by Haley Cass
Luckily, Regan had worked until closing last night and wasn’t working until later this afternoon. If she’d been working, Sutton didn’t think she would have as much clarity of mind to be able to think about all of this the way she needed to.
By “it’s due by the end of the week” her professor truly meant “it’s due in four days.” Which was far faster than Sutton had ever made such a big decision in her life.
She had to decide, like, today if she wanted to complete her application and edit her written piece on time. As it was, she was already going to have to workshop a piece she’d already written.
The indecision warred inside of her, exacerbated by the feeling of being rushed. Her parents would both worry about her being alone in another country. They already worried and she was only a four-hour drive away.
And there was a part of her that thought . . . maybe she didn’t want to ask her family and friends for advice. That maybe she should just apply – or not – and do this on her own. Decide her future without the input of anyone else to figure out what she wanted.
She knew her siblings would have various ranges of excitement and worry. She knew that Regan would flip out – in both good and bad ways. She knew that Emma would tell her to go for it no matter what, with a combination of both envy and pride in her voice. She knew what everyone else would say, but not herself.
Biting her bottom lip and running her fingertip absently around the top of her mug of tea in thought, she leaned over the table and skimmed her eyes over another of the papers with the finite details, yet again. Then she tapped her pen against the column or pros and cons she’d written out so far.
Pros – travel, new experiences, amazing learning possibilities, Roman Archives!, looks great on resumé, improve skills
Cons – would be alone/no support system, Regan/apartment/rent? guilt for leaving, begins only days after graduation & would have to go almost immediately after, leaving Charlotte
The last one gave her pause, and she’d been reluctant to write it down at all, but it was . . . well, it was how she felt. She knew they weren’t dating but she enjoyed them. Enjoyed what they were and their friendship, and that would certainly be coming to an end if she left. Maybe not their actual friendship but definitely the sex. There was no such thing as long distance friends with benefits, Sutton knew that much.
“What are you concentrating so hard on there?” the woman in question’s voice came from right next to her, making her jump as her heart pounded in her chest.
Eyes wide, she scrambled quickly to pull all of her papers together and hoped that Charlotte didn’t actually see her own name on the list. She didn’t want her to take it the wrong way.
She moved so quickly she nearly knocked over her mug of tea, which wobbled slightly before Charlotte reached out and steadied it. And only then was Sutton able to take a deep breath and turn to look up at her, taking in the look of amusement she was receiving. And, as very nearly always, inhaled sharply as she took her in. Perfect brown curls cascaded over Charlotte’s shoulder, contrasting with the white peacoat she wore over one of her form-fitting dresses.
Always perfectly put together and always enough to make Sutton’s heart pound.
“Hey!” Too eager. “Uh, hey. What are you doing here? I thought you had a busy day today?” She knew Charlotte had a busy day today, given Naomi’s interview from the day before.
An amused eyebrow arched up in response as Charlotte hummed in affirmation. “I’ve had two meetings with my team already, and I had just enough time to run out for a coffee break.” She held out her to-go cup as if to tell Sutton, see. “And I saw you here, looking a little – frankly, a little distressed. So, I don’t have much time but I wanted to know that you’re all right?”
The subtle clench of Charlotte’s jaw made her think that she hadn’t quite covered up her list fast enough, and her stomach knotted in uncertainty. But if Charlotte didn’t bring it up, neither would she.
She frowned and cleared her throat before sliding all of the papers back into the file as she explained, “I just – well, there’s an opportunity,” she settled on, tasting the words on her tongue. “Dr. Martin told me about it today. And I’m just . . . I’m wondering about whether or not I should apply for it.”
Dark eyebrows came together and Sutton could tell from the expression on Charlotte’s face that she was waiting for more.
With a deep breath, she drummed her fingers against the table. “It’s an internship for the Roman Archives.”
Charlotte’s eyes searched her own before a small smile came over her face. “Sutton, that would be an amazing experience. Especially given how much you love literature.”
Her words affirmed one of the things she’d already been thinking herself. Of course she knew it would be an amazing experience – she loved literature and there was no better option she could imagine for having access to classic arts.
Still . . .
“I’d be gone for at least six months – maybe even a little more,” she spoke slowly, unable to stop her gaze from flickering from her file and up across the table to Charlotte, watching her as closely as she could.
Because maybe Sutton truly was reading into things between them; maybe she was the only one out of the two of them that would miss . . . this. This closeness they’d developed, faster than she ever had with anyone else in the past. This feeling that settled warmly and heavily in the pit of her stomach whenever she was with her or even spoke to her.
So she watched intently – maybe too intently – as Charlotte’s eyes widened just a bit as they looked back at the file in Sutton’s hands. And listened too intently to the seconds that drifted by between them in silence, her heart beating a little faster.
Because it was possible that she wasn’t the only one who felt this way, despite the fact that they had their agreement. Maybe it wasn’t just her who thought finding a similar internship or job here in New York while she took a year or two off before applying to doctoral programs would be a better idea. Maybe not for the overall experience but for proximity’s sake.
Charlotte cleared her throat. “I understand being reluctant to leave for so long, but . . . if it’s something you want, I absolutely think you should.” There was a sincerity in her eyes as she met Sutton’s gaze with her own. She thought something else flickered there, too, but it was gone quickly and could have just been her imagination.
She quirked her lips up, forcing a smile, as that little balloon inside of her that said maybe she wasn’t the only one who anticipated seeing how far their friends with benefits could possibly take them deflated.
It wasn’t anything to truly be disappointed about, she knew. Because they were friends and that was their deal, but there was still that small seed inside of her of what if that had been forming. The small seed that sank a little lower especially with Charlotte’s encouragement. Their sex life would then have a deadline.
Shaking her head slightly, telling herself not to let herself read into anything, she sighed. “I don’t know if I’d go, anyway. I mean, we both know the Archives are prestigious. And they only accept ten interns every year from across the world! I might not even be accepted.”
Another one of her worries.
Charlotte frowned before she took a sip and watched Sutton over the rim of her coffee cup. She couldn’t help but watch Charlotte’s lips as she swallowed, rubbing her hands against her thighs.
Charlotte tilted her head to the side, as a genuine smile blossomed over her mouth for the first time in the café. “Sutton, that’s absolutely ridiculous. I mean, not even mentioning who your parents are – which, I know you wouldn’t take advantage of, but it would be foolish to think they wouldn’t play a role. But Dr. Martin, if I’m not mistaken, is a huge benefactor to the Archives, so if he thinks you should apply, then I have no doubt how highly he thinks of you. Plus I’ve read some of your papers and they’re brilliant. You shouldn’t doubt yourself.” Charlotte lightly chastised and that resolute tone
she had made warmth well up inside of her.
Especially when Charlotte reached out to brush her fingertips over the backs of Sutton’s. It was comforting but also made her shiver, and she couldn’t help but smile herself. For real, this time.
“Thank you,” she murmured back, resisting the urge to turn her hand and hold Charlotte’s that still rested over hers. Barely.
Charlotte shrugged as if her praise was nothing. Then again, sometimes Charlotte said and did things like that – sweet things – and thought nothing of them. “It’s just the truth.”
She sat like that for a moment, and the thoughts that had been bombarding her before slipped away, giving her some clarity that she found she very much wanted. Needed. She breathed easier with Charlotte sitting with her, with a curious little head tilt that made Sutton wonder what was on her mind.
Even so, the lingering worry she still wondered about from last night melted away, and she only felt the slightest inclination to ask Charlotte about it. But for once she managed to keep her words to herself. And she was only the slightest bit disappointed when Charlotte gently squeezed her hand and pulled back to wrap it around her coffee cup.
With a quirk of an eyebrow she took another sip and long, elegant fingers tapped before Charlotte asked, “So, I see that Regan isn’t working right now. Were you planning on . . . meeting someone?”
Confused, Sutton leaned back and looked around, before giving Charlotte a self-deprecating smile, “Like who?” She only had a handful of friends that she saw on a regular basis, including Alex, and by now Charlotte knew all of them.
The shrug Charlotte gave her was perfunctory and light, as was her voice, “Oh, I don’t know. Emma . . . or Alia.”
For the life of her, she didn’t know why Charlotte seemed to be watching her intently now, but Sutton could only give her a wondering glance as she shook her head. “No . . . I was just having somewhat of a crisis over this,” she sort-of joked as she gestured to the file. She leaned back in her chair. “Why?”
Charlotte only shrugged and easily waved her hand slightly in the air. “I was just wondering if I should expect someone to be wondering why I’m in their seat,” she teased, and Sutton grinned, before Charlotte sighed and her eyes flickered up to the television in the corner, which – as usual – was airing the news. The anchor was currently discussing politics and it was so easy for her to see the way Charlotte’s demeanor shifted and her shoulders straightened a bit. “I really should be getting back to the office though. My lunch hour is cut to this coffee break, and even then I really don’t have that much time.”
Sutton swallowed the bit of disappointment as she nodded, then paused as the thought occurred to her and she looked up in question. “If you didn’t have that much time, why did you come all the way here for coffee?”
Adjusting her jacket, as if she looked anything other than completely put together at any moment that she’d been there, Charlotte’s gaze was thoughtful as it roamed the shop for a moment, before landing back on Sutton. “To be entirely honest with you, there’s something about this place that I really like.” Was all she offered, but with an engaging grin. “I’ve been stopping here for coffee on my lunch breaks for a few weeks now. Regan didn’t tell you?”
“She didn’t,” Sutton murmured, rolling her eyes slightly at Regan’s reluctance to accept Charlotte as Sutton’s friend. Then she frowned. “She’s not . . . is she rude to you?”
Charlotte rolled her eyes briefly, playfully, before offering a small smile. “She makes comments, but I’m not entirely certain she doesn’t make similar comments to half the people who come in here.”
It didn’t remove the frown on Sutton’s face.
“If I can’t handle a few comments from Regan that are at least coming from a good place, I’m in the wrong profession,” Charlotte informed her, settling her hand on Sutton’s shoulder and squeezing a bit. “Good luck on your application, darling. I hope you get in.”
I hope you get in.
The words instigated a confusing mix of happiness and discontent which she pushed away as she gamely smiled in appreciation.
Charlotte hesitated for a moment, her gaze dropping ever-so-quickly to Sutton’s mouth. Once again one of the things she could have easily missed a month ago, but not now, and Sutton’s lips parted in surprise and want. The moment ended soon though, with a quick grin and the hand on her shoulder squeezing again before she turned to leave.
And Sutton watched until the door of the café closed behind her, unable to help herself. She wondered how Charlotte so easily made things feel so off-balanced but also so good.
Shaking herself out of it, she quickly finished her tea before packing away her papers; she had to do some more research at home before she committed to applying completely. Within minutes she stood and slung her bag over her shoulder, turning as she looked down and fished her phone out of her pocket.
Which caused her to walk right into someone, and she stumbled as she tightened her grip on her phone before it dropped to the floor. A hand came to her elbow and didn’t let go even when she righted herself. She was already trying to politely shrug it off before she turned to see who it belonged to.
She was met with the smiling face of David Verbeck. Her shrugging became more insistent than polite until his hand dropped, but the small, knowing smile on his face didn’t. She met the smiling look on his face with a small one of her own that was barely more than a grimace.
Despite the fact that she’d met him in several capacities throughout her life – as a businessman with many political ties, he’d been a fixture on the very perimeter of her parents’ social circle since she’d been a teenager – she’d never been able to shake the uneasy feeling he gave her.
Especially when he readily disliked most of her siblings after Oliver and Lucas had come up with some unfortunate but funny nicknames for him, but he always went out of his way to be too-kind to her. Even though he’d lived in New York since she’d moved here, she’d very successfully avoided him and his lingering gaze.
“Sutton! Better watch where you’re going.” His tone was joking but held that undercurrent of something more that he too often had. It was somewhat reminiscent of Charlotte’s knowing tone, but instead of being playful or enticing, it was unsettling.
“Right . . . sorry, Mr. Verbeck.” She stepped backwards, before she remembered the manners her mother had drilled into her so much in her youth that they were irrevocably a part of her now, and she straightened her shoulders. “I don’t typically see you here?”
He took his eyes off of her and ran them around the establishment. He lingered on the table she’d just been sitting at, and then back to her. “It’s not the sort of shop that typically entices me. I found myself in this area today, though, and saw something that drew my interest.”
There was that tone again, and Sutton had to work to school her features to not show her unsettled confusion.
Maybe he saw it anyway though, as he gestured to the specials! board behind the counter and added, “The blueberry coconut muffins.”
She looked up at the board in question and then back to his face, thinking about the last time she’d seen him. Or, well, heard him. At the fundraiser she’d attended with her father, where he had met with Naomi for a conversation that she had been utterly confused about. Still was, kind of.
“Okay, well, I’ll let you enjoy your snack. I should get going.” She offered a cool, polite smile. Then got a much warmer one in return with the sensation that she was missing something.
He stepped back and nodded, smile still in place. “I’m sure it’ll be delicious. Enjoy your day, Sutton.”
Even though that uneasy feeling remained, she tried to shake it off as she zipped up her jacket. Mr. Verbeck had always been somewhat creepy; it was just who he was. Nothing new about today.
And at the moment, Sutton had other things to worry about. Like her potential internship on the other side of the world, removing her sister from her apartment,
and texting her best friend to stop giving attitude to her – her Charlotte.
Chapter 16
“You look absolutely dreadful. I can’t be the first person to tell you that,” Charlotte’s grandmother’s voice jarred Charlotte into blinking her eyes open.
It took her a moment to register where she was: reclined on the chaise in her grandmother’s office. Though it was still only the early afternoon and Charlotte had a whole day ahead of her, her head felt. . . foggy, and had since she’d woken up that morning.
It was only when she’d sluggishly made her way toward the shower that she fully felt the pounding inside of her head and the soreness in her joints. Despite the glaring signs of sickness, Charlotte didn’t have the time or patience to be feeling ill. Not right now. Not ever, honestly, but not right now especially.
Though as the morning had gone on, it became increasingly apparent that maybe there was a slight chance she truly was getting sick. Because despite the fact that she’d chugged coffee, taken vitamins, and consumed a small array of medicine after choking down some toast. . . she’d only felt worse.
Her sinuses had gradually felt fuller and heavier throughout the day and she was utterly exhausted. She’d hardly been able to keep her eyes open during the meeting she’d had with her campaign team.
If she was honest with herself, it wasn’t shocking; her debate with Naomi was right around the corner and Charlotte had been getting less and less sleep. But how was she supposed to sleep when there were questions and answers to practices, speeches to prepare, and debate strategies to perfect?
She’d had to wipe at watery eyes repeatedly – irritatingly – as she’d sat at her desk, which had prompted Dean to urge her to go home. And maybe she’d sniped at him a little more aggressively than she should have when she denied that she was feeling under the weather.
Which brought her back to the moment and she shook her head slightly at her grandmother in an attempt to clear it. And then she narrowed her eyes, as she sarcastically tossed back, “Wow, Grandmother, thank you. It’s lovely to see you today too,” even as her throat felt a bit scratchy.