by Suzy K Quinn
I wanted to ask him more about Annalise. When she left, had she said where she was going? Was there anything we could tell Cat?
But I knew what Michael would say. You’re spoiling this moment, Lorna. You’re being ungrateful. Why would you bring up something like that now when we’re talking about getting married?
And I couldn’t pull myself out of the pit.
I hate myself for that now.
I hate myself for so many things I can never change.
Liberty
My mother is at the front gate. At least, I think it’s her. I can see the tiny speck of a person dressed in black, its size and movements female.
I watch the speck and feel sick.
Michael watches too, face pressed to the glass. There’s an air of a victory about him. A knight swaggering around after winning a joust.
‘What will you do now she’s here?’ I ask, my voice flat.
‘I’m going to say hello,’ says Michael. ‘Good news, Liberty. Your mother is behaving herself. She’s come alone. This is long-awaited, let me tell you. She’s been laughing at me. Thinking she was in charge. But not anymore.’
‘She was never laughing at you,’ I say. ‘She didn’t want anything to do with you.’
‘She’s obsessed with me,’ says Michael. ‘Living so close by.’
‘That’s not why she chose to live close by,’ I say.
‘Oh?’ Michael’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘You have some insight there, do you? So tell me, Liberty. Why did Lorna camp on my doorstep all these years like a lovesick fan?’
‘She was playing you at your own game.’
Michael snorts. ‘Lorna could never play any kind of game. Look at her, walking right in here, a rat in a trap. Not a thought in her stupid little head about how to get out of this one. No, she’s getting what’s in store for her and she knows it.’
‘You’re wrong,’ I say. ‘She was playing a game. She thought close by would be the last place you’d look. And she was right. She out-thought you on that one. You didn’t find us.’
Michael’s eyes darken. ‘No, she didn’t out-think me. You’re here, aren’t you? Lorna left herself wide open as usual. Not a clue how the game was played. Do you know something, Liberty? I set Lorna up before she even thought of going to the press. When she still thought I was her hero. Just in case she ever turned on me, I had photos of her I could use.’
I turn back to the window, watching my mother.
‘She doesn’t look afraid.’
‘She’s afraid,’ says Michael, going to the door. ‘She’s about to lose everything.’
Once upon a time …
‘Wake up.’ Michael loomed over the bed; short, dark and sinister.
I tensed under the bedclothes, eyes open enough to take in the grey early-morning sky and hear the high winds whipping around my turret bedroom.
Wedding brochures were stacked on my bedside table – something to keep me occupied after Cat’s visit.
It hadn’t worked. I hadn’t slept well since Cat turned up. Annalise leaving so suddenly was bugging me. I hadn’t questioned it much at the time because I was too busy counting my blessings. And her stomach – the fullness hadn’t looked like a bundle of jumpers. Not at all. She’d been wearing a very thin dress and I’m pretty sure I saw her sticky-out belly button through the cotton.
Then there was the fact that Michael had suddenly got preoccupied with the cottage. He’d often stay out there all night, claiming to have some amazing musical inspiration.
‘Lorna,’ said Michael, his voice urgent now. ‘Lorna, wake up. I have something for you.’
Michael’s voice sounded weird. Not drunk. Not angry. Just weird.
I pretended to stir even though I was already wide awake.
Michael was holding something in his arms: a bright-blue Adidas hoodie.
‘It’s for you,’ said Michael, leaning forward with the bundle.
At first I was confused. Then I saw what was wrapped inside the royal-blue cotton and sat bolt upright.
‘Jesus. It’s a baby.’
‘She’s for you,’ said Michael, pushing the bundle into my arms. ‘A little girl.’
I saw a dark-haired, tiny child, little white milk marks on her cheeks, soft sunken diamond shape in her skull. She looked so much like Michael. And she was covered in blood.
I sat bolt upright. ‘Shit, Michael, what’s going on?’
Michael paced the room, white-faced.
‘Michael, this is your baby. Where did she come from?’
‘She is a blessing from God,’ said Michael.
‘She’s … Michael, where is this baby’s mother? Why is the baby all bloody?’
Michael started talking about life and death, pacing back and forth, rambling about the universe, God and continuation. There was a streak of blood on his forehead.
The baby blinked at me, a little bit cross-eyed. I breathed her in. I checked around her blankets, but couldn’t see any cuts or injury.
‘Has she … has the baby just been born?’
‘Yes.’ Michael stopped pacing. ‘This little baby is going to do great things. She is Reign Janis Michael and she’ll heal the sins of the world.’
I held baby Reign as Michael paced and jabbered. Maybe he’s taken a shitload of drugs, I thought. Either that or he’s losing his mind.
‘Michael. You really need to tell me what’s going on. Where is this baby’s mother?’
‘Her mother doesn’t matter,’ said Michael. ‘Reign is yours now. You’ll take care of her. You always wanted a baby. It’s another Michael miracle.’
Michael paced and rambled a little more, then stooped to kiss Reign’s head in a disconnected, jerky way.
Reign started crying then, but Michael’s eyes stayed blank like a shark.
My handsome rock god crumbled into dust, lies and propaganda. In his place stood a short, mad toad.
‘Where is her mother?’ I demanded.
‘You’re her mother, Lorna. I’ve decided that you will have the honour of taking care of her. A baby. Just like you always wanted.’
‘You can’t just take a baby from one person and give her to someone else. You need to tell me who her mother is. And where her mother is. Is she here?’
Michael turned to me then, his dark eyes flashing and angry. ‘Don’t you realize what an honour this is?’
There was blood in his white-blond hair too, I realized.
I shuffled against the wall, holding on to that little bundle for dear life. ‘I’m … uh, am honoured.’ I glanced at the door, working out if I could get past him.
‘This is it now, Lorna,’ said Michael. ‘The world will change forever. This baby is the second coming of Christ.’
Okay.
So he really had lost it.
As Michael paced and rambled, I shuffled to the edge of the bed and scanned the tall gates out of the window.
‘I need to call my sister,’ I said.
Michael stopped pacing then. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’
‘I don’t want to leave,’ I lied. ‘I just want to call my sister.’
‘You don’t need to call that press whore.’ He went to take Reign from me, and for a moment I thought we’d have to fight. There was no way I’d let him hold this fragile little bundle. He’d was clearly on something. But I was saved by a thin, guttural female scream from outside.
I tensed, holding Reign close to my chest.
Michael went to the window, and I saw him in profile, nose long and hawk-like, eyes blacker than ever.
‘Stay here,’ he said.
Michael left, and I started shaking uncontrollably.
‘I’ll get you back to your mother,’ I told Reign, sniffing back tears. ‘Okay? I know he’s lost it. I’m not going to let him take you.’
I headed to the rain-splattered window, holding Reign close to my chest, looking to see Michael. Under a bright full moon, at the edge of the woods, below spooky dark tree branches and pouring rain, I
saw a lone figure, ghostly white.
A first I thought Michael had magicked himself out of the house at lightning speed, but then details floated into place. The figure was curvy and female and watching the house, an anguished look on her face.
My teeth started to chatter.
Annalise.
She stood half naked in the rain, soaking wet in a black Michael Reyji Ray T-shirt, thighs white, feet bare. When she saw me at the window, she let out a scream that could shatter glass. Then she started shouting something, but I couldn’t hear her. I opened the rickety little turret window.
‘Pleeeeease,’ Annalise screamed. ‘Give me back my baby. PLEASE! I won’t try to run again. I promise. I’m sorreeee.’
Michael appeared then, striding over the moat bridge. He had a shotgun under his arm.
‘What are you doing out of the cottage?’ he shouted. ‘I told you what would happen if you left that cottage.’
‘Give me my baby.’
‘I warned you. I’ve been warning you for months. I told you about the other girl, didn’t I? The one who got out. She’s chopped into pieces.’ He held up the gun and took aim.
Annalise ran then, disappearing into the trees. Michael followed.
I was frozen to the spot. Utterly frozen. Run, a voice said. Don’t wait here, a sitting target. But I just couldn’t move.
Then there was a cracking sound, like fireworks.
That’s when I ran. I bounded down two sets of stairs, baby Reign held tight to my chest. I ran straight down the path and into the woods, hardly seeing or hearing as rain lashed down.
On the winding woodland path to the gate, baby Reign squirmed and whimpered under the rain, flinching and grimacing as cold drops fell on her brand-new skin.
Please. Please don’t cry.
As we neared the gate, Reign let out a long, loud howl.
Then I heard Michael. ‘Lorna.’ His voice was fifty layers deep with anger. ‘Don’t you move an inch with my baby. Stay right there.’
Lorna
I see pine forest. Twisty castle turrets behind green branches. I lived here once. It feels like a lifetime ago.
The gates are wide open, just as I expected. Of course they are. Michael knows I’m coming. This is his cat-and-mouse game, after all.
‘Michael?’ I call out. ‘I know you’re there.’
Michael appears through the trees, all charming eyes and rock-star swagger. He carries a rifle under his arm. Casually, like a country gent out on a fox hunt.
My stomach drops.
He has no hold over me. He has no hold over me.
I take in the deep lines on his face, the chubby little hands, the rounded body shape. He’s changed so much. It’s crazy to think I slept with this man. That once upon a time, I was so attracted to him that I waited at the window, desperate for him to come home. But he’s still powerful, even if he’s lost his good looks.
‘Lorna,’ says Michael, like a host at a dinner party. ‘Good to see you. You got my message, then? How does it feel to be back after all these years?’
‘You can turn off the charm,’ I tell him, my voice shaking. ‘You’re not the handsome prince from my adolescent fairy tales anymore. All I see is a short, fat little con man.’
The smile slides from Michael’s puffy face. ‘You know, I was worried you’d got held up. You really took your time.’
‘Sixteen years.’ My legs shake as I move closer. ‘Where’s Liberty?’
Michael doesn’t move an inch. ‘You look different, I gotta tell you. Are you a tough girl now, or do those tattoos come off in the wash? It’s a little warm for that army jacket, isn’t it?’
I hesitate. ‘What?’
‘I mean, the sun is shining.’ Michael gestures to the blue sky. ‘What do you need that big coat for?’
‘I’m … cold.’
Michael laughs. ‘You always were a terrible liar. Come on, Lorna. What do you have stashed in that jacket? A knife or a gun or something?’
‘I don’t have a—’
‘Yeah, you do. Take it off.’ He lifts the rifle.
I swallow and feel my eyes close. Then I pull my jacket off and throw it to the ground. It falls open, showing the long kitchen knife loose in the inside pocket. There is it, lying on the ground. My feeble attempt to end Michael’s horrible, destructive life. I failed to out-think him once again.
Michael holds the gun up and pretends to take aim. ‘If you’re dangerous, maybe I should shoot you now. Trespassing with a weapon.’
‘Where’s my daughter?’
Michael steps forward and jabs the rifle barrel to my forehead, eyes black and furious.
‘She’s in your old bedroom.’ He pushes it hard enough for me to remember all those times he turned into a hunch-shouldered demon and knocked me to the ground. ‘But I don’t like your tone. Who’s in charge here, Lorna? You or me?’
‘You,’ I say, and the word is meek, just like the old days.
I could try and fight him, but I can’t risk it. Fury makes Michael strong and he has a gun.
‘Poor Liberty,’ says Michael. ‘She’s told me all about you. How you kept her as your prize for all these years. Locked up at home.’
‘I was keeping her safe.’
‘It didn’t work.’
‘I know it didn’t. But I’m here to take her place. A sacrifice, right? Will you let her go?’
‘You need to do something first.’
‘What?’
‘Tell Liberty the truth.’
Uneasiness stirs inside me. ‘So that’s what you want. To destroy every bit of me. Every single bit.’
‘You tried to do the same to me, didn’t you? With those press stories. The difference is, I’ll succeed where you failed. You’ll be nothing to Liberty after today.’
‘People will see through you in the end. Even Diane.’
‘Diane will never know about this.’ He moves the rifle barrel against my sternum now, jabbing hard. ‘Let’s go see Liberty now. You’ve got some explaining to do. Time to tell that little girl the truth. You know me. I can’t stand lies.’
‘And if I don’t tell her?’
‘You already know the answer. It’s buried in my woods.’
Lorna
I remember the stairs to the turret room so well. The shallow steps curling around the stone pillar, finishing with one deeper step at the top – careful with that one, it can trip you.
The bedroom door is the same too. Mock medieval castle to satisfy Michael’s regal delusions. And on the other side of the door …
My little girl.
Liberty sits on the turret room bed, curled over Skywalker. She looks up when the door opens and cries when she sees me.
‘Liberty.’ I feel myself smile. ‘You’re okay. Everything’s going to be all right.’
‘It’s not all right,’ says Liberty, eyes on fire. ‘It’ll never be all right again.’ She grips Skywalker’s fur.
Michael pushes hard metal against my spine. ‘Don’t you have something you want to tell her, Lorna?’
The words come out in a gabble. ‘I’m not your real mother, Liberty.’ My face crumples into tears. ‘And your real mother – something real bad happened to her. And I left her. I ran.’
So much for marching in here and taking my daughter back. Michael is in charge, just like always.
‘You left Liberty’s real mother to die, didn’t you, Lorna?’ says Michael. ‘She burned to death.’
I close my eyes and when I open them again, the world spins a little. I nod. ‘Yes.’
Just like the old days.
Liberty starts to sob, hugging the furry mass on the floor. ‘You lied to me my whole life. And he hurt my dog. You’re both monsters.’
I turn to Michael, spinning away from the gun. ‘You hurt her dog? How could you do that?’
‘Careful now, Lorna. You’d better manage that temper of yours. You don’t want this rifle going off. It would be a terrible thing for Liberty to see, wouldn’t it?
A real trauma.’
‘What did you do to Skywalker?’
‘Nothing. He must have eaten something out in the woods. I had nothing to do with it. I love animals.’
‘Like hell you do.’
‘How about you should have come quicker,’ said Michael. ‘If you had, her doggy could have got help in time. Poor little Liberty. Quite the day she’s had. Finding out the real wicked witch around here is you. And now her pup dying.’
‘Let Liberty go now. Let her go. You’ve done enough damage. I’m here. I did what you wanted.’
‘Liberty can leave whenever she likes,’ says Michael, pushing the door wider. ‘I’m not a kidnapper, despite what the press might say on the subject.’ He gives me a meaningful look. ‘It’s not like I’m locking her in.’
‘You did,’ says Liberty, lifting her head, chin out. ‘The door—’
‘I told you, this door gets stiff sometimes,’ says Michael. ‘You’ve got yourself confused. Don’t let Lorna make me out to be the bad guy, now. If it weren’t for Lorna, your real mother would still be alive. Lorna lied to you your whole life.’
Liberty scrabbles to her feet, chest heaving. ‘The door was locked. It was locked.’
‘There’s no need to look so angry, love,’ says Michael. ‘I thought you were happy up here, looking after your doggy. I brought you food. Don’t make out like I’m some big bad jailer.’
‘So … I can leave now, then?’ Liberty asks, voice suspicious.
‘You could always have left. Like I said, the door does get stiff sometimes. You know, Lorna had this same room. She’ll tell you. Off you go then, if that’s what you want. Lorna and I will stay here and catch up.’
‘Go, Liberty,’ I tell her. ‘Go.’
I want to say something profound. Some big motherhood wisdom. But I’m not wise. I messed everything up. She’s better off without me.
Liberty scoops Skywalker’s bulky body into her arms. I wonder if she knows she’s never going to see me again.
‘Liberty.’ My eyes soften. ‘Sweetheart. Leave Skywalker here. If he really is in such a bad way, he deserves a peaceful end. If you’re carrying him—’
‘Leave him here with you two maniacs?’ says Liberty. ‘I’ll be with him until the end. No matter what.’ She staggers to the door, legs impossibly skinny under Skywalker’s weight. ‘I hope you two are very happy together.’