“We are only friends. At the moment.” Tessa looked into her mother’s soft, caring eyes.
“Just don’t do anything rash, dear. It would be such a big decision. Jayden seems a nice boy, but he’d be hard work.” She gave Tessa a warm smile. “Here, take these bowls for dessert.”
Tessa took the bowls and followed her mother into the dining room, the words still playing over in her mind when she reached the table. A loud clatter sounded. Everyone stopped what they were doing. Jayden had thrown his spoon across the table, hitting the glass bowl in the centre. “I don’t want your religion stuffed down my throat,” he shouted at Elliott before pushing his chair back and leaving the table in a huff.
Nobody dared move. Without thinking, Tessa placed her free hand on Ben’s shoulder. He stood, pushing his chair carefully back. “I’m sorry, please excuse me.” He nodded his head apologetically to her parents and briefly met her gaze before he left the room and followed after Jayden.
“Whatever did you say to him, Elliott?” Tessa snapped at her brother, leaning forward.
Elliott’s head hung low. “I was just trying to convince him that God loves him. I wasn’t stuffing anything down his throat.” His eyes blinked rapidly. “He believes God’s an angry, Zeus-like figure who throws lightning bolts down from the sky to break up families.”
“Jayden’s really struggling at the moment. I know you meant well, but he’s not ready.” She drew a deep breath. This would set Jayden back even further.
“We’re proud of your zeal, son, but you need to learn discernment.” Their father tapped Elliott on the hand.
“I didn't think. I’m sorry.” He spoke softly; his shoulders drooped. “I hope I haven't ruined the night.”
“I hope not too.” Tessa placed the bowls on the table. “I'll go check.”
Outside, darkness was fast approaching; just the last lingering colours of sunset remained low on the horizon. Ben and Jayden stood on the driveway. Ben was speaking louder than Tessa had ever heard him speak, in fact, he was almost shouting, and he was throwing his hands around in the air. Jayden’s body was hunched, his head hung low and his arms crossed. Why had Elliott been so thoughtless?
She joined them and stood beside Ben. “It’s not Jayden’s fault, Ben. Elliott shouldn’t have spoken to him like that. Don’t take it out on Jayden, please.”
Ben looked up. His face had reddened and he was breathing quickly.
“No. Jayden was a guest in your parents’ house. He shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“He’s only a boy. Elliott should have known better. He’s apologised.”
She held Ben’s gaze, surprised at her audacity. Is this what it would be like if they did become a couple? Maybe she wasn’t ready after all. She felt she was taking sides already.
Her pulse raced as she waited. He finally tore his eyes away and directed his attention to Jayden.
“I'm disappointed in your behaviour, Jayden. Stomping out like that was the wrong thing to do. It was rude.”
“Sorry.” Jayden’s arms remained crossed, but he lifted his head slightly.
“Well, that’s a start.” Ben’s voice had lost some of its bite and she began to breathe easier.
“How about you come back in for dessert? Mum’s baked a lemon cheesecake, and believe me, it’s really delicious.”
“I'll wait in the car until you're finished,” Jayden said, turning away.
“Go ahead and wait,” Ben said. “I'll have your slice.”
Tessa placed her arm around Jayden’s shoulder. “Come on, Jayden, come back in. It’ll be all right. I’ve had words with my brother.”
He shrugged without enthusiasm. “He’d better not talk to me about God again.”
“I’ll make sure of that, don’t you worry.”
They returned inside. Elliott apologised to Jayden. Jayden said he was sorry for stomping out like he did. The situation was diffused. But although her heart skittered when Ben reached for her hand under the table, Tessa began to wonder if she’d bitten off more than she could chew.
Chapter 16
The remainder of the evening at her parents' house passed uneventfully. Jayden loved her mother’s baked lemon cheesecake so much that she wrapped the last piece for him to take home.
Tessa walked Ben and Jayden to their car after all the goodbyes and thank-yous had been said with her parents and Elliott. When Jayden opened the front passenger door and climbed in, Ben grabbed her hand and pulled her close.
Her heart raced. This was the moment she’d been waiting for, but now it was here, she wondered if she’d let her feelings get in the way of rational thought. What would happen if he kissed her? Would it be the start of something she might not be able to stop, and might not want? It wouldn’t be a casual relationship. They’d both be assuming it would lead to something more. Something permanent. She swallowed the lump in her throat. How would Jayden feel about that? Maybe he wasn’t ready to share his dad with anyone else just yet. And maybe she wasn’t prepared to deal with all the challenges they’d have to face. God, what are You telling me?
But he was so close, and his breath on her face was warm and sweet. Her heart pounded. He slipped his arm around her waist and drew her closer as he brushed some loose hair from her face with his finger.
“Thank you for tonight, Tess. And for stepping in with Jayden.”
Every nerve in her body tingled as he studied her face. She wanted this so much, but as he lowered his lips to hers, she pulled away.
“I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Her heart nearly broke. Was she really saying this?
He dropped his arm from her waist, but grabbed her hand before she moved out of reach.
“What’s the matter, Tess? I thought you wanted this.”
“I thought I did too. But I don’t think I’m ready. I’m sorry.” Her voice came out jagged, brittle.
He ran his hands over her hair with his other hand. “I’m sorry I rushed you. It was so difficult sitting beside you all night. It was all I could do to keep my eyes off you.”
How could she turn him down? They both wanted each other, but something held her back. Did she really want to date a divorced man with a teenage son, even if she was madly attracted to him? She really didn’t know.
“I need more time. I’m sorry.” Her hands trembled as her heart fell apart. She took some deep breaths to steady herself.
He continued stroking her hair. She felt like grabbing his hand and kissing it. But she had to be strong and not let her feelings and desires take over, no matter how difficult that was. She had to be sure. For once in her life she had to think before she acted.
“How about we spend more time talking and getting to know each other?”
Her body relaxed. Yes. That’s what’s needed. Time. She gazed into his eyes and saw understanding. “That would be great. Thank you. And I’m sorry, I really am.” Her voice was faint but had lost its brittleness.
“It’s fine. Really. I let my feelings get the better of me.” His warm hand rested on the side of her cheek. “I want to get to know everything about you, but there’s no hurry.” His soft eyes caressed her face, and she almost gave in and kissed him. “How about we spend tomorrow together if you’re free?’
Warmth spread through her body. “That would be lovely.”
He leaned forward and placed a slow, tender kiss on her cheek. A promise of things to come.
After he and Jayden left, Tessa walked slowly back towards the house, in no hurry to return inside. No doubt she’d face a barrage of questions. Her parents and brother would want to talk about them for sure. And whether she and Ben were more than friends.
The warmth of the day lingered in the night air as she breathed in the heady fragrance of the frangipani flowers. This night would be etched in her memory forever. The night she turned down Ben’s kiss. She stopped and leaned against the trunk of the huge leopard tree she’d helped her dad plant when she was only about nine. She slid down and sat on the grass below it and let out
a huge sigh.
“Oh God, what have I got myself into? I can’t believe that I turned Ben down. You know how much I like him, but I need guidance, direction. I don’t know if I’m ready to be an instant mother. And I still don't know about the divorce issue. Please help me. You know I want to do the right thing, and I thank You for helping me to be strong and not act rashly. Thanks for helping Ben to understand. Please help us work through this. And God, please be with Jayden. Let him know You really do exist and that You love him to bits. Thank You, in Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
The sound of dishes being washed and put away filtered through to the living area as she entered the house. Her parents were no doubt talking about Ben. She took a deep breath and joined them.
“Ah, Tess. There you are.” Her father smiled warmly and held out his arms. She allowed him to pull her close and hug her. He kissed the top of her head before releasing her.
“That was a lovely evening, thank you both for everything.”
Her mother dried her hands and turned around. “Our pleasure, honey. Cup of tea?” The cue for ‘let’s have a chat’…
“Sure.”
Elliott joined them in the living room while her mother made tea for everyone. She didn’t have to wait long for it to start.
“Well, that went off well, apart from that one little hiccup. I’m sorry about that, sis.”
“It’s okay. All is forgiven.”
“But the kid’s got some problems, you’ve got to agree?”
“Yes, but he’s been through a lot. He’s a good kid, and he’ll come through it, eventually. We’ve just got to pray and trust God to work in his life.”
“I like Ben,” her father said, joining in. “For one, he's a Christian, and he's very well established in his career.”
“Thought you’d like that.” She gave him a wink.
“Yes, and he's stable, and he's serious. Seems like an honest person trying to do the right thing.”
“I like his patience,” her mother said, carrying a tray with four mugs of steaming hot tea into the room. “He handled the incident with his son very well, I thought.”
“You’re all talking as if we’re about to get married. We’re not even going out. We’re just friends.” She glanced at her mother. Would she say anything to the contrary?
“Yeah, yeah,” Elliott said. “Tell us another one, sis.”
“It’s true. We’re just friends.” Tessa glared at him.
“Me thinketh the lady protests too much.” He guffawed.
“Anyway,” her father said, “I think we all approve. Much better than… what was his name?” He looked to her with a puzzled look on his face. “I always forget.”
“Michael. His name was Michael.”
“Ah yes, that’s right. Well anyway, Ben’s a much better choice.”
“I guess that means you don't have an issue with him being divorced anymore? Not that it matters at the moment.”
Her parents exchanged glances.
“About that,” her mother said. “Your father and I need to tell you something we should have told you ages ago.”
“Is this a cue for me to leave?” Elliott asked.
“No, you can stay,” her mother said. “Both of you need to hear this.” She moved to her husband’s side and took his hand.
Moments passed. Tessa glanced at Elliott. He looked as puzzled as she felt. What secret were their parents about to divulge? She could hardly imagine her conservative parents having done anything they might be ashamed of enough to have kept hidden until now. Maybe I’m illegitimate? Wow! That would be a shock. But she’d seen their marriage certificate. She’d been born twelve months after their wedding. So no, it couldn’t be that.
Their mother cleared her throat. Tessa and Elliott leaned forward.
“I know you think your dad is the only man I've ever been married to, but he's not.”
Tessa’s jaw dropped. What? Mum’s been married to someone else? No!
“I was married once before. His name was Hugh.” Dad took Mum’s hand and squeezed it; she shot him a thankful smile. “We met in high school and we married when I was eighteen. My parents warned me against it, and I should have listened, but I loved him, and he loved me. At least, I thought he did. He was always considerate and promised to take care of me.
“Shortly after our wedding, his behaviour changed. He became abusive. Nothing I did, nothing I said pleased him anymore. He said I breathed too loudly. My body was ugly. He questioned my choice of clothing. He criticized my cooking and berated me when it didn't turn out as good as his mother's. Hardly a day went by when he didn't call me worthless or stupid.” She paused to dab her eyes with a napkin from the table.
Tessa glanced at Elliott again, but her brother looked just as jarred as she felt. They’d never known their mother to cry—she’d always been calm, composed, and collected, no matter the circumstance. But now the woman they’d long admired for her quiet strength was opening up and showing another side they’d never seen—a more vulnerable side.
“At first, it was only verbal abuse,” she continued. “But then it turned physical. He punched me and tried choking me. I wanted to leave, but I was too scared to tell anyone, even my own parents, what was happening. When I threatened to leave, he started to lock me in and refused to let me visit family or friends.
“I finally managed to speak to our pastor about what was happening, but instead of confronting Hugh about his behaviour, he blamed me for it. The pastor told me to submit to my husband as the Bible commanded, and things would get better. But they didn't. In fact, they got worse. I became depressed, and I hate to admit this, but I repeatedly begged God to end my life.”
Tears streamed down her face. Tessa’s eyes watered. Poor Mum. Why hadn’t she and Elliott heard about this before?
Her mother pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her face. “When I wasn't begging God to end my life, I was begging Him to save my marriage. But I wanted out. I wanted to leave him, but my pastor told me that getting a divorce would be direct disobedience to God. Of course, I didn't want to go against God, so I kept praying for Him to fix it. But one day while praying, I clearly heard Him say it was okay to leave. So I did. I left Hugh. But for a long time afterwards, I felt I’d failed.”
Dad hugged her and kissed the top of her head. She gave him a watery smile before continuing.
“When I moved here to Brisbane, I started going to Gracepointe Church. That's where Pastor Stanek told me that God didn’t love me any less because I’d left Hugh. He told me that God doesn’t condone any man who berates and beats a woman, and that He’d never expect the woman to stay. Even though it's not what He intended, in some circumstances, leaving is the only option. Only when I heard that did I finally experience complete and total freedom from the pain of that failed marriage. I was finally able to forgive myself.”
“Mum, I'm so sorry.” Tessa moved to the seat beside her mother and hugged her.
“You needn't be,” she said, a faint smile appearing on her tear-stained face. “Leaving Hugh was the second best decision I’ve made.”
“What was the first?” Elliott asked.
“Marrying your father,” she replied, turning to smile lovingly at him. “After such a horrible first marriage, I was very hesitant about getting involved with someone again, but now I can't imagine life without your dad.”
“And I can't imagine what my life would have been like without you, Ellie. I'm glad you decided to give love another chance. I know we... well, me especially, sounded rather harsh about Ben being divorced the other day when we were at dinner. Because of what the Bible says, I still believe divorce is wrong in most situations. It's not what God intends for us at all. He intends marriage to be a lifetime commitment, and if we lived in a perfect world, there’d be no need for divorce, but we don't live in a perfect world, and in situations like your mother found herself in, divorce really was the only option.
“We don’t know what happened in Ben's m
arriage, and what caused his wife to be unfaithful, but I can’t imagine he was a wife beater. She must have had her own reasons, which we might never know.” He paused and squeezed Tessa’s hand. “What we’re trying to say is, if you and Ben do eventually become more than friends, we’ll be okay with it, but don't make any hasty decisions. Get to know him first before making any long-term decisions. And pray about it. Really pray. You need to know what’s in his heart. Only God can show you that. And you also should talk with Pastor Stanek. It's a serious thing, and you need to be sure that whatever you decide is in line with God's will.”
Tessa blinked back tears. She couldn’t have asked for more caring, understanding, and wise parents. She was blessed indeed.
Chapter 17
Tessa was finishing breakfast the following morning when Ben telephoned. He arranged to pick her up within the hour and suggested they drive to the Gold Coast and spend the day at the beach.
“That sounds wonderful. I’ll look forward to seeing you soon.”
“I won’t ask,” Stephanie said as she collected the dishes, “but it sounds like you two are hitting it off.”
“We’re friends. That’s all.”
Stephanie gave her a knowing look and placed the dishes in the sink. “Okay, I won’t say any more. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
“We’re just going to the beach. That’s all. And I need to get ready.”
Half an hour later, Tessa pulled the curtains back and peeked out the window when the gate squeaked open.
“I’m off, Steph.” She grabbed her bag and hat and ran down the stairs. She resisted the temptation to give Ben a hug and instead greeted him with a beaming smile. He looked so… appealing. But she knew what he looked like on the outside—today was all about getting to know what made him tick on the inside.
“Such a lovely day for the beach. Good suggestion.” She laughed lightly and walked beside him to the car. Jayden sat in the back, playing on his iPad. She berated herself for not even thinking about whether Jayden would be coming or not.
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