He stood still, his eyes fixed on hers.
She gulped as she reached out and took his hand. “I didn’t mean what I said this morning. I said it without thinking, and it’s not what I believe. You’re a man who stands by his word, and if you said that Jayden was grounded for a month, and that included camp, it would have gone against your principles if you’d given in and let him go. I can see that now.”
She stepped a little closer. “It was also wrong of me to lose my temper and yell at you. Jayden should never hear us argue.” She searched his eyes. The darkness was receding, but he remained silent. What was he thinking?
“I never knew it was going to be like this.” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I guess I had this idealistic view that once we were married everything would be okay, and that the three of us would all get on together.” Tears pricked her eyes. “I never dreamed I’d be put in the position of choosing which of you to side with. But Ben…” A sob caught in her throat as she closed the gap between them. “I know it’ll be hard sometimes, but from now on I’ll try my best to support you in front of Jayden and not to argue so much.” She squeezed his hand. “I can’t promise to agree with you on everything, and I’d love it if we could discuss how to handle him and try to come up with a compromise when we disagree.” She gazed into his eyes. “I love you more than anything, and I’m truly sorry for what I said.” Her heart raced as she waited for his response.
Their eyes remained locked. After several long seconds, he reached out his hand and brushed a finger along her brow. “We’re both at fault. I know I’m hard on Jayden sometimes, but I do really love him, you know that.” His deep voice was soft and caring. “And I love you with all my heart.” His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. “I’m sorry I get grumpy.” He placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. “I don’t want to be like that with you. Or with Jayden.” He lifted her chin. “We’ll get better at this. I love you deeply, and I’m sorry.”
Her heart filled with relief and love as he lowered his face and kissed her gently.
“Let’s ask God to show us the way through this,” he whispered into her ear as he placed another kiss on her cheek.
A tear slipped from her eye as she nodded.
He wiped the tear away with his thumb, and took her hand as they knelt together beside their bed. He led in prayer, his deep voice full of conviction and humility. “Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for bringing Tessa into my life. You know how much I love her.” His voice caught in his throat. “I’m so sorry for the times I appear uncaring and cold. Oh Lord, please help me be more compassionate and understanding, and to love Tessa the way You do.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Forgive my hardness of heart, Lord. Please soften me, and do with me as you will.”
She squeezed his hand as his voice choked again. When he continued, his voice was quiet and subdued. “And God, please show me how to reach Jayden. I’ve failed him so often. Let him know how much I love him, and how special he is to me.”
Tessa placed her arm around Ben’s trembling shoulder and drew in a slow breath, very aware of God’s presence with them. Her spirit, moved by Ben’s brokenness before God, was heavy with conviction and a real desire for God to touch and to heal. “Oh Lord, bless our family. Bless Ben. Such a wonderful, strong, compassionate man who loves You so much. Draw us closer together, dear God, and help us be more loving and kind with each other when things get tough. Help us love each other, despite everything. And help us to show your love to Jayden. We look forward to the time when he sees for himself how wide and deep Your love for him is and he accepts Jesus as his own personal Saviour. Thank You, Lord God, for times like these when we’re drawn to our knees, totally aware of our dependence on You. I’m Yours, dear Lord, let me live each day with Your love shining through me, especially to Ben and Jayden. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
Tessa wiped a tear from her eye as she and Ben remained silent in God’s presence, resting in His peace and allowing Him to reach deep into their hearts. She began humming one of her favourite worship songs, “Be still and know that I am God; Be still and know that I am God; Be still and know that I am God.” Ben joined in, and together they worshipped, allowing God to renew their hearts and minds.
A short while later, Ben helped her to her feet and pulled her close. “Never doubt my love for you, Tessa.”
“Nor you mine.” She lifted her face and gazed deep into his eyes. He traced her hairline with the tips of his fingers. When he lowered his face to kiss her again, Stephanie’s words ran through her mind. Making up almost made the argument worthwhile. Her heart rate increased, but then the front door slammed. Jayden! Tessa’s pulse raced. She reluctantly pushed Ben away and patted her hair down. How could they have forgotten about Jayden?
“That was close,” Ben whispered with a glint in his eye. He kissed her quickly on the cheek. “To be continued.” His eyes flashed with mischief as he stepped into the bathroom and washed his face.
Tessa straightened her slightly crumpled shirt, checked her face in the mirror, and ran downstairs ahead of Ben. Jayden sat in the family room, Bindy and Sparky collapsed at his feet. Sweat dripped from his red face, and his skin glistened.
“Jayden, get off the couch—you’re dripping all over it! You know what your dad will say.” He looked up at her with hardened eyes. Her heart fell. The peace and confidence she’d felt only moments earlier had fled. Nothing had changed outwardly. Jayden was still angry with them both. But she and Ben were together, and God was with them.
“It’s okay.” Ben’s deep voice reverberated down the staircase. Tessa’s head jerked around as he came down the stairs and her eyes widened. Had she heard correctly? Ben said it was okay for Jayden to stay on the couch, sweaty and wet? She met his gaze—his softened eyes melted her heart and the smile she sent his way was filled with love and appreciation.
Jayden also looked up, an incredulous stare on his face.
“How was your run? Looks like you wore the dogs out.” Ben bent down and patted first Sparky and then Bindy. Their heads lifted slightly, but their tongues continued to loll, leaving drool on the tiled floor.
“It was good.” Jayden’s voice was tentative, as if he didn’t know how to respond to his father’s out of character behaviour.
“I’m sorry for being so tough on you.” Ben sat on the couch beside him. “Maybe I’ve been too tough, I’m not sure.” He ran his hand over his head. “It was only because I love you, and I believed it was for your own good, but maybe I could have been more lenient.” Jayden raised his eyebrows. “I can’t go back on what I said, so no, you can’t go to the science camp.”
Jayden’s eyes darkened again and he pursed his lips.
Tessa stood, unable to move, unable to breathe. Dear God, please give Ben the right words to say, and please soften Jayden’s heart.
“But… if I’m right, tomorrow is the fourth Sunday, and so if you come with us to church again happily, I guess we need to decide where and when we’re going to go camping.”
Jayden looked up, his whole face slowly expanding into a wide grin.
“Really? You’re going to come camping?”
Ben drew in a breath and then let it out slowly. “Yes. Not sure what I’m letting myself in for, but yes, I’ll go camping.”
Warmth spread through Tessa’s body as her eyes blurred with tears. Thank You, thank You God. Catching Ben’s gaze, she beamed at him with all the love in her heart.
Chapter 11
The following day, neither Ben nor Tessa had to rouse Jayden—he was ready before either of them. He still sat in church with a bored look on his face, but Tessa prayed that God would keep knocking on the door of his heart, and that one day Jayden would let him in.
At lunch, sitting outside on their deck, she asked him where he’d like to go for their camping trip. He’d been quiet after church, but he wasn’t being rude or sullen, and she was heartened.
“Wo
uld you prefer the beach or the mountains?” She passed him the bowl of potato salad.
He took a few moments to reply. “I think I’d like to go to the mountains so we can go hiking and have a camp fire, and sleep in little tents, just like I did in scouts.”
She’d never seen him so animated. “Just what I was thinking.” She smiled at him, pleased at his enthusiasm.
Ben’s face paled. Tessa giggled and squeezed his shoulder. “Come on Ben— it’ll be fine!”
He shook his head and inhaled deeply. “Can’t we rent an apartment on the Gold Coast instead?” The pained expression on his face made her feel sorry for him, but she couldn’t help laughing.
Jayden rolled his eyes. “Come on Dad, it’ll be fun.”
While she and Jayden continued to make their plans, Ben remained quiet. They agreed to go on the Easter weekend in a month’s time, leaving on the Saturday morning, and they’d head up into the hinterland behind the Gold Coast. Tessa knew lots of great camping and hiking spots, and she was sure her parents would lend them some camping gear.
Over the following weeks, she and Ben became more involved in the activities of the Fellowship Bible Church. Ben joined a men’s prayer group that met twice a month, and she joined a weekly women’s Bible study group that met on a Tuesday evening. Jayden continued going to church on Sundays, but didn’t join any youth activities, and she eventually stopped pressing him about it. God, it’s up to You now. I can’t push him any more. I trust You to bring him to Yourself when he’s ready. She prayed for him daily. Her heart went out to him—a boy in turmoil, confused and hurt. If ever she came face to face with Kathryn, she’d have words to say, that was for sure.
The first time Tessa went to the Bible Study she was a few minutes late, and all heads were bowed in prayer when she arrived. She quietly slipped into an empty chair beside an older woman with greying hair.
She settled into her seat, but instead of closing her eyes, she glanced around the group of perhaps twenty-five women. Her heart skipped a beat when she recognised the woman on the far side of the circle. Sabrina Urbane. Tessa hadn’t seen Sabrina since that first Sunday when they’d locked eyes, and she hadn’t really given her a second thought, assuming she must have just been visiting, but now it seemed she and Sabrina were to meet again.
For whatever reason, Sabrina had never been friendly with her, but after her decision to break up with Michael, the tension between the two of them intensified. Sabrina blamed her for Michael’s depression and suicidal tendencies, and now, the last words Sabrina had spat at her nearly two years ago came ringing back: “If you truly love him,” she’d said, “you would have stayed with him.”
As the prayer session ended, Tessa slunk down in her chair and pulled her hair over her face in an attempt to become invisible to Yvonne, the group leader whom she’d chatted with briefly at church. And to Sabrina. It didn’t work. Yvonne smiled at her broadly and welcomed her to the group. As Tessa thanked her, Sabrina stared at her with steely grey eyes.
Tessa lowered her head to avoid making any further eye contact with Sabrina. Lord, why does she have to be here, at this church, in this group? She opened her Bible to the passage in Esther the group was studying, but struggled to keep her mind on the discussion.
Could Sabrina have had a change of heart? Unlikely, given the stony look on her face. Seeing Sabrina made her think about Michael. It wasn’t any of her business now she was married, but part of her wanted to know how he was doing. Was he angry at her like Sabrina? Was he still on drugs? Is he still alive? A twinge of guilt nibbled her conscience. They’d been so close for so long, and yet she hadn’t even cast him a thought since meeting Ben. Did she dare ask Sabrina about him after the group meeting was over? She lifted her eyes but lowered them quickly as she met Sabrina’s cold stare. Not a good idea.
“Okay, ladies, that’s it for this evening. Let’s close in prayer,” Yvonne said at the conclusion of the study, closing her Bible and setting aside her notes.
Instead of joining in with the group prayer, Tessa closed her eyes and asked God to give her wisdom should she and Sabrina speak. And to forgive her for allowing her mind to wander when she should have been concentrating on the Word.
After the prayer time finished, the older woman sitting beside her introduced herself. “I’m Margaret Smith. Good to have you here with us. Are you new to the area?” Margaret reminded Tessa of Rose, Pastor Stanek’s wife, with her greying hair, warm smile and overall cheerful demeanour.
“Not really, I’ve lived in the area for some years, but I’ve recently married, and my husband and I have just moved into a house together and started coming to this church.”
“Well, I hope you enjoyed tonight, and that you decide to come back.” Margaret patted her hand. “Come and let me introduce you to some of the others.” Tessa forced a smile. Not to Sabrina, please…
As Tessa spoke to several of the other women who also welcomed her warmly, she searched the room, hoping her lack of attention wasn’t being noticed. Sabrina wasn’t there. Making a spur of the moment decision, she excused herself and hurried out. Sabrina was in the parking area, unlocking the door to her blue Porsche.
Clenching her fists, Tessa steeled herself. Lord, I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but please be with me. She called out to Sabrina. “I didn’t know you lived in New Farm.” Tessa bit her lip as she stopped in front of her. What a stupid thing to say.
Sabrina didn’t look up. Instead, she opened her car door and tossed her purse inside before turning around. She flicked her long dark hair over her shoulder. Her black jeans fitted a little too snuggly, and her white button-up shirt accentuated the roll of fat bulging over the waist band and her more than ample chest. Her cold grey eyes bored into Tessa’s. “What do you want, Tessa?”
Tessa hesitated a moment. What did she want? Did she really want to find out about Michael? Wouldn’t that be opening a can of worms? But yes, if she were honest, she did want to know. She’d loved him, after all. And she still cared. She took a deep breath. “Just wondering how Michael is.”
“You’d know if you hadn’t left him.” Sabrina arched her brows and planted her hand on her hip.
Tessa gritted her teeth and sighed. “There’s no need to keep acting this way. It isn’t right for you to keep blaming me for Michael’s problems. I did everything I could to help him, but he wasn’t prepared to take any responsibility for his actions or do anything to help himself. In the end I had no choice. You know that.”
“Really? Do I?” Sabrina pursed her lips. “You ran away when he needed you the most instead of standing by him and helping him. You left him to struggle on his own.” Sabrina stepped closer, pointing her finger at Tessa. Tessa drew back to get away from her, but Sabrina moved with her.
“You’re a runner, Tessa Scott Williams. Whenever things get hard, you run away from them instead of working through them. And you’re also stuck up, selfish, and you care for no one but yourself.” Her nostrils flared as she held Tessa’s gaze for a moment before climbing into her car and slamming the door behind her.
“How dare you—” Tessa blurted hotly but the engine of Sabrina’s Porsche rumbled to a start, drowning her words.
“He’s still in rehab, if you’re interested,” Sabrina called out the window as she sped off, sending a spray of gravel into the air as she accelerated.
Tessa breathed heavily as she stared at the car disappearing into the distance. Her hands shook and her head pounded. How dare Sabrina yell at her like that and call her those names! She had a mind to tell Ben they should find another church.
All the way home, Sabrina’s words played over and over in her mind, but by the time she reached home, she’d calmed down somewhat and was already having second thoughts. Was Sabrina right? Had she done the wrong thing by leaving Michael? Was she really a runner? Could she have helped him more if she’d tried harder and stayed longer?
Parked in the darkened carport, Tessa rested her elbow on the car door, placin
g her head in her hand as she blinked back tears. “God, I love Ben, You know that. I believe You brought us together and mean for us to be together forever, but there’s no denying I used to love Michael and I do care about what’s happened to him.” She gulped as a pang of guilt hit her. “I’m not sure what to do. If I did do something wrong, I’d like to make it right, somehow. Lord, please guide me.” She straightened. “But God, about Sabrina—I have no idea how to pray for her. Such a rude, spiteful person. I don’t know how she calls herself a Christian.” Tessa drew in a deep breath. “I’ll have to pray for her another time, I’m sorry, God.” She climbed out of the car and took a steadying breath before entering the house.
Chapter 12
Late the following afternoon as Tessa was in her study completing some supply forms for the vet clinic, Jayden knocked on her half-opened home office door.
“Is it okay if I run Bindy and Sparky down to the park?”
She turned around and smiled at him. It was so good to see him happy. “Yes, that’s fine, but don’t stay out long. I heard thunder a while ago and it could rain. I don’t want you to get caught in it.”
The phone ringing in the kitchen drowned out her last words. She rose to get it, but Jayden waved for her not to bother. “I’ll answer it.”
Tessa nodded her appreciation. She could do without the distraction. She turned her attention back to the forms but snatches of Jayden’s low voice floated into her office. She couldn’t distinctly hear what he was saying, but he was on the phone for a long time. Tessa assumed it must be one of his friends. Sometime later, the back door slid open and Jayden left with the dogs.
Ping! Tessa’s computer gave a short, high-pitched ding. A new email. She ignored it for a while, but eventually it got the better of her. She clicked on her email account. Not one, but three new emails. The first message was from Harrison asking if she’d talked with Fran yet about the pay raises she’d mentioned she was considering since the clinic was much busier than expected and the staff were run off their feet. She chewed on her lip. No, she hadn’t done that yet but needed to. She’d meant to consult with Fran about it earlier in the week, but it had slipped her mind. She made a note to herself to call Fran first thing in the morning to discuss the matter.
THE TRUE LOVE SERIES BOX SET: A Christian Romance Page 18