“Alejandro…can't you give me a little more of that red wine?” She swallowed hard. “To dull the pain?”
“No.”
“Just ‘No’?”
“Absolutely not, then. Some of the pain you are feeling is the result of that red wine,” Alejandro replied stiffly, clearly unsympathetic to her suffering. Possibly he even enjoyed her discomfort in his more demented moments.
He will be a cruel, bastard of a sovereign ruler I have no doubt.
“The doctor has assured me there is nothing further I can give you.”
“I’m sure he has. He is not racking with pain.” Every muscle in her body hurt. The callous, unfeeling doctor. She knew his type: he most certainly enjoyed her suffering as well, thinking it the just consequence of a woman flaunting herself in public. Was that how Alejandro once put it? She closed her eyes.
To be sure, she was the one who had acted in a foolhardy manner, and she would naturally pay the price.
Thank goodness I did not paid the ultimate price.
Still, she was equally confident the men would find pleasure in her torture, ensuring she learned her lesson and securing their authority. Her misery was the opening they needed. How better could they establish their supremacy?
She was certain she had not been given adequate medication for the pain.
“Nicolette, I will give you what you wish.” She opened her eyes again to see that Alejandro had not taken his eyes off her. Worry was written all over his face.
Not exactly the face of a torturer, but men could be deceiving.
“Good.” She attempted to nod and thought the better of it. “Prop me up, and assist me in drinking the wine,” she managed to murmur, her head throbbing.
“Not wine.”
“Something else then? I don’t care what it is, let me have it.”
“I will give you a night of passion.” His voice was cold and steely, remarkably devoid of passion.
“I don’t understand…” Frankly, that was the last thing she was interested in the moment, but she was intrigued to hear him out. She stared at Alejandro in disbelief through the slits which now constituted her eyes and which she knew must now be swollen. Maybe her ears were swollen too and she was not hearing correctly.
“But only within the context of marriage.”
Her eyes somehow flew open. He hadn't forgotten. He meant what he had said.
Despite the pain reverberating through her body, she was giddy with joy.
He loves me. In an instant her mood fell again. She had never seriously considered marriage. She had a career which had only begun. My life's dream.
No, no, she couldn't think about this, not now.
“I cannot imagine my life without you, Nicolette.” He took her hand, and implored her, his voice shaky. “It is a stark loneliness for me. I have tried to put aside all thoughts of you, to go forward with discipline as I always have, but it drains me of all energy to contemplate it. I cannot go forward.”
“Go forward? Forward with what?”
“With my reign. With my life. With everything.”
“Marriage to me would be a huge hurdle to your reign and to Spain’s future. They are mutually exclusive.”
“It is true. My bride would have to convert to Catholicism.” His expression was distraught. “And I know how attached you are to your singing career. But we have an opera house in Espána, a very fine opera house behind the royal palace. You could perform there.”
Alejandro hadn’t even mentioned the alliance which Spain desperately needed. She was so far beneath him in station. And the last thing he needed was a wife who performed.
“It is a ludicrous idea. It could never work.” Nicolette shook her head in shock. Ohhhhh, that hurt. She must remember to keep her head still.
“We will make it work, Nicolette. We have to. There is no life for me without you.”
This was the last thing she had expected. She had thrown herself at Alejandro. The man had rejected her lock, stock, and barrel.
Then he had jumped into the bullring, he who protected himself for Spain first and foremost might have left España without a ruler. And now Alejandro—who was so concerned with appearances—was giving her carte blanche to sing in Spain's Royal Opera House. The Queen of Spain performing.
His is delirious.
Or maybe I am. Maybe I have blacked out and am hallucinating.
Nicolette took one hand and touched his cheek. It had the rough feel of a man who needed to shave frequently. She studied his face and saw the high cheekbones, the strong chin, and, most telling, the fervor in his eyes.
This is not Alejandro. She had heard everyone had a look-alike somewhere in the world, a Doppelgänger. Possibly the man before her was an actor hired by the Queen Mother who had plotted her kidnapping.
Still, he is very handsome and I like his personality better than Alejandro’s. It wasn’t a bad way to spend one’s last days on earth.
“I know this is not the time to discuss it, Nicolette. I was simply so overcome with joy that you survived.” He shook his head, “Despite the fact that you insist upon making the most foolish decisions available to you at every opportunity.”
It is him, alright.
“But, Alejandro, you aren't thinking clearly.” Though it pained her to speak, she managed to form the words. “It would be a detriment to your country to marry me. You would come to hate me.”
“Never. I love you, Nicolette. Mi cielita, mi vida.” My heaven, my life. He took her hand and kissed it gently.
“Alejandro…when?...how? Why such a change?” she whispered, watching him.
Nicolette felt herself warming to the feel of his lips on her hand. Is it possible? That he truly loves me?
She felt giddy even as her head was spinning and her heart wanted to jump out of her chest. She had loved Alejandro for some time now and in this marvelous moment she could not even sit up.
“I will never change my mind, Nicolette. If you knew me better, you would know once I decide upon something I do not alter from my course.”
It sounded strangely familiar.
“You will always be my love.”
Her heart fell when it should have flown. If only they could be together. If only he could live in Paris with her.
“But don't you see Alejandro? It is not possible.” How ridiculous. She felt like a fool. “It is not possible.”
“Let us make it possible.”
“We each have separate destinies, Alejandro.”
“I love you, Nicolette. I am ready to compromise my standing with the national community, to put everything I hold dear at risk, to compromise my duty because I can no longer contemplate the thought of a life separate from you.” He shook his head. “I, who haven't felt fully attached to anyone in years. Something has come alive in me. And I begin to think my life matters, that I matter, because of you. I want a life. I want to live.”
“Alejandro,” she whispered, watching him.
How can I ever love anyone as much as I love him? “Of course you matter. So much. But the only thing for us is this time together.
“I need to know, Nicolette.” He studied her, his expression desperate. “Do you not reciprocate my feelings? What am I to you? Why did you throw yourself in front of a deadly animal if not to gain my attention? And you did gain my attention. You awakened me—for the second time. You made me realize the depth of the value which I place on your life. Did you do it simply for one night? Is that all you feel for me?”
“I do I love you, Alejandro. I have for so long.” Nicolette closed her eyes momentarily, feeling tears welling up at this impossible situation. She didn't know what she felt anymore, she had been confused ever since she had met him. “Why else would I throw away my chance at a respectable marriage?”
“Then say yes. Say you will marry me.”
“Marriage with you is not possible, Alejandro. I do not wish to leave my singing career, and I certainly do not wish to be the Queen of a country. I am no
t merely a singer. The music is me.” She pushed the hair out of his eyes. “You know very well this can never be.”
“You may perform to our quests after dinner. It will be considered the height of elegance to hear the Queen of Spain sing. And you are the daughter of a peer. There can be no question of your bloodline.”
“Alejandro, I do not perform occasional songs after dinner. I perform whole operas.” Even in her wounded state the absurdity of what he was proposing was clear. “I have a profession. And you would put Spain’s future in jeopardy by choosing me.” she gazed into his dark eyes and saw herself swimming there.
“You have a life, but I do not, Nicolette. Not without you.” He frowned, and she saw pain written across his face even as all the hope appeared to die in his eyes. “And you cannot have a life if you are with me.”
Take care you have something here when the applause stops. A picture of the Dalai Lama flashed before her eyes. He had touched his heart and spoken these words to her when she was a young girl.
She looked at Alejandro. He was so much larger in her mind than any stage or audience.
When had that happened?
No! I will not! She would not give up her dreams.
“I see.” He stared at her, his expression suddenly cold and hard, his broad shoulders stiffening.
Stretching his long legs out before him, she could see her reflection in the sheen of his knee-high black leather boots. Pain seemed to be welling up inside of him even as his voice grew deadly soft. “You are willing to go away, to live apart forever. You will not miss me while heart is breaking at the thought of being separated from you. Thankfully it is a simple decision for you.”
“I will miss you every day of my life, Alejandro. But don't you see? It is simply not meant to be.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly, his coal black hair brushing against her skin. Her heart was crushed as a vision of her life with him floated away before her.
“You need time to think about it,” he pronounced in his most sultry voice. He leaned back, his camel pants adhering to his every movement perfectly.
Looking at her, his rich, dark eyes caused her to melt inside, and she forgot her pain for a moment as she lost herself in them. Alejandro had the most charisma of any man she had ever known: he could have sunk a ship with those eyes if he had set his mind to it.
“I apologize; it was wrong of me to bring it up now,” he said.
“I don't need more time. I shall not change my mind.”
“Very well. But, remember, mi vida, you cannot have what you do not pay for. And neither shall I change my mind. Unless you marry me, Nicolette, you shall never have that night.” His lips formed a slow, seductive smile. “A shame. I am thought to have a certain ability.”
“Never?” she gulped.
“Never. But you shall be invited to my wedding, of course. It cannot be long detained.”
“Your wedding? Oh, I see. Your marriage is next on the royal agenda, is it? And I happen to fall in your path. By all means, let us not delay!”
“You told me once, Nicolette, that your body is your instrument.” His eyes penetrated hers and she shivered. “I should like to play that instrument.”
As she gazed into his eyes; she grew weak at the thought.
She hoped that she wasn't blacking out again.
56
How Shall I Answer?
“Pray, have pity
On a man in his condition!
He’s awaiting your permission,
You just send a little note
And he will hasten to your side,
Yes, he will hasten here to your side,
What’s your answer?”
- The Barber of Seville by Gioachino Rossini
“He WHAT? His majesty proposed marriage to you?” Lady Elaina took a deep breath as she attempted keeping pace with Nicolette.
Nicolette especially liked the Sabatino gardens on the grounds of the Palacio Real: they were something of a maze, which disturbed the guards. All of the grounds surrounding the palace were magnificent: fountains, lakes, ponds, waterfalls, gardens, statues, monuments. But she had a partiality for the northern view of the palace from the fountain the size of a fighting ship.
Glancing behind her, she watched for the guards. Although no one else in her party appeared to be plagued by them, since she arrived she had been unable to escape their surveyance.
Outside her room there were guards. The guards maintained their distance, but they were ever present, and it had only gotten worse since her lovely encounter with El Toro. Anywhere she went she was followed by guards.
“It is conspicuously obvious…” Lady Elaina continued panting as she spoke. “…that King Alejandro is enamored of you…but I never thought he would consider…marriage. He is more devoted to his country than any person I ever met…” Lady Elaina grabbed Nicolette's arm, stopping her in her tracks, as she heaved.
“It's not much further, Grandmamma,” Nicolette pleaded. “We shall sit next to the fountain, and the sound of the water will cover our voices.”
Lady Elaina continued. “And certainly you are well-born, Nicolette…but not high enough for a sovereign ruler. And you are a singer on the stage.” Lady Elaina rolled her eyes, but kept pace with her granddaughter. “You have a reputation, shall we say.”
“I most certainly do not have a reputation!” I would like to attain one, which is proving impossible.
“Undeserved and nothing more than the projection of men's lust, but nonetheless not favorable to the king.” She took her granddaughter's hand. “Forgive my plain speaking, Nicolette.”
“I suppose this is not new information to me.” She spun around, sitting just as they reached the fountains with a full view of the palace. “Grandmamma, at first I was certain Alejandro was suffering from a momentary shock, but now I am convinced he is serious.”
“I am so relieved to be seated.” Lady Elaina took out her handkerchief and patted her forehead. “And what has convinced you, dear heart?”
“He is the most stubborn man I know—even more so than Papa, if that can be imagined—and once he sets on a course, it runs deep and becomes intrinsic to his character.”
“You believe his royal highness to be sincere then?”
“I do.” Nicolette smiled to herself. “Alejandro does not know how to be anything else.”
“Why do you have this confused expression then?”
“I was never so surprised in my life. Even the critic's reviews did not shock me as much!” She added in a whisper, “He must truly love me.”
“It appears the only thing left for you to do is decide on your answer.” Her lips formed a shaky smile. “Do you love him, Nicolette?”
“Indeed I do, Grandmamma. There can be no question of that.” She turned to face her grandmother as joy overcame her. “And yet, I cannot. It is not my path.”
“What then?” Lady Elaina put her fingertip to her mouth, lovely in an apricot shade. “You love Alejandro, you do not care for the opinion of others, what then prevents you from marrying him?”
“I am surprised you should ask, Grandmamma. Opera, of course.”
“Yes, it is most unfortunate you should have to choose between your dreams and his position. But it would never do. Society would never accept it.”
Nicolette shook her head in a sudden determination though it felt her heart was bursting in her chest. “It's no use, Grandmamma. I cannot give up my singing career. It is who I am. I fear I would cease to live.”
“I don't see that as a possibility, my dear. And, of course, you would never stop singing.” Lady Elaina raised her eyebrows, suddenly looking very aristocratic. She wore a stylish shimmery grey afternoon dress of Lansdowne linen trimmed with silver crochet buttons and embroidered silk floral ornaments. The paneled skirt overlay fell ten inches above the hem in a curl-i-que pattern.
Suddenly anger overcame Nicolette. “And do you know, Grandmamma, I would be required to convert to Catho
licism?”
“Of course, my dear. Spain is a Catholic country. Her queen must be Catholic.” Lady Elaina laughed as she waved her gloved hand matter-of-factly before patting her hand in a consoling manner. “God knows your heart and what you believe, Nicolette.”
“It is intolerable someone should tell me what I am to believe.” Nicolette crossed her arms defiantly in front of her blue linen suit.
“As if they should have any success in that. At any rate, both Protestants and Catholics are Christian. There is very little difference in their beliefs other than the memory of a long-standing feud. They both believe in Christ as the son of God.” Lady Elaina shrugged, pursing her lips as she suddenly appeared pensive. “Since you follow your own beliefs in your heart, it should not tax you greatly. Many couples have made far greater sacrifices that they might be together.”
“But it is infuriating.” Nicolette smiled ever so slightly. “And why can't Alejandro see my perspective?”
“Love doesn't mean the other person gives up who he is for you, Nicolette.” Lady Elaina touched her cheek. “It means he loves you as you are. A loved one doesn't change to be you. He isn't you.”
“I am being asked to give up who I am,” Nicolette retorted.
“Yes, but that is society’s requirements, not Alejandro’s.” Lady Elaina sighed heavily. “There are so many women who would wish a life of luxury in which they did not have to find employment, but you are not one of them.”
“Sometimes I feel so invisible with Alejandro, as if he doesn't see me. I cannot challenge a bull every time I need to speak with Alejandro.”
Lady Elaina laughed, her auburn hair bobbing about her. “That is possibly one of his shortcomings, Nicolette, one you will have to accept if you decide to share your life with him. Alejandro is so accustomed to depending on himself that he has difficulty connecting to others. It will no doubt be a life-long struggle for him. But you will help him to reach outside of himself. You already have.” She smiled at Nicolette, and her eye had a twinkle in it. “You learn to appreciate your moments of shared ecstasy in each other's presence.”
The Serenade: The Prince and the Siren Page 40