Yes, he knew it was egotistic thinking along those lines, but he couldn’t help it.
Which was why he was here now, gazing sightlessly down at the crowds below and thinking about a woman who had no place in his life.
‘Busy, Gabriel? I can come back later, but I’d like to have a word with you.’
Gabriel spun round. ‘You’re early.’ He glanced at his watch, then looked at her. The shimmering bright colours and skimpy clothes she had worn in Seville had been replaced by the usual drab office gear: grey skirt, neat grey jacket, black pumps and an off-white blouse with little pearly buttons down the front.
He pushed himself away from the window and headed to his desk to sit. ‘Problems with those reports I emailed you?’
‘I’ve done all of that, Gabriel. No problems there.’ Abby shoved an envelope towards him but, instead of sitting down, she remained where she was.
‘What’s that?’
‘You should open it.’
‘Why?’
‘Why what?’ She laughed nervously, her eyes skittering away from his. ‘Why should you open it? Why am I here? Why is the world round?’ Nerves were making her jabber. She knew that, and she knew that it wasn’t just nerves. It was a combination of nerves and abject misery at the next chapter of her life she was facing.
‘Why do you feel the need to resign?’
‘How do you know...?’
Gabriel linked his fingers together and relaxed back into his chair. ‘What else is it going to be, Abby?’ He reached forward, picked up the envelope, slit it open and read the contents aloud. ‘Grateful for the opportunities...desire to look in other directions...have thoroughly enjoyed time here...blah, blah, blah...
‘So?’ he pressed, not moving a muscle, his dark eyes pinning her to the spot. In a gesture that was totally uncool, Gabriel crumpled the letter of resignation and tossed it across his desk. Abby lurched forward and grabbed it before it could hit the floor.
She sat down in her usual chair facing his desk, meticulously uncrumpled the brief letter of resignation and busied herself smoothing it out.
‘I...’
‘Have decided that there are better jobs out there? More exciting career prospects? More...thrilling opportunities?’ he completed harshly.
Abby’s grey eyes were calm as she looked up at him and met his fulminating gaze.
So, he was angry. She’d more or less expected that because she knew, without any vanity, that he valued their working relationship and would find it annoying to go through the hassle of finding someone else, especially given his none-too-fabulous track record when it came to hiring PAs.
Tough.
‘There are always alternative opportunities out there when it comes to work, Gabriel, and of course I’ll make sure that I find a suitable replacement.’
‘Jesus, Abby, is that all you have to say?’ He slammed his fist on the table and pushed back his chair to stand up. He looked at her for a few seconds then began pacing the huge office, scowling, while Abby twisted round to look at him.
She’d taken ages to compose the eight-line letter of resignation, longer, indeed, than it had taken her to decide to resign in the first place.
Booking that intimate table at that intimate restaurant had sealed the deal for her. She’d thought she could see things through and philosophise her way past her heartache, but she’d been wrong, and there was no point clinging to the hope that that might change any time soon. She was in love with a man who didn’t return her love and it was never going to get better unless she left.
‘What else do you want me to say, Gabriel?’
‘I can tell you what I don’t want you to say!’ He planted himself directly in her line of vision and glared.
‘What’s that?’
‘What I don’t want is a load of crap about more exciting opportunities and thanks for the good times...’
Abby stared down at the creased piece of paper on her lap. Her eyes blurred. What did he want from her? The truth? Anger coursed through her and she raised her eyes to him, met his thunderous glare with cold disapproval.
‘Does it matter what words I use, Gabriel? I can’t work for you any more. That’s the long and short of it.’
Resuming his restless pacing of the office before coming to perch on the edge of the desk, and then, as though that might be too relaxed a position for him, swerving once again to sit in his leather swivel chair, Gabriel shot back, ‘You told me that you would be able to resume working with me without any problems.’
‘I was wrong. Okay?’
‘As far as I can see, we’ve been doing just fine.’
‘Please don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be, Gabriel. I’ll make sure my replacement is as good as I am. I’ll fill her, or him, in on every single account and how to manage them.’
‘Why couldn’t you just stick to the programme?’ Gabriel looked at her with frustration, almost as surprised as she was to hear himself utter that question.
‘Because I’m not you,’ Abby replied in a low voice. ‘And, yes, I really thought that I could keep my emotions out of it, but in the end I couldn’t.’ She looked him squarely in the face. So he wanted an explanation? Then she would give him one, but not until she was sure that the minute she walked out of that office she would not be walking back into it, replacement or no replacement.
‘Gabriel,’ she hesitated, ‘I don’t suppose you know this, but I’m due holiday.’
‘Come again?’
‘I’ve stored up quite a bit of holiday which I haven’t got around to taking. Five weeks, in fact.’
‘You haven’t been on holiday for the past year?’
‘I’ve had weekends here and there but, no, I haven’t had a stretch of time off for quite a while. With my mother not being well, I’ve found it better to go down to see them as often as I can.’
‘What does that have to do with anything?’
‘What I’m saying is, because I’ve just had snatched weekends here and there, I have holiday to take and I’m going to take it so that I can leave sooner. I’m sorry if you think this is the equivalent of leaving you in the lurch, because I won’t be devoting time to finding my replacement, but I don’t think it’s going to work, my staying on here any longer than I have to.’
She drew in a deep, steadying breath. ‘Under normal circumstances, I would have stayed until I found someone suitable to replace me, but these aren’t normal circumstances unfortunately. I know you’re probably put out but I’m hoping that you do the decent thing and release me without trying to find ways of making me stay. I don’t mean to blow hot and cold but...things have been said that can’t be unsaid. My position here is now untenable.’
She thought of walking through that office door, never to walk back through it again. Never to see him again. Never to smile at something witty he might have said, never to appreciate that wry sense of humour or to shoot him one of her disapproving looks when he teased her just a little too close to the bone. Not that there had been any of that since they’d returned from Seville.
‘I can’t think of anything worse than chaining you to your desk and making you work out your notice when you’d rather walk away without turning back.’
‘I won’t feel guilty about this, Gabriel.’
‘I knew it was a mistake for us to...’ He shook his head. When he looked down at his hand, he frowned because it was unsteady.
Understandable. Where the hell was he going to find someone as good as she was? This was exactly what came of allowing your head to take a vacation and let your baser instincts an opportunity to come out and play.
‘Is that what you think?’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Is that what you think—that what we did was a mistake?’
‘Not the game we played for the sake of my grandmother.’ Gabriel loathed this sort of emotional conversatio. He was a man of action, someone solution-oriented. Frankly what was the point of talking about somet
hing when there was no solution to put on the table? There was no solution here, but the way she was gazing at him, her eyes calm and steady...
‘She...needed what we did,’ he continued roughly.
‘And have you got round to telling her that we’re no longer going out—involved? Engaged?’
Gabriel flushed darkly. ‘It’s not been a fortnight,’ he muttered. ‘If I return to London only to phone her up and break the bad news, then she’s going to start imagining that it might have been something she said, or did.’
‘So how long do you give it?’
‘Does it matter, Abby?’ he asked with mounting irritation. ‘It’s hardly as though you’re going to be around to deal with any fallout.’
‘No,’ Abby breathed in deeply. ‘You’re right. It doesn’t matter because I won’t be around to deal with the fallout.’ But that didn’t mean that she didn’t feel awful about it, because she did. ‘But I wasn’t asking that. I wasn’t asking whether you regretted the little pretend game we played for Ava’s sake. I was asking whether you regretted what happened next.’
Gabriel could sense when he was being led into a trap and this felt like that. What did she want him to say? ‘There’s very little in life I regret,’ he drawled, in absolute command of the conversation and refusing to be manoeuvred into any dodgy side alleys. ‘Things happen.’ He shrugged and looked at her until she was the first to break eye contact. ‘We made love. We’re adults. Retrospectively, had I known that you would find yourself unable to deal with the consequences...’ He let the remainder of that observation hang in the air between them.
‘That’s regret by any other name,’ Abby said, drawing in a deep breath. ‘Well, if I’d had a crystal ball at the time, then who knows? Maybe I would have steered clear of any involvement. But maybe, Gabriel, I would have done the same thing. Because, believe it or not, I don’t regret what we did, not for a minute.’
Their eyes tangled and Gabriel felt a tug of admiration for her honesty. Many others would have taken the easy route out of this situation. Good job...fat pay cheque...go with the flow. Some, he thought cynically, might have gone down a different road. He’d slept with an employee. Some might have thought a little blackmail to be in order...or a lucrative kiss-and-tell story to a seedy tabloid... Wouldn’t have worked, of course, but money could be a powerful motivator when it came to underhand behaviour.
Abby wasn’t going to go with the flow and he wasn’t very surprised because everything about her, as he had discovered, spoke of someone who didn’t shy away from facing consequences. She’d had her heart broken but she hadn’t hidden under a rock to lick her wounds. She had picked herself up and left everything she had ever known to make her way in a city she had probably visited once or twice in her life. She hadn’t become a pathetic wreck and she hadn’t thought of forgetting her ex by flinging herself straight into the arms of anyone who might help take her mind off her hurt. No, she had developed a steely front to protect herself and gone from there.
And now...
‘I don’t blame you,’ she said quietly. ‘You were upfront. You told me like it was and I ended up barging past all the “don’t trespass” signs because I was falling in love with you.’ She could feel the heat scorching her cheeks but, when she walked out that door, she wanted to walk out with no misunderstandings between them. She wanted the air to be completely clear.
‘Falling in love...feelings you had for me... You said...’ Gabriel raked his fingers through his hair.
‘Yes, and I could see on your face that when I let that slip it was most certainly not what you wanted to hear, but there you go. I’m in love with you and that’s why I can’t carry on working for you. I made that booking for the restaurant and that was the end of the road for me.’
‘You always maintained that I wasn’t your type.’
‘You’re not,’ Abby said shortly. ‘Which just goes to show that there’s no such thing as common sense when it comes to matters of the heart. You can do your check list and still end up getting ambushed by someone who just doesn’t tick all the boxes.’
‘That’s not a mistake I will ever make.’ Gabriel wondered whether that remark had been deliberately pointed but he didn’t think so, not judging from the way she was looking at him, clear-eyed and direct. No clinging, no neediness, no pleading for chances that weren’t on the cards.
‘I’ll stay the day, Gabriel. Tidy things, make a list that my replacement might find handy. And I can talk to Rita in Human Resources. I’ll tell her the sort of person who might fit the bill. She’s brilliant.’
Gabriel raked his fingers through his hair. ‘And what if I tell you that I’m going to demand you work your notice?’
‘Are you?’
‘Of course I’m not.’ He shook his head and stood up. ‘And you needn’t worry that I might be tempted to give you anything but a glowing reference.’
‘I know,’ Abby said. ‘You’re nothing if not fair.’ She got to her feet as well to stand behind her chair, gripping the back and looking at him, drinking him in for one last time.
‘I would ask you to reconsider,’ Gabriel told her, ‘But, given everything you’ve said, it’s probably for the best that you go.’
Can’t have your PA drooling over you, Abby thought acidly. We both know where that leads—straight to the unemployment office.
She’d been honest, but she was going to leave with her head held high and her pride intact. She hadn’t committed a crime by falling in love with him, not unless you could call being a complete idiot a crime.
‘I hope you let your grandmother know how fond I was of her, Gabriel. And, just in case you’re tempted to feel sorry for me, I’ve thought this through and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.’
‘Who said anything about feeling sorry for you?’ Gabriel flushed darkly and wondered what shiny future she was looking forward to. He certainly wasn’t interested in hearing about any shiny future that involved men. ‘I’m sure you’ll land a pretty spectacular job without too much trouble.’
‘Job?’ Abby blinked.
‘You said that you were looking forward to what lies ahead...’
‘Oh, yes. Sure. Yes, I think there are some exciting opportunities out there, and it’s going to stand me in very good stead that I’ve worked with you and for your company.’
She hadn’t been talking about a new job or exciting opportunities, Gabriel thought sourly. She’d been talking about a different type of excitement lying in store for her, the sort of excitement he wasn’t interested in hearing about.
He walked towards the door that connected their two offices, his the much larger. Then he paused, his hand on the door knob.
‘I’m not good for any woman who wants the fairy-tale ending. You’re better off without a man like me,’ Gabriel said roughly. She was looking up at him, her eyes wide and clear, her skin still golden from the days spent out in Seville. He wanted to reach out and yank her towards him, which just went to show how irrational the whole business of lust could be.
‘I think I probably am,’ Abby replied truthfully. ‘But I’m grateful to you, Gabriel.’
‘How so?’
‘I’d locked myself away after my broken engagement, gone into protective mode. When I finally told myself that I had to get back out there into the dating pool again, I had so many clauses and conditions for the kind of guy I was looking for that there was no room left for spontaneity. You showed me that there’s no such thing as the perfect guy.’
‘Is there a compliment buried in there somewhere?’
‘I’ll get over you,’ Abby said with a lot more confidence than she was feeling. ‘Because we all get over broken hearts, and the next time I get involved with someone I won’t make a tally of the things they have or don’t have. I shall just go with the flow and accept that relationships don’t have to lead to anything. You made me appreciate the concept of just having fun. Yes, I fell for you, but what I’ll take away is the fact that I learned how
to be impulsive—I think for the first time in my life.’
‘Good.’
‘And you’re moving on too,’ Abby couldn’t resist adding, wanting and needing to feel the twist of the knife inside her when he admitted that he’d found her replacement. ‘But then I don’t think you’re the kind of guy to ever let the grass grow under his feet.’
Gabriel scowled darkly when he thought about his disaster date. ‘I’m going to head out,’ he said, strolling to fetch his jacket which had been tossed on one of the chairs. ‘You can leave whenever you like, but make sure there’s someone here to cover the essentials.’ He began slipping on the jacket as he walked back towards her. ‘I’d say,’ he murmured, ‘Thanks for the good times, but I think that might sound a little too B-movie.’ He reached out. He couldn’t help himself. The urge to feel the smooth, satiny curve of her cheek was irresistible.
He felt her stillness under his hand. Her eyelids fluttered and she took a wobbly step back, but it was as if his magnetic pull was too powerful for her, because she remained staring up at him, her lips parted, her grey eyes wide and panicked.
Her whole body thrummed with forbidden sexual awareness.
He was going to kiss her.
Abby felt his intent and saw it in the darkening of his eyes. He let his gaze drop to do a leisurely tour of her face and her body, then back to her face, and still her stupid legs seemed to have forgotten the basic principles of movement.
Did he think that he could make a pass at her after she’d poured her heart out? She’d told him she was in love with him, and he’d informed her that that just wasn’t going to do and, yes, it was the right thing for her to clear off.
So how dared he now touch her like this and set her whole body ablaze with a craven yearning that could never, ever reach a satisfactory conclusion?
Did he imagine that he could take what he wanted because she was vulnerable? Because she was in love with him?
She jerked back and turned away, but she was shaking like a leaf, and had to take a few deep, steadying breaths to get herself back under control.
‘I don’t think so,’ she told him coldly. ‘You don’t get to touch me.’ She jerked open the door and scooted through, heading straight for the safety of her desk, behind which she remained standing to look at him, cool and remote. Inside, however, she was a mess.
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