Gunner was the exact opposite of what her father had been as a husband. At least, he had been for twelve years. Is that why she'd fallen for him so quickly and their relationship had lasted for almost two decades?
In contrast, Carrington brought back way too many memories of her father. Not good memories. Even though Gunner had betrayed her in a way she never thought he would, Carrington's treatment seemed worse. To disappear without a word says ‘you don't matter to me at all; I don't even respect you enough to tell you why.' Gunner had never made her feel like that.
Gunner's smile floated before her. It was devastatingly charming, just like Carrington's. She had a thing for smiles, and Gunner's had captured her heart all those years ago. As for Carrington's – it had led her straight into his arms, and planted a child in her womb.
Bria turned onto her side and thought of the tiny life growing in her as thoughts of her ex-husband flowed. What if she'd given him a child years ago like he wanted? She squeezed her eyes closed to block out the cascading memories, but that only made them more vivid. Suddenly, the tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe. She sat up. How, after all this time, did the pain still cut so deep?
Images of Gunner with his daughter flooded her. She had always managed to push thoughts of him as a father away, as if, if she didn't think about it, then the child didn't exist. Thoughts of Marla came. Then thoughts of the three of them – Gunner, Marla, little Gracie. They were a family, just like Marla wanted.
Bria's renewed anger – and pain – came in waves. Oh god why had she agreed to meet him?
Because some part of you still loves him, a truth-telling voice inside her answered. She weakened at the thought. Her fight, her anger, and her pain dimmed, bringing back all her yearning for what she'd lost. For what she and Gunner used to share. For what he'd ruined.
Bria's eyes caught the soft glow of her alarm clock, just as the minute was turning: 5:13. Although the room was still heavily dark with the black of night, she couldn't get back to sleep. Full daylight would be coming soon.
She got up, padded to her kitchen and reached for the coffee. She put it back and reached for a box of tea instead. She'd had it so long that she forgot what flavor it was. She turned the box over. Lemon Balm the label said. Brings anxiety levels down; soothes, calms and reduces general irritability. She suddenly remembered why she'd bought it.
It was when she was working on the lead-poisoning case. She couldn't believe she'd been assigned the high-profile case, and she was ever-aware of having to prove herself as a woman and as a minority. She'd had nightmares during the almost eleven months it had taken for the case to wrap up. But she'd weathered it, SLAW had won, and she and Gunner had celebrated by taking a weekend trip to DC to go to the newly opened National Museum of African American History and Culture.
She hadn't known it then, but that had put her mere blocks away from the office of the father of the child she was carrying: Carrington Shelby.
Chapter 31
BRIA WAS HAVING LUNCH at her desk, and preparing to fight the sleepiness which seemed to always be just around the corner these days. After eating, she knew she'd have a hard time keeping her eyes open. And the early morning call with Gunner hadn't helped at all.
With luck, when Tabby came back, she'd be able to lock her office door and catch a fifteen-minute catnap before her hectic afternoon started. She was in the discovery phase of the new case she'd been assigned. She actually enjoyed this phase of every case, because she could spend hours alone reading hundreds of pages of documents that may or may not be pertinent to the case.
Her new case was another one against a rich slumlord. It had come to light because of a study linking high asthma rates and housing violations. Contributing factors like mold, cockroaches, and other pests – which landlords were responsible for conducting annual inspections to control – were not being done regularly, if at all. Of course, this disproportionately affected those in low-income neighborhoods, where the rates of mold and pest violations was strong.
The same anger she'd felt during the lead poisoning case was triggered, but this time it was even stronger because she was expecting. She couldn't imagine having her child exposed to such dangers. It reminded her all over again how poverty robbed you of so much on so many levels.
Her thoughts turned to her unborn child. The decision of how to handle her soon-to-be-bulging belly plagued her as she bit into her smoked turkey sandwich. Everyone would know soon ... and that everyone included the father.
The knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. She wasn't expecting anyone, not that she knew of. Her assistant, Tabby, was at lunch. Whomever it was would just have to excuse the fact that she was eating.
"Come in," she said, wiping her hands on a napkin as she stood to greet her unscheduled visitor.
"Hello Bria."
"Carrington," Bria breathed, and sank back down into her chair.
Chapter 32
DON'T GIVE HIM THE satisfaction of knowing he hurt you by disappearing. Play it cool, her brain screamed.
"You're looking well," Carrington said. Quite possibly the understatement of the century, he thought. She looked fucking gorgeous, literally taking his breath away.
"So are you," Bria said. Keep it short and sweet, she thought.
"I know I've been out of touch lately, but things have been kinda hectic juggling my new board responsibilities at SLAW and opening a new office in Maryland."
"Understandable," Bria said, reminding herself to breathe. "I've been kind of swamped myself with this new case."
"Another housing case," he stated. "I heard. Congratulations. Quite a feat to land that."
"You know about it?" This man's child was growing in her womb, yet they were acting like strangers. The ridiculousness of it all almost made her want to laugh out loud. She smiled tightly instead.
"It's my business to know," he smiled back.
Why did he have to go and do that, Bria thought, sucking in a breath. His smile should be registered as an official weapon. It was so deadly; so disarming.
"I just ... it just surprises me that in a firm the size of SLAW, you can keep track of cases. With over eight hundred attorneys, there must be thousands of ongoing cases."
"True," Carrington said, sitting on the corner of her desk. "But some are more important than others, like some attorneys."
"I'm not sure I follow," Bria said.
"You follow Beautiful Bria," he said, the nickname he'd given her settling somewhere between pleasure and pain in her heart.
The black soot of his lashes shielded the emerald of his eyes, but Bria could sense the intimacy laden there. She was not going to play this game. It was too deadly – and these days, she had too much to live for. "What are you doing here Carrington?"
"I wanted to see you," he said, those ridiculously thick, sooty lashes rising to put his full emerald gaze on display.
Bria could see exactly what he wanted. And God help her, she wanted it too! It's like she was two people: one part passionate body; the other part rational mind. She hated that she was so attracted to him. "Why? Why do you want to see me?" she breathed.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" he asked, standing. He leaned over her and rested a hand on each side of her chair, pinning her in the prism of his being. She had nowhere to look but at him.
Bria fought her tendency to lash out. "At least you're honest," she clipped.
"That I am," he said. "And continuing in that vein, I also missed you."
Bria didn't know what to say, so she remained quiet.
"Can we have dinner this evening?"
Her heart warred with her senses. She'd have to see him sooner or later, because there was no keeping this pregnancy from him – not unless she wanted to quit her job and move far, far away. That wasn't an option. New York was home; she wouldn't be run out of it. But the dynamics of her relationship with Carrington would have to change. He needed to know that, and there was no time like the present.
"I can't this evening," she said. "But I'm free tomorrow."
Carrington squinted. Was she seeing someone else already? He didn't want to spend a whole Saturday racking his brain trying to answer that question. "Since tomorrow is Saturday, how about brunch?"
"That sounds good," Bria said.
Friday night meeting with ex-husband.
Saturday brunch with re-appeared lover.
Yeah, her life was this kind of a hellish mash-upright now.
She rubbed her belly. Strangely, even though her pregnancy was new and totally unexpected, it was about the only thing that made sense in her world right now.
Chapter 33
BRIA SQUIRMED AS SHE sat in the booth, remembering all the times she'd frequented this restaurant with Gunner. She should have agreed to meet him at a neutral spot. The memories were only making her angry as she waited for his arrival. At least they took her mind off seeing Carrington earlier today. Her mind kept replaying their conversation. Before the reel of that meeting could resume in her head, she recalled her conversation with Maya about meeting with Gunner.
She was feeling unnerved after Carrington left her office, and with this impending meeting with Gunner. So she'd called her best friend to come over for an impromptu lunch to help her calm her nerves.
Maya – in her straightforward, take-no-prisoners manner – had given her more than she wished to think about.
"THANK YOU FOR COMING on such short notice," Bria said, as Maya entered her office. "I know it's lunchtime, but I had Tabby pick up your favorite in case you haven't eaten – blueberry muffins. I know you eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner."
"That I do, and thanks. This alone makes the trip worthwhile," Maya smiled, following her nose to the paper bag on Bria's desk. "Mmm," she said, wasting no time biting into one. "You're lucky you caught me and that I was in the area. I'm off to San Francisco the day after tomorrow and I'm in the middle of running a crap ton of errands. Plus, I haven't eaten a thing. So this is perfect. I get to see you, and I get to fill my belly."
"Good. Now I don't feel so guilty," Bria said.
"So shoot. What's got you in such a tizzy so this afternoon?" Maya said, dropping her voluptuous frame onto the black leather settee bench in Bria's office.
Bria relayed her entire conversation with Gunner from early this morning, and her impromptu meeting with Carrington this afternoon.
Maya listened closely. "Wow. A two-fer," Maya said between mouthfuls of muffin. "Let's start with Gunner. I know I practically ripped you a new one at the museum about him last weekend. Sorry about that. How are you feeling about meeting him?"
Bria shrugged.
"Confused. Terrified. Stupid for agreeing to see him," Bria responded, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Well, why did you agree to see him?" Maya arched a perfectly plucked brow.
Bria sighed as she picked at the second half of her turkey sandwich. Her appetite had disappeared when Carrington arrived. "I don't know. He sounded so.... so sad. I felt bad for him."
Maya seemed to digest this as she took another bite of her muffin. "So there's no part of you that wanted to see him?"
"Um," Bria stalled, taking a sip of apple juice. It had become a craving. She had no idea they happened so early in pregnancy. "Yeah, a part of me looks forward to seeing him," she admitted.
Maya's smile was very small, but very knowing.
Bria felt defensive. "I know how I'm supposed to feel. I know I shouldn't want to see him, but in that moment, my loneliness got the best of me and I missed him. Is that so wrong?"
"I didn't say a thing," Maya replied. "I don't think you're wrong for missing him. It's how you feel. I'd be surprised if you didn't. You spent most of your adult life with him. It makes sense to miss him."
Hearing the lack of judgment and criticism in her friend's voice opened the floodgates. "I feel so crazy Maya! One minute, I hate him for what he did. And the next, I'm wondering what would have happened if I hadn't divorced him so quickly. How sad is that?"
"Not sad at all," May said. "Completely normal under the circumstances." They sat quiet for a few moments, Maya ate her muffin, while Bria slowly peeled her sandwich apart without taking a bite.
"I still can't believe he cheated on me," Bria said quietly. "Why can't I wrap my head around that Maya?"
Maya remained quiet; knowing that it was a rhetorical question.
"I thought we were happy. I mean, we had problems like every married couple, but I thought we were solid."
"Did you really?" Maya asked. She bit her lip as if she hadn't meant to say that out loud.
Bria frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Maya sighed and brushed the crumbs of the muffin off her hands into the napkin on her lap. "Bria, you know I love you. I know you've had a rough year. And now, you're pregnant – I still can't wrap my head around that!—so I really thought it was a moot point to even bring this up. But ..." Maya sighed.
"But what?" Bria said. "You can't stop now. What is it you want to say?"
Maya took a deep breath. "You really wanna know?"
"Yes I do."
"Alright," Maya said, and continued. "Bria you married Gunner, but the minute you got that law degree, you made a bigger commitment to your career. Your marriage took a backseat – for years. I'm not excusing what he did, but really, it was kind of predictable."
"What?" Bria snapped, fury blasting through her like fire. "I thought you were on my side!"
"I am on your side. I've always been on your side. Have you forgotten the last year and how many times I've told you that I hated him for what he did to you?"
Bria huffed and waited for her to go on.
"With that being said, from what I saw, you weren't one hundred percent in it with him. You were absent, Bria. There were so many nights that you practically slept at this office. And when you did come home earlier than usual, you'd close yourself off in your home office. And this I know, mind you, because you told me."
"Gunner understood I was trying to make partner and the kind of hours that entailed," Bria justified.
Maya exhaled. "You're getting defensive. Stop feeling attacked and just listen to what I'm saying. I promise you I'm not coming for you. I'm just being real. I already told you, I'm not saying what Gunner did was right. In fact it was all wrong. All I'm saying is that his affair wasn't that surprising. The only reason it shocked me is I thought he was a better man than that. I put him on a pedestal. Obviously you did too, but it turns out, he's only human.—like most other men."
"So it's my fault that my husband cheated on me?" Bria asked angrily. "And why haven't you said any of this before?"
"Of course it's not your fault that he cheated. And I didn't say anything because what good would that have done? You were in so much pain and shock when it all happened that I wouldn't have dared say anything like that to you. I'm your friend; that would have served no purpose then. But now ... now it's a year out and you're still trying to figure some shit out, obviously. And you're pregnant. I think it's time for you to work with full facts; not just the facts your pain will let you recognize."
"And those facts would be?" Bria said sarcastically.
"To give it to you straight – you're not blameless Bria. You helped lay the groundwork for Gunner's affair."'
Bria shot Maya an ‘if looks could kill' stare.
"Don't cut your eyes at me, missy," Maya said. "You wanted the truth; well I'm giving it to you. And the simple fact is a husband needs his wife, like a wife needs her husband. Gunner needed you and you weren't there for him Bria. And your marriage wasn't like that for a few weeks or months. It was like that for years. Years Bria. Eventually, a person will get their needs met elsewhere if it's not happening at home. I mean, turn the situation around. What if Gunner had been that absent? I'm not saying you would have cheated, but you definitely would not have felt that he was ‘all in' either. You probably would have thought he was having an affair. One more thing, how is it that
he was able to carry on an affair for a year and you not notice? Doesn't that tell you how absent you were?"
This last observation slapped Bria in the face – hard.
"Alright let's say I buy into some of what you're telling me," Bria said slowly. "It still doesn't give him the right to do what he did. We were Gunner and Bria. He could have come to me with anything. He knew that. And yet, he found someone else. There is nothing in this world that makes that right."
"Again, Gunner was dead-ass wrong. But do you want to be right Bria, or do you want to know how you contributed to the downfall of your marriage? That's all I'm trying to get you to see. ... I know you're probably mad at me for saying this and I probably shouldn't have said anything. But you brought it up. You're the one with unresolved feelings. You invited me here and asked for my advice. I owe it to you to be honest. If you do decide to give it another go with him, then I'd be less than a real friend if I wasn't."
Bria didn't respond. She dropped her eyes to her desk and twisted her fingers together in agitation.
"So when is this meeting finally going to take place?" Maya asked.
"Tonight," Bria muttered dryly.
"And what about Carrington?"
"What about him?" Bria asked.
"Are you going to tell him about your pregnancy?"
COULD WHAT MAYA SAID be true?
How much of the demise of their relationship could she lay at Gunner's feet? Was she equally responsible for the disintegration of their marriage.
How much responsibility did she dare take – and at what cost?
Chapter 34
8:47 P.M.
Bria fidgeted with her watch. It wasn't like Gunner to be late. Maybe he wasn't coming. Maybe he'd forgotten. Maybe he'd had a fight with his baby mama and had called her out of loneliness early this morning. Maybe they'd made up. And he'd left her here. Sitting. Waiting.
Love after Betrayal: An Interracial, Billionaire Romance Page 15