“No. Six years ago. You didn’t do anything wrong then. Hannah’s death isn’t your fault.”
Her eyes never left his as she said those words. They hit Holden like a truck, and he had to catch his breath. It wasn’t anything that his family, teammates, and even the therapists hadn’t been telling him for years. But for some reason, when Gigi said it, it was different. Like she had been sent to him by Hannah, just to make him believe it.
“I know,” he whispered in return, meaning it for the first time. “It’s just hard to accept.”
“I know.”
They sat there for a long moment in silence, Gigi sitting on the couch with him kneeling in front of her. The fire behind him crackled as the wood settled a bit, causing a whoosh of heat to hit them. It felt good against his back, like the moment was embracing them.
“I really like you, Gigi,” Holden said, breaking the silence.
“I really like you too, Holden.”
Pushing up from his knees, he moved onto the couch so he was sitting next to her, their legs touching.
“Please forgive me,” he whispered, turning toward her and leaning in so their foreheads were touching.
“I do.”
Her words felt like salve on an open wound that he didn’t know he had. How was it that two simple words could mean so much? Leaning in more, he brought his mouth to hers, until they were just a whisper apart. He could feel his heart start to race at just the thought of kissing her again, wondering if she wanted the same thing he did. When he felt her lean in just a bit more, he wasted no time in capturing her mouth with his. Her lips were soft and tender and felt absolutely perfect. He reached up and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer. He needed to feel her body against his. Needed to know if her heart was beating at the same furious pace. When she was seated in his lap, he deepened the kiss. She mewed as his hands caressed her back, moving her own hands into his hair. Fuck, she felt good in his arms. How was it that he could feel so much for her? He could feel his dick starting to get hard as she wiggled in his lap, continuing to kiss him back with the same fervor that he kissed her. But even with a raging hard-on, he was more than content to stay just like this—Gigi curled up in his lap, feeding him her addictive kisses.
Gigi pulled back slowly, a flirty little grin tugging at the corner of her lips. For a brief second, she almost looked drunk, and Holden couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pride at the thought of her getting drunk from his kiss.
“Holden,” she whispered, her eyelids still heavy.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
There was a beat of silence as he waited for her to respond. But instead of using her words, Gigi surprised him by leaning in and kissing him again.
14
Holden
Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” might not be most people’s choice to pound the pavement to, but Holden found that the oldie but goodie served him quite well. At a tempo of a hundred and twenty-three beats per minute, for a full five and a half minutes, it provided just the rhythm he needed to maintain his pace. The guitar riffs also seemed to provide the perfect gateway to lead his mind down whatever road it needed to clear his thoughts.
His thoughts that had really only been filled with one thing since Saturday night—Gigi Hawthorne.
After kissing until both of them couldn’t see straight, they’d rearranged themselves on the couch, pulling out Holden’s laptop to watch a movie. Although if Holden had to guess, they’d maybe only watched about half of the movie, the rest of the time spent cuddling and kissing some more. However, when Holden had woken up the next morning, curled around Gigi, both of them still on the couch, he was left not knowing how to act. Sure, they’d both admitted to each other that they “liked” each other, but what did that even mean? It’s not like they were in junior high and going to hang out with each other at the mall. They were adults, sharing a house.
And then there was everything they had admitted to each other the other night. Both of them had revealed some heavy stuff, and Holden didn’t feel right making a move on her so soon after she let him in on her secret. Not that he didn’t want to. Oh, did he want to. He wanted nothing more than to feel her curves underneath his hands again. He longed to see just how perfect her bare breasts were and to worship her whole body with his tongue.
Slowing down as he turned back up the driveway, he thought for what felt like the millionth time in the last six days that he didn’t know what to do or even what to say to her. While things between them weren’t full-on awkward, they were still…weird. It was as if neither of them wanted to be the one to cross the line but were still hoping the other one would. Not that Holden really had any idea what that line was. All he knew was that he wanted Gigi—on every level imaginable.
“Hello?” he called out, walking into the house.
The sound of the oven timer greeted him, followed shortly by Gigi’s sweet, southern, “Hey!” It made him giggle every time she said it, all drawn out into two syllables, “hay-ay.”
“Whatcha making?” he asked, still trying to catch his breath. He was sticking to the extra distance on his run, which was helping counteract all the amazing things Gigi was baking but was also showing off that he was still not in the shape he once was. Even with his heart still racing from his run, it managed to skip a beat when Gigi flashed him an excited smile, showing off her latest creation.
“Honey sticky buns,” she said, a lightness to her voice that had recently appeared when she was talking about baking. “Hunnie gave me some of her cinnamon infused honey the other day when we had lunch, and it sparked an idea.”
He crossed the kitchen, watching as she bent over to place the baking dish in the oven. Her backside always looked incredible, but when she bent over like that, he had to stop himself from grabbing ahold of her hips. Unable to tear his eyes away from her gorgeous ass, he mentally scolded himself before finally clearing his throat to speak. “I don’t know that I’ve ever had sticky buns with honey.”
“Neither have I, but I thought it would be something fun to try out. It took a little bit to get the consistency right, based off what the recipe said it should be like with the real ingredients, but I think it tasted okay when I tried it before going into the oven.”
“How long until I can have a taste?” he asked, unsure if he was talking about the sticky buns or her buns.
“About thirty minutes or so?” she said with a little shrug. While there still seemed to be a tension between then, it was different now. It was one based on desire, rather than fear. Everything about her seemed so much more at ease now, like she was finally able to relax and not have to worry about what might lurk around the corner. Standing here now, a few feet from him, her stance was easy, and her body language was light, like this was her home—their home—and they were just a normal couple hanging out in the kitchen.
“Perfect, then I’m gonna hit the shower,” he said, starting to lean in but stopping himself. For as much as he wanted to kiss her right now, he had no idea if she wanted that in return. Just because such a gesture felt natural to him didn’t mean anything. Despite it feeling like they were a normal couple, they weren’t actually one, were they? After all, she hadn’t said anything to him about Saturday night either.
With a nod, he walked out of the kitchen and bounded up the stairs, shaking his head and scolding himself for not taking the chance. Maybe she was waiting on him to make the move. Or maybe he should have just manned up and said something to her. But what exactly did one say in this situation? “Hi, I know we’re technically living together, but can I take you on a date?”
Once the water was finally warm enough, Holden stripped down and stepped into the hot shower. The steady stream felt good against his skin, still chilled from the December air. Taking in a deep breath and letting his lungs fill with steam, he let his mind drift back to Gigi. Everything about her seemed to get under his skin, like her very essence was trying to make a home there. And everything about her, from the knot of
blonde hair she piled on top of her head while she was baking, to her chic looking “comfy clothes,” to her seemingly never-ending shoe collection, was just so damn adorable.
But it wasn’t just her looks that got to him. It really was everything. Her smile, her laughter. The fact that she had all sorts of strange little expressions she used instead of swearing. It was her drive to better herself and to be her own person. He admired her spirit for starting over after her dick-wad of a husband’s death. The strength required to move someplace new and take on a job she knew nothing about was something that he couldn’t even imagine, and yet she possessed it all in the stunning little body of hers. He had no idea why their paths had crossed, but he wasn’t going to take another second of it for granted.
Grabbing the bar of soap, he worked it into a lather all over his body. Not for the first time, he wished it was Gigi’s hands that were working their way across his chest and down toward his hips. The thought of her soft, delicate fingers dancing across his skin sent the blood flowing straight for his dick. Closing his eyes, all he could picture was her standing in front of him now, the water rushing over the both of them, as they caressed each other's bodies. He wanted so badly to feel her up against him, skin on skin, exploring the electricity between them. His hand found his rock-hard length and slowly began to stroke as he thought about Gigi—about touching her, feeling her, worshipping her in ways that she’d never experienced. Showing her just how special she was.
Holden let out a long groan as his release hit him, sending a shudder throughout his entire body. Part of him felt guilty for conjuring up the image of Gigi as he took matters into his own hand—she deserved better than to be someone’s spank bank material. She deserved a man in her life who treated her like she was his entire world. Someone who didn’t use her or take advantage of everything she had to offer. A man she could trust to be honest and true, who was man enough to admit his feelings to the woman in his life. In order to be that man, he knew he was going to have to step it up.
That started right now.
Gigi
Gigi listened to the pipes rattle as the hot water for Holden’s shower kicked in. This old house had a lot of weird little quirks, but she was finding that she loved each and every one—the only exception maybe being the way the second to last stair from the top of the back stairs squeaked if you stepped in just the right place. There was so much comfort to be found here, and she basked in the warmth of it all. Even with Holden’s outburst last week, she felt infinitely more at home here than she ever had in the townhouse in Atlanta.
A pang of guilt hit her again, thinking about Holden and everything he’d been through. It was no wonder he’d been so upset over everything on Thanksgiving. She knew as well as anyone what a flashback could do to you, and she wished she had known more about Hannah prior to the incident. She wanted to be able to help him. Neither of them could replace the spouse that they lost, but having someone else who understood was no small matter. Her heart ached at the thought of everything he’d lost and how much guilt he still carried around about it. She wished that there was something she could do to magically erase all the pain.
If only kisses really did heal boo-boos, she thought as she loaded the dishwasher. She would gladly kiss him over and over again if it helped relieve the pain. Oh, who was she kidding, she would gladly kiss him regardless.
Her insides fluttered with the memory of his touch from Saturday night. If she had thought the feel of his lips against her was spectacular that afternoon in the kitchen, he had proven to her now that it only got better. And yet, the idea of kissing again had her tied in knots.
It wasn’t that she was afraid of him, because she certainly wasn’t. If anything, her mind wandered to the thought of those strong arms wrapping around her and holding her close a little too often. What she was afraid of was how she felt. The feelings she was starting to develop were more than just that of a horny teenager who wanted to jump the class bad boy. She genuinely cared about him and valued the friendship they had built. She just also wanted more.
The question rattling around in her brain was, did he? When he’d arrived back from his run moments ago, she felt his gaze on her before she even looked up to find him walking into the kitchen. The look in his eyes told her he was happy to see her, and when he stepped into her asking about the sticky buns, she would have bet money that he was finally going to kiss her again. But then he backed off and hightailed it for the shower. Had she done something wrong? It had been a long time since she’d kissed anyone other than Bradley, and he wasn’t exactly the kissing-bandit. Was she just out of practice? Or worse, was she just bad?
The sound of her phone ringing startled her. Gigi couldn’t remember the last time her phone had actually rung. There were only a handful of people who even had this number, and since it seemed everyone up here preferred to text, a real phone call was rare. Wiping her hands on her apron, she picked up the phone and smiled when she saw Hunnie’s name.
“Hi!” she said into the phone.
“Hey! How did the sticky buns turn out?” Hunnie’s sweet voice asked over the line.
“They are in the oven now—should be finished in a couple of minutes,” she responded.
“I’m so excited to hear how they turned out. If they’re good, I’m gonna need that recipe!”
The pipes stopped their rattling, and Gigi lifted her eyes to the ceiling as if she could somehow see through it and into Holden’s bathroom. Images of Holden’s muscular body filled her head as she pictured him stepping out of the shower. Just thinking of his hard chest, still wet from the shower, water droplets slowly dripping down his hot skin, made her mouth water, wanting to lick at each one of those drops.
“Earth to Gigi!” Hunnie’s voice called through the phone again.
“Sorry, got lost in my own head for a moment. Yes, if they turn out good, I’ll totally give you the recipe.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just…” Gigi trailed off. Just what? A little obsessed with the idea of my housemate/landlord naked and wondering why he hasn’t kissed me in six days? There were just some things you didn’t say, even to girlfriends.
The oven timer trilled, and Gigi was thankful that she didn’t have to figure out just how to finish that sentence. Saved by the bell!
“That’s them, gotta go! I’ll send you a picture!”
“Sounds good, bye!” Hunnie said as they hung up.
Turning back to the oven, Gigi pulled out the baking dish, watching the gooey honey glaze bubbling from the heat. The golden-brown spirals oozed the sticky goodness, and Gigi’s mouth watered all over again. Placing the dish down on the trivet that she’d put on the butcher block, she waited a moment before carefully removing one of the buns, slowly blowing on it to help cool it off. After a few more huffs and puffs, she bit into the sticky bun, hoping for the best.
The intense flavor that burst in her mouth caught her off guard. Chewing slowly, she let the cinnamon sugar filling melt on her tongue, allowing it to take over all her senses. Everything about what she was experiencing was new and incredible, and she suddenly fully understood what people meant when they used the term foodgasm. This was quite possibly one of the best things she’d ever tasted. And there was only one person she wanted to share it with.
Holden.
Rushing up the back stairs, she almost tripped on the long carpet runner that sat in the hallway between their rooms. The door to both his room and his bathroom were open, with the lights turned on, so she took a guess at where he was, crossing her fingers she got it right.
“Holden!” she hollered, as she rounded the corner into his room, looking around for him.
When he appeared from the adjoining bathroom door, with nothing but a white towel slung low around his hips, Gigi forgot why she was even there. He was still wet from his shower, just like she had been imagining moments ago, but looked even better than her mind could have ever pictured. His long torso was lean and taut, sho
wing off a nicely defined chest. Gigi could see the faint outline of what was probably once a six pack, but was now just a smooth flat stomach, leading to a powerful set of hips, a dark happy trail, and a V that made her lick her lips. His whole upper body called out to her, like some weird siren song, and the desire to run her hands all over him waged a war within her.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he asked, a concerned look on his face. He stepped toward her, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, and Gigi felt herself swoon just a little. She didn’t know how much longer she was going to be able to control herself if he didn’t put on some clothes.
“He…here…try this,” she stumbled, holding up the half-eaten sticky bun.
Holden licked his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. Only instead of a concerned look, a fire burned within them, one Gigi hoped was for her. Lightly grabbing hold of her wrist, he drew it to his mouth, taking a generous bite of the baked good. He licked his lips again as he chewed. Gigi’s breath hitched, and she was pretty sure he heard it too, but she didn’t care.
“That’s fucking delicious,” he said, still not looking away from her. His hand was still around her wrist, and she could feel her pulse vibrating in that spot.
“I did it! I really did it. I created my own recipe,” she said. She could feel the dopey smile taking over her face, but she was too proud of herself in this moment to try to change it.
“You sure did, sweetheart.” The flame in his eyes flashed again, forcing Gigi to remind herself to breathe. The last thing she needed right now was to faint.
Opening his mouth wide, Holden took the last bite of sticky bun in his mouth, capturing her fingers as he did so. He swallowed it whole but then took his time, licking her fingers, making sure to get every last bit of honey off of them. Gigi shuddered from the contact, watching his mouth on her, a rush of desire flooding through her. He could apparently do a whole lot more than just kiss with that mouth, and every inch of her wanted to find out what else he had up his sleeve.
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