ve been in the hospital for five days in a medically induced coma to reduce the swelling in your brain. Your jaw and knee need roughly six weeks to heal. Broken ribs are going to need about the same time. Broken nose was reset but it won’t be perfect. I’m told it adds…character,” he said with a roll of his eyes. It was the only word Aidan had said that hadn’t sounded clinical. “He stabbed you three times, but his aim sucked. Or maybe it didn’t. The asshole might have wanted you to bleed out slow. You’re going to be on crutches for a while, but in a few months, you should be back to walking on your own. I’m sure Doc will give you the full rundown when she does her rounds.”
Even if Bull could speak, he wouldn’t. The disconnected tone of Aidan’s voice was telling of the fear he had likely experienced.
Bull typed out another note.
Aidan scowled as he read the tablet. “What the fuck are you sorry about?”
He waited, knowing his friend needed a few seconds to compartmentalize his worry. With a heavy sigh, Aidan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Seeing him take a swing at you like that…”
From the sudden pallor of Aidan’s skin, Bull imagined his friend had gone back to that moment. He must have been watching from the window with Wall, waiting for the right moment to take the shot and likely kicking himself for not pushing Wall to have taken the shot sooner.
I’m okay, Bull typed out on the tablet.
“Yeah, now. But fuck me, my therapist is going to be able to afford one of Drayton’s super cars after my upcoming sessions.” Aidan looked up and blew out a heavy breath. He shook his head and planted his hands on his hips. After a few seconds, he returned his gaze to Bull. “I’m the one who’s sorry. It should have been me.”
Bull shook his head.
“I’m the one who shot Viper.” Aidan paced the room a few times before he finally spoke again. “I keep going over it in my mind, but I can’t figure it out. Why did he go after you?”
He had asked Rafe the same question. He saw me take the photo and get print.
“The picture and fingerprint we send to command to confirm the kill at the end of a mission?”
He nodded.
Aidan shook his head and scoffed. “What…did he think it was, a trophy or memento? A personal keepsake of killing his father?”
Bull wasn’t sure what had crossed a teenager’s mind seeing a man take a photograph of his dead father. Bull typed out another note. Don’t know.
Aidan exhaled another deep breath as he raked his hand through his hair. “Logically, he should have been after me.”
Doesn’t matter, Bull typed. We were a team.
“Damn, you’re stubborn.” Aidan raised his hands. “Don’t argue with me. I owe you.”
Shaking his head, Bull typed out a quick note. I owe you.
Aidan frowned. “Doc’s going to have to check your head. ’Cause your math skills suck.”
Bull huffed out a breath as he typed out another note. Aidan patiently waited as he slowly typed with one hand. One-handed typing would have to suffice because there wasn’t a chance in hell he was releasing the sleeping man tucked into his side. He paused for a moment, glancing over at the peacefulness in Ben’s expression as he turned the tablet toward Aidan. You got the shop on the list at HH. Then I got Ben.
Aidan peered up at him after reading the note. “I’m not that clever.”
Modesty tru
ly wasn’t one of Aidan’s best traits. Even while staring straight into Bull’s eyes when telling a bald-faced lie, Bull could see the hidden smile. Rather than type out another note, he raised a challenging eyebrow.
“I’m not Cupid. I’ve told you that.”
Bull would smile if he could.
“What’s so funny?” Aidan asked, narrowing his eyes.
He couldn’t resist and typed out another note for his friend. You shooting arrows. Wearing diapers. Spreading the love.
Aidan smirked. “In the evenings, when I’m…spreading the love,” Aidan said with air quotes, “I go commando. Jess likes easy access to the goods.”
Bull winced. He definitely didn’t need that visual in his foggy brain.
“That’s what you get for fucking with me. You’re obviously feeling better, so I’m leaving. A heads-up, Nat stops by in the evenings after she closes the shop. Rachel and Cal are downstairs in the cafeteria. Your dad’s down there too. He’s been here every day.”
That caught Bull by surprise. Maybe he had heard him wrong.
Aidan turned away and walked toward the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he glanced over his shoulder and gave Bull one more look. “You scared the shit out of all of us. Don’t do that again.”
Bull nodded, staring at his friend as he left the room. Finally alone, the need for sleep came barreling in. He turned his head and brushed his cheek against Ben, thankful for being alive and for the man at his side as he closed his eyes.
Bull wasn’t sure how much time passed before a soft knock at his door pulled him from his slumber. He glanced over at Ben, still asleep at his side, then back up to the door, somewhat surprised to see Rachel in the doorway. He expected her visit, but not her tired appearance.
“I wasn’t sure if you were awake,” she said, her tone timid. “I just needed to make sure you were okay before I left for the day.”
He reached for the tablet at his side to type out a note. I’ll be okay.
She nodded. “Good.” She looked as if she were going to say something else but chose to remain silent. She nodded again and turned toward the door.
Bull tapped the tablet hard enough to get her attention. He raised his hand when she turned, then signaled her to near as he typed out a note. Not your fault.
“Like hell it isn’t.” The firm tone was all Rachel but the vulnerability in her body language was something Bull hadn’t seen in years. “He got to you because of me. And nothing you say changes that.”
Bull shook his head.
“Don’t argue with me.” Rachel looked away for a moment. She blew out a heavy sigh as she returned her attention to him. “Regret is a bitch to deal with. So are guilt and anger. It’s a tough cocktail to drink down, especially after everything you’ve always done to watch out for me. But I’ll get through it because you’re still here with us.”
He nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat.
“We can fight about this after you’re talking again.” She glanced over at Ben, still sleeping nestled against Bull’s body. “You’re like the oil that keeps the machine running. We need you to get better. And please, I need you guys to stay out of hospitals. I can’t handle this.”
He typed out another short note. ’Cause I’m your favorite.
A smile curled her lips. “And that’s why I need you.” She quieted, relief filling her expression. “Work on getting better. Whatever you need, just say the word.”
He gave her a thumbs-up before she turned away. She stopped at the door and whispered an “Excuse me” into the hallway as she left.
Bull cocked his head, wondering who was outside. He stilled when his father stepped into the room. His pulse quickened as his fingers curled into Ben, holding him closer.
He tracked his father’s steps as he walked around the hospital bed to his other side. His father stared at him, his eyes glistening with emotion. Without uttering a single word or argument, his father leaned forward and cupped Bull’s face. “I love you.”
Bull struggled to control the swell of emotions. He screwed his eyes shut, reveling in the words he had craved to hear for so many years.
“I love you so much,” his father whispered as he stroked Bull’s hair. “I’m sorry for being so…me.”
Bull stared up at his father as his vision blurred. He wished he could speak.
His father glanced over to the side. “Make sure he gets some rest.”
He followed his father’s line of sight toward Ben. Very awake green eyes met his father’s gaze. Ben finally gave him a nod in response.
Another stroke to the side of his head drew Bull’s attention back to his father. “I’ll be back tomorrow. If…that’s okay?”
Bull nodded, fighting to control the emotions threatening to break free.
His father smiled and leaned forward. Bull swallowed heavily as his father pressed a kiss to his forehead and then silently left the room.
Bull turned his upper body toward Ben, wincing at the scattered pulses of pain awakening throughout his body. Reluctantly, he pulled his arm from around Ben’s body. “Did you do that?” he signed.
Ben shrugged and gave him a shy smile.
“Thank you,” he signed.
Ben leaned in and lightly touched their lips together in a barely there, tender kiss.
Bull closed his eyes, savoring the contact even though it was slight. He wished he could kiss him back.
With a sigh, he opened his eyes and stared into those bright green eyes filled with so much love as a single fingertip traced his jawline and trailed down his throat.
“I love you,” Bull signed. “So much.”
“I know,” Ben signed in response. He chewed his lip and glanced down at the space between them. He fidgeted with Bull’s hospital gown, straightening a crease out of the sleeve before finally looking up at him again to sign, “You came back to me.”
Bull shook his head. “You never left me.” He took Ben’s hand and pressed his lips to Ben’s palm as best he could with the wires keeping his mouth shut. He reluctantly released Ben’s hand to continue signing.
Ben’s eyebrows twitched, confusion filling his expression.
“You were in my heart. In my mind. That’s what I focused on. You. Us. That’s what kept me alive.”
Those green eyes instantly filled with tears. Ben smiled, that huge beaming bright beacon of life and love finally screamed from his expression as he buried his face at the side of Bull’s neck.
He tugged Ben close, wincing at the spike of pain poking his side. He didn’t care. All that mattered was having Ben near.
With his always cold nose pressed to the side of Bull’s neck, Ben slid his leg over Bull’s good leg and carefully rested his arm around Bull’s waist.
Bull smiled and tightened his grip on the lifeline curled against his body like a vine. He brushed his cheek against Ben’s hair, breathing him in, immersing his senses in everything Ben, relishing the warmth of his body and the comfort in knowing they had a lifetime ahead of them.
Together.
He planted his hand on Ben’s ass and pulled him closer, a muffled chuckle puffed against his neck. He was bruised and battered, but his body and soul still ached to be near the man he loved.
Bull brushed his lips to the top of Ben’s head. I love you, he thought as he tightened his hold. Always. He sighed as fingertips stroked against his throat, almost as if Ben could hear his thoughts and echoed the declaration.
Bull closed his eyes, savoring the gift of this man in his arms, knowing he would forever cherish every sweet morsel of love and life they shared.
Seven months later
Bull reached out and silenced the buzz of the alarm. Everything was quiet except for Ben’s soft exhale and the loud snoring coming from the living room.
He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Ben’s forehead, thinking back on everything that had changed in the last few months. After being discharged from the hospital, grueling months of therapy had followed. When
Ben had to fill orders at the bakery and couldn’t accompany him, his father had volunteered to be at his side to help and encourage him along.
His father didn’t threaten, dredge up the past, guilt-trip him, push, or demand.
Surprisingly, his father bent.
The gorge between them had narrowed to a negligible crack. His father listened more and asked questions. Nat couldn’t stop smiling. And the light from Ben’s soul was filled with so much happiness it shone like the sun.
They had shared holidays and birthdays together as a family.
But something had still been missing.
The endless physical therapy sessions gave Bull plenty of time to take stock of his life choices. And after choosing to spend all his free time at the bakery, it was an easy decision. He finally—completely—made the leap and switched careers, officially becoming the third partner in the family business. He handled the business side of the shop while Nat and Ben handled the baking.
He gave notice to all his security clients, supplied referrals, and had a heart-to-heart with Rachel. Mentoring Calvin for months had given Bull enough confidence to know that between Cal and Anthony, Rachel had a rock-solid team securing her and the company. After a lengthy discussion and a promise to remain friends regardless of his employment status, she insisted on repurchasing the penthouse from him…for an amount that covered the purchase price of their new house.
Down to the penny.
He wasn’t surprised.
And he didn’t argue.
He and Ben loved the house from the moment they had pulled into the driveway. It was undoubtedly the place they would call home and where they would build an endless supply of Ben’s memory puzzles. Together.
He wrapped his arms around Ben and pulled him close. This was their quiet time. That small window of peace he stole for himself before the world realized they were awake, and he had to share Ben with others.
He glanced over his shoulder, a sleepy smile making its way into his expression as the chirp of a single bird perched on the tree outside their window greeted him.