by Diana Fraser
“What is it, Xander?” she asked “What’s wrong…?”
He shook his head, trying to rid himself of images ingrained in his mind and heart, images he’d thought he’d forgotten. “It holds memories—bad ones.”
“Tell me.”
He swallowed as he tried to form the pain into words which wouldn’t hurt.
“It was here that my parents died. It was here that they were killed. And, alongside them, the girl I’d loved since I was a child, the girl I was to marry.” He turned to her. “They died instantly. They did not suffer.”
She reached out to touch him, to reassure him with instinctive sympathy.
“Unlike you and Roshan,” said Ela gently.
“Roshan was tougher than me. He took it on the chin. He internalized it and it made him stronger. But me”—he gave a rueful smile—“I’m not made of such stern stuff and ran away as soon as I could. I couldn’t wait to leave Sharq Havilah, but it seems, my love for my country cannot be avoided. I thought I’d managed to escape its clutches for a while, but it was stronger than I imagined.”
“You were younger, he spent less time with your family. You were more lost than Roshan.”
Xander shrugged. “Whatever, that’s the past. I’d rather talk about the present.”
“It’s not the past,” said Ela, shaking her head. “It’s still very much part of your present, and by the looks of things, influencing your future.”
Xander flicked his hand and looked away uncomfortably. “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. For one thing I don’t need it, and for another you know nothing about my past.”
“I know enough to understand that you are still hurting.”
“Of course I am. And I always will. The only girl I loved, or ever will love, died that day, and so did my heart.” He took a deep breath. “I think it’s time to leave, Elaheh.”
Silence filled the tent. For once, it seemed, Ela had nothing to say. Which was good. Because neither had he. What he’d said he’d always believed. And he still did, didn’t he? But as the seconds passed, as Ela withdrew her hand from him, leaving the loneliness of his pain even emptier, the doubt crept in, swiftly quashed by the cool rigor of his will, just as he’d been doing ever since that fatal night. No, it was best like this. He remained where he was, even as he heard Ela move around the tent behind him, getting dressed, hiding the passion of their night together.
* * *
Not once during the ten minutes in which it took Elaheh to dress and gather her things, did Xander turn to her, or look her in the eye. He’d said his piece and she knew he’d meant it. He’d closed down their relationship before it had begun because of the past. But it was too late for her. Xander had changed her and there was no going back now. She wanted him, whether he loved her or not.
And, now, he was looking out, once more, over the oasis before them to the distant horizon. She understood it was easier than facing his pain. Her eyes were drawn to the planes of his face, shaded by the low sun which filtered through the trees. A few weeks ago she would look upon that arrogant, handsome face, and become incensed. There were traces of that still, but now, with their increasing intimacy, something had changed deep inside of her. And now when she looked at him she felt something entirely different. She struggled to find the word that would describe it. The one word she kept coming back to was “dear”. His face was dear to her now. She turned away suddenly as the realization slammed into her that she had fallen for him. She swallowed.
“Xander,” she finally said. “Before we go, I must ask you one thing.”
“Yes?” he asked briefly.
“You say you will never love again, but you will still marry, won’t you? To someone you don’t love, maybe. But you will still marry?”
“Of course”, he said.
“Then, maybe,” she said with her usual emphatic delivery, “we could—” He held up his hand to stop her from talking. But there was no need, her confidence had instantly waned at the expression on his face.
“I think we should leave this place. Now,” he said in a cold, authoritative voice. “There’s nothing to be gained by staying. We’ve done what we were going to do.”
She gripped her stomach where the pain of his words had landed but he wasn’t aware; he didn’t turn around. If he’d slapped her around the face she didn’t think she could have felt more hurt. And, what did she do when she was hurt? Retreat into coldness, just as he’d done, just as she should have done earlier.
“Of course.”
“We’ll return to Sharq Havilah where you can stay until we identity the man who threatened you. It should only be a few days. The last report was promising. We’re homing in on him.”
“I won’t be returning to Sharq Havilah. As you say, the threat is almost past. I’ve run away and hidden long enough. I am queen and I will return to my country from here.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, suddenly feeling very sure. “Yes. I no longer feel afraid.”
“Because we’ve nearly caught the perpetrator?”
No, she thought, but didn’t say. Because you’ve taken away my fears of men. Because I’m whole again. “Yes, exactly that,” she lied.
“Right. I’ll leave some of my men here to escort you back to the palace.”
She nodded, although she had no intention of allowing them to do so. She had her own plans.
It wasn’t long before Xander was on his way. They hadn’t spoken again, and she didn’t watch him leave. It would have been too painful. Instead, she simply waited. And, when she judged he was long gone, she picked up her phone.
Message after message from her vizier filled the screen. He, at least, was faithful. He was her way forward. She didn’t hesitate this time, but pressed the button and spoke her instructions clearly to him.
Chapter 10
Elaheh had dismissed the remaining guards as soon as she knew her vizier was on his way to collect her. With every minute that Xander had gone, her anger had grown—anger that she’d let her guard down and allowed Xander into her heart. Anger that he had rejected it.
She hadn’t even known she had a heart until Xander had made it his mission to help her. Help her! As if she needed help. She caught her breath as she watched the dust which signaled the departure of Xander and his men, fade.
She turned away. But, of course, she had needed help. And he’d done just that—helped her come to terms with what had happened to her, what had changed the course of her life so many years ago. He’d made her into a new woman who could look forward to a future like any other woman could have.
But, in the process, he’d stolen her heart and tossed it back to her, unwanted, open and hurting.
Her future would have to be faced without Xander by her side, or in her bed. It felt like a long empty gray road to be endured rather than properly lived. At least before Xander had awoken her heart, her life had been filled and made meaningful through duty. But now duty faded into insignificance beside the love which Xander had awoken in her.
Her feelings of utter despair were suddenly arrested by the sound of an engine coming from the other direction. It would be her vizier, come to collect her. She might be alone, but she could be queen to the country she was born to rule, and she could marry and bear children to continue her family’s long, proud rule. It still didn’t feel enough, but it would. She’d make it work. She was Queen of Tawazun and she would make it work. And, she thought, if I say it enough to myself, I might just begin to believe it.
As the Range Rover approached, Elaheh focused on the bear-like man who was her vizier. He was the son of her father’s vizier but was nothing like his father, who’d been obsequious. Abzari was a proud man and had been a good advisor to her. He’d been alone amongst her advisors in agreeing with her that she shouldn’t marry too soon. He’d always supported her and would protect her in these last few hours until the man was found who’d written the threatening letters. Xander, himself, had said that they should know by the
end of the day. By the time she’d reached her country and palace all would be out in the open and she’d be safe. Alone, maybe, but safe.
“Your Highness,” the vizier greeted her.
“Abzari,” she said, pleased to see his familiar face after a week away. “It’s good to see you.”
Did she imagine it, or was his expression different? Reminiscent of her father’s—aloof, disapproving and… what was that? Something simmering behind his eyes. Could it be anger? Then he appeared to collect himself and the usual impassive, mannered expression settled back onto his face.
“I’m glad to see you well, Your Highness. I… we were all so concerned.”
“There was no need,” she said, turning away to collect her personal things. “I told you on the video call that I was safe.”
“But you didn’t say what the issue was.”
She shot him a sharp look. “No, I didn’t.” And she had no intention of saying anything to him about it. She looked away. “Now, maybe we can get on our way.” She looked around the tent and tried not to think of what she’d found here. Fleeting happiness in the arms of a man who was indifferent to her.
“Of course, my queen. I took the liberty of providing you some refreshments for the journey.”
“You think I was lacking in refreshment here?” She sighed heavily. “So be it, if it makes you happy and we can get on our way.” Really, she didn’t know why Abzari was fussing so, but at least someone was. She downed the glass in one and handed it back to him. “Now, perhaps we can proceed.”
She climbed into the back of the Range Rover and settled her robes around her, noting that cushions had been added. Again, it seemed Abzari was determined to make her feel comfortable on the short journey back to her country.
“Settle back, my queen,” he said, their eyes meeting in the rear view mirror. “And I will return you to where you belong.”
She sighed as a peculiar languor swept over her. Suddenly the cushions seemed more inviting.
“Maybe,” she murmured. She rested her head against the cushion and felt herself slide to one side. She felt too tired to be surprised as the light faded quickly and she fell into a dreamless sleep where not even Xander could reach her.
* * *
“What the hell are you doing?” Xander lifted up his sunglasses and eyed the men he’d told to stay with Elaheh. “I told you to stay with her until I gave word!”
The men muttered and looked askance, not willing to say that they took the word of a woman over Xander.
He stood with his hands on his hips, surveying his men. “Don’t tell me. I know. I suppose she dismissed you and you had no choice.”
The men nodded, and muttered again. Xander turned away, exasperated. That woman! Why couldn’t she do as he wanted for once? He gnawed his lip, still with his back to his men. He didn’t want them to see exactly how concerned he was by the thought of her alone, in the desert, with only a few domestic staff for company until her own staff arrived.
He’d assumed she would do as he’d suggested and wait until she’d heard for sure about the identity of the letter writer and only then return home. But, now he thought back, he realized she’d never said she agreed. He’d made that assumption.
And, it seemed after a quick call to the skeleton domestic staff who’d remained to care for her, there had been only one person turn up to meet her—not her usual security team. And, they hadn’t set off in the direction of Tawazun but had turned, deeper into the desert, toward the Empty Quarter.
What was she playing at? Maybe she’d asked her vizier to take her somewhere more secure, away from everyone else? Who knew with Ela?
He fidgeted with the car keys in his pocket, intuition desperately wanting him to return to Ela. This was ridiculous. She was a grown woman who could look after herself. But still the thought of her—eyes opened wide, her mouth breathing his name as she responded to his intimate touch, her soul and heart hurt by the past—shot into his mind’s eye. He had to know she was okay. There was no way he could return home until he knew she was safe.
“Your Highness!” One of his men held out his phone. “News from the palace!”
Xander had no idea what kind of news but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be good.
He took the phone. “Yes?”
“It’s the Grand Vizier of Tawazun, Your Highness,” said one of his security team that he’d tasked with finding out the identity of the letter writer. “We’ve had a breakthrough. It seems he’d got sloppy as he’d become more desperate to find her.”
“What are you talking about? What has the grand vizier to do with the stalker?”
“Everything, sir. He is the stalker. Abzari wrote those threatening letters.”
Xander felt the blood rush from his face as he swore under his breath. “Does she know yet?”
“No, sir. You instructed me to come direct to you with any news.”
“Good,” said Xander, his brain racing through the different scenarios. If Elaheh didn’t know, her Grand Vizier wouldn’t know he was on to him. It gave him a slight advantage. He finished the call and issued new commands. There was no way he was risking Elaheh’s life by doing what he wanted—go after her alone and wrest her from her vizier. He needed back-up; he needed whatever it took to make sure Ela was safe.
He turned around his vehicle and, with a convoy of security cars following, retraced his steps, but not towards the castle, toward the Empty Quarter, toward the place where Elaheh had last been seen heading.
* * *
The first time she awoke, the world revealed itself to Ela in out-of-focus freeze frames, one after another—disjointed and confusing. She had no idea where she was, or whether she was dreaming. In the end she closed her eyes and drifted away into unconsciousness again.
The second time she awoke her vision focused more quickly on a man seated the other side of a fire, his face familiar through the lick of solid orange flames. His eyes were fixed on her.
“Abzari! What’s happening? Where are we?”
“The place where you feel most at home, Elaheh. The desert, where we both belong.”
The one thing that instantly struck her was the use of her first name. He’d never called her by her name. And that he should now sent a deep stab of fear into her gut.
She rose unsteadily to her feet, and clutched her head, which throbbed with a headache the like of which she’d never before experienced.
“Why…” Then she looked at him again, and realized what he’d done. “What was in that drink you gave me?”
He rose and came over to her. The fire crackled and popped next to them. “Something to make it easier for you to have what it is you want.”
She shook her throbbing head. “What are you talking about? What the hell is going on, Abzari? Why did you drug me? Why did you bring me here?” She looked around into the darkness which had descended while she’d been in her own personal darkness. “And where are we anyway?”
“That doesn’t matter. What does matter, Elaheh, is that we are together at last, without people who could interrupt us.”
Before she could reply he took her hands in his—his hands which had never dared touch her before—and jerked her, not farther away, but closer to him. She collided with his chest and could smell the cloying scent he used, and for an instant she thought how different the smell of Xander was. Xander she wanted to inhale totally, but the smell of Abzari made her gag.
“What do you think you are doing? I repeat, take your hands off me immediately.”
His lip curled, and he shook its head. “No. You’re not going to get away from me again.”
“It was you, wasn’t it? You are the person who left the notes.”
“Of course. Who else loves you like I do? You didn’t even consider it would be me, did you? You and your family have always been so superior. But I have always been there for you. Your future is with me, by my side.”
Elaheh had to fight the fear which threatened to turn her legs to
jelly. Think, she said to herself, think. “Of course, you’re right. You have always been there for me. But, what I don’t understand, is why you had to write to me. Why the notes? Why not simply tell me how you felt?”
“It wasn’t that easy. You saw me only as your vizier. I wanted you to see me as a man who wanted you for your purity, someone who would do anything for you.”
“I don’t want you to do anything for me. All I want is for you to work for me, as you have been doing. Nothing more.”
“Work?” His hold on her wrists tightened. “Is that all you want me for? I will show you there is more to me than that.”
He pulled her to him and she felt his breath on her face. Her breathing was coming fast. She felt like a trapped bird. All it would take would be for him to flex his hand and she felt as if she would snap.
Then he frowned, and shook his head. “Don’t be afraid, Elaheh.” She blanched. “It will be beautiful, and then, after, you will be mine, and you will come to love me as I love you.”
She stepped away, taking advantage of him letting her go. “You forget yourself, Abzari.”
His frown lifted. “No, you’re wrong. For the first time in a long time, I remember myself. I have been your family’s greatest supporter for years and now it’s time for payback.”
“I didn’t think you worked in order to receive payback. You think I owe you something?”
“I know you do.”
With every statement she took a step back, her mind racing for a way to get away from her vizier, and back to safety. But then her heels slammed against the wall of a crumbling hut and she realized she had nowhere else she could move. Xander… The name echoed in her brain, taunting her. He’d told her stay where she was until he contacted her. He’d held her safe until she’d driven him away. But Xander couldn’t save her now. He had no idea where she was and no doubt he was safely back in his own palace. But his name might save her.
She tilted up her head. “And what, Abzari, do you consider I owe you?”