by Mark Mulle
wasn’t really a whole lot of houses out in the middle of nowhere, though. I probably should have thought of that before I went all of the way out there.
Eventually, I got tired and sat on top of a big hill. I guess I’ve put on some weight recently because as soon as I sat down the ceiling caved right in. I fell down a huge hole. When I landed, I looked around me. I was surrounded by nothing but three huge cave walls. The only wall that wasn’t a cave was blocked by a waterfall, but instead of water, it was magma. At first, I was a little worried about what would happen to me, but then I remembered that I could just float back up out of here. I also remembered that I was looking for a secret lair and that this place was perfect for it!
I’m going to tell the Skeleton twins all about this tomorrow. They can tell all of their friends and then we can start meeting here. Of course... I might need to make some changes, maybe add some stairs. I can’t remember if Skeletons can float or not, so I should probably ask. Anyway, I couldn’t be more excited to find this place. I’ll write some more tomorrow!
Day Eleven: Some Helping Hands
Dear Diary,
I managed to find the Skeletons twins again today. I brought them to the secret cave that I found yesterday. They were amazed by what they saw from the outside, but they weren’t sure how they were supposed to get inside. I told them that they could just float through the hole in the top, but they told me that Skeletons don’t float, they only fall. Other than the flaw of the door being on the ceiling, they seemed to love the place.
The twins decided to help me make another door so that the other Skeletons would be able to actually get inside of the lair. I zapped a hole in one of the walls and the Skeletons built a door for me. We went inside and noticed that the inside of the cave could also use some changes. We decided to make this place look like a proper evil lair. I was glad that we already had the magma-fall; it really did add a nice touch to the place.
We carved out some chairs and tables from the rock that made up the cave so that everyone would have a place to sit when we had our evil meetings. I made a podium for myself to float behind. I had about a million speeches written in my head, but up until now, I didn’t have a podium to stand behind. A speech is only as good as the podium it’s behind, after all.
Once the preparations were complete I sent the twins away. I told them to tell all of their friends that the first evil meeting would be tomorrow. It was time to get serious about this army. Now that I had a place to have meetings and train my army, I am sure that I can make the perfect army to overcome the Nether army. Tomorrow I’ll find out if my soldiers are up to the challenge. I’ll make sure to write all about it.
Day Twelve: The First Meeting
Dear Diary,
I set up everything to make it look nice, but in an evil way. I set up all of the chairs so that the Skeletons would have a place to sit. I made sure that I had all of my notes arranged properly so that I could give a great speech, and I even made some snacks to serve when I was done.
All of the Skeletons started to show up at about midnight. That is the evilest time, after all. They were a bit tired, but the free coffee that I gave them seemed to wake them up a little bit. Once everyone had settled down, I started to tell them about my grand plan.
First, I told the story about how I had gotten kicked out of the army for having crazy ideas. I made sure, to be honest. These people had the right to know my tragic backstory. I told them that I wanted to make a new army, one that would be better than the Nether army. Anyone could join, no matter what kind of monster they were, even if they had already been kicked out of the Nether army. I wasn’t going to judge them.
I made sure to mention that my plan was to make my own army, take over the Nether army if necessary, but for sure take over the Overworld army and claim the resources that the Nether army was failing to get. When I was done giving my speech, everything was quiet for a little bit. Suddenly, the crowd burst into cheers. My speech had gotten to them!
I passed around a sign-up sheet. Anyone who put their name on this paper would automatically be in my army and was agreeing to show up to the meeting that I was going to have tomorrow. When I got the paper back, I noticed that almost everyone in the room had signed their name. I had a small army now, but it was an army nonetheless. I’ll write all about the meeting tomorrow.
Day Thirteen: The Rules
Dear Diary,
As much as I hate to admit it, every army needs at least some rules. I didn’t want my army to have a whole lot of rules, though. That’s why I was holding this meeting today. The army needed to agree on some things, and this was the perfect way for me to find out what everyone wanted.
“First things first, we need to have some goals and rules for this army,” I announced. “The first rule, which I think we can agree on, is that when you are in the secret evil army, you don’t talk about the evil army. Agreed?” The soldiers all seemed to agree. “The second rule should be that any adult can join, no matter what kind of monster they are.” Everyone else agreed with this as well. “Does anyone else have any rules they would like to suggest?” I asked.
One Skeleton raised his hand. “How are we getting paid for this?”
I was hoping that no one would ask this, but I had already thought of an answer just in case someone did. “I have no money to pay you, but I think it’s fair that any soldier can keep whatever he loots. No questions asked. However, stealing from each other will be against the rules. Does that work for you?” I asked the Skeleton who asked the question. He grunted in agreement.
The meeting went on like this for a little while. We got all of our rules set in place and everyone seemed ready to fight. I wasn’t sure if everyone was actually ready to fight, though. I would need to train up these soldiers, and quickly. I wanted to get this army out and fighting as soon as possible. I’ll try to think of some things I want to teach them tomorrow. I’ll make sure to write all about it.
Day Fourteen: Act Natural...
Dear Diary,
I was all ready to begin training my troops, but something got in the way of that plan. It seems as though the Nether Army has caught onto me. Well, not exactly, but kind of. Let me explain. I was out for coffee and lunch today when I noticed two Nether army guards poking their noses around the cafe. They told the waiter that they were looking for a Ghast with my description. I got out of that place before he could point a finger at me.
I retreated to my lair after I was sure that I wasn’t being followed. Now I know that the army knows that I’m up to something, even though I don’t actually know what they think that I’m up to. It’s an entirely complicated situation that even I don’t fully understand right now. All I do understand is that I need to lay low for a little while so that they don’t figure out what I’m up to. If they did know what I was up to... I don’t even want to think about the kind of jail time I would get.
So, I’m going to try to act naturally until the army loses interest in me. Sadly, that means that my plans for making an evil army will need to go on hold, but there’s not really anything that I can do about that right now. This stinks, but I know that I’ll be able to get through it. I’ll make sure to update my diary again tomorrow.
Day Fifteen: Not Exactly Normal
Dear Diary,
I had it all planned out. I was going to act natural. I was just going to be this average Joe who stayed under the army’s radar. I was going to do this until the Nether army lost all interest in me. It was a simple plan. It was basically foolproof. At least, it would have been foolproof if I hadn’t been such a fool. They say, “If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself,” but that’s not always true. Sometimes, if you want something done right you need to tell your partners about your plan so that they don’t screw up everything.
Now, I’m not blaming the Skeletons for blowing my cover because I forgot to tell them that I had a cover that could be blown in the first place. However, if I were them, I definitely would have asked t
he leader of the army if it was okay to bring in literally all of the weapons I had to the lair before I did it, which is exactly what my army did today.
There I was, just reading a book in my lair by candlelight, which is every super villain's favorite thing to do, when all of a sudden, these Skeleton goons come into the liar with handfuls of arrows and a bow each! It wouldn’t have been bad if it was one guy storing his stuff here, but it was seriously every soldier in the army. I don’t remember planning something like this, so I have no idea what made them think that doing this was a good idea.
There’s no way that the army didn’t notice over fifty skeletons all bringing their weapons to the same place. They’re going to find me, I just know it. I need to hurry up and make a plan so that I will know what to do when they do come. I’m going to work on something now. I’ll make sure to write more tomorrow if I’m not in some crazy army prison by then.
Day Sixteen: Putting my Plan into Action
Dear Diary,
I knew that those army brats would find me sooner or later, I just knew it! I sat in my lair today, waiting for them. I didn’t know how many were coming or what their agenda was, but my plan could take care of whatever they threw at me. Here’s how it went down.
I heard a knock on my newly placed door at the entrance to my lair. I