by Haley Cass
Curious and excited herself, Charlotte placed the seeds on the table and reached back in, this time pulling out –
“Oh my God!” She gasped, unable to stop it – and unwilling to care. Her hand was almost shaking as she gripped the gift tightly. “This isn’t supposed to come out for another four months.”
Because right in her very own hands was a copy of The Danger of Illusion – the next in the series of Katherine Spencer’s novels about Aurora the Knight.
Sutton was watching her, a bright smile and her hands tightly clasped together. “I got my official advanced copy.” Sutton gestured to the book in Charlotte’s hands. “I’ve already read it, and I was thinking about how we talked about how you were excited about The Danger of Illusion, and I thought – well, obviously you can tell what I thought.”
“I can’t wait to read it. After the debate, obviously, but . . .” She shook her head in disbelief, looking down at the book again. “Thank you, Sutton. These are some of the most thoughtful presents I’ve ever gotten. I mean it. How lucky am I for you,” the words left her without thinking, as she smoothed her fingers over the cover.
The blush on Sutton’s face was clear and pronounced even as she shrugged and looked away. “I guess pretty lucky,” she returned with a teasing smile.
Reluctant to put the novel down, Charlotte did anyway. “The next time that I see you, we can talk about it.”
That excited Sutton even more, and Charlotte couldn’t take her eyes away from how radiant she looked, even as a yawn escaped her. It was the yawn that had Sutton’s smile fading a little.
Her expression was still warm as she reached out and tucked the blanket that Charlotte was sitting with more tightly around her. “You should get some more sleep; I should probably leave,” her voice was regretful. “I wish I could stay a little longer.”
Charlotte did settle back comfortably against the couch; she was still, admittedly, exhausted, even if she didn’t feel as badly as she had earlier. “Oh? Because you had a great time sitting here while I slept and you cleaned and organized?”
Sutton rolled her eyes, busying herself with pulling the blanket around Charlotte in a way that made her feel like she was wrapped in a cocoon. It was odd, the way she felt relaxed and calmed so easily. No one had ever made her feel this cared for before.
Or maybe she hadn’t let anyone make her feel cared for before, a voice that sounded annoyingly like Caleb inside of her head pointed out. Semantics.
Sutton’s hands smoothed down over Charlotte’s sides before she brushed back her hair again gently and gave a soft smile as she stood. “I actually did have a nice time. It’s nice to know for sure that you got some rest. And it was nice to see you before I leave,” she finished in a whisper, her fingers brushing against Charlotte’s ear lightly before it dropped.
She missed it.
For a moment – for one, silly moment, Charlotte wanted to ask Sutton to stay. The words dried up in her throat. To ask her to curl up around her and cuddle and give her that easy comfort she so effortlessly gave off. On a night where they weren’t having sex – which was not the way to maintain boundaries. Which was entirely out of “the rules.” In a way that was so not the right way to do this, that they’d expressly decided not to do it.
Sutton leaned in, and she could feel her body warmth as she pressed her lips to Charlotte’s forehead. “Goodnight.”
Maybe this was some sort of fever-induced craving, Charlotte wondered, even as she blinked her eyes open, only to see that Sutton hadn’t pulled away very far, and was only inches away from her face. “Have happy holidays with your family.”
“I’ll be watching your debate,” Sutton told her, and Charlotte could feel her warm breath against her face.
“You better,” she murmured seriously, holding that contact. She didn’t know why, but she wanted Sutton to watch. It mattered.
A few seconds beat by and Sutton didn’t properly stand yet. Instead, she bit her lip and sighed lightly, sweetly, and Charlotte looked up at her, questioning with a quirked brow. For only a moment, because then Sutton was leaning in and closing that gap between them.
Sutton’s lips brushed a kiss over hers, sweet and gentle. It was soft and decidedly not leading to anything else. It was comforting and sweet and made that warmth in Charlotte’s chest that she’d felt earlier not only return but feel like it was bursting, as Sutton’s fingers lightly traced over her jaw.
It made Charlotte’s breath catch, and a feeling twist in the pit of her stomach. A feeling she was not familiar with but she was reluctant, not a moron, and she understood what that feeling was.
Sutton pulled back, standing swiftly and slipping the earrings gently into her bag. Seemingly entirely fine while Charlotte’s heart hammered in her chest and she felt dumb, somehow. In a way that she was decidedly not okay with.
Her eyes were wide and she knew it, as Sutton smiled at her completely normal. She reached for her jacket and her voice was not out of breath as Charlotte felt she was as she told her. “Feel better.”
“Yes. Bye,” she dimly replied, taking in Sutton’s quick wave as the other woman slipped out of her apartment.
Leaving Charlotte sitting on her couch, now wide awake.
Damn.
Chapter 17
Sutton typically loved being back at her parents’ home for the holidays. She loved the comfort and familiarity. She loved having homemade cooking by someone other than herself, because Regan could cook, but didn’t like to. She loved the holiday music and baked goods and the chaos of family dinner.
This year her enjoyment level wasn’t quite as high as it had been in the past. The week in which she’d been home had been somewhat stressful. Her family was as wonderful as always; her own ability to simply concentrate on them was the issue.
When Charlotte hadn’t answered her calls or texts during the first couple of days, Sutton hadn’t thought much of it. Charlotte hadn’t been feeling well right before she’d left and she had her debate to plan for.
But after four days had gone by without word from her, Sutton had started to actually miss her. They’d texted daily for the last several months, even if it was something small. Now, though, she was getting radio silence. The only response she’d gotten from her messages had been short and perfunctory. Such as feeling better, thank you in response to asking how she’d been doing.
Sutton might not have been an expert on reading people, but she’d spent so much considerable time in the last months talking to Charlotte, both in and out of text, that she knew when something was out of the ordinary. And six days of no conversation was so out of the ordinary for them, it was worrying.
It confused her, a lot. And it hurt, probably more than it should.
She just didn’t understand. Was it because she was back in Massachusetts – an out-of-sight, out-of-mind sort of situation? Something about that made her stomach twist painfully; she didn’t want to believe she was that forgettable.
“I just don’t get it,” she murmured to Grace, the dog she’d gotten as a teenager who still lived with her parents. A Belgian Sheepdog, she was several feet tall, weighed over fifty pounds, and loved running around outdoors. Sutton’s New York apartment certainly wouldn’t be fit for her, no matter how much she often wished it was.
Her dog’s bright eyes looked back at her, and she nudged her head gently back into Sutton’s hand as if she understood what she’d said. Sutton liked to believe she did.
They slowed their run to a walk as the house came back into view from the trail they were on.
“I think she’s avoiding me.” Saying the words aloud made her stomach twist uncomfortably, but it was the truth. “I just don’t understand why.”
With another sigh, she used her sleeve to swipe her flyaway hairs back before absently landing her hand lightly between Grace’s ears and scratching as they started their walk back, eyes narrowed in thought.
Things had been going so well between them.
Charlotte
had given her those earrings – the most beautiful, thoughtful gift she’d ever gotten from anyone in her life. Sapphire earrings that, as Regan had pointed out, matched her eyes perfectly.
She knew Charlotte didn’t have many friends. It was her own choice, but still. She knew Charlotte chose to not keep the company of many other people, and maybe that could factor into some of the why behind the gift. Because Charlotte only let a few people truly into her life and if Sutton was one of them, she’d wanted to give her something nice.
Sutton could reasonably accept that. She could accept that maybe the earrings were a friendly gift from Charlotte, even if they stirred Sutton’s more-than-strictly-friendly feelings, even despite Regan’s not-so-subtle screeching about how friends didn’t give other friends jewelry that cost several hundred dollars, if not more.
But Sutton’s favorite part of their last evening together hadn’t even been the earrings. When she’d seen Charlotte sleeping on her couch, beautiful even while sick, she’d allowed herself to watch her for a few minutes. But had then told herself to stop being creepy, softly stroked Charlotte’s hair back behind her ear, and intended to go sit in the kitchen.
Until Charlotte had shifted slightly and whimpered when Sutton had pulled her hand away. Those big, doe eyes hadn’t even opened as Charlotte had shifted again, and her voice had been heavy and rough with sleep as she’d mumbled, “Don’t go.”
She’d been utterly powerless to resist, her heart thudding in her chest pleasantly as she’d situated herself. And had only felt better and better when Charlotte had nuzzled into her leg, seeming only to be truly restful when Sutton had started stroking her fingers through Charlotte’s soft hair.
All of it, combined with the way Charlotte had sleepily sighed out her name when she’d nuzzled against her in her sleep, had been the last boundary to break inside of Sutton. There was no denying to herself from that moment that while she adored everything she had with Charlotte now – their friendship and their sex life and every moment in between – that she wanted to see whatever more they could have.
Then, she’d been given those earrings and there was just no going back. It wasn’t just the little crush she’d had in the beginning, but something bigger. Real feelings.
The crushing weight of these feelings wasn’t shocking for her in the least and she didn’t know what exactly to do with them, because she knew that Charlotte’s focus was currently securely on her career. But Sutton was okay with that, and she didn’t intend to change anything between them at the moment. Charlotte wasn’t the type to fixate on her feelings like Sutton was and she didn’t intend to push her on anything, no matter how much she hoped that Charlotte’s subtle signals indicated something deeper.
This unsettled feeling only nestled deeper inside of her, though, as she tried to figure out what exactly had happened. What could possibly have happened to cause Charlotte to essentially avoid her?
Seeming to sense her mood, Grace’s nose gently rubbed at the back of Sutton’s hand, and it was enough to drag just the smallest smile out of her, despite this heaviness she was feeling.
“I know Charlotte and I aren’t together,” she spoke softly, “So maybe I’m just overreacting.”
Grace huffed out a breath gently against her hand.
“I don’t think so either,” she agreed.
They were still friends, at the very least. And the one time Sutton had gone into avoidance mode – after the first night they’d had sex – Charlotte had tracked her down the very next day to get answers from her. To make known how much their friendship meant to her.
And even if Sutton wanted to do that to Charlotte, and if she had the courage to, she couldn’t anyway because she was here and Charlotte was in New York.
The light snow crunched under her feet, the grips on her running shoes holding tight as her breath puffed out in front of her, her childhood home getting closer and closer. She didn’t want to ask Charlotte what was going on, though. It sounded needy, even to herself. And she definitely couldn’t bring it up today.
Charlotte’s debate, her first public face-to-face with Naomi, was tonight, and Sutton wasn’t going to cause her any undue stress.
She worried at her bottom lip and tried to remember if Charlotte had mentioned anything that night that could give her a clue. Their present exchange had seemed to genuinely make her happy, so it wasn’t that. She’d seemed begrudgingly accepting of Sutton’s overwhelming need to take care of her, so she didn’t think that was a problem either.
They neared the house and her eyes skimmed over the van belonging to the catering company her mom always used. They’d stopped by to finalize the hors d’oeuvres menu an hour ago and seemed to be packing up –
Sutton drew up short, nearly stumbling over her own feet and bringing Grace to a halt at the same time.
What if the problem had been right in front of her the whole time? Her family.
Sutton hadn’t really questioned Charlotte’s invitation to her family’s New Year’s Eve party. Charlotte was a politician, her dad was a politician, and they’d met a few months ago. It was easy for her to not overthink at the time.
But now that she was thinking about it – she knew that being outed amongst politicians was one of the few things that could truly make Charlotte nervous. And if she thought that she was invited to Sutton’s parents’ house because of their . . . relationship – she wanted to slap herself on the forehead for being so stupid.
Charlotte had a world-class mask in place, but she’d gotten better and better at reading it. There had been something slightly off in the way she’d brought up her invitation, but she hadn’t thought it was something she needed to dig into. Clearly, she’d been wrong.
Her dad never mentioned Charlotte to her and if he’d been interested in getting to know her more, even politically, he would have asked Sutton about her. He was straightforward like that. Which meant that it had to have come from her mom.
Her mom who was not always so straightforward. Christ. Her mom, who knew of her sexuality, had invited her sex-friend to a family party. And that invitation was likely the cause of Charlotte’s anxiety-induced avoidance.
“Come on,” she urged Grace back into a jogging pace, feeling the urgent need to talk to her mom, even if she didn’t know quite what to say.
There was Christmas music coming from the den and she followed it knowing that her mom had intended to enlist Ethan and Alex in bringing down their Christmas decorations this afternoon from the attic.
She zeroed in on her sister, whose attention was focused on the television that had the volume muted but was tuned to an MMA fight, as she absently sorted through a box of decorations. Setting her jaw, it was all she could do to not groan in irritation as she thought of the disastrous night when Alex had slunk into her apartment and met Charlotte half-clothed . . .
God, if Alex had said something to their mom about herself and Charlotte, she would kill her.
Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she cast another look toward her mom and Ethan, who were arguing across the room about why he wasn’t allowed to decorate the tree before Lucas arrived tomorrow.
Approaching Alex, she kept her voice low as she got right to the point, “Did you tell Mom?”
Alex didn’t look away from the televised fight and her response was a distracted, “What?”
“About Charlotte,” she hissed in a whisper. “What did you tell Mom about Charlotte?”
That got Alex’s attention and finally she looked at Sutton with a familiar glint in her eye. Teasing and mischievous. “Oh, you mean, the girl who came stumbling out of your room half-naked a couple of weeks ago, that Charlotte?”
Irritation and embarrassment flashed through her and she had to bite hard onto her lip to contain herself. “Yes, that Charlotte.”
That smirk didn’t go away even as Alex shrugged. “Why would you think I said anything?”
Sutton crossed her arms, holding tight to herself. “Because all of a sudden, Cha
rlotte got invited to the New Year’s Eve party and it just so happened that it was after you saw . . . what you saw . . . in my apartment.”
Alex looked like she was getting far too much enjoyment out of watching Sutton stumble over trying to find the right words. She quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, and you, the sister who’s been meddling in my relationship with Chris for years – including talking to Mom about it – is now blaming me for Mom trying to meddle in your love life.”
If that wasn’t some sort of confirmation, Sutton didn’t know what was. Indignation rose, burning up in her stomach. “I never told Mom anything about your sex life even when I had ample chance. What did you tell her?”
“Fuck, Sutton, I didn’t tell Mom or Dad or anyone about your stupid girlfriend!” Alex snapped out loudly in lieu of the whispers and murmurs they’d been talking in previously.
Everything felt like it came to a halt, including Sutton’s heart, as both Ethan and their mother sharply turned to look at them.
“Alex!” She barely resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands because God why did stuff like this always seem to happen to her?
“You have a girlfriend?!” Ethan shouted from across the room at the same time.
Her cheeks burned. “No!”
Her blood rushed in her ears; Sutton had barely had this sexuality conversation with anyone aside from her mother and sister. She loved her younger brother so much but he had a very, very large mouth, and he was far from the next person she would have chosen to tell.
He ignored her, blue eyes imploring excitedly as he dropped the ornament he was holding and came bounding over closer to her. “Is she pretty?”
Unable to stop herself, all she could picture was an image of Charlotte’s grinning face. And her stomach dipped low, because this was not how she wanted this to go. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
She turned back to face her sister. “I can’t believe you! You can’t just – just yell about that!”