The night air was cool but not uncomfortable. It wasn’t like she hadn’t walked from one town to another before. That time in San Antonio, she’d been thrown out of the saloon and threatened with jail if she didn’t leave immediately.
She’d walked for three days to get to the next town. Nope, she could do this. After all, it was for a good cause. Lila didn’t want Zandy or the kids tainted by her. The news about what she’d been would get around the small town, and they would suffer because of her past.
Lila sighed. She’d been on the stagecoach because the sheriff had gotten mad at her for helping the card sharp. And then even madder when she wouldn’t lie to protect him.
Well, walking wasn’t that bad as it gave her time to think. Coyotes howled to her left and were answered to the north. Whippoorwills called out their saying, making her feel both lonely and at home on the trail.
Finally, the moon rose and spread its silver light across the road so she could see. As nights go, it was magnificent. The only problem was that she was alone and leaving Zandy, the kids, and his house.
She could hear Mary, who worked the last saloon. “Throwing away your hope, Lila? You can do better. Stay away from that card sharp.” Mary had been right. Now, Lila was throwing away a chance at a good life.
But she knew what would happen. Her past would find her, and those in the town would talk about her. Zandy would be shamed for taking in a saloon girl. As soon as they were old enough, the children would be made fun of for having a fallen woman as a mother.
It wouldn’t work. Lila, if nothing else, was a realist. She’d heard that word somewhere and liked it. She was real. Her fallen life was more than real to her. She couldn’t deny it. Wouldn’t.
While not proud of her life, it was what she’d made of it. Forces converged on her to mold her into what she’d become. There were few choices in the orphanage. Mistreated and abused, her life in the saloon was little different from what she’d grown up with.
It’s what she knew. She remembered an old pastor standing on the bar, preaching fire and brimstone at them. Hardly anyone had listened. But Lila had heard him. She was destined for darkness and terror if she didn’t change her ways. And after changing her ways, she was warned not to go back as a dog goes back to its vomit.
Not a pretty picture. Yet, here she was. Walking all night to get to a saloon and the old life she knew. Like a dog, but worse, because she knew better. But to stay would have only torn down three more people.
That old preacher had scared her all right. But she’d never felt welcome in the church. Seems they thought she should be clean and pure before stepping foot inside. And Lila, well, she just couldn’t get there.
She tried. But no one would hire her for any job. So, she was back in the saloons quicker than she could she jump. This was her life. It was foolish of her to think she could be any different.
Zandy had asked her if she believed she was worthless. She’d raised her head and said no. But she’d lied. How could she tell him that from the time she could remember, those were the words she always heard?
“You’re worthless, girl. Get out of here.”
Get out, she did. Time and time again. For this reason or that, she’d been forced out of saloons and towns. Zandy’s house was just one more. It really didn’t matter. Her tears gave up, and the hardness she encased herself in returned.
She didn’t need anyone. And no one needed her.
Chapter 7
Zandy awoke to crying children. Grabbing his pants and then putting them on, he half ran, and half jumped to the bedroom and banged on the door. “Lila, are you, all right?”
There was no answer other than Gracie and Griffin’s sobbing cries. Gently, he opened the door. The bed was empty. The two children were crawling toward him.
“Lila!”
He thought maybe she’d gone outside. Shutting the door, so the children were contained, he ran out the front door and hollered for her. But there was no response.
A hollow feeling took over his gut. She’d left him. She must not have believed him all that time they were talking. Why would she leave him and the children? He’d told her how she mattered to him.
But she was gone. Upon examination of her room, he saw that the carpetbag was missing. Then for some reason, he looked at the shelf and noticed that the carving of the giraffe was missing too. For some reason, that gave him hope. He’d seen Lila’s eyes fill with wonder as she was holding the carving. Wonder was only a small step to hope.
He sat on the bed and held the babies to reassure them. Poor little ones, they’d been through so much. After cleaning them up and feeding them some milk and rice, he dressed. He’d go back to town and see if he couldn’t find her. He kept the kids in the bedroom while he did chores and hitched the wagon.
After looking at the wagon, he hurriedly grabbed some chairs and built a fort in the back to keep the children corralled. Then he rushed in, changed, and cleaned the babies, and brought them.
After he had the children in the back of the wagon, he climbed in the seat. With a prayer that they’d make it to town without too much trouble, he called out to Diamond to go. The horse strained at the harness, and soon they were on the way to find Lila. She didn’t know any of the surrounding land or towns, so he figured she was going back to Brazos City.
Why would she leave him? He thought everything was going so well. He’d treated her like a queen. Told her the past didn’t bother him. So why had she left him? Women. He’d always heard they were hard to figure.
He prayed that the Lord would hold her in town until he could find her. It was hard for him to believe, but he cared about her. Deeply. And he’d known her less than a day. Not to mention, she really didn’t have that much going for her
She was pretty, but she also looked used, tired, and worn out. He didn’t care. She had somehow won his heart. Why didn’t she believe that?
Zandy looked back to make sure the children were all right. They were both on the blanket laying down and falling asleep to the swaying wagon. Good. That was one less thing to worry about.
He slapped the reins to hurry Diamond along. While he was going, he watched the road and the sides to see if he might see her.
Silly woman. What did she think she was doing? And why was she leaving him with the children? They missed her. Griffin kept asking for Momma. Gracie would cry when her brother said it. The whole thing made him want to love the children even more.
Why couldn’t Lila see that she was hurting them all?
Finally, he drove into town and parked in front of the café. Marge would watch the children. At least, he hoped she would. That or he’d take them to jail and let the sheriff put them in a cell where they couldn’t get into trouble.
“Marge.” He had a baby in each arm and entered the café. Fortunately, it was between breakfast and lunch. “Can you watch the children for a little bit?”
Marge came around the counter and smiled at the babies. “Sure, I can watch them. Any time, Zandy. Where’s the mother?”
“I’m looking for her. I woke up, and she was gone. Have you seen her?”
“No. I’ll keep watch, though.” She put the babes in the center of another chair fort. “I’m going to get them some cookies. When will you be back?”
Zandy shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve got to find her.”
“Did you do something to her? To upset her?”
“No. I was a gentleman. And to tell you the truth, I love her. I know that sounds crazy, but I do.” He ran for the door. “I’ve got to go find her, Marge.”
“Go ahead, I’ll make do and keep the babies entertained.”
Zandy ran out and then ran back in with the bag with their nappies. “I don’t know what to do when those run out.”
“We wash them and start over. Just find that woman.” Marge waved him on.
Outside, Zandy looked around the town. The saloon. That was the likely place. Then he thought better and went to the depot. She might try a
nd go somewhere else.
The agent was asleep behind the counter.
Zandy rapped on the wood. “Wake up, Grady.”
With a start, the older gentleman sat up. “Oh, Zandy. Want to go somewhere?”
“No, but I was wondering if Lila Swanson bought a ticket?”
“Who?”
“Lila. The woman I picked up from the depot yesterday.”
“No, haven’t seen her. But we don’t have a stage until tomorrow.”
“Good. If she comes by, tell her that I’m looking for her.”
With a toothless smile, Grady nodded. “Lose her already? That was quick. But women, they can be a problem. Don’t tell my Missus, but they can run a man crazy.”
Zandy was about to agree with the man. “Thanks, Grady.” He ran past the depot and onto Main Street. Looking up and down, he didn’t see her. The saloon wouldn’t be open yet. He turned and walked to the sheriff’s office.
Sheriff Ryan was sweeping the floor and stopped when he saw Zandy come through the door.
“Sheriff, Lila has fun off. I need help finding her.”
“Run off? You sure?”
“I’m sure, and I’m sure that she’s come to town. Will you help me find her?”
“She’s a grown woman, Zandy. If she doesn’t want to stay, I can’t stop her. And neither can you.”
“I know. But I want to talk to her.”
“If I see her, I’ll tell her that you’re looking for her.”
“Thanks.” Zandy left and went to the hotel, but they hadn’t had a guest check in since yesterday. Finally, he went to the saloon.
It wasn’t a place Zandy frequented as it was too easy to lose your senses and money in those places. He pushed open the door and looked around. The high-ceilinged building made the air cool and inviting along with the smell of cigar and whiskey.
Zandy walked around and finally sat at one of the tables.
“Well, Zanzibar Smith. I’m surprised to see you here in the High Hat. What can I get you?” The owner of the saloon sat down in front of him. Mason Drake was as smooth as they come, and right now, he looked like he was holding all the cards.
Zandy put his hat on the table. “I’m looking for Lila. Is she here?”
“The woman you came into town to get yesterday?”
“That’s her.” Zandy was tired. He’d not slept well, and now he knew why he had cause to worry.
“As a matter of fact, I hired her just an hour ago. She’s in the back, getting ready. She’s a looker. Surprised that you’d let her go and come to work here.”
“I didn’t. I’d like to talk to her.”
Drake nodded. “I thought you might. I’ll send her out. Of course, I expect you to buy a drink.”
“Sarsaparilla will do me fine.”
Drake grinned. “For a missionary’s son, I’d expect nothing less. One Sarsaparilla, Dave. On the house.”
Zandy waited. His heart beat hard as he tried to think about what to say to her.
Lila came out of the backroom. She wore the skimpy dress of a saloon girl, and she wore it like she knew what to do. She stared at him. Not welcoming. Not glad to see him. But it was the sadness in her eyes that tore at his heart.
He stood and held out a chair for her. “Lila.”
“You are the gentleman, aren’t you? I shouldn’t need to remind you, but there’s no need for that here.” She sat down and challenged him to think any differently.
Zandy reached for her hand, but she pulled it away from him. “Why did you leave? Did I do or say—”
“No. No, it wasn’t you.” She turned her head. “I belong here. This is my home. I don’t want to ruin your life. The children don’t need a mother like me.”
He shook his head. “You’re wrong. The babies were crying for you. Griffin was calling for you, saying, mama.”
“They aren’t talking about me. Their mother died, and I’m sorry about that. But they’ll be better off with a good woman as their mother.” She stood. “I’m sure Mr. Drake isn’t going to pay me to sit with a customer who isn’t drinking.”
She was about to leave when the bartender brought the sarsaparillas.
The big man looked at her. “On the house, Drake’s orders.” He winked at Zandy and left them.
“Sit down. Please?”
She looked over to Drake and then sat. “I’m not changing my mind. I’m no good for you or the babies.”
Zandy looked at her. “Lila, I know you took the giraffe. That means something. I don’t think you really want to go back to this life.”
“I’ll give it back. The stupid animal probably isn’t even real.” She bolted out of her chair and ran to the back of the saloon.
Zandy sipped the cool drink. What was he going to do? He couldn’t get his chores done and watch the babies at the same time. Before he had a chance to think, she was back.
“Here, sorry, I took it.” She flung the giraffe at him. “I have to go to work.”
Zandy picked up the carving. “It doesn’t look busy.”
“Leave me be. I mean it.” She looked up. “I’m ready to go back to work, Mr. Drake.” Lila stormed away from Zandy. That she meant to leave him was clear.
Zandy stared after her. He wasn’t a man to quit. He’d figure something out. He had to.
Chapter 8
It took everything in Lila to walk away from Zandy. He looked so hurt, and she was dying inside. Everything in her wanted to run into his arms and leave with him. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it to him and the children.
She saw the way Drake looked at her. Like old times and she fit right in. He was happy to hire her and told her she’d make a good contribution to his saloon. Ha. Like she could be good for anything or anyone.
Yes, she could entice the High Hat’s customers to drink more. To gamble with a man that she knew would cheat them out of their hard-earned money. Takers. That’s what they were. Like some kind of fire that couldn’t be quenched, she’d drain the life out of the men. That’s what she was good for.
Drake knew it. From the moment she walked inside the saloon, he’d talked to her in the smooth way that gamblers have. So slick that even when you knew they were cheating you, it didn’t matter.
She stood at the bar far away from Zandy, but she watched him out of the corner of her eye. Soon, he left, but he didn’t take the giraffe.
Dave came over to her and handed her the carving. “He left it for you.”
She took it and gently rubbed the smooth wood. Such a silly looking creature. Why did he leave it for her? It didn’t matter.
“Go ahead, take it back to your room.”
She looked at Drake. His dark eyes, while not kind, were at least not condemning her.
“Thanks. I will. I don’t know why he forgot it?”
“Don’t you?” Drake took her hand. “Remember, I don’t like my girls running out on me.”
“I’m not running.” She glared at him.
“You ran out on him.” Drake let her go and then left her to sit at his gambling table. There he shuffled his cards like a hungry wolf waiting for his prey to enter.
She nodded at Dave and then went to her room. Lila carefully placed the carving on the shelf above her bed. Next time she saw Zandy, she’d make sure he took it with him. She didn’t want it.
Stopping at the door, she squeezed her eyes tight to keep the tears corralled. After a few minutes, Lila pulled her hard shell around her. She didn’t need to feel or care about anything or anyone. She couldn’t afford to.
Those babies were better off without her. Zandy was better off. Lila had done it for them. She’d had to.
She heard Drake call for her. He’d told her he wanted her to stand by him when he was playing.
Lila went out of her room and walked to his table, but she didn’t see any customers. “What is it?
“I want you out here to show you off. You’re a pretty thing, Lila. I’m sure when the word gets around, men will flock in here to get a
n eyeful. You’re what men dream of, Lila.”
His words made her sick. She turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the disgust on her face. She’d never felt this way before. In the past, Drake’s words would have made her feel good. Today, they were like hot nails of condemnation, driving into what flesh was left of her heart.
Why did Zandy have to come looking for her?
***
Zandy left the saloon, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t run the ranch and take care of the children. He walked to the café, almost wishing he’d taken that drink Drake had offered, but it never helped. Zandy knew that, now.
There’d been a time when he was foolish. A time when he’d have run out on her because he felt worthless. So, he understood, but how to make her change her mind?
Marge saw him and smiled. “They’ve been perfect angels. Half the town has been in here picking them up and playing with the sweet things.” Her smile faded as she looked behind him. “No luck getting her back?”
Zandy shook his head. “No, she’s set on going back to her old life.”
Putting hands on her hips, Marge clucked her tongue. “What are you going to do? You can’t work the ranch and care for these babes.”
“I know.” He grinned at her. “Have any ideas?”
“Actually, I do. The widow Jenkins. She’s grieving something fierce after losing her husband of so many years. She might be willing to go to your place and watch the children until you find someone to help you.” Marge grinned. “Or for Lila to come to her senses.”
Zandy sat at the nearest table. “Good idea. I’ll ask her. As for Lila, I’m afraid that’s going to take a lot of prayer. It did for me.”
“I remember. You came out here, all determined to put away your past when it reared its ugly head and came after you. I thought you were going to go back to your old life for sure. Oh, I prayed for you, but I feared it wasn’t enough. Just goes to show you, don’t underestimate the power of God.”
“You’re right, Marge. Thank you for those prayers. Now, I’m going to ask you to pray for Lila.” He stared at the babies. Somehow, the little ones had wrapped themselves around his heart. They were his children every bit as much as if he’d been married to their mother.
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