She turned her head and reached out her hand. “Oh Jay, I didn’t mean it like that.” She gave him puppy dog eyes before turning her attention back to the road. “I wasn’t cut out to be a housewife. I probably should never have married your father.” She paused, a wistful expression on her face, as if she were remembering. “He wanted me to be something I wasn’t, and when I met Luke, I knew that was the chance I’d been waiting for, and I took it.” She glanced at him. “And I thought you’d be better off with your dad than with me.” Her eyes glistened. “But I was wrong, Jay. I missed you. I missed you like anything. The day I saw you at the Pro-Am just about killed me.”
Yeah right. You ignored me. Pretended you hadn’t seen me.
“I wanted to talk with you, but I couldn’t.” She gulped. “Luke… ” She let out a sad sigh.
“What, Mum? What about Luke?”
She exhaled slowly, her arms sagging. “He didn’t like children.”
Jayden shook his head in disbelief. “You never told him, did you?”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “No… ” Her chest shuddered as she reached out her hand again. “I’m so sorry, Jay.”
He pushed her hand away. He should never have let her back into his life. She was right all along. He was better off with Dad.
They sat in silence as the miles drifted by. Dad had still been sending emails, but they all said the same thing. ‘Come home, we miss you.’ Jayden never read any further than that. Maybe he should. But if he did, he’d want to go back. Could he do that? Admit he’d been wrong? His stomach churned. He really owed Mum nothing. He should leave her, just like she’d left him. It’d serve her right. Dad would pay his fare. All Jayden had to do was call him. But if he did, it would all be over. Just like that. He stared ahead. Could he do it?
On Christmas Eve, Kathryn and Jayden approached a small town in Montana not far from the Canadian border.
Kathryn pulled over in a vista point overlooking the town set in a valley between two mountains. Snow covered the ground and hung off the trees in icicles. Smoke rose from chimneys of the houses far below, drifting into the air, and beckoning them to come down and get warm. “Let’s take a look, Jay.”
“It’s freezing.” Jayden’s teeth chattered as he pulled his jacket tighter and rubbed his gloved hands together. When he exhaled, his breath looked like smoke spiraling into the crisp air.
Kathryn wrapped her arms around him. “This will do, Jay. We’ll find a nice warm place with a fire. It’s the perfect place to spend Christmas.”
“Hope so.” Jayden couldn’t stop his teeth from chattering and jumped back into the car, turning the heater up high.
The road into the town of Hunters Hollow snaked down the side of the mountain. A snowplow had been through recently and snow was piled up on either side. Jayden held his breath as Kathryn inched her way forward over the slippery sections and around the ‘U’ bends. When they reached the straight road at the bottom, he let out his breath.
Small cottages began to appear and grew closer together as they approached the town. A sign welcomed them. The main street was decorated for Christmas with colorful bunting crisscrossing the road, and a huge Christmas tree covered with brightly painted pine cones and baubles took pride of place in the town square. Although it was only mid-afternoon, lights began to flicker on, and the whole town looked like a winter wonderland.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Mum’s voice was the softest Jayden had heard it in a long time. She really was trying.
“Yeah, I guess. But where are we going to stay?” Mary and Joseph’s story flashed through his mind. He didn’t want to sleep in a barn.
“We’ll find somewhere. Don’t worry, Jay.”
He raised his brow. He hadn’t seen any place with a vacancy sign.
Mum continued driving slowly through the town. People wearing thick jackets and gloves scurried along the pavements, ducking in and out of the small shops lining the main street, buying last minute gifts for their families, Jayden assumed. If he was back home… but no, he couldn’t allow his thoughts to wander. But he couldn’t help but wonder what Dad and Tessa were doing. It was already Christmas morning in Brisbane.
Mum hit the brakes and the car skidded to a sudden stop in front of a run down hotel that had a ‘Vacancy’ sign out front. “There, I told you we’d find something.” She smiled at him and chuckled. “Come on Jay, let’s get warm.”
Inside, an open fire roared, and Kathryn and Jayden headed straight for it, rubbing their hands together and standing as close as they could.
“Can I help you, Ma’am?” A large man with shoulders rounded like a bull called out from behind the desk at the entrance they’d raced past in their hurry to get to the fire.
Jayden glanced at his mother. Does she have enough money? Dread settled in his stomach. She’d been very cagey about how much she actually had left.
“Ah, yes.” She walked to the desk and stood in front of the man. Jayden didn’t like the way she’d swung her hips. What was she trying to do? “We…” she reached for Jayden and placed her hand on his shoulder, “we’d like a room for two nights please.”
The man looked her up and down. “On yer way somewhere?”
Jayden was about to tell him to mind his own business when she spoke. “We might hang around awhile. Depends.” She batted her eyelashes.
Jayden groaned. Why would Mum flirt with someone as ugly as him?
“I have a room on the top floor. In fact, two rooms, interconnecting.” He lifted his gaze from the desk. “I can let you have them both for the price of one.” The man gave Mum a look that sent shivers down Jayden’s spine.
“That would be perfect. Thank you, Mr.?”
“Call me Buck. And you are?” He cocked his head.
“Katy.”
Jayden’s brow shot up.
“And this is my son, Jay.” She placed both her hands on his shoulders.
Buck nodded once and gave him a frosty look. Jayden’s pulse raced. There was something about this man he didn’t like.
“And how much will that be?” Mum reached for her purse.
“Fix me up later. I’ll show you to your rooms.”
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you, Buck.” Mum put on her sickly sweet voice. Jayden hated it.
He followed Mum and Buck up the three flights of threadbare stairs and gagged when he entered his room. The cigarette fumes at the apartment in Austin were nothing compared to the suffocating haze hanging in the air of this tiny room. He held his hand to his mouth and coughed.
“Sorry about that. Ventilation’s died.” Buck chuckled, but it wasn’t a kind chuckle. It was a chuckle that conveyed malice. What have I done to make him hate me? Jayden’s jaw tightened as he glared at Buck.
“And this here is the room for the lovely lady.”
Jayden balled his hands as he fought the anger growing inside him.
Buck left after a while, and as soon as his heavy footsteps faded, Jayden raced into Mum’s room. She was unpacking her bags and had started putting her clothes into the four-drawer wooden dresser beside the window.
“We can’t stay here, Mum.” Jayden kept his voice low but firm.
“Oh Jay.” She reached out her hands. He ignored them. “It’s only until we get ourselves sorted. It’ll be okay, you’ll see.”
He glared at her. “Fine. Two days, that’s all.”
“I promise.” She resumed unpacking. “How about we freshen up and then go down for dinner? Buck said they’re having a Christmas Eve singalong around the fire.”
“Sounds great.” Jayden rolled his eyes. He couldn’t be any more sarcastic if he tried.
The evening dragged. Mum drank too much and played up to Buck all night. It made Jayden sick. He snuck out just before ten o’clock, but instead of climbing the stairs to his suffocating room, he slipped out the side door and headed to town.
Not surprisingly, very few people were out. Freshly fallen snow crunched under his feet as Jayden
walked briskly along the pavement. He passed shops and cafés, all decorated for Christmas but now closed for business. But up ahead, a familiar Christmas carol sounded from a small church on his right.
He crossed the road carefully, not wanting to slip and fall, and sidled up to the window. The building itself reminded him of Gracepoint church back home, with its ‘A’-framed gable and cross sitting on the apex. A whole range of people filled the pews. Elderly men and women, some holding hands, and young children who probably should have been in bed. But they all stood and sang. As the words of “Silent Night” reached his ears, tears sprang to his eyes. Last Christmas he and Dad and Tessa had gone to the Christmas Eve service with Tessa’s parents. But instead of snow on the ground and heating inside to warm the congregation, fans had whirred at full speed to disperse the thick, sweltering air hanging inside the chapel. But the carols they’d sung were the very same ones being sung here.
A lump rose in his throat. Jayden shivered and lifted the collar of his jacket higher around his neck. He couldn’t keep standing there. He had to go in or keep walking. He was just about to move on when a hand touched his shoulder. A kindly looking man about the same age as Dad stood beside him.
“Coming in, son? You’ll freeze out here.”
Jayden looked into the man’s friendly eyes. It was tempting, that was for sure. He made up his mind, and followed the man inside. The warm air hit his face like a blast from an oven. He removed his jacket and hung it on a hook in the foyer. The man showed him to a seat in the back row and stood beside him as the carol continued. Jayden gulped and pushed back tears. If only it were Dad standing beside him.
The song changed. The man gave him a song sheet but he didn’t need it. He knew the words to ‘Oh Come, all ye Faithful.’ Jayden joined in, at first just mouthing the words, but then singing them. Something inside pulled at his heart as he sang, and tears rolled down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with his hand, but they kept coming. The man gave him a handkerchief and placed his arm lightly on Jayden’s shoulders.
What was he doing here? He should be back home with his own dad. You’re here now, son. I’m with you. Jayden looked around. Where did that come from? Everyone was still singing. No-one had spoken to him. I love you. You’re precious to me. Jayden gulped. It had to be God, speaking to him. He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed. He didn’t know what to do. The carol ended and everyone sat. He had to get out of here. Instead of taking his seat, Jayden slipped out of the end of the pew, grabbed his jacket and stepped outside. The blast of freezing air stung his face, but he was oblivious to it. His insides churned with a whirling jumble of memories, regrets and now the voice of God. He trudged back the way he came, trying to make sense of it all. But no sense came. His life was a mess, and now he had to sleep in that horrible room.
Chapter 16
Jayden’s mind was a-whirl when he woke the following morning. Had it all been a dream? Had he really walked down the street and found that church? Had that man really placed his hand on his shoulder and led him inside? Did God really speak to me? Jayden climbed out of bed and checked his pockets. The man’s handkerchief was balled up inside one of them. It was real. It had happened. He sat on the edge of the bed and hung his head. God, I don’t know how to talk to you, but if you want to speak to me, I’m listening. Nothing happened. But the words he’d heard last night played through his mind. ‘I love you. You’re precious to me.’ He swallowed and let out a slow breath. God, I should know how to do this, but I don’t, but I thank you for being with me. I could really do with a friend right now, so if you’re up there, I wouldn’t mind hearing from you.
A thump sounded from the next room. He looked up. Had Mum fallen out of bed? The floorboards creaked, as if someone heavier than Mum was walking on them. His shoulders slumped. Buck. A sick feeling grew in his stomach. Already he’d grown to hate that man.
He lay back in bed and curled up, pulling the comforter tight around his neck to keep out the cold. It might be Christmas Day, but there was nothing joyous about it. Especially with Buck in it.
He must have fallen asleep, because he woke sometime later to persistent knocking on his door. “Jay, wake up. It’s breakfast time.”
He drew in a breath and sat up. “Give me a minute.” He climbed out of bed and pulled on some fresh clothes before opening the door.
“Merry Christmas, Jay.” Mum gave him a huge hug. Her over-the top smile had returned.
“Merry Christmas, Mum.” He couldn’t summons any enthusiasm.
“Let’s go down.” She linked arms with him and pranced down the stairs as if she were a madam and he a gentleman. It made him sick.
Only two others ate breakfast in the dining area of the hotel. A middle-aged man and woman who nodded as he and Mum entered. At least Buck was nowhere in sight.
“Well, this is nice, isn’t it, Jay?” She flashed another smile.
Jayden forced one in return.
Mum chatted non-stop, as if she were trying to cover up the fact that Buck had been in her room all night.
“Come to church with me?” He interrupted her.
She stopped mid-sentence. “I haven’t set foot in a church for years, Jay. Besides, Buck has asked us to have lunch here with him.”
Great. Jayden steadied his breathing. He could get really angry if he wasn’t careful. “There’s plenty of time before lunch.” He checked his watch. “The service starts in half an hour.”
“You go if you want, Jay, I might catch up on some sleep.” She yawned.
“Mum, it’s Christmas.” Tears welled in his eyes. How could she be so thoughtless?
She reached out and touched his wrist. “I’m sorry, Jay. I’ll make it up to you.” Her expression brightened. “But at least we’ve got a place to stay for as long as we want.”
Jayden’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Buck’s got a cottage on the edge of town we can stay in if I work here for free.”
Jayden glanced at the man and woman before leaning closer. “I don’t like the sound of that. Can’t we find somewhere for ourselves?”
“It’ll help us out for a while, Jay.” She squeezed his hand, holding his gaze. An embarrassed look grew on her face. “Besides, we don’t have enough money for anything else.”
“What happened to the money, Mum?” He couldn’t believe he was hearing this. The condo, the boat, the fancy car, the private plane—all gone. What had she done? She hadn’t even given him a Christmas present.
She gave a half shrug, her eyes moistening. Squeezing his hand tighter, she leaned closer and lowered her voice. “You don’t know what it’s been like, Jay.” Her voice caught in her throat. “I’ve been so lonely since Luke left. And I may have … ” she sniffed and turned her head away, holding her free hand to her nose.
“Done what, Mum?” Jayden drew his eyebrows together and stared at her. Did he really want to find out?
She sniffed again and turned her head slowly. She plucked at a piece of fluff on her sleeve before raising her eyes. “I may have … gambled it.”
Jayden’s eyes widened. He ripped his hand away from hers. How could she have gambled all their money? How dare she? “I’m out of here, Mum. Sorry.” Tears stung his eyes as he pushed his chair back and raced for the exit.
Jayden felt, rather than saw, Buck’s eyes on him. She’s all yours, Buck. I’m outta here.
His heart thumped as he entered the street. He looked both ways. The only place he knew was the church, and that was to the left. But did he want to go back there? To be pitied by people who wouldn’t understand? People in normal families sitting together singing Christmas carols, looking forward to a big Christmas dinner in houses that were warm and safe, having hugged and kissed each other as they opened lovingly wrapped presents this morning? No, he couldn’t go there. He turned and headed the other way.
Snow fell lightly as he walked, and by late morning, Jayden had reached the other end of town. He couldn’t keep walking. His f
eet, cold and numb, felt like they didn’t belong to him and would fall off at any second. Aromas of roast Christmas dinners wafted out of all the houses he passed, tantalizing his taste buds. With very little money and nowhere specific to go, he had no real plan. Stopping outside a derelict building, he peered through the boarded up, dirty windows. It had once been a shop of some sort, a café, perhaps? He could hang out in there for a while. A lump formed in his throat. What was he thinking? How could he do that, especially in this weather? But what option did he have? He knew no-one, apart from Mum. And Buck. And maybe that man at church last night.
He blinked back tears as the lump rose higher in his throat. Sliding to the ground, he buried his head in his hands and burst into tears. He’d never felt so alone in all his life. A nauseating feeling grew in his stomach. He had no choice—he had to go back to Mum. And Buck.
Picking himself up off the ground, he trudged back to the hotel and peered inside the window. Unlike the other more salubrious establishments in town that he’d passed on his way back, ‘Hunters Hollow Hotel’ had few Christmas decorations, and the few that were up were gaudy and old. Even the Christmas tree was small and fake, just a token effort. Several people sat in the dining room finishing their lunch, but not Mum. He slipped inside and up the stairs, his heart pounding. Buck was nowhere to be seen, but what if he ran into him? He reached the top floor safely and paused outside Mum’s door. Silence. He knocked tentatively.
“Jay, is that you?” Her sleepy voice called out.
He opened the door and peeked in. Mum looked terrible. Her make-up had run down her face and her eyes were red and swollen. She threw back the covers and held out her arms.
“Jay, I’m sorry. Come here.”
Jayden drew in a slow breath. How pitiful she looked. So different to the trendy, well-dressed woman who’d whisked him away from Dad and Tessa only months before. He stepped slowly towards her. What would life be like in this town with a broke mother and a brute of a man lurking around? He tried to push down the apprehension growing deep inside him. How could he leave her now? God, I have no idea what’s ahead, but please be with me.
THE TRUE LOVE SERIES BOX SET: A Christian Romance Page 35