by Diana Fraser
“And confirm my thoughts? That you are backing off because you’re scared?”
In her best imperious voice she said, “I am tired, Xander, that is all.” She would have been able to leave if he hadn’t reached out and touched her hand. Just as before, it halted every thought, and stimulated every feeling, and there was nothing she could do.
“Ela, I don’t know what happened to you, but you are queen now, you have total power, and no one can take that away from you. I am no threat to you, I can only help you, so why not stay, and talk? You might find you feel a little better.”
All she could do was to look down at his hand and the thumb which caressed the back of hers. How could a simple caress create such havoc in every part of her body? She didn’t dare look into his eyes, because then he would see her fear—naked and ugly. She swallowed. And then, from the depths of her, she summoned up the courage to meet his gaze. The smile was wiped from his face at what he saw.
“As you may know, my parents divorced and my mother died shortly afterwards.”
Xander nodded. “I had heard.”
“But what you might not know, Xander, is that my parents were opposite. My mother wanted fun. She enjoyed shopping, parties and…” She hesitated. “Over-indulging with alcohol… and other things. My father was traditional and did not approve.” It was a mild description of how her father felt but she didn’t care to elaborate. “He told me to watch and learn. And I did. I learned two things. My mother’s rejection was absolute. As was her isolation. She wasn’t allowed near me or my sister.” She sucked in a deep breath. “She died alone…Not long after.” She nearly stumbled but forced herself to continue, to admit the truth to Xander. “Accidental overdose was the verdict. It was hushed up of course. My father taught me well. There is no room in life for weakness, no room for error, especially if you rule a country, especially for a woman. That was the first thing I learned.”
His grip tightened around her hands. He put his other hand on hers and squeezed it gently. “Hence no alcohol, hence a rigid control over yourself.”
She shrugged. “I am who I am. Just as you are who you are. I don’t think about the whys and wherefores. I am just me.”
He brought their joined fists to his lips and kissed her fingertips, before releasing her hand. “And just you is enough. I like just you.”
The tight wad she kept inside herself throbbed as if about to explode. She didn’t even realize it was there anymore. The throbbing rose to her head and her temples. She rose and, uncharacteristically, rubbed her fingers across the forehead and stepped away. “I have to go now.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Why not stay and we can discover more about each other?”
There was something in the way he said that which made her pause. For the first time since her confession she looked him straight in the eye and she didn’t like what she saw there. It looked as if he’d won.
“You’ve got what you wanted, haven’t you?” She cocked her head to one side as she thought things through. “That was what Roshan suggested wasn’t it? Flirt with me, break me down. What is that Chinese proverb? Know your enemy?”
At least Xander had the grace not to lie outright. “Come on, Ela. It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Do tell me, because I’m curious to know.” He shrugged, and she knew she was correct. She shook her head. “I’m leaving.”
“Stay, please. Besides we haven’t finished our conversation. You didn’t tell me the second thing you learned.”
It took her a minute to figure out what he was referring to. “Ah, yes. The first was no alcohol and complete restraint, and the second? That’s easy. The second is to never trust a man.”
He frowned. “You can’t believe that. We’re not all the same, Ela.”
“Don’t call me Ela.”
“Why not? It’s your name.”
“My mother called me Ela,” she said, through a husky, barely controlled voice. “And I’m not that girl. That girl, Ela, died the day my mother left, forced away by my father, never to return. There is no Ela. My name is Elaheh. And if you, or Roshan, believe you can break me in order to control me, then you’ve both got another think coming.”
She left the bar without a backward glance. But she wasn’t the same person. Something had broken a little inside her when Xander had held her hand. Something that she hadn’t even known she’d been forcing herself to hold together. But it had been there—tight inside of herself, curled up and made solid. And Xander had loosened it. It was chaos. It was fear. It was everything she didn’t want. And she hated Xander for it.
Chapter 3
The next morning Elaheh rose before Xander. She was at work in the board room with her ministers around her. There would be no more tête-à-têtes, no more opportunities for Xander to try to break her. He might call it understanding her, but she knew the truth. He was only interested in one thing and that was nailing a deal which would benefit his country. And he was obviously prepared to soften her up in order to do it. She’d been weak yesterday; she didn’t intend to be weak again.
When Xander entered the room, he raised an eyebrow in question. He gestured toward her ministers. “Is this necessary?”
“Yes. There’s nothing more to discuss. We’ve agreed in principle, and now it’s time to move onto the next level.” She smiled coolly. “Please, feel free to summon your own ministers. The sooner we begin, the sooner we can both return home.”
Xander gave a brief nod, his mouth grim, his fingers tight around the back of his chair, betraying his displeasure. “Sure,” he said.
Elaheh nodded in triumph. She’d put him back in his place and, with their staff around them, she’d ensure the remainder of their meeting would be strictly impersonal.
And so it was. The hours passed quickly as each detail was nailed down and approved. By the end of the morning, there was nothing further to discuss.
“Thank you everyone. I think we’re finished here, now.” She rose to follow her staff when Xander spoke from behind her.
“One moment, please, Elaheh,” he said. She noticed he used her full name. Further proof, if required, that she had him where she wanted him.
She turned to him with an imperious glare. “What is it you want, Xander? Surely there’s nothing to discuss that our executives can’t deal with?”
“Yes, there is,” he said firmly. Her heart sank. It seemed he was still resisting her will. “I wish to talk with you, in private. Just for a few minutes,” he added.
She hesitated before giving him a curt nod. A few minutes she could cope with.
He opened the door for her and they walked out into the courtyard. It was almost spartan in design—unrelieved by trees, shrubs or flowers. Its simplicity dramatized its only feature—a perfect rectangular slice of water which reflected the brilliant blue of the sky. Instinctively, it seemed, he walked over to the water. She had the opposite instinct and sat on the stone seat by the door. He turned around and shook his head, as if in despair at her obstinacy. What he didn’t understand was that if she didn’t stand her ground, she’d lose the respect of every one around her. She’d learned that by watching her mother. There was no room for flexibility in this man’s world in which she lived.
“Do I have to shout across the courtyard at you?” he called out.
“No, you may stand before me if you have something to say.”
He shrugged and came and stood before her, closer than she’d have liked. She regretted requesting him to stand before her, while she sat. He had the advantage of height. She couldn’t shift away easily, not without appearing to be intimidated. And there was no way she was ever going to appear intimidated by him.
Any further thought of intimidation vanished as she watched a strange expression move over his face. He was frowning as though displeased, but he blinked and his mouth twisted as though he were unsure of himself. She relaxed. This was going to be interesting.
“I wish to apologize, Elaheh. You were
correct. Roshan did ask me to soften my stance towards you. But he didn’t ask me to flirt with you, as you suggested. That was all my own, brilliant, idea.” His emphasis showed that he no longer considered it to be brilliant.
She smiled. She hadn’t thought that watching an arrogant, powerful man humble himself before her could be so entertaining. “Indeed. Far from brilliant. Insulting even, I’d go so far as to say.”
He raised an eyebrow, his expression now returned to his usual cool aloofness. “Would you?”
“Yes, I would. To flirt with a colleague could, I understand, be construed as harassment in the workplace. To flirt with a queen could, I’m quite sure, be considered disrespectful at best.”
“And at worst?”
She rose and stepped toward him, annoyingly having to tilt her chin upward to meet his direct gaze. “At worst, Xander, it would be considered treasonous.”
She held his gaze firm until he laughed. She didn’t.
“And, what, Xander do you have so amusing?”
He thrust his hands in his pockets, traces of laughter still lingering on his face as he stepped even closer to her. “You, Ela, you. You are so…” He petered out as he shook his head and his gaze roamed over her face. “So old-fashioned.”
“Old-fashioned?” It wasn’t what she’d expected him to say, not that she could ever hope to fathom the workings of his mind. “Old-fashioned?” she repeated more loudly.
“Yes! All your talk of treason and respect, it’s as if you live in the dark ages!”
She gritted her teeth. “For your information, Xander, I do. My life and that of my people haven’t changed for centuries.”
“Then you need to change. Really. You need to move into the twenty-first century before you get left behind.”
She pursed her lips as she tried to control her anger. “And that, Xander, is exactly what I am trying to do. That is why I’m here, wasting my time trying to talk to you.”
“But that’s just it, Ela. You’re not trying hard enough. You don’t even look modern.”
“I wear a traditional abaya and hijab and I’m proud of it.”
“Of course. I don’t mean that. I mean how you hold yourself, as if you have a ramrod stuck up your—”
“You can stop right there!”
He tilted his head to one side. He didn’t appear in the least bit fazed. “Ela,” he said more gently. “I don’t mean to insult you, really I don’t. I think you’re…” He opened his mouth a few times as if about to say something, before sighing as if he couldn’t think of the correct word. “A force to be reckoned with. But, sometimes, you can move mountains more effectively with a little charm, a little softness, a little… understanding.”
“Understanding,” she repeated. He didn’t appear to hear the intense, white-hot anger which edged the word.
“Exactly. You need to understand people around you, rather than try to annihilate them.”
“And you, Xander, need to stop telling me what to do. It’s because of people like you—people who want to command me, people who want to control me, men who wish to bend me to their will, that I have to be what I have become.” She hadn’t realized her voice had trailed off into barely concealed distress until she saw it reflected in his face. She’d revealed too much. Again.
“I’m sorry, Ela. I truly am. I suspect that it’s not you I should suggest be more understanding, but me.”
His words reached out to her and connected with her like a life-line, the kind that had never been extended to her before. As the silence between them lengthened, that connection strengthened, too.
He gave a quick shake to his head. “I have no idea what you’ve been through.” He took her trembling hand between his. “But, I promise you this, and”—he smiled ruefully—“no one has asked me to say this. If you wish to educate me, if you wish to tell me anything, anything at all, I’m here for you.”
“Why? You obviously don’t like me.”
His brow furrowed. “That’s not true.”
“That’s how it appears. You even find the idea of flirting with me distasteful.”
“I didn’t say that. I merely said it was a bad idea. But, believe me, Ela, if we were two ordinary people, I’d flirt with you so hard, that you wouldn’t have any option but to fall in love with me.”
He took her hand and kissed it. He’d released it before she could remonstrate. But, as she felt its devastating effect travel throughout her body, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t have remonstrated at all.
“But we’re not,” he continued. “So all we can do is to stop antagonizing each other. I’m not so bad, you know. And I know, for sure now, that you are far more complicated than I first thought.” His gaze tracked around her face and he traced her cheek lightly with his finger. “Maybe both of us have created masks behind which we can hide. But you know, I suspect you’re as beautiful without your mask as you are with it.”
She couldn’t seem to prevent herself from swaying under the sensory explosion created by his touch to her cheek and to her hand. Her gaze dipped to his lips which opened and, for one long moment, she thought he was about to kiss her. For some reason the thought didn’t make her move away. She lifted her eyes to his once more and found his gaze, too, had lowered to her lips. Instinctively she licked them. And then, as if an electric shock had zapped through him he dropped his hands and stepped away. He gave her a quick smile. “I apologize. I got carried away. For a moment I forgot…”
She nodded, not wanting him to finish, not wanting him to utter the words which were also on her lips. For a moment they’d both forgotten that they hated each other.
Suddenly the sound of a helicopter approaching filled the air with its low thrum. It rapidly brought her back to her senses.
“I have to leave,” she said. “I must go,” she added, as if she were trying to persuade herself. She backed away and then took half a dozen steps before stopping abruptly. She had to tell him, because he was right. She turned and he was still standing in the same position, watching her. “You’re right. We should both drop the masks when we are with each other, because I don’t think they’re necessary any longer. I think—no, I know—I can trust you.”
He nodded. “You can. And I feel I can trust you. We’re both new monarchs after all.”
“And we’re both products of our strange childhoods.”
“Damaged orphans thrust into positions of great power. A strange combination.”
She smiled and nodded. “And maybe, it’s a combination that can only be understood by someone in the same position.”
“Indeed.”
She nodded, turned and briskly walked away. They were still wary of each other, she knew that, and maybe they’d always be so, but their relationship had shifted from one of combative offense, to one in which they could work together. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it would be better.
And it had been better. Much better than she’d imagined. Over the weeks which had passed since they’d returned to their respective countries, Elaheh had been in daily contact with Xander. And, instead of sparking off each other, they’d worked together to progress their plans. And, more than that, at the end of each video call, they were beginning to share information—personal information.
Elaheh’s mind was full of the conversation she’d had with Xander as she switched off the computer screen and allowed her eyes to adjust to the reduced lighting of her bedroom. She sat for a few moments in the dark and remembered how Xander’s eyes lit up when he smiled. His lips, she realized now, only ever quirked a little at the corners. The brief movement was gone before you knew it. But the expression in his eyes remained, not only in his eyes, but in the feeling it stirred within her. She frowned as she tried to understand what exactly that feeling was. Warming, was the word she settled on. The heat in his eyes warmed her to her soul… and everywhere else.
She drew in a deep, steadying breath, rose from her chair and wrapped her light robe more closely around he
r. She walked to the french windows which opened onto a wide balcony a story higher than the lush garden below her window. Her room was at the same level as the tops of the trees and the flowers of the trailing plants whose perfume filled the air. The scent of the flowers, the heat of the night air and the expression in Xander’s eyes filled her mind and her body, sending pinpricks of goosebumps over her skin and making her breath somehow hard to catch. Her reaction to him had annoyed her at first. It still did, except now it not only annoyed her but she couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She leaned over the balcony’s railing and allowed her mind to drift like she never allowed it to do during the day. Xander made her aware of every inch of her body. Her skin tingled as his gaze swept over her, as if he tickled her with a feather, stimulating her skin and sending flutters of sensation through her body to her nerve endings. She flexed her hands as she felt the tingles in her fingers.
Ridiculous. She wanted nothing to undermine her willpower, nothing to make her body needy. She only wanted one thing from men—and that was obedience. The same applied to a husband. She bit her lip when the familiar flutter of panic ran through her at the thought of a husband. She was putting it off, she knew. Despite urgings from her prime vizier, she’d been delaying the matter. The thought of lying with a man scared her to the core. But then she remembered how she felt when Xander looked at her—the flutter in her stomach, the shortness of her breath.
She gripped the rail and mentally shook herself. She needed to get herself out of this ridiculous state of mind. She turned her back on the verdant garden and went back inside her room.
Suddenly she stopped and frowned. Something was different.
“Hello?” she asked tentatively, looking into the shadows. Had someone entered her room? She glanced at the door. It was locked. The key was still there. That left the bathroom. She walked quietly over, opened the door and put on the light. Bright light flooded the room.
She frowned and flicked on the light in her bedroom. A quick scan revealed no one and nothing out of place. Then why had the fine hairs on her arms lifted? Why did she feel queasy and why were her legs trembling? It was a flight or fight reaction as adrenalin coursed through her veins, triggered by some invisible foe.